My 6 year old daughter seems lethargic during group lessons. She also had her Private lessons (PL) cancelled because the ice time was inconvient for the club. Her PL's use to be her week highlight!!

Of course, I was glad. It saved me money and I figured that she wasn't old enough to require PL in the first place. I only did it because she enjoyed it so much!

She loves syncroskate and the syncroskate coach. And when I skate with her in public skating (once/week) she is enthusiastic and does moves that supprise even me. Last public skate, two coaches that thought she was a level 3 skater (she's level 4) were shocked that she was copying their daughter (who is 6 as well) but doing the elements finer.

She totally ignores her past coach who tries to be friendly to her. During her past private skates I was always watching and there was never any inapropriate behavior between the two.

I originally dismissed it to too many activities with skiing, skating, soccer, dancing, piano and english and french school. But she is now settling down into a routine with synchroskate. She also tells me that after winter skating she would like to take swimming lessons instead of skating. Looks like the club lost this one!

It sounds like she might be overwhelmed with so many activities. If she likes just doing synchro (as opposed to additional group and private lessons), then stick with just synchro for a while. If she wants to stop synchro at the end of the season to try out swimming, let her have a go at it. She's at an age where kids like to dabble in lots of activities and see what they like best (when I was a kid, I tried almost everything). My advice (and I don't have kids, although I used to be a teacher) is to have her just do one (or maybe 2) activities at a time, so she can have some "down time" on other days of the week, and she'll have more energy and motivation to enjoy the activities she is doing.

Well, there's no choice in piono, French or English school. I'm firm with brains not brawn!!

She did gymnastics and swimming when she was 5 and then I switched her to skating and dancing at 6 (because she reached top levels for a 5-year-old). I have told her that at 7 (in November) she chooses for herself. I feel for the sycroskate coach as she is putting much time into the youngsters in the hope of having a talented team in future years.

Have you spoken to the former coach about your child ignoring her? Have you asked your child why she ignores the old coach?
I'm assuming you parted on good terms with this coach.
Since she no longer has lessons with this coach your child may not see the need to interact with her.

No, I have not spoken to her former coach except to say that I am fully booked and that I do not have time to reschedule her for private lessons at a different time.
I have not talked to my daughter either. She's only six and is still willing to go to lessons- she's just lost that spark during lessons. Perhaps she feels that she has been let down by the coach and just dumped?
The coach is a young man so what do you expect?

Your last comment is not a very nice thing to say.

I'm removing myself from this discussion.

How can she feel let down by the coach when you are the one who couldn't reschedule because you had 18 bazillion different activities for her to do? How could she feel let down by the coach when the CLUB couldn't keep her ice time as it was? Sounds like the reason she stopped private lessons has to do with everyone *but* the coach. And I don't see how him being a "young man" has anything to do with it. After all, you're the one with a problem and who isn't even bothering to talk to the coach about it. So either talk to him about it and work it out, or let it go- when you make your kid do SOOO many activities at once they spread themselves thin, and since you said you refuse for her to do less of them, she'll never have the chance to develop advanced skills or passion for any one of them in particular. If you want her to stick to skating, first of all ask her if she WANTS to- perhaps she doesn't. And if she does, then you need to make that her focus activity-wise. She can't have 50 different goals in different sports.

I agree with Debbie S that your daughter sounds overwhelmed. I also think she needs to have some control over her own life. Young children are perfectly capable of making decisions for themselves as long as they have had the opportunity to practice from a very early age. A two year old can choose the colour of t-shirt they want to wear, a three year old can help set the table and choose a candle for the centre, a four year old can participate in decisions about their activities and play time, and a five year old can choose which activities she want to participate in. She will not magically gain decision making skills on her seventh birthday anymore than she will magically be able to do a triple jump at 13!

Okay, I'm sorry I'm being a bit harsh. It just seems to me that so many kids are shuttled from one thing to another with no time left to think for themselves and no time to learn to entertain themselves. They then tend to rebel in little ways (being rude to a previous coach.) Yes, I think the coach issue is an issue of manners, but I don't think you can deal with that until you deal with the control issue.

By all means let her choose swimming over skating. Then I would talk to her and practice some polite responses she could use with her previous coach. Explain the it doesn't matter that she is no longer his student she must be polite to him when he speaks to her. I would then go further and provide a consequence. If she can't be polite to him you will immediately take her off the ice. That lesson alone will help her more as an adult than any of the other classes she is currently taking.

I was just referring that young men probably have greater ambitions than spending time with 6 year olds.

As for her activities; yes she is overwhelmed. But wouldn't you rather be overwhelmed at 6 and make informed decisions that get involved with something and decide its not your thing at 15?

She made a decision to go swimming. That was independant of me. I would like her to continue at least with syncro, but again that will be her decision. Its kind of a shame because her relatives and friends gasp at her 3 turns, RXO's and waltz jumps. Personally, it may not be the coaches decision to end Private Lessons, but if I were a coach and my student's ice time was removed because of a change in club polocies (they didn't want advanced Canskaters and Starskaters on the ice at the same time), I would have voiced an opinion- not just follow the sheep to the slaughter house!!

If no one told her why she is no longer having private lessons, then she may, indeed, feel that the coach just doesn't want to teach her any more.

I don't understand why your expectations of a young male coach would be any different than you expectations of any other coach. We are all held to the same standards. Of course, how well any particular coach meets those standards can vary, but I've never seen it related to gender or age.

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Very true. Too many kids pretend to be shy when they're really just being rude. She's probably angry at the former coach for some reason and you should find out why.

I don't understand the reference to the coach's being "a young man." They're just as interested in promising students as women or old men. (LOL) In fact, Emily Hughes has had the same coach since she was 4 years old.

I think you're off the mark with thinking he's not interested in teaching your daughter. Since you've already told him that the private lessons don't fit into your schedule, yet he sees her at the rink (and you talk to other coaches at the public sessions), he may feel that you don't want him teaching her anymore. Try and consider his side of things, and address your daughter's coldness.

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*sigh*

And then we wonder why children then at 15 quit everything and go into total rebellion.

As a teacher and someone who has degrees in child psychology, overwhelming your children is the way to burn them out, stress them out, etc so that they become anxious and often not self confident of themselves. As a teacher, you sound like the parents who are so over critical of their child that the child often is afraid to make a mistake.

I bet your child doesnt know how to play independantly, to problem solve, etc. Its not just your daughter, but many children do not know how because they don't have time for free play. They run up to adults and say "so and so is cheating in the game" instead of figuring out if its the truth and what the rules are, etc.

Your comments about the coach just says how little you know about skating.
As the vice president of a skating club AND as the sister of a former national level senior mens skater, a coach can not go to the executive and demand their needs be met. After all, the club can fire them. Its the exectutive that YOU should be approaching. Usually a nice written letter often changes minds.

AND

as a skater myself, I HATE having advanced canskaters on the ice. Its dangerous to say the least since I weigh double what they do and can easily hurt one of them

One last thing...a six year old doing a waltz jump is the norm. People who know nothing about skating, especially friends and relatives gasp at anything because its cute and they have no clue how hard or easy it is.

As for your comments about the coach...if you thought he was young and immature, then YOU as the PARENT shouldn't have signed up for private lessons with him. And you are pretty clueless about young adults since those who want to coach spend a lot of time and money getting trained to become a coach so obviously they want to be there. Just because he's male doesn't mean he doesnt like kids.

I believe you hit the nail on the head!! But the coach should be the one to explain- not I!! I am not going to make the coach explain it to her (I don't believe he understands how much that hurt her), and I'm not going to be the bad one because I have already told her that she ends activites no later than 7:00 (to do home work and practice piano).

Just way off base. Way, way off base!!

If I were the coach, I would be glad I didnt have to coach your daughter anymore, mainly because of the way you are acting. I hope the coach walks right away from you. Then you can go on and on about it and blame him, when all your daughter has decided to do is take swimming. Think about when you go to the store and let her pick out an outfit or candy. She probably changes her mind every 2 seconds.

Have you landed too many times on that hard ice?

$0.02

A coaching relationship is primarily a business relationship, like anything else where you purchase services for a fee. If you and the coach couldn't get your schedules aligned due the club's ice time changing, that's neither his nor your fault. He can't be expected to rearrange his entire schedule for your daughter any more than I can expect the bank to be open from 3pm until midnight.

It might help to explain your daughter that there's just no time in that coach's schedule; it's a good life lesson, and it's silly for the coach to explain it to her -- she's neither a legal adult (the paying customer to whom he is responsible) nor his daughter (so it's not his responsibility to give her life lessons.)

School has to come first, and I'm guessing that swimming and soccer may balance skiing and skating as a summer option. Still, it sounds like a lot of activities for a six year old, especially switching them every year with an eye for what she'll be best at. She may just be tired.

If that ice time no longer works for the club, then it doesn't. If your daughter loves it that much, then it's your responsibility to find another time that works for both the club and your family. If it means changing or quitting another activity, then that's what it means. If you refuse to change your schedule for an important activity for your daughter, then yes, you absolutely ARE the bad guy here, NOT the club. You said you're glad her lessons are cancelled--yet you're letting her think it's the coach's fault. If I were the coach, I'd be glad to be seeing the back end of you as well.

Although it wasn't explicit, your initial post appeared to be asking for advice or opinions, which is what you're getting. Not our fault you don't care for them.

She's probably tired. She's quite bent on swimming but that may change after she coughs up water on the back stroke!!

And no, I do not push her like some, "My 6 year-old Darla's going to be the next world champion" moms that are at the rink. In fact, her activities are just a relaxation from real life work- school; and they're a relaxation for me as well!!

[QUOTE=Alicia]She's probably tired. She's quite bent on swimming but that may change after she coughs up water on the back stroke!!

QUOTE]

And this is why your daughter will feel bad about herself when she gets older. What a rotten thing to say! I hope you dont say things like that to her.

[QUOTE=jp1andOnly]What?? Where's the advice or opinion? Please don't post replies anymore as you are just trying to instigate something.

It would be nice if her coach said something to her along the lines of, "Gosh, I had really liked teaching you, I wish the club had been able to do the ice schedule differently, but that happens sometimes. I'll be sure to let your mom know if something opens up in the spring," but he's really not obligated to. (As far as her coach not complaining to the club about the ice time change- do you know for a fact that he DIDN'T? A change like that may well have affected more than one of his students, and coaches often protest changes like that because they screw up everyone's schedule entirely. Unfortunately, they don't often get anywhere with it, and I agree fully that beginners and advanced skaters should not be forced to share ice time).

Sometimes, being the parent means being the bad guy, and I think if you're honest with your daughter that's the position you're going to find yourself in. You said you're too busy to bring her to the rink at a different time, and it's not the coach's job to explain to your daughter why he no longer teaches her if she hasn't asked him. That's parenting, not coaching, and hence is your job, not his. If you really want to clear up this problem with her coach (and I think that's something to do ASAP so that she has time to change her mind about quitting in the spring to swim) you're going to have to be explain things to your daughter- tell her that her coach can no longer teach her because of the schedule change and that you don't have time to bring her another time. Make sure she understands that her coach isn't angry with her and didn't stop liking her. Be the bad guy- that's part of being a parent. And expect a similar situation with ice time to occur somewhere down the road, because what's happening isn't that uncommon.

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Shae-Lynn and Victor: We knew you were champions, and on 3/28/03 the whole WORLD found out! Thank you for twelve wonderful years!

I'm not sure if he did or not. I do know that several skaters (I believe 3) were affected. The club e-mailed me at work and told me it was because of a safety concern with a parent. They suggested I go to an upcoming council meeting.

I was not impressed. I have executive meetings coming out of my ying-yang and I did not want another one. I also don't like politics (does anyone?).

I didn't realize that skating was so political. Anyhow, I refused. I didn't expect the coach to complain, but it would have been nice if he explained it to her because his knowledge of the rules are alot more than mine are!!

ummm..well if politics is not your thing than its probably good your daughter is quitting skating for the moment. Its one of the sports with a lot of politics.

Sorry, I don't agree with you Alicia about having the coach explain the reason your daughter no longer takes private lessons.

I've been in this situation. You should have told your daughter that the schedule changed and your busy activity schedule just can't fit in the private lessons anymore. I'm sure that the coach would be willing to give the lessons, yet you're making him out to be the bad guy.

You can't reasonably expect the coach to explain the Club's decision to a six-year old that won't even talk to him.

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