I wondered when you would surf by...

I will learn from you oh wise skating mother

and say good night to this thread.

It would be nice if the coach explained it to her , but at the end of the day you are the parent and it is your resposibilty to to talk to her not his.

She's only 6 , let her take a break and swim for a little while , she's not going to miss out on that much while she's away. I really don't see why people are in such a hurry to move these very young girls up so fast. My daughter's coach (a man who has been coaching her for 4 years) is very strict about form. If she doesn't have a element down to where it's technically perfect then she doesn't move up. It's better to have a good base to learn on than to go back and re-correct things . I promise you that missing half a year at age six will not keep her from doing an axel when she's 9 or 10.

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Luckey

Speaking as a coach, I have to say that I do not agree at all. It is the parent's choice whether or not the child will have lessons, and it is therefor the parent's responsibility to explain if lessons have been ended. I would be very uncomfortable having to explain someone else's decision to a small child.

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"Alicia," please try to clear the air between your daughter and her (former) coach, for your daughter's sake. If she really loves to skate and wants to pursue it in the future, the last thing you want is to have a bad relationship with this particular club, since it is the ONLY club in the city (always has been and probably always will be). Similarly, the main coaching staff has not changed in my lifetime....how the club operates now is how it has always operated, so make the best of it! Take 5 minutes out of your day to explain the situation to your daughter, and then move on.

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~No thinking, breathing, or hesitation!~

Plus, if the coach were to do that, it would come off looking completely passive-aggressive, like he was trying to manipulate the child. "I'm sorry, Suzie, I'd love to be your coach, but the schedule changed and your mommy doesn't want to rearrange your schedule, so I can't." Not the coach's job here at all.

Not to mention that as someone pointed out a couple pages back, with a mom like that, maybe this person DOESN'T want to coach the little girl anymore. Nothing to do with the girl, but the parent. Many coaches drop kids because of their parents. This mom doesn't sound to me like a skate mom, but like someone who spreads her kid wayyy too thin and wants her to excel at everything and most coaches would see that as a red flag. There's just no possible way for a kid to progress in a healthy way when she has 5 other activities going on the same day. Maybe the coach felt he was doing the little girl a favor, one less obligation to deal with for her. You just never know what people's reasons are. But a mother's obligation is to be truthful to her kid, regardless of what others do or who is at fault.

That's a really good point: it's not the coach's place to tease the student into begging the parents for lessons. (I always talk adult to adult about things like that.)

Someone had suggested that it would be nice if the coach said "Gee Suzie, I really miss teaching you." How would you view that reply?

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Not sure....in USA, if some coach said that .... probably end up in court. Recently, some aussie lady in the USA tapped some other lady on the shoulder or something to ask her to stop speaking on her cellphone during a movie in a theatre, and the aussie lady ended up getting done for assault.

Wait a minute - you said you lived in Colorado. No one in Colorado would take you to court for talking to a kid that way. The cell phone incident probably happened in NY, which is standard operating procedure, not even worth mentioning. (I am joking, by the way!)

Back to my question: how would you view an instructor telling a student that they'd like to give them lessons? "Gee Suzie, I really miss teaching you."

I ask because some of the group lesson students I've taught now take privates with other instructors. Those instructors told THE STUDENT that they should take private lessons, whereas I approached the PARENTS. Not that I'll change my tactics, I just want to know.

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If a coach said that I would take it as a sign of interest in my daughter. I'm Canadian so I'm not looking for a lawsuit!!

BTW, this is my wife's login and I've been handed all of my daughter's activities while she looks after our 5 month old baby son. Skating is relatively foreign to me so I'm just looking for some good advice that I have receive from this forum. I hope no one is annoyed but even father's need advice. Also, my daughter has befriended that other 6-year old who's parents are both coaches and has changed her mind about skating without me having to talk to her (phew!!). I'll probably talk to her friend's parents about semi-private lessons in the spring with their daughter.

I love spring skiing so she'll go skiing with me instead of us going public skating (family skating ended on the weekend anyhow). I'm going to reduce her group skating from 3 X per week to 1 X per week in the spring to go to swimming lessons (her grandparent's 5 mile long skating rink becomes a lake in the summer!!).

I agree with your policy, Isk8NYC. I will never tell a student that she should take private lessons-I will mention it directly to the parents, and only in really unique situations. For the majority of cases, I'll simply ask the student to practice given elements further.

Alicia: you have a good idea for your daughter to take lessons with another 6-year-old. Semi-private lessons can be lots of fun, and one of the best parts of skating for many children is the camaraderie they gain by skating with friends. I don't doubt they'll enjoy it!

As a parent, I think its really inappropriate for a coach to approach the student first. My impression is that "real" coaches who take themselves seriously as professionals would never do it. But I know it happens a lot (maybe more some places than others).

I agree- I always talk to the parents first. I'd hate to disappoint a kid by bringing up private lessons, only to have the parent say no for whatever reason.

Edited to add, I think it was my quote being referenced a couple posts back. This is what I actually wrote in page one of the thread:

"It would be nice if her coach said something to her along the lines of, "Gosh, I had really liked teaching you, I wish the club had been able to do the ice schedule differently, but that happens sometimes. I'll be sure to let your mom know if something opens up in the spring," but he's really not obligated to. "

So it got corrupted a bit; I don't think "Gee Suzie, I miss teaching you" would necessarily be an appropriate comment... and frankly, the more of this thread I read, the more I think the coach is wiser not to say anything to the skater or the parents.

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Shae-Lynn and Victor: We knew you were champions, and on 3/28/03 the whole WORLD found out! Thank you for twelve wonderful years!

Then, the coach gets in trouble for being snobby and standoffish. LOL! We can't win some days.

I'm sticking with my adult-to-adult approach, just to be on the safe side.

I am sorry to sort of quote you - didn't mean to make your idea sound bad; I thought it was a nice thing to say. I recently HEARD a coach say something similar at a rink I was visiting. The Mom started bad-mouthing the coach after he went on the ice, but it was more along the lines of how he wasn't good enough for her daughter.

I just wanted to know what others thought was appropriate to say in that situation. I think it's sweet to say "I liked teaching you." as long as you're telling the truth. (There are some kids I've taught that I really don't want back.)

But where does the line get drawn between pressure and compliment?

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As a skating parent and NOT a coach, I found this thread interesting and a bit volatile. Schedules are difficult regardless of the sport, but when you add the variables of a club schedule, coach schedule, student schedule and parent schedule, it often becomes impossible. So I would like to offer my humble advice... it is common for the young skaters (male and female) to coach to help pay for their own training. Is this the case with the young male coach? I think that as a Mom you need to bite the bullet and explain to your daughter that the timing just didn't work for now, and that nothing was personal. I would then follow it up with a special visit to watch her coach do his training, if in fact he is training. This approach will promote good sportsmanship by quietly supporting the coach from the stands. It will also allow your daughter to understand that this is how hard he must work when not teaching and that this is how he has to spend his some of his time. Finally, explain to her nothing is etched in stone, and perhaps next season the schedule will change and they can once again be student and coach, if she choses. She is 6 years old with many years of opportunities ahead, don't let the lesson she learns from skating be "burning bridges." Perhaps this advice will also help you learn to look at these types of situations in a more positive light... essential if you are going to survive as a "Skating Mom"

All the little ones had a group picture for the newpaper as upcoming hopefulls (the Saskatoon Sun) the other day. With the ice show, an upcoming club competition (April 1) and everything, my daughter is getting more excited about skating. I think her past coach is history!!

She also may have seen him teach others her age and got jealous, as well as the fact that she was dropped.

Anyhow, after skating she said to me quite quietly, "you know, I'm not the best skater."

I replied, "how do you figure?"

She said, "so and so can do more than I can and she's only 5".

I said, "She can? I don't believe that she can do tricks on skis. Most 6 year olds don't even use poles never mind to tricks (she likes to do 180's and spirals on skis; and that's not easy!). She probably can't dance as good as you or play piano or speak french or read a book. She probably doesn't know what 5+4 is. She probably can't even ride a bike. I know she can't skip rope. By the way, isn't kindergarden like grade 0 and your in grade 1? Doesn't that make you #1 and the rest of them just a bunch of 0's?

What an uplift speach for my daughter. I beleive I can even give her another good speach if she doesn't do too well at her competition on April fools day!!

In fact she told me the head coach asked her if she does any other sports because she gets good height on her jumps.


BTW she is a very small 6 year old being the smallest one in the newspaper picture and in her grade 1 school picture.

What a nice thing to tell your child. And what type of type of uplift speech will you give your daughter if she repeats this statement to her classmates and then comes to you and says, "You know, none of the other kids like me."?

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"May the wind be at your back and the sun upon your face and may the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the stars."

What comes around goes around. Are you telling me that those others aren't teasing or braggiing because they are younger and bigger?

Rather than encouraging your daughter to feel good at the expense of others and encouraging her to constantly compare herself to others, you could use such opportunities to teach her that we are all different and that it is important to do her best. For example "Yes, little x is better than you at skating right now, but don't forget that you can play piano and speak French. Everyone has different things they are good at, and the important thing is to be the best you can at everything you do." If she doesn't do too well at her competition, you have a chance to continue this tack with something like "You skated your heart out! I'm so proud of you!"

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I know that I used to be the smallest and kids are very cruel people. You may have not had this experience. Everyone in figure skating nows that skaters are not lacking in confidence. A 5 year old (that spends every waking hour on the ice) bragging about her ability needs a bit of reality and if her parents are encouraging her, I feel no sympathy to her if my daughter puts things into perspective!!

After all, a 5 year old doing waltze jumps isn't that great. I think her bragging rights can begin after she masters the double axle!!

If she doesn't do too well at the competion, I'll say something along the lines, "It was nice of you to let the others be the fools of the year!!"

Well, actually, I have - I usually was the smallest in my class and I'm a small adult (5'0"). There's nothing you can do about your height (my parents are short - what am I supposed to expect?) but you can change how you feel about it and how it affects your life. Why teach your daughter to even pay attention to kids bragging about how tall or talented they are at age 5 (like what you can do at age 5 is a big predictor of what you'll be doing in 30 years)? Tell her that if some kid comes up and brags to her, to just say "oh, well good for you" and walk/skate away and focus on her own skating. The kid will stop bragging to your daughter if she realizes she's not having any affect on her - bragging requires an audience. Teach your daughter to focus on what she can control and on being happy and enjoying what she's doing, rather than on her appearance.

And why do you say that your daughter was "dropped"? She wasn't "dropped" - as we've already established on this thread, your coach had a schedule conflict and that was that. so she gets a different coach whose schedule fits hers/yours, and that should be the end of it. Why dwell on this and make it seem to your daughter that it's a bigger issues than it is. I won't rehash what's already been posted here, but as people pointed out, there's plenty you can do to soothe this situation with your daughter and the ex-coach.

My daughter feels she was dropped. I can't just switch coaches at a whim. I mean, there was a relationship there at one time. It takes time for her to readjust. Maybe this coach was just looking at an income and does not realize how much he can hurt a little girl?

This just makes me so sad! I know I said I was out of here but I just can't let this go by.

There is a very good chance the other kids are showing you daughter what they can do because they are proud of their accomplishments. The only child we know at this point is thinking negative things about other skaters is YOUR daughter, and only because you taught her to!

My little one is in kindergarten and skates in a junior program with kids ranging from her age (yes she is the youngest) to grade 5. They are all at different levels - from working on their first elementary program to taking their preliminary freeskate test. The mothers all sit together and watch out for each others kids if someone has to leave the rink for a while. We cheer and give thumbs up if someone masters a new skill. On the ice the kids are kind and respectful. If one child has a hard fall or leaves the ice hurt there are always a couple of other kids right there making sure things are okay. They eat their snacks together and wait for each other to walk over to the off ice program.

I firmly believe that way children behave on the ice is a direct result of their parents' attitude. Encouraging your child to think of others as "0's" is not great parenting in my book. Remember - what goes around comes around.

It's up to you to explain to your daughter that she wasn't "dropped," that sometimes schedules conflict and the decision to not rearrange hers to the coach's was YOURS. Maybe, if she really liked the coach, there might be a chance in the future for schedules to change again and she could go back to the coach. Assuming, of course, that the coach, will take her. And from the way she's apparently been acting, I wouldn't bet money on that.

But you're the parent. It's your job to explain the situation to your daughter. Frankly, it doesn't sound as if you've done that very well, if at all.

My job, as a parent, is to provide the best environment for my daughter to excel. And whether its on the slopes, soccer, skating or school, she excels.

Now, if anyone tries to impede that (like a coach or subordinate) I would rather teach her to handle things herself than for me to interfere. After all, I'm not always going to be around.

As someone said, 'she's old enough to make her own decisions'; I'm just providing directions!!