Switching coaches tactfully

[vesperholly]

Ugh, I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about this...

I've been with my current coach for almost 10 years. Recently, I've been beginning to feel that she's become almost lazy with my lessons... she doesn't miss them, but I feel like the attention isn't really there. I'm working on Novice MITF (no freestyle) and I feel like I need more detail, something. I have started to ask my dance coach for exercises to do for MITF because my regular coach doesn't have any and doesn't seem interested in figuring any out. Basically, I feel like she doesn't care about my skating enough anymore. :cry:

So, I think my mind is pretty much made up that I want to switch. I've already talked to the other coach and she has time for me, and would like to work with me. I went to this other coach last summer for two lessons and they really helped, so I don't want any kind of trial period.

I just don't know how to go about talking to my current coach. I don't want to alienate her or get her mad at me - she has helped me through a lot with my skating in the past, and I would be crushed if things became awkward around her. She's been my coach for so long. But I think they will start being awkward if I don't tell her how I feel. I think my learning style and her coaching style have started to get out of sync. Not to mention my current coach and the prospective new coach have been friends for years and years, and the new coach also thinks she's started to be weird (we think she's starting to listen to our psycho office manager who is a huge lying gossip...).

How do I go about telling her I want to switch without upsetting her? Is that even a possible goal? Help!

Vesperholly

[Suzanne]

Can't you just say something like you think it's time to get a different perspective on your skating, and you think a change in coaching will do the trick?

I'm not a skater, but I know a few tennis instructors who feel that players SHOULD change instructors every few years...

[cparakeet]

I wouldn't feel bad about switching coaches...

You might want to put it to her another way -

"I feel like I'm getting stuck on some of these moves and I know what you're telling me but I feel like I need another perspective on how to work on the moves. "

Another thing is that you don't have to leave your current coach, you could try taking a few lessons from another simultaneously if that's in your budget.

I know my coach is a little possessive of his students but when I made it clear to him that it wasn't his teaching skill that I was doubting but that it was just that I needed to hear it differently from someone else, and it was a *me* thing, not a coach thing, that's when he felt better about it.

And the other thing I know is that when I took a few lessons with another coach, my primary coach started paying more attention to me! A little competition always helps, I suppose ;)

At my rink, it's common for students to swap coaches every few years, especially if they're getting stuck in their skating development. Having a fresh pair of eyes can work wonders on a student's motivation and experience in skating.

[Chico]

This is a hard one. I made a coach change a few years back and I cried buckets over it. My coach was fun, she was my friend, and she was my teacher. She also was my introduction to skating and thus someone special. Still, she had a problem with being responsible. I talked to her first. She did improve awhile, and then went back to the problems. I made a decision here to move on as hard as it was. I will pay for a coach not a friend OR a unresponsible coach. This IS their job and I am paying to learn. My passion is to skate, learn, and improve. In this situation friendship is not the MAIN goal. My current coach is responsible. Yes, I think of him as a skating friend BUT it is not the big part of our relationship. I don't expect perfection, but I do expect responsible professional behavior. I want to learn. I admit that our friendship was strained for a bit, but after awhile things smoothed out. I'd like to think we are skating friends. I still care about her as a friend. As for the current coach and her being friends, they also are professionals and students do change to new coaches (peers). You wouldn't be making a change if things were as they should be, and meeting your needs as a student. Think about WHAT your goals are and how your best going to meet them. Still "love" your old coach, but appreciate what the new one can bring to your skating. Change can bring different things to your skating. All coaches teach different and you can and DO learn new things. Is your friendship more important OR your learning in skating? Think about it hard. If you decide to change, be kind to your old coach and let her know you still care about her as a person. It's not HER but the skating issues that upset you. Good luck. This IS hard!

Chico

[kayskate]

It sounds likeyour coach has taken you as far as she can in moves. Maybe MITF is not her specialty and lacks the experience and background to work more effectively w/ you on these skills.

You might try to tell her since your present focus is MITF that you would like to seek someone who specializes in this area. Your rink probably has coaches who work w/ kids up to the highest levels. Maybe your coach is not one of them. You might even ask her to recommend someone, which will demonstrate your continued respect for her opinion. Maybe your coach will be relieved not to work on novice moves anymore. She may feel insecure if she is not expert at teaching these advanced skills.

Kay

[Mazurka Girl]

Can you still take lessons with her in other areas, even if not weekly? That might give a smoother transition & also bring back some spark with your lessons. Good luck with a hard decision. I've had my coach for years & I can't imagine leaving him until I'm ready to leave skating altogether.

[LoopLoop]

You said that you've been with your coach for almost 10 years. I don't know how old you are, but everyone changes quite a bit in a 10-year span. If it were me, I'd use that as my starting point in the conversation... that I'd grown, and changed, and learned a lot (about life and about myself), and that I needed a different type of instruction at this point. In other words, make it about yourself and not about any shortcomings on her part.

For what it's worth, I changed coaches this summer. Not by choice... my coach for the past three years moved away. But it's worked out for the best, because my new coach is pushing me much harder than the old one did, and expects a lot from me. I've thought about it, and I think OC (old coach) saw my skating in terms of "how far I'd come" and not "how far can I go" while NC (new coach) came in and saw my current ability as a starting point.

[melanieuk]

Every problem has a solution. :)
Your intention is not to offend - simply to have a coach on your wavelength, which you pay good money for.
You feel you will be better rewarded with another coach.

Does the other coach use the same ice times as your present coach?
Maybe you could tell your coach that you would like additional lessons with another coach to work on other things?

I had to change coaches, simply because the times when my original coach could teach was in evenings and weekends, which became harder for me to attend due to family commitments. My former coach encouraged me to have other lessons from my now coach, and now Coach 2 IS my only coach.

Unless your coach is childish and immature, you shouldn't have a problem.
I would have to be tactfully honest with her though.
Ask her what she thinks..make her think she's the one who's suggested it, if you can!

[vesperholly]

Originally posted by LoopLoop
You said that you've been with your coach for almost 10 years. I don't know how old you are, but everyone changes quite a bit in a 10-year span. If it were me, I'd use that as my starting point in the conversation... that I'd grown, and changed, and learned a lot (about life and about myself), and that I needed a different type of instruction at this point. In other words, make it about yourself and not about any shortcomings on her part.

I think this is definitely the route I have to take. I started with her when I was 14, I'm 22 now. I've been away to college for four years and I have definitely changed. Now that I'm nome I'm so much more motivated to really work hard for this test, and I need someone to push me.

Thanks for everyone's advice, I'm going to talk with her soon and I'll let you know how it goes!

Vesperholly

[gardener]

I have to put my two-cents in because we just went through a very similar experience and lost lots of sleep and suffered through a stomach ache on and off for a week until the "deed" was done, that is telling the old coach we were switching.

And know what? She was great and the professional I should have expected. I brought her a small gift (few nice plants I potted up myself in a nice terracotta pot) and thanked her for all her time and effort in the past and that it was time to make a change based on our specific reasons which were similar to yours. She said our decision was very reasonable and that she herself had switched coaches a number of times and understood that sometimes the time comes for the change.

If she is as good as you know her to be...and she has taken you far I expect...then she will probably be professional and supportive.

Oh, and be sure to be friendly the next time you see her afterwards as she will probably feel a little weird and you'd like your relationship to stay congenial especially since you are staying at the same rink with the new coach.

Good luck and it will be over soon!