6 year old rejects coach??

[Alicia]

My 6 year old daughter seems lethargic during group lessons. She also had her Private lessons (PL) cancelled because the ice time was inconvient for the club. Her PL's use to be her week highlight!!

Of course, I was glad. It saved me money and I figured that she wasn't old enough to require PL in the first place. I only did it because she enjoyed it so much!

She loves syncroskate and the syncroskate coach. And when I skate with her in public skating (once/week) she is enthusiastic and does moves that supprise even me. Last public skate, two coaches that thought she was a level 3 skater (she's level 4) were shocked that she was copying their daughter (who is 6 as well) but doing the elements finer.

She totally ignores her past coach who tries to be friendly to her. During her past private skates I was always watching and there was never any inapropriate behavior between the two.

I originally dismissed it to too many activities with skiing, skating, soccer, dancing, piano and english and french school. But she is now settling down into a routine with synchroskate. She also tells me that after winter skating she would like to take swimming lessons instead of skating. Looks like the club lost this one!

[Debbie S]

It sounds like she might be overwhelmed with so many activities. If she likes just doing synchro (as opposed to additional group and private lessons), then stick with just synchro for a while. If she wants to stop synchro at the end of the season to try out swimming, let her have a go at it. She's at an age where kids like to dabble in lots of activities and see what they like best (when I was a kid, I tried almost everything). My advice (and I don't have kids, although I used to be a teacher) is to have her just do one (or maybe 2) activities at a time, so she can have some "down time" on other days of the week, and she'll have more energy and motivation to enjoy the activities she is doing.

[Alicia]

Well, there's no choice in piono, French or English school. I'm firm with brains not brawn!!

She did gymnastics and swimming when she was 5 and then I switched her to skating and dancing at 6 (because she reached top levels for a 5-year-old). I have told her that at 7 (in November) she chooses for herself. I feel for the sycroskate coach as she is putting much time into the youngsters in the hope of having a talented team in future years.

[sk8guy]

Have you spoken to the former coach about your child ignoring her? Have you asked your child why she ignores the old coach?
I'm assuming you parted on good terms with this coach.
Since she no longer has lessons with this coach your child may not see the need to interact with her.

[Alicia]

Have you spoken to the former coach about your child ignoring her? Have you asked your child why she ignores the old coach?
I'm assuming you parted on good terms with this coach.
Since she no longer has lessons with this coach your child may not see the need to interact with her.

No, I have not spoken to her former coach except to say that I am fully booked and that I do not have time to reschedule her for private lessons at a different time.
I have not talked to my daughter either. She's only six and is still willing to go to lessons- she's just lost that spark during lessons. Perhaps she feels that she has been let down by the coach and just dumped?
The coach is a young man so what do you expect?

[sk8guy]

Your last comment is not a very nice thing to say.

I'm removing myself from this discussion.

[stardust skies]

No, I have not spoken to her former coach except to say that I am fully booked and that I do not have time to reschedule her for private lessons at a different time.
I have not talked to my daughter either. She's only six and is still willing to go to lessons- she's just lost that spark during lessons. Perhaps she feels that she has been let down by the coach and just dumped?
The coach is a young man so what do you expect?

How can she feel let down by the coach when you are the one who couldn't reschedule because you had 18 bazillion different activities for her to do? How could she feel let down by the coach when the CLUB couldn't keep her ice time as it was? Sounds like the reason she stopped private lessons has to do with everyone *but* the coach. And I don't see how him being a "young man" has anything to do with it. After all, you're the one with a problem and who isn't even bothering to talk to the coach about it. So either talk to him about it and work it out, or let it go- when you make your kid do SOOO many activities at once they spread themselves thin, and since you said you refuse for her to do less of them, she'll never have the chance to develop advanced skills or passion for any one of them in particular. If you want her to stick to skating, first of all ask her if she WANTS to- perhaps she doesn't. And if she does, then you need to make that her focus activity-wise. She can't have 50 different goals in different sports.

[Tennisany1]

I agree with Debbie S that your daughter sounds overwhelmed. I also think she needs to have some control over her own life. Young children are perfectly capable of making decisions for themselves as long as they have had the opportunity to practice from a very early age. A two year old can choose the colour of t-shirt they want to wear, a three year old can help set the table and choose a candle for the centre, a four year old can participate in decisions about their activities and play time, and a five year old can choose which activities she want to participate in. She will not magically gain decision making skills on her seventh birthday anymore than she will magically be able to do a triple jump at 13!

Okay, I'm sorry I'm being a bit harsh. It just seems to me that so many kids are shuttled from one thing to another with no time left to think for themselves and no time to learn to entertain themselves. They then tend to rebel in little ways (being rude to a previous coach.) Yes, I think the coach issue is an issue of manners, but I don't think you can deal with that until you deal with the control issue.

By all means let her choose swimming over skating. Then I would talk to her and practice some polite responses she could use with her previous coach. Explain the it doesn't matter that she is no longer his student she must be polite to him when he speaks to her. I would then go further and provide a consequence. If she can't be polite to him you will immediately take her off the ice. That lesson alone will help her more as an adult than any of the other classes she is currently taking.

[Alicia]

Your last comment is not a very nice thing to say.

I'm removing myself from this discussion.

I was just referring that young men probably have greater ambitions than spending time with 6 year olds.

As for her activities; yes she is overwhelmed. But wouldn't you rather be overwhelmed at 6 and make informed decisions that get involved with something and decide its not your thing at 15?

She made a decision to go swimming. That was independant of me. I would like her to continue at least with syncro, but again that will be her decision. Its kind of a shame because her relatives and friends gasp at her 3 turns, RXO's and waltz jumps. Personally, it may not be the coaches decision to end Private Lessons, but if I were a coach and my student's ice time was removed because of a change in club polocies (they didn't want advanced Canskaters and Starskaters on the ice at the same time), I would have voiced an opinion- not just follow the sheep to the slaughter house!!

[dbny]

Perhaps she feels that she has been let down by the coach and just dumped?
The coach is a young man so what do you expect?

If no one told her why she is no longer having private lessons, then she may, indeed, feel that the coach just doesn't want to teach her any more.

I don't understand why your expectations of a young male coach would be any different than you expectations of any other coach. We are all held to the same standards. Of course, how well any particular coach meets those standards can vary, but I've never seen it related to gender or age.

[Isk8NYC]

I would talk to her and practice some polite responses she could use with her previous coach. Explain the it doesn't matter that she is no longer his student she must be polite to him when he speaks to her. I would then go further and provide a consequence. If she can't be polite to him you will immediately take her off the ice. That lesson alone will help her more as an adult than any of the other classes she is currently taking.

Very true. Too many kids pretend to be shy when they're really just being rude. She's probably angry at the former coach for some reason and you should find out why.

I don't understand the reference to the coach's being "a young man." They're just as interested in promising students as women or old men. (LOL) In fact, Emily Hughes has had the same coach since she was 4 years old.

I think you're off the mark with thinking he's not interested in teaching your daughter. Since you've already told him that the private lessons don't fit into your schedule, yet he sees her at the rink (and you talk to other coaches at the public sessions), he may feel that you don't want him teaching her anymore. Try and consider his side of things, and address your daughter's coldness.

[jp1andOnly]

*sigh*

And then we wonder why children then at 15 quit everything and go into total rebellion.

As a teacher and someone who has degrees in child psychology, overwhelming your children is the way to burn them out, stress them out, etc so that they become anxious and often not self confident of themselves. As a teacher, you sound like the parents who are so over critical of their child that the child often is afraid to make a mistake.

I bet your child doesnt know how to play independantly, to problem solve, etc. Its not just your daughter, but many children do not know how because they don't have time for free play. They run up to adults and say "so and so is cheating in the game" instead of figuring out if its the truth and what the rules are, etc.

Your comments about the coach just says how little you know about skating.
As the vice president of a skating club AND as the sister of a former national level senior mens skater, a coach can not go to the executive and demand their needs be met. After all, the club can fire them. Its the exectutive that YOU should be approaching. Usually a nice written letter often changes minds.

AND

as a skater myself, I HATE having advanced canskaters on the ice. Its dangerous to say the least since I weigh double what they do and can easily hurt one of them

One last thing...a six year old doing a waltz jump is the norm. People who know nothing about skating, especially friends and relatives gasp at anything because its cute and they have no clue how hard or easy it is.

As for your comments about the coach...if you thought he was young and immature, then YOU as the PARENT shouldn't have signed up for private lessons with him. And you are pretty clueless about young adults since those who want to coach spend a lot of time and money getting trained to become a coach so obviously they want to be there. Just because he's male doesn't mean he doesnt like kids.



I was just referring that young men probably have greater ambitions than spending time with 6 year olds.

As for her activities; yes she is overwhelmed. But wouldn't you rather be overwhelmed at 6 and make informed decisions that get involved with something and decide its not your thing at 15?

She made a decision to go swimming. That was independant of me. I would like her to continue at least with syncro, but again that will be her decision. Its kind of a shame because her relatives and friends gasp at her 3 turns, RXO's and waltz jumps. Personally, it may not be the coaches decision to end Private Lessons, but if I were a coach and my student's ice time was removed because of a change in club polocies (they didn't want advanced Canskaters and Starskaters on the ice at the same time), I would have voiced an opinion- not just follow the sheep to the slaughter house!!

[Alicia]

If no one told her why she is no longer having private lessons, then she may, indeed, feel that the coach just doesn't want to teach her any more..

I believe you hit the nail on the head!! But the coach should be the one to explain- not I!! I am not going to make the coach explain it to her (I don't believe he understands how much that hurt her), and I'm not going to be the bad one because I have already told her that she ends activites no later than 7:00 (to do home work and practice piano).

[Alicia]

*sigh*

Its not just your daughter, but many children do not know how because they don't have time for free play. They run up to adults and say "so and so is cheating in the game" instead of figuring out if its the truth and what the rules are, etc.


Just way off base. Way, way off base!!

[jp1andOnly]

If I were the coach, I would be glad I didnt have to coach your daughter anymore, mainly because of the way you are acting. I hope the coach walks right away from you. Then you can go on and on about it and blame him, when all your daughter has decided to do is take swimming. Think about when you go to the store and let her pick out an outfit or candy. She probably changes her mind every 2 seconds.


I believe you hit the nail on the head!! But the coach should be the one to explain- not I!! I am not going to make the coach explain it to her (I don't believe he understands how much that hurt her), and I'm not going to be the bad one because I have already told her that she ends activites no later than 7:00 (to do home work and practice piano).

[Alicia]

If I were the coach, I would be glad I didnt have to coach your daughter anymore, mainly because of the way you are acting.

Have you landed too many times on that hard ice?

[crayonskater]

$0.02

A coaching relationship is primarily a business relationship, like anything else where you purchase services for a fee. If you and the coach couldn't get your schedules aligned due the club's ice time changing, that's neither his nor your fault. He can't be expected to rearrange his entire schedule for your daughter any more than I can expect the bank to be open from 3pm until midnight.:)

It might help to explain your daughter that there's just no time in that coach's schedule; it's a good life lesson, and it's silly for the coach to explain it to her -- she's neither a legal adult (the paying customer to whom he is responsible) nor his daughter (so it's not his responsibility to give her life lessons.)

School has to come first, and I'm guessing that swimming and soccer may balance skiing and skating as a summer option. Still, it sounds like a lot of activities for a six year old, especially switching them every year with an eye for what she'll be best at. She may just be tired.

[flippet]

She also had her Private lessons (PL) cancelled because the ice time was inconvient for the club. Her PL's use to be her week highlight!!
Of course, I was glad. It saved me money and I figured that she wasn't old enough to require PL in the first place. I only did it because she enjoyed it so much!

If that ice time no longer works for the club, then it doesn't. If your daughter loves it that much, then it's your responsibility to find another time that works for both the club and your family. If it means changing or quitting another activity, then that's what it means. If you refuse to change your schedule for an important activity for your daughter, then yes, you absolutely ARE the bad guy here, NOT the club. You said you're glad her lessons are cancelled--yet you're letting her think it's the coach's fault. If I were the coach, I'd be glad to be seeing the back end of you as well.

Although it wasn't explicit, your initial post appeared to be asking for advice or opinions, which is what you're getting. Not our fault you don't care for them.

[Alicia]

She's probably tired. She's quite bent on swimming but that may change after she coughs up water on the back stroke!!

And no, I do not push her like some, "My 6 year-old Darla's going to be the next world champion" moms that are at the rink. In fact, her activities are just a relaxation from real life work- school; and they're a relaxation for me as well!!

[jp1andOnly]

[QUOTE=Alicia]She's probably tired. She's quite bent on swimming but that may change after she coughs up water on the back stroke!!

QUOTE]

And this is why your daughter will feel bad about herself when she gets older. What a rotten thing to say! I hope you dont say things like that to her.

[Alicia]

[QUOTE=Alicia]She's probably tired. She's quite bent on swimming but that may change after she coughs up water on the back stroke!!

QUOTE]

And this is why your daughter will feel bad about herself when she gets older. What a rotten thing to say! I hope you dont say things like that to her.

What?? Where's the advice or opinion? Please don't post replies anymore as you are just trying to instigate something.

[CanAmSk8ter]

I believe you hit the nail on the head!! But the coach should be the one to explain- not I!! I am not going to make the coach explain it to her (I don't believe he understands how much that hurt her), and I'm not going to be the bad one because I have already told her that she ends activites no later than 7:00 (to do home work and practice piano).

It would be nice if her coach said something to her along the lines of, "Gosh, I had really liked teaching you, I wish the club had been able to do the ice schedule differently, but that happens sometimes. I'll be sure to let your mom know if something opens up in the spring," but he's really not obligated to. (As far as her coach not complaining to the club about the ice time change- do you know for a fact that he DIDN'T? A change like that may well have affected more than one of his students, and coaches often protest changes like that because they screw up everyone's schedule entirely. Unfortunately, they don't often get anywhere with it, and I agree fully that beginners and advanced skaters should not be forced to share ice time).

Sometimes, being the parent means being the bad guy, and I think if you're honest with your daughter that's the position you're going to find yourself in. You said you're too busy to bring her to the rink at a different time, and it's not the coach's job to explain to your daughter why he no longer teaches her if she hasn't asked him. That's parenting, not coaching, and hence is your job, not his. If you really want to clear up this problem with her coach (and I think that's something to do ASAP so that she has time to change her mind about quitting in the spring to swim) you're going to have to be explain things to your daughter- tell her that her coach can no longer teach her because of the schedule change and that you don't have time to bring her another time. Make sure she understands that her coach isn't angry with her and didn't stop liking her. Be the bad guy- that's part of being a parent. And expect a similar situation with ice time to occur somewhere down the road, because what's happening isn't that uncommon.

[Alicia]

As far as her coach not complaining to the club about the ice time change- do you know for a fact that he DIDN'T? A change like that may well have affected more than one of his students, and coaches often protest changes like that because they screw up everyone's schedule entirely.

I'm not sure if he did or not. I do know that several skaters (I believe 3) were affected. The club e-mailed me at work and told me it was because of a safety concern with a parent. They suggested I go to an upcoming council meeting.

I was not impressed. I have executive meetings coming out of my ying-yang and I did not want another one. I also don't like politics (does anyone?).

I didn't realize that skating was so political. Anyhow, I refused. I didn't expect the coach to complain, but it would have been nice if he explained it to her because his knowledge of the rules are alot more than mine are!!

[jp1andOnly]

ummm..well if politics is not your thing than its probably good your daughter is quitting skating for the moment. Its one of the sports with a lot of politics.

I'm not sure if he did or not. I do know that several skaters (I believe 3) were affected. The club e-mailed me at work and told me it was because of a safety concern with a parent. They suggested I go to an upcoming council meeting.

I was not impressed. I have executive meetings coming out of my ying-yang and I did not want another one. I also don't like politics (does anyone?).

I didn't realize that skating was so political. Anyhow, I refused. I didn't expect the coach to complain, but it would have been nice if he explained it to her because his knowledge of the rules are alot more than mine are!!

[Isk8NYC]

Sorry, I don't agree with you Alicia about having the coach explain the reason your daughter no longer takes private lessons.

I've been in this situation. You should have told your daughter that the schedule changed and your busy activity schedule just can't fit in the private lessons anymore. I'm sure that the coach would be willing to give the lessons, yet you're making him out to be the bad guy.

You can't reasonably expect the coach to explain the Club's decision to a six-year old that won't even talk to him.

[Alicia]

You can't reasonably expect the coach to explain the Club's decision to a six-year old that won't even talk to him.

I probably could explain to her now that had all this feedback. Thanks!

[EastonSkater]

Have you landed too many times on that hard ice?

I reckon you might be pushing your daughter too hard. Having to do this lesson, and that lesson and that lesson, and this lesson...and that. From the way you're responding to people .... eg...the 'young man' statement, and your above statement etc, I think it's time for re-evaluation of thinking and attitude toward people.

If a 6 year old stops talking to the coach, it's really up to the parent to chat with the daughter first to see what's up. If the parent doesn't even bother, then there really is an issue with the parent.

[VegasGirl]

I'm sorry, but sounds to me like you're just pushing her too hard making her do things you want her to do no matter what she wants. It's not a good way of developing a child's joy in sports, music or any other venture.

[stardust skies]

I believe you hit the nail on the head!! But the coach should be the one to explain- not I!! I am not going to make the coach explain it to her (I don't believe he understands how much that hurt her), and I'm not going to be the bad one because I have already told her that she ends activites no later than 7:00 (to do home work and practice piano).

Way to take responsibility. I feel sorry for your kid, you're one of those people who act like victims about everything and make drama when there isn't any, and so she'll likely turn out just like you. Because we really need more people like that in this world.

Listen: the coach is BUSY, I am sure. This may be hard to understand for someone like you, but while I am sure he enjoyed coaching your daughter and may still want to coach her, his entire schedule and life cannot revolve around YOUR schedule. You two had a lesson time agreed upon, and then the directors of the club decided that the ice your daughter was on would be dedicated to something else. You're really having a hard time accepting this, I assume because you feel your child is more important than whoever it is that they gave the ice to instead. Doing waltz jumps at 6 is the norm, as someone else said. Your kid isn't some prodigy (yet, at least) who deserves everyone clear the ice for her. She is young, small, and a complete beginner. Elite skaters usually have seniority over ice time, so if they decided your kid couldn't be on that ice anymore, then that's normal and completely acceptable. The coach then offered you to reschedule your lessons to another time- which showed HIS initiative. Then, YOU declined, saying there was no room in the schedule. YOU declined, so he went away because that was the only other time he could give you and you did not want it.

So, then, as a responsible parent, you should have gone to your daughter, and posed the situation to her: "listen, your ice time has to be changed because the club is re-arranging their schedule around, and your coach can only take you at such and such time, but if we do that then you will not have time for *insert one of the many activities you're making your child do here*. Would you rather drop *insert activity here* and keep taking from this coach, or would you rather keep *insert activity here* and we look for another coach that could take you at another time?" Then, you have let her voice her opinion on the coach, the way she wants to spend her time, AND let her know why you may be looking for another coach. I find it sad that you actually have kept your daughter in the dark about why she isn't taking from this coach anymore, probably making her feel horribly bad and worthless because she must think she isn't good enough and the coach doesn't want her anymore, just because you felt it wasn't your duty to tell her. For all you know, the fact that you've made her feel this way is the reason she wants to quit skating- it must not be fun to see the coach everyday, if she thinks he no longer wants her because she's not good enough. And you've let her think that, or anything else she could think up in her little 6 year-old head. How in the world anyone with a minimal amount of brain cells managed to convince themselves it wasn't their duty to tell their 6 year old that her schedule was being changed and that another coach might have to be found because the one they had before couldn't accomodate the new time is beyond me. There is something seriously amiss in this, and I hope for you that you figure out what it is so that it doesn't happen again in the future, because if it keeps happening this way, your kid is going to have some SERIOUS trust issues when she grows up.

All this coming from someone too young to even think about having any kids. If I can think this way, I don't know why a MOTHER can't. Blaffes me.

PS: I was just as offended about the coughing up the water on the backstroke comment as JPs1andonly was. I think that's a horrible thing to say about your child. Absolutely repulsive. Also, if you concede that she's "probably tired" from all of her activities, then how is it relaxation? I think they key is in what you said right after: "it's relaxation for me, as well". If she's tired, then perhaps she could stay home and play with her friends, or watch a little TV a couple of times a week. I know it won't be quite as fun for you, but maybe you should think of her? Just a thought. If you run her ragged, her schoolwork may decline, and on top of that, it's pretty much a guarantee that as soon as she's old enough, she will quit everything and it will all have been for nothing. Pick ONE thing she loves and stick with it- it's a good life lesson. You can't be good at everything, and you can't spread yourself too think and involve yourself in everything you have interest in. No one succeeds that way, and letting her think otherwise may make her develop poor time management and goal setting habits, which aren't good for anyone. Just things to think about. Obviously it's your kid, you'll raise her however you want to. But you made all this stuff public on a forum, so I don't feel bad commenting on it.

[Schmeck]

I'm still figuring out why in the world the coach should have to tell the kid that her mother doesn't want to/can't reschedule the lesson... :roll: Why is it his problem? It was your decision, not his!

My girls have been in a lot of activities when they were younger - girl scouts, gymnastics, skating, and dance. Gymnastics got to be a part time (20 hrs/week) 'job' for my then 10 yr old, and she decided she wanted to quit, so she could have more time to be with her school friends. Two months later, she made her first synchro team :roll: So much for extra time! Girl Scouts ended when I stopped being the troop leader, dance fizzled out when more ice time was needed. Now, at age 15, she's gearing up for a junior synchro team.

My younger one follwed sister to gymnastics, girl scouts, and skating, but got more involved in dance. She stopped skating last year, and she didn't really enjoy gymnastics once she made it on the competitive team, so she quit right before her sister did. But now she dances 4 days a week, and spends a lot of weekends practicing all of her dances at the studio.

So, when they are young, I think it's great to let them try different activities. But I think the kids should have a say in what they want to do - we do a lot of 'would you like to try this, it involves...and 'you'd be expected to...' before a new activity is added to the busy schedule.

One of my first policies was that if I paid for a certain activity for a certain length of time, they were expected to stay with it for that time period!

[Tennisany1]

As a parent of a young skater it can be very difficult to stay grounded when people (usually those who know nothing about skating) are telling you your daughter could be the next Michelle Kwan. Trust me, it happens a lot to a lot of parents. If I had a dollar for everytime someone said it to me I would be rich. The reality is is that they don't know what they're talking about. Your daughter may turn out to be extremely talented, but she has a long way to go before that determination can be made. She also has a lot of work to do. Learning a waltz jump is fun, but there is technique that must be learned and practiced and practiced before the next trick is learned. It requires dedication to go out and freeze while practicing edges and cross overs hour after hour.

Your daughter can skate well enough to go skating with friends etc. If she wants to quit, let her, if she wants to take the next step the commitment needs to come from her. When ever my daughter asks about another activity we go through her schedule and I ask her what she would like to give up. When she asks for a new skating dress or toy, I tell her how many lessons it is worth and she makes a decision which she would like. When we had to make a decision last year about whether change coaches or change rinks I explained the situation to her, I told her we could make the decision together or if she preferred I would make it for her. We made the decision together. At the time she had just turned 5.

I'll stop now except to say two things:
A happy well adjusted child is way more important than skating or dance or piano...
Read Stardust Skies posts again. For someone fairly young without kids she is very wise.

[Alicia]

so she'll likely turn out just like you..

Not too many senior electrical engineers on this board. If she turns out like me, I'm sure many would be proud of her!!

[jp1andOnly]

ummm....don't be too shocked to find out that there are. In fact, there are doctors and lawyers here as well. Shock of the day...you aren't the only one.

I would assume most peopel are talking about your attitude.

If I wanted to be really snarky, I could make some lovely comments about where you live, but I'll bite my tongue. :)

Stick a fork in me, I'm done with this thread and I hope Alicia gets exactly what she wants.


Not too many senior electrical engineers on this board. If she turns out like me, I'm sure many would be proud of her!!

[Isk8NYC]

Let's keep this thread on a helpful note and not turn it into a personal attack on anyone or anyplace. I think Alicia's gotten some good feedback and suggestions. She needs to digest it and decide how she'll address these issues with her daughter.

[EastonSkater]

Not too many senior electrical engineers on this board.

Are you sure about that? Or rather, how do you know that?

[Alicia]

Are you sure about that? Or rather, how do you know that?
Because if there were, they would be trying to solve the problem. I really didn't post to have my family skills psychoanalyzed.

It's a simple item where I would like some advice or opinions as I do not figure skate or have ever participated in figure skating. I love skating with my daughter but I wear hockey skates. The only reason I enroled her in this is for a winter activity that allows her to be able to skate with the family and friends. She took it to the next level.

[EastonSkater]

Because if there were, they would be trying to solve the problem. I really didn't post to have my family skills psychoanalyzed.

It's a simple item where I would like some advice or opinions as I do not figure skate or have ever participated in figure skating. I love skating with my daughter but I wear hockey skates. The only reason I enroled her in this is for a winter activity that allows her to be able to skate with the family and friends. She took it to the next level.

Ok.... that's fair enough I guess. But being a senior electronic engineer (yourself, that is), the problem should be easily solved. The first step is to ask your daughter why she doesn't talk to the coach. Actually, I know that you want the best for your daughter....or want to see good things in her. And that's really great actually. The main question is how come there was no discussion between the daughter and yourself. Then you can work from there.

[crayonskater]

Master's degree enroute to a Ph.D. here. Academic tug-of-war is not only *completely* pointless to this conversation, you're gonna lose. ;)

Ease off on the personal attacks everyone, please. :) Otherwise, I think there's been a lot of good advice here: it's time for the kid to have a little more input in her activities if she's so tired and unhappy and burning out. And yeah, high-level amateur skating looks so effortless that everyone assumes that if a kid lands a waltz jump, she'll be the next champion. Her and every other little pint-sized jumper. :) Don't worry about what the grandparents think about her talent; they love her and will think she's a prodigy at whatever she does. That's just grandparents.

Alicia, have you explained the coaching situation to your daughter yet? Has her attitude toward her old coach changed?

[Alicia]

The main question is how come there was no discussion between the daughter and yourself. Then you can work from there.

I really didn't know the whole situation myself until I posted on this board!!

[Bothcoasts]

Ok.... that's fair enough I guess. But being a senior electronic engineer (yourself, that is), the problem should be easily solved. The first step is to ask your daughter why she doesn't talk to the coach. Actually, I know that you want the best for your daughter....or want to see good things in her. And that's really great actually. The main question is how come there was no discussion between the daughter and yourself. Then you can work from there.

Yup, and as a coach myself, I would like to second the earlier opinions to let your daughter know yourself that the reason she's no longer taking private lessons is due simply to a change in the ice schedule of the rink. There's no reason I can see that a 6-year-old should take the issue personally if she knows the facts that your schedule just no longer jives with that of the rink. Is it possible that your daughter could be mirroring any possible displeasure you've expressed regarding the coach's lack of action in convincing the rink not to cancel that ice time?

I've worked with quite a few parents who are in similar situations to yourself. Sometimes they become too busy for a particular time slot, and in other cases, the rink changes its available ice time. In each case, I always ask parents when they would like a new lesson during the few other slots available during the week. There are parents who are either too busy or too inflexible to reschedule the lesson, and a couple have ended up calling the rink to voice their displeasure over the lack of ice time. Unfortunately, what they usually find out is that a private lesson for a basic skills skater--or even having 3 or 4 private lessons on the ice simultaneously--doesn't get first priority when the rink schedules its ice time. Private basic skills lessons just are not enough of a profit generator nor a priority for the rink.

My suggestion is that if you--and your daughter--are serious about continuing private lessons, then you need a schedule that's a little more flexible to lessons at various times. Given your current busy schedule, I'm guessing you may need to prioritize. Is skating important enough so that you can adjust your schedule to accommodate it? If not, it seems that your daughter's private lesson coach has become a scapegoat for you to use so that you don't blame yourself for not being able to fit this activity into your daughter's schedule. Try not to blame yourself for being too busy for private lessons. Let your daughter focus on synchro or her other activities, whatever she enjoys. If skating is as important as it is, perhaps she can back out of dancing. The important thing to remember is that a devoted 6 year old will tell you if she wants private lessons. Some of my own students regularly push their parents for privates. Follow your daughter's heart.

In terms of working with your daughter's coach, the more flexibility you can offer him, the more flexibility that coach can also show you--it's a mutual relationship. The skaters I work with long-term are those who show me that they understand that the parent-coach relationship requires two-way communication and understanding. Things happen--special events may be scheduled, your child may have a birthday party to attend, your family may travel away from the area. Instead of viewing skating as an activity that can only be scheduled during your free time--and focusing on your daughter's coach's failure to create ice time during times that best befit you--try working with the coach to find successful alternate times that suit both you and him, even if they aren't your first choice. From experience, being flexible and supportive of one another is an easy way to ensure a symbiotic parent-coach-student relationship. Coaches typically don't enjoy working with parents who fail to understand the mutuality of this relationship, especially if the skater at hand is a basic skills skater.

[stardust skies]

Because if there were, they would be trying to solve the problem. I really didn't post to have my family skills psychoanalyzed.

It's a simple item where I would like some advice or opinions as I do not figure skate or have ever participated in figure skating. I love skating with my daughter but I wear hockey skates. The only reason I enroled her in this is for a winter activity that allows her to be able to skate with the family and friends. She took it to the next level.

No, what you're failing to understand is that THE PROBLEM is stemming from your "family skills", so to speak. You didn't tell your daughter why she wasn't having lessons with her coach anymore. She's probably hurt and very, very confused. It's likely she won't trust another coach not to let her down in the future, even if you tell her now, because the feelings you inflicted on her are already there. It doesn't take an engineer to figure that out, but it does take some decent knowledge of psychology, and incidentally, science-oriented people usually lack in the psychology department, and vice-versa. So while I know nothing about science, I thought I'd tell you what I do know about psychology and family dynamics. I knew you would take it personally- how can you not? However, you asked for help, and if you went past your original feeling of being offended or bothered by my post, you'd see there is logic in there. The reason I talked about your parenting skills is because that is the stem of the problem, and if you had just casually in ten seconds told your daughter right when it happened that her schedule was changed and you and her coach couldn't find a time to reschedule her lessons, this all would've never happened. Good time to use the expression "doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out".

Now excuse me, but I have my own coach to go and try to ignore at the rink. ;)

[Bothcoasts]

Because if there were, they would be trying to solve the problem. I really didn't post to have my family skills psychoanalyzed.


I forgot to add earlier that my boyfriend has nearly completed a PhD in Engineering from one of the top U.S. universities. I have a master's in education from that same university. We'd be the first to tell you that an engineer usually doesn't have the interpersonal skills necessary to solve human relation problems! :P

[Alicia]

I forgot to add earlier that my boyfriend has nearly completed a PhD in Engineering from one of the top U.S. universities. :P

Yeah, and I forgot to tell you I have a file full of resumes from MSc's and PHD's asking me for a job!!

[Bothcoasts]

Yeah, and I forgot to tell you I have a file full of resumes from MSc's and PHD's asking me for a job!!

How on earth does this relate to solving the skating problem at hand? I was simply making a point that from my own experience, engineers can't necessarily solve human relation problems like the one you're facing at the rink just because they're good at solving math and physics-based problems.

If you're going to quote me, I'd appreciate it if you did it correctly. I did not put a smiley face at the end of my statement regarding my boyfriend, which could easily come across as bragging. I mentioned our backgrounds so that the others reading this post would understand why I made the comment I did regarding engineers--and that is, not to criticize them, but to relay our own personal experiences. Your post above makes it appear that I'm bragging about credentials the same way you openly share your file full of resumes of people asking you for a job--a fact that I can't make relevant to this thread for the life of me.

I'm now turning to the skating-related threads, which are, after all, the entire purpose of this forum.

[VegasGirl]

Ok, the problem is obviously that you're just piling too much on your child... so I'd say lay off a bit and listen to what she has to say, her likes/dislikes... problem solved.

[Alicia]

error 1234567890

[Alicia]

Oops, I just found out that I can google myself. I shall post no more on this thread!!

[EastonSkater]

Yeah, and I forgot to tell you I have a file full of resumes from MSc's and PHD's asking me for a job!!

Alicia....you sure don't sound too modest, and things like that. I mean, if you're well educated, then ok....but no need to make some statement over it. Since a lot of people on these boards are also well educated. But even then, even if we haven't got the same education as others, no need to use education level and job status to pit against others.

[stardust skies]

Alicia doesn't want advice or even opinions. It's clear because the ONLY stuff she replies to is stuff that she can use to piss everyone off even more with her misplaced arrogance and even more misplaced stupidity. I think that Alicia is some mutant version of a troll, personally. I shall make no more posts in reply to her ever, as they were clearly a royal waste of time. Oh well. :)

[twokidsskatemom]

As a mom of a 6 year old, I would love to be snarky...........

But I will not............................:giveup:

[Tennisany1]

As a mom of a 6 year old, I would love to be snarky...........

But I will not............................:giveup:

I wondered when you would surf by...

I will learn from you oh wise skating mother :bow:

and say good night to this thread.:giveup:

[luckeylasvegas]

It would be nice if the coach explained it to her , but at the end of the day you are the parent and it is your resposibilty to to talk to her not his.

She's only 6 , let her take a break and swim for a little while , she's not going to miss out on that much while she's away. I really don't see why people are in such a hurry to move these very young girls up so fast. My daughter's coach (a man who has been coaching her for 4 years) is very strict about form. If she doesn't have a element down to where it's technically perfect then she doesn't move up. It's better to have a good base to learn on than to go back and re-correct things . I promise you that missing half a year at age six will not keep her from doing an axel when she's 9 or 10.

[dbny]

It would be nice if the coach explained it to her

Speaking as a coach, I have to say that I do not agree at all. It is the parent's choice whether or not the child will have lessons, and it is therefor the parent's responsibility to explain if lessons have been ended. I would be very uncomfortable having to explain someone else's decision to a small child.

[luna_skater]

"Alicia," please try to clear the air between your daughter and her (former) coach, for your daughter's sake. If she really loves to skate and wants to pursue it in the future, the last thing you want is to have a bad relationship with this particular club, since it is the ONLY club in the city (always has been and probably always will be). Similarly, the main coaching staff has not changed in my lifetime....how the club operates now is how it has always operated, so make the best of it! Take 5 minutes out of your day to explain the situation to your daughter, and then move on.

[crayonskater]

Speaking as a coach, I have to say that I do not agree at all. It is the parent's choice whether or not the child will have lessons, and it is therefor the parent's responsibility to explain if lessons have been ended. I would be very uncomfortable having to explain someone else's decision to a small child.

Plus, if the coach were to do that, it would come off looking completely passive-aggressive, like he was trying to manipulate the child. "I'm sorry, Suzie, I'd love to be your coach, but the schedule changed and your mommy doesn't want to rearrange your schedule, so I can't." Not the coach's job here at all.

[stardust skies]

Plus, if the coach were to do that, it would come off looking completely passive-aggressive, like he was trying to manipulate the child. "I'm sorry, Suzie, I'd love to be your coach, but the schedule changed and your mommy doesn't want to rearrange your schedule, so I can't." Not the coach's job here at all.

Not to mention that as someone pointed out a couple pages back, with a mom like that, maybe this person DOESN'T want to coach the little girl anymore. Nothing to do with the girl, but the parent. Many coaches drop kids because of their parents. This mom doesn't sound to me like a skate mom, but like someone who spreads her kid wayyy too thin and wants her to excel at everything and most coaches would see that as a red flag. There's just no possible way for a kid to progress in a healthy way when she has 5 other activities going on the same day. Maybe the coach felt he was doing the little girl a favor, one less obligation to deal with for her. You just never know what people's reasons are. But a mother's obligation is to be truthful to her kid, regardless of what others do or who is at fault.

[Isk8NYC]

Plus, if the coach were to do that, it would come off looking completely passive-aggressive, like he was trying to manipulate the child. "I'm sorry, Suzie, I'd love to be your coach, but the schedule changed and your mommy doesn't want to rearrange your schedule, so I can't." Not the coach's job here at all.

That's a really good point: it's not the coach's place to tease the student into begging the parents for lessons. (I always talk adult to adult about things like that.)

Someone had suggested that it would be nice if the coach said "Gee Suzie, I really miss teaching you." How would you view that reply?

[EastonSkater]

Someone had suggested that it would be nice if the coach said "Gee Suzie, I really miss teaching you." How would you view that reply?

Not sure....in USA, if some coach said that .... probably end up in court. Recently, some aussie lady in the USA tapped some other lady on the shoulder or something to ask her to stop speaking on her cellphone during a movie in a theatre, and the aussie lady ended up getting done for assault.

[Isk8NYC]

Wait a minute - you said you lived in Colorado. No one in Colorado would take you to court for talking to a kid that way. The cell phone incident probably happened in NY, which is standard operating procedure, not even worth mentioning. (I am joking, by the way!)

Back to my question: how would you view an instructor telling a student that they'd like to give them lessons? "Gee Suzie, I really miss teaching you."

I ask because some of the group lesson students I've taught now take privates with other instructors. Those instructors told THE STUDENT that they should take private lessons, whereas I approached the PARENTS. Not that I'll change my tactics, I just want to know.

[Alicia]

Someone had suggested that it would be nice if the coach said "Gee Suzie, I really miss teaching you." How would you view that reply?

If a coach said that I would take it as a sign of interest in my daughter. I'm Canadian so I'm not looking for a lawsuit!!

BTW, this is my wife's login and I've been handed all of my daughter's activities while she looks after our 5 month old baby son. Skating is relatively foreign to me so I'm just looking for some good advice that I have receive from this forum. I hope no one is annoyed but even father's need advice. Also, my daughter has befriended that other 6-year old who's parents are both coaches and has changed her mind about skating without me having to talk to her (phew!!). I'll probably talk to her friend's parents about semi-private lessons in the spring with their daughter.

I love spring skiing so she'll go skiing with me instead of us going public skating (family skating ended on the weekend anyhow). I'm going to reduce her group skating from 3 X per week to 1 X per week in the spring to go to swimming lessons (her grandparent's 5 mile long skating rink becomes a lake in the summer!!).

[Bothcoasts]

I ask because some of the group lesson students I've taught now take privates with other instructors. Those instructors told THE STUDENT that they should take private lessons, whereas I approached the PARENTS. Not that I'll change my tactics, I just want to know.

I agree with your policy, Isk8NYC. I will never tell a student that she should take private lessons-I will mention it directly to the parents, and only in really unique situations. For the majority of cases, I'll simply ask the student to practice given elements further.

Alicia: you have a good idea for your daughter to take lessons with another 6-year-old. Semi-private lessons can be lots of fun, and one of the best parts of skating for many children is the camaraderie they gain by skating with friends. I don't doubt they'll enjoy it!

[Lmarletto]

Back to my question: how would you view an instructor telling a student that they'd like to give them lessons? "Gee Suzie, I really miss teaching you."

I ask because some of the group lesson students I've taught now take privates with other instructors. Those instructors told THE STUDENT that they should take private lessons, whereas I approached the PARENTS. Not that I'll change my tactics, I just want to know.
As a parent, I think its really inappropriate for a coach to approach the student first. My impression is that "real" coaches who take themselves seriously as professionals would never do it. But I know it happens a lot (maybe more some places than others).

[CanAmSk8ter]

I agree- I always talk to the parents first. I'd hate to disappoint a kid by bringing up private lessons, only to have the parent say no for whatever reason.

Edited to add, I think it was my quote being referenced a couple posts back. This is what I actually wrote in page one of the thread:

"It would be nice if her coach said something to her along the lines of, "Gosh, I had really liked teaching you, I wish the club had been able to do the ice schedule differently, but that happens sometimes. I'll be sure to let your mom know if something opens up in the spring," but he's really not obligated to. "

So it got corrupted a bit; I don't think "Gee Suzie, I miss teaching you" would necessarily be an appropriate comment... and frankly, the more of this thread I read, the more I think the coach is wiser not to say anything to the skater or the parents.

[Isk8NYC]

I think the coach is wiser not to say anything to the skater or the parents.
Then, the coach gets in trouble for being snobby and standoffish. LOL! We can't win some days.

I'm sticking with my adult-to-adult approach, just to be on the safe side.

I am sorry to sort of quote you - didn't mean to make your idea sound bad; I thought it was a nice thing to say. I recently HEARD a coach say something similar at a rink I was visiting. The Mom started bad-mouthing the coach after he went on the ice, but it was more along the lines of how he wasn't good enough for her daughter.

I just wanted to know what others thought was appropriate to say in that situation. I think it's sweet to say "I liked teaching you." as long as you're telling the truth. (There are some kids I've taught that I really don't want back.)

But where does the line get drawn between pressure and compliment?

[Poohsk8s2]

As a skating parent and NOT a coach, I found this thread interesting and a bit volatile. Schedules are difficult regardless of the sport, but when you add the variables of a club schedule, coach schedule, student schedule and parent schedule, it often becomes impossible. So I would like to offer my humble advice... it is common for the young skaters (male and female) to coach to help pay for their own training. Is this the case with the young male coach? I think that as a Mom you need to bite the bullet and explain to your daughter that the timing just didn't work for now, and that nothing was personal. I would then follow it up with a special visit to watch her coach do his training, if in fact he is training. This approach will promote good sportsmanship by quietly supporting the coach from the stands. It will also allow your daughter to understand that this is how hard he must work when not teaching and that this is how he has to spend his some of his time. Finally, explain to her nothing is etched in stone, and perhaps next season the schedule will change and they can once again be student and coach, if she choses. She is 6 years old with many years of opportunities ahead, don't let the lesson she learns from skating be "burning bridges." Perhaps this advice will also help you learn to look at these types of situations in a more positive light... essential if you are going to survive as a "Skating Mom"

[Alicia]

All the little ones had a group picture for the newpaper as upcoming hopefulls (the Saskatoon Sun) the other day. With the ice show, an upcoming club competition (April 1) and everything, my daughter is getting more excited about skating. I think her past coach is history!!

She also may have seen him teach others her age and got jealous, as well as the fact that she was dropped.

Anyhow, after skating she said to me quite quietly, "you know, I'm not the best skater."

I replied, "how do you figure?"

She said, "so and so can do more than I can and she's only 5".

I said, "She can? I don't believe that she can do tricks on skis. Most 6 year olds don't even use poles never mind to tricks (she likes to do 180's and spirals on skis; and that's not easy!). She probably can't dance as good as you or play piano or speak french or read a book. She probably doesn't know what 5+4 is. She probably can't even ride a bike. I know she can't skip rope. By the way, isn't kindergarden like grade 0 and your in grade 1? Doesn't that make you #1 and the rest of them just a bunch of 0's?

What an uplift speach for my daughter. I beleive I can even give her another good speach if she doesn't do too well at her competition on April fools day!!

In fact she told me the head coach asked her if she does any other sports because she gets good height on her jumps.


BTW she is a very small 6 year old being the smallest one in the newspaper picture and in her grade 1 school picture.

[Moto Guzzi]

Doesn't that make you #1 and the rest of them just a bunch of 0's?

What an uplift speach for my daughter.
What a nice thing to tell your child. :roll: And what type of type of uplift speech will you give your daughter if she repeats this statement to her classmates and then comes to you and says, "You know, none of the other kids like me."?

[Alicia]

What comes around goes around. Are you telling me that those others aren't teasing or braggiing because they are younger and bigger?

[dbny]

I said, "She can? I don't believe that she can do tricks on skis. Most 6 year olds don't even use poles never mind to tricks (she likes to do 180's and spirals on skis; and that's not easy!). She probably can't dance as good as you or play piano or speak french or read a book. She probably doesn't know what 5+4 is. She probably can't even ride a bike. I know she can't skip rope. By the way, isn't kindergarden like grade 0 and your in grade 1? Doesn't that make you #1 and the rest of them just a bunch of 0's?

What an uplift speach for my daughter. I beleive I can even give her another good speach if she doesn't do too well at her competition on April fools day!!


Rather than encouraging your daughter to feel good at the expense of others and encouraging her to constantly compare herself to others, you could use such opportunities to teach her that we are all different and that it is important to do her best. For example "Yes, little x is better than you at skating right now, but don't forget that you can play piano and speak French. Everyone has different things they are good at, and the important thing is to be the best you can at everything you do." If she doesn't do too well at her competition, you have a chance to continue this tack with something like "You skated your heart out! I'm so proud of you!"

[Alicia]

I know that I used to be the smallest and kids are very cruel people. You may have not had this experience. Everyone in figure skating nows that skaters are not lacking in confidence. A 5 year old (that spends every waking hour on the ice) bragging about her ability needs a bit of reality and if her parents are encouraging her, I feel no sympathy to her if my daughter puts things into perspective!!

After all, a 5 year old doing waltze jumps isn't that great. I think her bragging rights can begin after she masters the double axle!!

If she doesn't do too well at the competion, I'll say something along the lines, "It was nice of you to let the others be the fools of the year!!"

[Debbie S]

I know that I used to be the smallest and kids are very cruel people. You may have not had this experience. Well, actually, I have - I usually was the smallest in my class and I'm a small adult (5'0"). There's nothing you can do about your height (my parents are short - what am I supposed to expect?) but you can change how you feel about it and how it affects your life. Why teach your daughter to even pay attention to kids bragging about how tall or talented they are at age 5 (like what you can do at age 5 is a big predictor of what you'll be doing in 30 years)? Tell her that if some kid comes up and brags to her, to just say "oh, well good for you" and walk/skate away and focus on her own skating. The kid will stop bragging to your daughter if she realizes she's not having any affect on her - bragging requires an audience. Teach your daughter to focus on what she can control and on being happy and enjoying what she's doing, rather than on her appearance.

And why do you say that your daughter was "dropped"? She wasn't "dropped" - as we've already established on this thread, your coach had a schedule conflict and that was that. so she gets a different coach whose schedule fits hers/yours, and that should be the end of it. Why dwell on this and make it seem to your daughter that it's a bigger issues than it is. I won't rehash what's already been posted here, but as people pointed out, there's plenty you can do to soothe this situation with your daughter and the ex-coach.

[Alicia]

And why do you say that your daughter was "dropped"? She wasn't "dropped" - as we've already established on this thread, your coach had a schedule conflict and that was that. so she gets a different coach

My daughter feels she was dropped. I can't just switch coaches at a whim. I mean, there was a relationship there at one time. It takes time for her to readjust. Maybe this coach was just looking at an income and does not realize how much he can hurt a little girl?

[Tennisany1]

What comes around goes around. Are you telling me that those others aren't teasing or braggiing because they are younger and bigger?

This just makes me so sad! I know I said I was out of here but I just can't let this go by.

There is a very good chance the other kids are showing you daughter what they can do because they are proud of their accomplishments. The only child we know at this point is thinking negative things about other skaters is YOUR daughter, and only because you taught her to!

My little one is in kindergarten and skates in a junior program with kids ranging from her age (yes she is the youngest) to grade 5. They are all at different levels - from working on their first elementary program to taking their preliminary freeskate test. The mothers all sit together and watch out for each others kids if someone has to leave the rink for a while. We cheer and give thumbs up if someone masters a new skill. On the ice the kids are kind and respectful. If one child has a hard fall or leaves the ice hurt there are always a couple of other kids right there making sure things are okay. They eat their snacks together and wait for each other to walk over to the off ice program.

I firmly believe that way children behave on the ice is a direct result of their parents' attitude. Encouraging your child to think of others as "0's" is not great parenting in my book. Remember - what goes around comes around.

[blue111moon]

It's up to you to explain to your daughter that she wasn't "dropped," that sometimes schedules conflict and the decision to not rearrange hers to the coach's was YOURS. Maybe, if she really liked the coach, there might be a chance in the future for schedules to change again and she could go back to the coach. Assuming, of course, that the coach, will take her. And from the way she's apparently been acting, I wouldn't bet money on that.

But you're the parent. It's your job to explain the situation to your daughter. Frankly, it doesn't sound as if you've done that very well, if at all.

[Alicia]

My job, as a parent, is to provide the best environment for my daughter to excel. And whether its on the slopes, soccer, skating or school, she excels.

Now, if anyone tries to impede that (like a coach or subordinate) I would rather teach her to handle things herself than for me to interfere. After all, I'm not always going to be around.

As someone said, 'she's old enough to make her own decisions'; I'm just providing directions!!

[Tennisany1]

My job, as a parent, is to provide the best environment for my daughter to excel. And whether its on the slopes, soccer, skating or school, she excels.

My job as a parent is to raise a kind, considerate child who regularly asks herself "how would I feel of someone said (insert whatever she may be considering saying) this to me?" Being happy with the journey - working hard, never giving up on or compromising on core values, making and keeping friends, celebrating your own and others' successes - is what makes life worth living, IMHO of course.

I guess we just have different values when it comes to parenting. :giveup: That is what makes this a very interesting world to live in.

[twokidsskatemom]

My job as a parent is to raise a kind, considerate child who regularly asks herself "how would I feel of someone said (insert whatever she may be considering saying) this to me?" Being happy with the journey - working hard, never giving up on or compromising on core values, making and keeping friends, celebrating your own and others' successes - is what makes life worth living, IMHO of course.

I guess we just have different values when it comes to parenting. :giveup: That is what makes this a very interesting world to live in.


Hey I couldnt have said it better myself !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Great post Oh wise skate mom!
:bow:

[twokidsskatemom]

[QUOTE]said, "She can? I don't believe that she can do tricks on skis. Most 6 year olds don't even use poles never mind to tricks (she likes to do 180's and spirals on skis; and that's not easy!). She probably can't dance as good as you or play piano or speak french or read a book. She probably doesn't know what 5+4 is. She probably can't even ride a bike. I know she can't skip rope. By the way, isn't kindergarden like grade 0 and your in grade 1? Doesn't that make you #1 and the rest of them just a bunch of 0's?[QUOTE]

I dont even have words for this statement. Wow is about all I can say !! Is my kids better than yours cause she is the same age and can outskate your daughter?Your last line makes me sick, that you would say that to a small child.

[Alicia]

My job as a parent is to raise a kind, considerate child who regularly asks herself "how would I feel of someone said (insert whatever she may be considering saying) this to me?" Being happy with the journey - working hard, never giving up on or compromising on core values, making and keeping friends, celebrating your own and others' successes - is what makes life worth living, IMHO of course.

Unfortunately, this isn't Never Never Land. Nice guys finish last and they're not happy campers!! My daughter goes to French immersion school and I let them teach cosideration. The only time I tell my daughter how to act is when she goes for sleepovers with a friend.

I make her feel happy and proud and what she does with the information I tell her is up to her. I would hope she keeps the information to herself but if someone mocks her I would hope she returns and says something like, "Yeah, and I'm suppose take that from someone that can't even ride a bicycle!!"

[flippet]

I'm closing the thread since there's really nothing more to say---I don't think anyone agrees with Alicia except Alicia, so what's the point?