boundaries...

[cazzie]

Recent competition my daughter commented afterwards about a male coach from another rink who kissed and hugged the kids when they came of the ice. I didn't see it myself but daughter's reaction was "euuugh". Parent of her close friend who noticed it reckons its all in public and looks quite innocent. THought made my skin crawl and I'm greatful that daughter mainly gets a pat on the back or at most an arm on her shoulder. Granted the kid isn't the most touchy feely kid out there and would probably be none to thrilled.

I have been told by a (female coach) that "normal for ice-skating" is quite different .

Is this right?

[GoSveta]

Go to YouTube and watch skating videos. I'd have to agree that it's kind of normal.

You just don't see as many male coaches.

[icestalker]

You'd hug and kiss your kid when they come off-ice, right? Granted, some parents don't if they know their kid doesn't like it, but think of other parents.

The coach has a similar relationship if the student is a serious student and has been with them for a while.

Not all coaches are touchy feely. But many are. And almost all coaches are touchy feely at very high levels after the skater does well. I'd say about half of the coaches at my rink tend toward hugging. My coach prefers high-fives, as do I. I hate being hugged by somebody shorter than me.

I wouldn't worry about it. I can't stand it when parents see somebody hugging a kid and think 'pedophile.' IMO, parents should just relax.

[Skittl1321]

I think hugging is very normal. Kissing a student- eh, I haven't seen much of that, and might be uncomfortable with it. Not because I think pedophile, but because it's just kind of an odd thing. It depends on the student's age, and the relationship between the parent/student/coach.

From personal experience, kissing only seems to happen with female skaters and female, russian, coaches around here. On TV, the elite skaters (especially the girls) all seem to cheek kiss.

One of the coaches around here rubs her students ears during the program prior to theirs. It's a really weird thing, and more touchy than I think I'd want a coach with my kid. But it's some superstition she carries, and a distraction/calming thing.

[teresa]

Some folks are more comfortable with expressing affection than others. I do think it's pretty normal for a coach to share a hug with a student. Kissing is not comfortable for me. For others it may be okay. Either way it's the parent and child's job to speak up when not comfortable. I feel a friendship with my coach and I've been known to share a hug with her. Doesn't mean anything weird but just what it is, a hug.

[GoSveta]

It doesn't really bother me, though, unless the touching and kissing are in places I deem inappropriate (kisses on the lips, hands below the waist, etc.).

In that case (and especially in the case of adult/coach + minor skater), I'd feel compelled to say something even if I didn't know either of them.

I know in some other cultures (like Russia), these things are acceptable and you shouldn't necessarily look at a kiss after a performance as romantic (see it all the time in Gymnastics, especially).

[AgnesNitt]

I'm not a coach or a parent. I just want to say that I've been around artistic men all my life (mostly in opera). My experience is that they're in general more physically expressive than guys that ride in humvees in Afghanistan (yep know those too). A hug and a kiss from an artsy guy, is as meaningful to them as shaking hands. So if it's in public, and the kiss if forehead or cheek, and the hug is brief and no groping then I wouldn't worry about it.
If the coach is male and foreign, and we're talking a brief lip kiss-a peck they used to be called...Well, in some countries (and some families even in the US) even this is seen as okay.
I just want to say, that I've noticed a lot of girls go through a 'Ick,people are kissing.Gross!' stage at some point. You know your dd best. She could be reacting to something now that in a year she'll shrug off.

[sk8tmum]

Hugging, etc - seen lots of it - some coaches do, some don't, it's their personal style. We have one who hugs on the drop of a skate lace, and a couple who shake hands formally or nod - the kids find both styles equally acceptable, as they know what it signifies for the coaches.

I used to be more unnerved, back in the day, by seeing the places that coaches had to handle in teaching kids how to skate - ! :lol:

Even as a parent ... I get hugs and that too when everyone is excited over a competition, or a new dress, or -whatever-. And trust, me, I'm not a little kid!

I have noticed, though, that as my eldest has gotten into the voluptuous teens, that the guy coaches are less likely to hug her, probably because they are wary of it being misinterpreted. I have also seen, once or twice, a parent have a fit over misinterpreting a hug from a male coach to a female student - thus, the guys, especially the younger ones, are seemingly more hands-off.

[momof3chicks]

Recent competition my daughter commented afterwards about a male coach from another rink who kissed and hugged the kids when they came of the ice. I didn't see it myself but daughter's reaction was "euuugh". Parent of her close friend who noticed it reckons its all in public and looks quite innocent. THought made my skin crawl and I'm greatful that daughter mainly gets a pat on the back or at most an arm on her shoulder. Granted the kid isn't the most touchy feely kid out there and would probably be none to thrilled.

I have been told by a (female coach) that "normal for ice-skating" is quite different .

Is this right?

I have never had my dd's male coach KISS her, but he hugs her on a fairly regular basis- It doesn't bother me, they should be close...I think she spends as much time with him as her dad..and he is a dad too.

[Kat12]

Especially if they're European coaches...

If it's the same for all students, then it's probably not anything untoward. And as most skaters (I assume) ONLY see their coaches in public at the rink, with parents watching if the skater is a kid, then it's unlikely that the "PDA" is an indication of anything un-good happening in private...

If it's uncomfortable for anyone involved, no doubt it could be brought up. Some people just aren't touchy-feely, like me...I'm fine snuggling with my significant other or my kitty, but was not ever even very snuggly as a little kid with my parents. I'll tolerate other people, like friends, hugging me because I understand they like that, but its not something I particularly enjoy or would initiate on my own, so I could understand being uncomfortable with this type of PDA for a totally NON-creepy reason.

I would think that a close coach-student relationship could become almost parental. There were times when I felt like my violin teacher back in high school became almost dad-like--he even used to pick me up from school on lesson days before we went back to my house for my lesson, as my mom worked.

(When we say kissing, we're talking like on the cheek, right? To me, there's nothing more creepy than being kissed on the lips by someone who is NOT my significant other, and I've been surprised a couple times by people doing that to me [one of whom was above-mentioned violin teacher, who I still see occasionally as he's sometimes hired to play at my old church], omg, but I know some people think it's no big deal. Like, for example, the people who surprised me, apparently!)

[Sessy]

I know in some other cultures (like Russia), these things are acceptable and you shouldn't necessarily look at a kiss after a performance as romantic (see it all the time in Gymnastics, especially).

There's a Russian superstition about giving someone a slap on the butt so they don't fall on ice. BEFORE going out on the ice obviously. I think I've seen Weir's coach do that too on tv at some point.