where to be after a year-now I get it

[falen]

A while back I had asked this because of concerns my DD had. Well I think I now know the origin...my own mum!
DD has been skating 14 months. Grandama thinks she should be jumping and spinning like Katerina Witt (her favorite). She even said that skaters with natural talent are jumping and spinning the first time they go on the ice. I was like8O...it takes years to get to that level!! Oh NO "the kids who are naturally talented know how to do that right away, that's why they are the best" How can I undo this?:cry:

[Isk8NYC]

C'mon, you know the answer. Put a pair of skates on granny and shove her out onto the ice. Put up or shut up, lol.

You have several things you can say:


Grandma is crazy because NO ONE can jump or spin when they're just starting out.
You've asked long-time skaters and skating coaches who all agree that hard work pays off when it's time.
Tell her if she wants to stop, she can at any time. If she's that unhappy and worried, it's time to move on. Higher levels of skating will make both of you crazy because both of you are taking this much too seriously.
Grandma is crazy and probably should be examined by a doctor.
My personal favorite: say nothing. Just repeat "everyone learns at their own speed" and let it go. I don't see any need to have in-depth discussions like this with a kid. Just reassure her that, as long as she's trying and doing her best, nothing else matters if she's having fun.

[falen]

Hee, I did tell her to go try it herself, she just said I proved her point, that she has no talent therefore she does not skate.

I was thinking of getting DD a biography of a skater. Any recommendations?
I seem to recall that Dick Button was told as a kid that he would never be good at skating, and obviously he proved them wrong. Any females in that kind of situation?

I do ask her every semester if she want to continue, and she says, "you have to let me skate". She is happy , just every once in a while, she seems to get discouraged. Its not fair that someone close to her is telling her to give it up. It happened in ballet too, and for 3 years she would not even dance at birthday parties.

[Isk8NYC]

Check your library and see if they have any in their catalog.
DON'T get Katerina Witt's pseudo-biography; it wouldn't be relevant.
There's a great kids' bio on Michelle Kwan that describes her early skating.

Check out the Biography channel - they've done bios on Kristi Yamaguchi, Peggy Fleming and many other skaters.

[sk8ryellow]

This sounds just like a mom at the rink because her daughter cant do an axel yet. All she does is complain that the girl has been working on it for 3 years and still cant land it and the girl just hates it. Finally she was complaining one day and one of the coaches said to her "Why dont you get some skates on and go do it yourself"

[sk8ryellow]

Its not fair that someone close to her is telling her to give it up. It happened in ballet too, and for 3 years she would not even dance at birthday parties.

I know just how she feels, when I was little my dad would tell me to quit skating and that it was a waste of time. Me not knowing how to stick up for myself just took it until one day I told him to "Shut up and quit bothering me because Im never going to quit"

[Tennisany1]

I think some people who have not found their passion in life (some people never do) find it hard to understand what it is like when you are passionate about something. What they see is a kid out on the cold ice falling over and over again. They see frustration and failure instead of joy and progress. I'm not sure you can ever make someone see what you feel. As long as your dd is happy and healthy let her follow her own path where ever it leads her. As for Grandma, well, sometimes the less said the better.

[sk8ryellow]

I think some people who have not found their passion in life (some people never do) find it hard to understand what it is like when you are passionate about something. What they see is a kid out on the cold ice falling over and over again. They see frustration and failure instead of joy and progress. I'm not sure you can ever make someone see what you feel. As long as your dd is happy and healthy let her follow her own path where ever it leads her. As for Grandma, well, sometimes the less said the better.

VERY WELL SAID!:bow::D:halo:

[falen]

I gotta just try to stay away:giveup: Kind of hard, we're in the same building. I showed her some youtube competitions in DD's level and she said "oh they are all so slow" "that's it?" "if it's not good it's not good and that's just not good". I give up. Just DD really wants her to say good job or something.

[sk8ryellow]

Maybe tell her that you wont want her around your DD if she isnt going to be positive...

[falen]

Well I asked her that and she flat out said if she doesn't like something she is going to tell her. She is definitaly not an advocate of posititve reinforcement. It is a lost cause.
What I really need now is to show DD that grandma is wrong, that skaters work to be at the level they are. My brainstorm was biography of some skater. Maybe someone has other suggestions. I am thinking someone like Dick Button who was told he was never going to be good, but showed them how good he was. Because I think that is what DD has been exposed to. Any more recommendations?

[phoenix]

There's a story about a female skater (Dorothy Hamill? Peggy Fleming?) -- an eventual Olympic gold medalist, whose mom would pack extra pairs of tights in her bag every day, because she couldn't do her sit spin & would get soaking wet from falling out of it over & over & over again. She didn't want to keep working on it, but Mom insisted that she could do it, so she would work on it until she was soaked, go change into dry tights, & go back to working on it again.

[Skittl1321]

I gotta just try to stay away:giveup: Kind of hard, we're in the same building. I showed her some youtube competitions in DD's level and she said "oh they are all so slow" "that's it?" "if it's not good it's not good and that's just not good". I give up. Just DD really wants her to say good job or something.

That's just ridiculous. No one starts out at the top. I have no helpful advice, but I understand how you feel. Your poor daughter just wants a bit of praise for doing something well, and she's being compared to Olympic standards.

Most everyone who knows I skate wants to know if I can do a triple axel- no way! But all of them when they see the teeny tiny jumps I can do realize that that's a pretty good effort from me. It's so unfair of your mother to think you should go from zero to hero automatically. Wasn't it Michael Jordan who didn't make the basketball team his first try in high school? You have to start somewhere.

[cazzie]

WOuld your daughter have more success with your mother than you do? Would she take it if your daughter were to say to her grandmother that her feelings were being hurt and what she would really like is for her grandmother to be more understanding?

Or maybe it will be a case of accepting that Grandmother has some odd ideas neither of you agree with and that its possible to ignore these and still enjoy yourself! And to privately understand that Grandmother is WRONG but we can humour her by smiling and pretending to agree with her?

My daughter was very wounded by another child who constantly poked fun at her skating and her progress etc. and this significantly affected her happiness but also her skating ability. Currently she has managed not to be affected by her and taken the stance that she isn't a very nice person and that she doesn't respect her opinions and is therefore not going to be bothered by these. Its helped a lot although it would be so much harder to do if it is your grandmother.

[Layne]

Adults don't often realize how the things they say effect children. Children have very good memories, and are very impressionalble. If your daughter is exposed to that kind of negativity on a regular basis, it might take 20 years to realize grandma was full of crap and her efforts are worth something. As a parent nothing is more important that helping your children to become happy, healthy, well rounded adults. And if that means telling your own mother to take a permanent hike until she can muster up a positive attitude, that is what I would do.

I can't frankly understand why anyone would have any expectations for their child skater. Not that many will even skate through or after college, and hardly any will ever be elite skaters. So it seems the reasons to skate might be 1) to have fun 2) to occupy their time with anything at all that keeps them "off the streets" 3) to learn valuable life skills such as self discipline and hard work. None of these things are in any way effected by what you can actually do on the ice. That's not to say that she shouldn't try to be the best, just that no one should even mention it if she's not.

Disclaimer: I have no children of my own, and generally no valuable opinions on any subject.

[londonicechamp]

Well, falen, your grandma sounds a bit like my mom. She is like: you have been skating for 8 plus years (I took 4 years gap in between coz of professional law exams), and are just at ISI freestyle level 4. She sometimes laughs and said that probably when your grandchild reaches up to ISI freestyle level 10, you will still be at this low level. However, I know that my mom meant to say it as a joke, and she also knows that I take up ice skating to keep myself healthy, so I never took too much of what she said to me to heart.

I jokingly told my mom one time, "well, if that is what you think, why don't you just try skating as well" and she was like "well, I am too old for my age, at 70 plus, and cannot take a fall....".

londonicechamp

[Tennisany1]

deleted: too early to post a spoiler

[vesperholly]

I gotta just try to stay away:giveup: Kind of hard, we're in the same building. I showed her some youtube competitions in DD's level and she said "oh they are all so slow" "that's it?" "if it's not good it's not good and that's just not good". I give up. Just DD really wants her to say good job or something.

Not everyone understands sports, especially one like skating that is really tough and beats you down a lot.

I'd just tell her that deep down, Grandma does support her skating, she just doesn't know how to show it. That's what moms are for, and you're obviously supporting her well. :)

[sk8ergalgal]

I have friends whose grandparents don't approve of their skating. Their mothers have basically told the grandparents that if they wont be supportive of the sport then to simply not be present at all and they wont discuss skating related topics while in the company of each other. Not sure if its the best way to go mind you but it seems to work for them.

[FSWer]

That's quite unusual Sk8ergalgal. I am quite surprised. As Grandparents are supposed to BE one of the ones you DO turn to for support. Not to say there AREN'T any non-supportive ones. Of course there are. But support IS what there supposed to be for.

[sk8ergalgal]

I don't find it that shocking.. I don't know the details for the exact reason why the grandparents don't approve of the sport however. It might simply be because of the way the grandparents were raised and did not have the luxury to be able to enroll their children in sports or just their morals and values they live by.

[falen]

Thanks guys!

I now know where DD's concerns come from, she was worried she was not progressing.

Coicidently, DD has do do a biography so I got her Oksana Baiul.

[Schmeck]

take the Bauil bio with a grain of salt, depending on when it was written - remember, the 'poor orphan girl' wasn't really an orphan at the time... :roll:

[Isk8NYC]

Not to mention the DUI crash and her stint in rehab.

Probably not the role model you're looking for, OP

[falen]

I did not know that. I'll read it first. It is a children's book, so it is unlikely to have any sordid stuff.

[momof3chicks]

I did not know that. I'll read it first. It is a children's book, so it is unlikely to have any sordid stuff.

My dd did Sasha Cohen and she got a lot out of it.

[falen]

Thanks.

DD likes her, and her spirals!

[sk8rdad59]

That's quite unusual Sk8ergalgal. I am quite surprised. As Grandparents are supposed to BE one of the ones you DO turn to for support. Not to say there AREN'T any non-supportive ones. Of course there are. But support IS what there supposed to be for.

I have been though this for years with my family and their attitude towards DS's skating. We get the "Why is he wasting time with that? He should spend more time studying so we can have a doctor or lawyer in the family." or the "It must be costing you a fortune and the odds of becoming a champion are almost nil" arguments frequently.

It got to the point where I simply stopped providing any updates to them on DS's skating. Eventually they started to get the point that this is what he wants to do and while he is young enough we want to support him to allow him to take it as far as he can. I would love to see him make the National team some day but will be satisfied with whatever level he eventually makes.

They learn many life lessons through sport and will take these lessons with them into any other endeavour.