how to deal with skater who wants to quit

[sarahemarie]

sorry...deleting...solved my problem. thanks!

[Isk8NYC]

There are very few "sure things" in life, but I can guarantee that if she stops skating, she will not land that axel. lol

Setting a high goal, working towards it, and achieving it, even if takes longer than expected, is a life skill that everyone needs to learn. Quitting when things get difficult, challenging, or take too long, is not acceptable.

Do you have any videos of her first axel attempts from six months ago? Video her this afternoon and then review both. It could be that she just doesn't feel or recognize that she's made progress.

If you have to work hard to achieve something, it's worth far more than something that was handed to you.

You could distract her a bit by doing some double jump preparation in her lesson. If she's close enough on the axel, starting work on a double will give her a new long-term goal and might just sharpen her technique/position/rotation enough to master the axel as a bonus.

Most skaters start landing the axel, then lose it for a few weeks before it comes back for good. It's disappointing, so I usually forewarn it with my students so they don't feel discouraged. If they beat the curse, great!

[sarahemarie]

Thanks for your reply - sorry I deleted the post. It occurred to me later that a few people from our rink read various boards, and I don't want potential gossip about her to start since my user name isn't exactly that much of a code. I didn't feel it right to keep her story up when I didn't ask her permission to share it in the first place - I would feel terrible if I made her feel worse about the whole situation, and I'm not trying to punish her!

However, I agree with everything you said. Secondary coach and I met about it today, and are going to have a conference with her tomorrow. Skating is supposed to be hard - if it wasn't hard, everybody would do it. Such is life as an athlete, and such is LIFE in general, I guess. Sometimes it will be hard and not your idea of fun. Either you're cut out for the challenge, or you're not, I guess. Thanks for your help! I appreciate the feedback.

ps - we have played on the harness with other jumps to take her mind off the axel - she can land axel and 3 double jumps perfectly on harness without anyone actually pulling - usually I don't even have both hands on the rope. It is a complete mental game, as skating tends to be. Such a hard barrier to break through...

[PinkLaces]

I didn't see the post before you deleted it, but just wanted to say that I empathize with you. My DD can land beautiful high axels and double salchows in the harness - does all the drills perfectly - no one can figure out why she can't land them. It's all mental. For months we've heard she's soooo close. It is frustrating for her especially since there have been many girls who started working on axels long after her that now have them. After six months of being "sooo close" I have to wonder if she is just developing bad habits now. With her main coaches approval, she is working with a different coach once a week on the axel/double salchow for 20 minutes a week....that's it. He is working on building up her confidence both on ice and off.

[twokidsskatemom]

I didn't see the post before you deleted it, but just wanted to say that I empathize with you. My DD can land beautiful high axels and double salchows in the harness - does all the drills perfectly - no one can figure out why she can't land them. It's all mental. For months we've heard she's soooo close. It is frustrating for her especially since there have been many girls who started working on axels long after her that now have them. After six months of being "sooo close" I have to wonder if she is just developing bad habits now. With her main coaches approval, she is working with a different coach once a week on the axel/double salchow for 20 minutes a week....that's it. He is working on building up her confidence both on ice and off.
Its doesnt mean its mental. Its normal to be able to land them on a harness long before getting them on the ice.My son can double a d/a on the harness but he is years away from landing in on ice.He knows that and we know that.
It takes alot of time for that jump.Just dont give up!

[Tennisany1]

The other thing with the harness is that it is not just used to give the jump height, it is also used to help steady the landing edge. This part is next to impossible to see when you are watching. IMHO there really is not such thing as a jump landed in the harness for which there has been no help given. You just can't see the help.

Axels and double are hard, really hard. They can take over a year to learn and often much more than that to be consistently good quality. It is important to explain to kids that just because someone has "landed" a jump it doesn't mean anything other than just that, they have "landed it." Also landing it first doesn't mean that it will be consistently good quality first. Everyone is different and learns differently. Picking up something quickly is not always a good thing. Sometimes having a struggle results in better long term success.

[twokidsskatemom]

The other thing with the harness is that it is not just used to the jump height, it is also used to help steady the landing edge. This part is next to impossible to see when you are watching. IMHO there really is not such thing as a jump landed in the harness for which there has been no help given. You just can't see the help.

Axels and double are hard, really hard. They can take over a year to learn and often much more than that to be consistently good quality. It is important to explain to kids that just because someone has "landed" a jump it doesn't mean anything other than just that, they have "landed it." Also landing it first doesn't mean that it will be consistently good quality first. Everyone is different and learns differently. Picking up something quickly is not always a good thing. Sometimes having a struggle results in better long term success.

AMEN SISTER!!
Have no other words:}:bow:

[sarahemarie]

Thanks for the help.

Had conference with skater. Was like talking to a wall. Ah, preteens. She has decided to be done because she will never get it. Sad. This is the third "activity" she has apparently done this with. Good luck with life, I guess...

We had the talk about how the struggles to get elements make a skater stronger, and that its possible to get something too fast. We also talk about how the new judging system rewards other things, like her great spins and footwork once she gets up to the Juv level, but she is not having it:frus: As a skater, I was always slower to land things, but if someone landed it faster than I did, then I used that as motivation to work harder, not give up, so its so hard to look at it from her perspective. And I eventually got through triple jumps, so it can be done at a slow and steady pace. Its funny, because I've been coaching competitive skaters for so many years, and I have seen many amazing skaters come and go for various reasons, so I don't know why this one is hitting me hard. I think its the "giving up" aspect. You can always tell when someone's heart isn't in it anymore, and its easier to let them go. But that isn't really it with this kid...its purely based on her comparison of herself to others and her impatience. She has put in so much training time in the last few years to have it end this way...Oh well...

Thanks for the input!

[Isk8NYC]

Look at it this way: she has a great foundation for returning in the future.

You did your best and sometimes, it's better to just let them learn on their own.

[momof3chicks]

Its doesnt mean its mental. Its normal to be able to land them on a harness long before getting them on the ice.My son can double a d/a on the harness but he is years away from landing in on ice.He knows that and we know that.
It takes alot of time for that jump.Just dont give up!

Yes, my dd (9), has days when she lands double sal, double toe and double loop and other days, not a one of any of them. I think when you get to axel, those days of getting a jump and keeping it are long long long.....she was frustrated this morning because she was having a can't do it day and a friend of hers, who never did it before, landed 3 double sals in a row. I assured her that her friend was probably going to go through the same thing as she.

[Isk8NYC]

It's a delicate subject, but sometimes those "can't do days" are tied to menstrual calendars.

[momof3chicks]

It's a delicate subject, but sometimes those "can't do days" are tied to menstrual calendars.

Gosh I hope not, she is only 9!

[Isk8NYC]

Gosh I hope not, she is only 9!
That's why I didn't quote your post, but it does affect older girls and women.

[momof3chicks]

That's why I didn't quote your post, but it does affect older girls and women.

I think her quick growth is affecting her though. I swear, she looks taller every time I look at her- she grew 3 inches this past year.

[Isk8NYC]

Growth spurts are tough, especially on the pocketbook. (Says the woman who started the month with five extra pairs of outgrown ice skates from the past year.)

Kidding aside, of course a growth spurt will affect them - their feet grow, their center of gravity changes, they have longer limbs and more weight to control. Gradual changes are easier because you notice the differences and make the adjustments in smaller increments. One of my twin DDs was a lot shorter than the other twin, but suddenly shot up a bit. The skates, the clothes, everything was uncomfortable and she had "growing pains." I let her skip the holiday show and all its practices. She had to stick with synchro because it's a team sport and you can't quit during competition season, but when it ended, she re-upped for an upcoming exhibition.

She started landing jumps against a few weeks ago and now she's set her own goals for where she wants to be by Fall.
It's wonderful. As long as they're healthy and having fun, I think it's okay to take a break.

Maybe if the OP leaves the door open or follows up in a few weeks, the skater may have changed her mind about quitting entirely. A different skating experience might also help - we had three teenage skaters at my old club who only did Moves and Dance because freestyle was too much work for too little fun, in their opinions. They COULD do freestyle, but preferred the other disciplines. Synchro would be another option and the team atmosphere can really build strong friendships.

[londonicechamp]

Hi momof3chicks

I so agree with you. Sometimes my skating standards slip coz of one of those days. Argggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :roll:

londonicechamp

[sarahemarie]

True - maybe my skater just needs to try a new avenue. We don't have much in the line of synchro opportunities where I live, unfortunately, but there must be something around. Trying to talk student into staying in it until she tests in 2 weeks - she is already signed up, mom has paid non-refundable money, and she's very ready - in fact, she'd have to be a big disaster not to pass. That way she'd at least go out with the feeling of accomplishment, but so far, she's not having that either.:frus:
Kind of surprised the mom doesn't want to make her do it - it is her money for 2 tests, and they aren't cheap!

As for myself, I have my 2 most nervous skaters testing tomorrow! They were both so jittery today that now it has me all worked up... Is it sad that I'm more nervous for a pre moves test than I was for a student who took her senior last month? ;)

[Isk8NYC]

Awww, that's a shame. She's worked this hard to reach that test level, only to walk away two weeks before? I wonder if she has performance anxiety and the jump she's struggling with is really just an excuse to avoid the test session? No way would I let my daughter walk away that close to a goal. You registered, I paid, you're committed. (My oldest would then fake an illness, lol.)

Good luck to your nervous nellies, lol. Make sure you hold it together for their sakes!

[momof3chicks]

True - maybe my skater just needs to try a new avenue. We don't have much in the line of synchro opportunities where I live, unfortunately, but there must be something around. Trying to talk student into staying in it until she tests in 2 weeks - she is already signed up, mom has paid non-refundable money, and she's very ready - in fact, she'd have to be a big disaster not to pass. That way she'd at least go out with the feeling of accomplishment, but so far, she's not having that either.:frus:
Kind of surprised the mom doesn't want to make her do it - it is her money for 2 tests, and they aren't cheap!

As for myself, I have my 2 most nervous skaters testing tomorrow! They were both so jittery today that now it has me all worked up... Is it sad that I'm more nervous for a pre moves test than I was for a student who took her senior last month? ;)

My older dd is intimidated about the jumps. She knows how to do all the single jumps (not axel) but you can tell she is tentative about it. I started to give her lessons in ice dance, and it has rejuvenated her enthusiasm for skating, so sometimes yes, an avenue change can work.

[momof3chicks]

Awww, that's a shame. She's worked this hard to reach that test level, only to walk away two weeks before? I wonder if she has performance anxiety and the jump she's struggling with is really just an excuse to avoid the test session? No way would I let my daughter walk away that close to a goal. You registered, I paid, you're committed. (My oldest would then fake an illness, lol.)

Good luck to your nervous nellies, lol. Make sure you hold it together for their sakes!

Me too. At that point, I'd probably make mine test too.

[vladmtf]

Kind of surprised the mom doesn't want to make her do it - it is her money for 2 tests, and they aren't cheap!

May be this is a key, probably she knows more...