I cannot stand watching the kid get nervous! m

[momof3chicks]

Two days pre first competition with axel, dd got nervous and it being tentative. She went to her lesson this morning, the choreography coach was ill, but didn't tell us, so she waited for almost an hour. I got her up at the butt crack of dawn for no reason, she was peeved. Then she fell on one axel (after landing a zillion yesterday and doing them in the program too) and she got panicked. Poor thing.

Then she had skating camp today. I hope moving her mind to something else will help. She was crying when she left the rink for camp. Her coach said it was normal first axel in competition jitters.

I hate seeing her sad!:giveup:

[cazzie]

Poor kid. It will be such a huge learning experience - learning how to cope with nerves! A big thing for kids to deal with and so many their age not even aware of it. Just stepping out onto a rink alone I think it a big deal.

Our big learning experience was when my daughter did quite a big solo ice dance competition. She was nervous for the compulsory and OD and really didn't have good skates at all. Whatever I said din't make any difference. She couldn't sleep the night before and was already predicting last place - by the way she came 19th out of 23 in both so wasn't last anyway. (And even my arguments about what was the problem with last and why last really didn't matter helped her at all). She went into the third (free dance) more relaxed and skated much better. Afterwards her conclusion was how unhelpful the nerves had been and how she would manage them better next time.

However she had to go through that herself and cope with it and come to her own conclusions. None of the conversations we had (the usual "whats the worst thing that could happen" and "What would you think about another skater if that was happening to them" ) any difference and being supportive also made no difference. We tried distraction, having non skating friends round, etc.....

Hope you come up with some easier answers for your daughter and that she manages to distract herself. Even if she doesn't, hopefully she can still learn from it.

Think it must be such a lesson for life though. Imagine how tough all these kids will be when doing interviews for college/going for jobs etc.

My daughter will be in similar position in about 6 weeks time (axel/competition) so I really feel for you. With my daughter when she gets tense she completely over-rotates things and falls.

[momof3chicks]

Thanks Cazzie- the kid is only 8 years old! I am proud of her no matter what and like you said, nothing "I" said, or her coach said is making any difference at all.

She is doing a cumposory event in which she is quite proficient- with any luck that will bring her confidence back before the music program and axel on Sunday. This is so tough!

[isakswings]

Two days pre first competition with axel, dd got nervous and it being tentative. She went to her lesson this morning, the choreography coach was ill, but didn't tell us, so she waited for almost an hour. I got her up at the butt crack of dawn for no reason, she was peeved. Then she fell on one axel (after landing a zillion yesterday and doing them in the program too) and she got panicked. Poor thing.

Then she had skating camp today. I hope moving her mind to something else will help. She was crying when she left the rink for camp. Her coach said it was normal first axel in competition jitters.

I hate seeing her sad!:giveup:

Poor kid! My daughter's friend got the axel jitters too. In fact, in her warm up for her freeskate, she landed a couple of them in a row. Then, in her actual program she didn't land them. Go figure, huh? She landed a beautiful axel in her show case program tho!! :)

Good luck to your daughter!

[momof3chicks]

Thanks she landed them in practice again today- so she is feeling better!! Back on the horse right??

[ibreakhearts66]

Just wanted to chime in--I'm working on double axels and STILL get single axel jitters. I'm sure she'll do wonderfully, but if she does get to the axel and psyches herself out, maybe you can work with the choreographer to find steps to put before it in her program that will help it feel automatic? Since axel is the jump I pop most, for my Juvenile test program we just put it from an entrance where I wouldn't have time to freak out. Actually we used the same entrance in my pre-juv competition program (here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fuu6MrVc0QM)at about 0:42--I'm referring to the sloppy step-behind, step in front, push back type thing I do after the flip combo). I've found that having steps proceed my "freak-out" jumps helps me keep a steady rhythm and helps my consistency.

[Tennisany1]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and hopefully I won't sound too snarky. I apologize in advance if this comes out as anything other than a suggestion that might help your dd.

I have noticed lately that there are a fair number of threads / posts about "My dd placed first" or "My dd placed first in 2 events." You get the idea. I know that most parents really try not to emphasize placement and there have been lots of discussions here about that, but, sometimes as parents we say one thing and give a difference message by our actions. In my experience nerves often come when kids feel there are expectations on them that they may not be able to meet. This has happened once to my dd and the expectations came from an offhand comment my husband made the day before a competition. All he said was "Good luck, I have a good feeling about this competition." My dd took this to mean he expected her to win! She skated tentatively and placed in the bottom half of her group. What we learned from that is that as we get close to a competition dd and her coach come up with a goal or goals for that competion. When her axel was first put in her program (she also was 8 at the time) the goal was to successfully rotate the axel. Landing it was a bonus and it was made very clear that placement was not even on the radar. They were considering this a development competition and nothing more. She ended up going out and skating really well and landing the axel. No pressure and a goal we new she could succeed with.

The other time I have seen real nerves with young kids is when they are in a situation where they expect to win or at least place because that is what has happened for the last few competition. I can't remember what level the OP's dd skates at and whether it is test or not test, but with my dd we have made a concerted effort to have her move and/or test up when she is ready regardless of her placements at competitions. I strongly believe, unless the skater is skating at a level of qualifying competitions, they should be moved up when their skills are equal to the lower half of those they will compete against and then they can stay at that level and work their way up through the group. IMHO, coaches who leave kids in a level where they are winning or placing (top3) time and time again are not doing the skater any favours. Skaters who stay back and are moved forward only when the coach thinks they can place well are under a huge amount of pressure. Competitions at the levels we are discussing should be seen as a chance to perform and an opportunity for development. Winning (or not winning) at these levels is absolutely no indication of how skaters will do later on, but skating because you love it and setting your goals and measuring your own success will, IMHO, really help kids as they move through skating levels.

Okay, enough said. Sorry for the long rant, but I have been thinking about this lately and this just seemed like a good opportunity to bring it up.

[isakswings]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and hopefully I won't sound too snarky. I apologize in advance if this comes out as anything other than a suggestion that might help your dd.

I have noticed lately that there are a fair number of threads / posts about "My dd placed first" or "My dd placed first in 2 events." You get the idea. I know that most parents really try not to emphasize placement and there have been lots of discussions here about that, but, sometimes as parents we say one thing and give a difference message by our actions. In my experience nerves often come when kids feel there are expectations on them that they may not be able to meet. This has happened once to my dd and the expectations came from an offhand comment my husband made the day before a competition. All he said was "Good luck, I have a good feeling about this competition." My dd took this to mean he expected her to win! She skated tentatively and placed in the bottom half of her group. What we learned from that is that as we get close to a competition dd and her coach come up with a goal or goals for that competion. When her axel was first put in her program (she also was 8 at the time) the goal was to successfully rotate the axel. Landing it was a bonus and it was made very clear that placement was not even on the radar. They were considering this a development competition and nothing more. She ended up going out and skating really well and landing the axel. No pressure and a goal we new she could succeed with.

The other time I have seen real nerves with young kids is when they are in a situation where they expect to win or at least place because that is what has happened for the last few competition. I can't remember what level the OP's dd skates at and whether it is test or not test, but with my dd we have made a concerted effort to have her move and/or test up when she is ready regardless of her placements at competitions. I strongly believe, unless the skater is skating at a level of qualifying competitions, they should be moved up when their skills are equal to the lower half of those they will compete against and then they can stay at that level and work their way up through the group. IMHO, coaches who leave kids in a level where they are winning or placing (top3) time and time again are not doing the skater any favours. Skaters who stay back and are moved forward only when the coach thinks they can place well are under a huge amount of pressure. Competitions at the levels we are discussing should be seen as a chance to perform and an opportunity for development. Winning (or not winning) at these levels is absolutely no indication of how skaters will do later on, but skating because you love it and setting your goals and measuring your own success will, IMHO, really help kids as they move through skating levels.

Okay, enough said. Sorry for the long rant, but I have been thinking about this lately and this just seemed like a good opportunity to bring it up.

Since the title of one of my posts was used, I have to reply. In our case, my daughter is never, ever expected to win. We never put pressure like that on her. I posted my posts only because I was excited and proud of her. I guess I will not do so if it comes across as me thinking or expecting my daughter will always place well. My daughter comepetes in small local competitions. She has never placed below 3rd, but please note in a few of them there were no more then 3 kids in her group. The biggest group she's ever been in has been 7. She placed last(3rd) in November. It was the first time she skated in that level and she had moved up from Basic 6 to Freeskate 1. In January, she placed 2nd(out of 7) and then in July she placed 1st(out of 5). Going into competitions, we try very, very hard NOT to place high expectations on our child.

I understand what you are saying about being careful about how we say things to our kids, but I think most of us have the same mind set that you have. I honestly didn't think me posting about my daughter's placement would come across as me expecting her to win. That is not it. She has 8 medals. 3 are 1st place medals(2 earned 2 weeks ago). If you read my post about dd placing, you will see we were pleasantly surprised she even took 1st in her freeskate. She fell. She was OK and we would have been proud of her no matter where she placed. She knew this. It was just an extra bonus that she won. I've been posting too much lately... so you will see that dd is also moving up for her competition in September. Skating for us, is not just about winning. Winning is an extra bonus. My daughter skates and competes because she loves it!

[doubletoe]

Two things that I have learned:

1) You ALWAYS lose the element you care about right before the big competition!
My coach told me this the week before my first Adult Nationals, when I seemed to just lose everything at once. He was an Olympian and has also coached a national medalist, so that made me feel a little reassured. The following week I went to Adult Nationals and won.

2. Nerves are normal and good. If you aren't nervous, it means you don't care enough and you won't be focused. EVERYONE gets nervous, even YuNa Kim!

FWIW, I came up with cue words to use on my axel because they walk me through it step by step and remind me of the correct timing, body position and technique at every stage of the jump (and keep me from rushing it or popping it). This has been a lifesaver for me when I'm nervous!

[cazzie]

I'm not entirely sure if Tennisany1's ideas relate to the OP in this thread at all - but on one level (with regard to my daughter and to nobody else) I do agree with Tennisany1. My daughter was placed in all her recent free competitions and it was clear that she needed to move up levels. I was furious with the coaches when they told her they expected her to win the most recent free competition - even though she seemed to cope fine with them and said she planned to ignore them. (She came second and although skating a much more complex program probably better than the girl who won, learned that you cannot always predict where you'll come even when it goes well.)

However constantly placing wasn't good for my daughter and I'm thrilled she is finally moving up several levels and actually she is pleased not to constantly have the expectation that she would be placed.

I think there have been a lot of discussions about sportsmanship in previous threads where parents do talk about not emphasising places.

I like the idea (which I'll mention to my daughter) of aiming to correctly rotate her axel and that landing it is a bonus.... She had a different coach in her group lesson yesterday (my least favourite) who told her she needed to do an axel-axel combination in her program and she was telling me she didn't feel comfortable doing it in a competition yet because she only lands axel axel 1/2 the time. (I do try not to interfere with skating as I know so little about it but am also consious that sometimes she needs a bit of "protecting".)

[momof3chicks]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and hopefully I won't sound too snarky. I apologize in advance if this comes out as anything other than a suggestion that might help your dd.

I have noticed lately that there are a fair number of threads / posts about "My dd placed first" or "My dd placed first in 2 events." You get the idea. I know that most parents really try not to emphasize placement and there have been lots of discussions here about that, but, sometimes as parents we say one thing and give a difference message by our actions. In my experience nerves often come when kids feel there are expectations on them that they may not be able to meet. This has happened once to my dd and the expectations came from an offhand comment my husband made the day before a competition. All he said was "Good luck, I have a good feeling about this competition." My dd took this to mean he expected her to win! She skated tentatively and placed in the bottom half of her group. What we learned from that is that as we get close to a competition dd and her coach come up with a goal or goals for that competion. When her axel was first put in her program (she also was 8 at the time) the goal was to successfully rotate the axel. Landing it was a bonus and it was made very clear that placement was not even on the radar. They were considering this a development competition and nothing more. She ended up going out and skating really well and landing the axel. No pressure and a goal we new she could succeed with.

The other time I have seen real nerves with young kids is when they are in a situation where they expect to win or at least place because that is what has happened for the last few competition. I can't remember what level the OP's dd skates at and whether it is test or not test, but with my dd we have made a concerted effort to have her move and/or test up when she is ready regardless of her placements at competitions. I strongly believe, unless the skater is skating at a level of qualifying competitions, they should be moved up when their skills are equal to the lower half of those they will compete against and then they can stay at that level and work their way up through the group. IMHO, coaches who leave kids in a level where they are winning or placing (top3) time and time again are not doing the skater any favours. Skaters who stay back and are moved forward only when the coach thinks they can place well are under a huge amount of pressure. Competitions at the levels we are discussing should be seen as a chance to perform and an opportunity for development. Winning (or not winning) at these levels is absolutely no indication of how skaters will do later on, but skating because you love it and setting your goals and measuring your own success will, IMHO, really help kids as they move through skating levels.

Okay, enough said. Sorry for the long rant, but I have been thinking about this lately and this just seemed like a good opportunity to bring it up.

No worries!! This is really how we have approached it with her- she has actually not placed well this year in no test, even though she is a very good skater. Her coaches feel her jumps and spins are not the problem, it is her in between- not that she cannot skate in between well, just that she doesn't. This competitions goal was to skate HER best, in between the elements. And she did.

She ended up getting 8th overall out of 11. She landed the first axel and missed the axel toe loop (which is unusual- usually if she does the first the second comes too). BUT...she recovered really well and skated even more confidently as if it didn't happen. She was definitely the youngest in the 11 and two of the judges gave her 3rd even with the 2nd axel miss- so she felt really good about that. She hasn't taken the Pre Pre FS test yet, so this was skating up for her.

[momof3chicks]

Two things that I have learned:

1) You ALWAYS lose the element you care about right before the big competition!
My coach told me this the week before my first Adult Nationals, when I seemed to just lose everything at once. He was an Olympian and has also coached a national medalist, so that made me feel a little reassured. The following week I went to Adult Nationals and won.

2. Nerves are normal and good. If you aren't nervous, it means you don't care enough and you won't be focused. EVERYONE gets nervous, even YuNa Kim!

FWIW, I came up with cue words to use on my axel because they walk me through it step by step and remind me of the correct timing, body position and technique at every stage of the jump (and keep me from rushing it or popping it). This has been a lifesaver for me when I'm nervous!


As for your #1- one of dds coaches told her almost every one of his students had the same sort of panic attack and loss of element for the first competition with an axel. I agree with your #2 and I told her that too. She figured out that positive thoughts helped- so that seems to be the charm.

[isakswings]

No worries!! This is really how we have approached it with her- she has actually not placed well this year in no test, even though she is a very good skater. Her coaches feel her jumps and spins are not the problem, it is her in between- not that she cannot skate in between well, just that she doesn't. This competitions goal was to skate HER best, in between the elements. And she did.

She ended up getting 8th overall out of 11. She landed the first axel and missed the axel toe loop (which is unusual- usually if she does the first the second comes too). BUT...she recovered really well and skated even more confidently as if it didn't happen. She was definitely the youngest in the 11 and two of the judges gave her 3rd even with the 2nd axel miss- so she felt really good about that. She hasn't taken the Pre Pre FS test yet, so this was skating up for her.

Good job! I think that is great!

[momof3chicks]

Good job! I think that is great!


She was happy with it, and as 2 judges gave her 3rd, it doesn't seem like an anomoly- so she is going to work more on the in between in the next few weeks before we go to the next competition. She is bound to feel more confident this time.

[doubletoe]

This competitions goal was to skate HER best, in between the elements. And she did.

She ended up getting 8th overall out of 11. She landed the first axel and missed the axel toe loop (which is unusual- usually if she does the first the second comes too). BUT...she recovered really well and skated even more confidently as if it didn't happen. She was definitely the youngest in the 11 and two of the judges gave her 3rd even with the 2nd axel miss- so she felt really good about that. She hasn't taken the Pre Pre FS test yet, so this was skating up for her.

CONGRATULATIONS!! Just landing that axel in competition was an important milestone and she should be proud! The rest is just icing on the cake! :)