Kids and sportsmanship

[isakswings]

Curious what you all think about his subject, but do you think kids attitudes are sometimes a shoot off of what their parents teach them either by words or their own actions? I know sometimes kids will be kids... but what makes those kids who gloat, gloat when they place high or act as if the world has ended if they place lower then 1st place? I'm sure you all have seen this attitude...the "I'm the best" attitude or the "entitlement" attitude.

Like I said, I know kids will be kids but often times, I see this as more then that. I've also seen a great deal of kids who have excellent sportsmanship. They place last and while they might be upset, they are OK about it too.

As a parent, I want to do my best to teach my own child to be a gracious "winner" AND "loser". She's come in last before, but has always earned a medal since she's never placed lower then 3rd. She's typically pretty good. When she came in 1st for the 1st time(in September), she was VERY excited and very proud of herself. I had to reel her in. SHe wasn't gloating but she needed to be a LITTLE more discreet. LOL. This time, she did MUCH better and has learned how to tone it down. You can be excited, but be careful too! When she placed 1st for her freeskate, she was in shock! She seriously thought she would place lower due to the fall. So when she saw the placement, she was thrilled but also not over the top.

I guess not only am I looking for reasons why kids aren't good sports, but I'm also looking for good ideas on how I can help my daughter be a gracious winner and a good "loser". So, help me teach my daughter how not to be "one of those" kids.

Sorry for the ramble!

[momof3chicks]

At one of the competitions, my dd didn't even place well (I think she was 5th of 8) and one of the other girls in her group started giving her a hard time in the locker room telling her that she did 3 spins and that only 2 spins were allowed....

Not only should she have kept it to herself, she was wrong- my dd did twizzles in her footwork, not 3 spins.

And yes, I imagine she heard that from an adult and repeated it.

[isakswings]

At one of the competitions, my dd didn't even place well (I think she was 5th of 8) and one of the other girls in her group started giving her a hard time in the locker room telling her that she did 3 spins and that only 2 spins were allowed....

Not only should she have kept it to herself, she was wrong- my dd did twizzles in her footwork, not 3 spins.

And yes, I imagine she heard that from an adult and repeated it.

I imagine she did. That's rude! I think in every sport you will find kids like that. Unfortunately... UGH.

[sk8tmum]

Don't just blame it on the parents; they contribute, but there are other environmental factors to think about.

1. The club - if they encourage it, it breeds.
2. Coaches - some don't work on sportsmanship, or reward it; some outright encourage nastiness.
3. Friends. If the kid's peer group are nasty, then the kids will be nasty.
4. Media. If you look in the media you'll see that type of stuff on TV, in books, in movies ...

There are nasty kids in every sport that my kids participate in, and they have quite a variety. I also teach, and I see in and out of the classroom, and often from the kids with the nicest parents AND the nicest siblings:roll:.

My pet hatred IS the shrieking little twits who scream about their medals, their test scores, their passed tests - usually accompanied by jumping up and down - and then look for a kid who doesn't look happy and ask with the snarky little smile "so, how did YOU do?".

[isakswings]

Don't just blame it on the parents; they contribute, but there are other environmental factors to think about.

1. The club - if they encourage it, it breeds.
2. Coaches - some don't work on sportsmanship, or reward it; some outright encourage nastiness.
3. Friends. If the kid's peer group are nasty, then the kids will be nasty.
4. Media. If you look in the media you'll see that type of stuff on TV, in books, in movies ...

There are nasty kids in every sport that my kids participate in, and they have quite a variety. I also teach, and I see in and out of the classroom, and often from the kids with the nicest parents AND the nicest siblings:roll:.

My pet hatred IS the shrieking little twits who scream about their medals, their test scores, their passed tests - usually accompanied by jumping up and down - and then look for a kid who doesn't look happy and ask with the snarky little smile "so, how did YOU do?".

Thanks! The reason I mentioned the parents, is because most of the kids who I have seen do this, have parents who are doing it right along with them or who stand on the side while awards are being given and say things like: "That's my baby!" while the kids are on the podium. This happened at dd's 1st competition while pictures were being taken. The mom of the girl who placed 1st said that.

The funny thing is, my daughter placed 3rd in that competition and was so very excited about it, that would might have thought she placed 1st. LOL. It was really cute. She was proud of herself! When she did place first in the next comp, she was of coarse THRILLED and we had to work on her to tone it down. She was not snotty and was not rude to other skaters but we tried very hard to get her to realize she needed to be a bit more understated.

This time, she was excited but her attitude was different. She waited to exppress some of her feelings until she was farther away from the other competitors. She's learning(and so is mom!).

There was this one little girl who blantantly looked at another little girl she was competing against and said, "Good luck winning." in a not so nice way! That same little girl's mom is convinced her little darling will win everytime she skates(heard it directly from the horses mouth once!). That's the type of attitude I am refering to rubbing off on the kids.

You are right, the attitude can come from many, many sources and I didn't mean to make it sound like it was only the parents who help create this attitude. Thanks for the feedback!

[doubletoe]

Curious what you all think about his subject, but do you think kids attitudes are sometimes a shoot off of what their parents teach them either by words or their own actions? I know sometimes kids will be kids... but what makes those kids who gloat, gloat when they place high or act as if the world has ended if they place lower then 1st place? I'm sure you all have seen this attitude...the "I'm the best" attitude or the "entitlement" attitude.

Like I said, I know kids will be kids but often times, I see this as more then that. I've also seen a great deal of kids who have excellent sportsmanship. They place last and while they might be upset, they are OK about it too.

As a parent, I want to do my best to teach my own child to be a gracious "winner" AND "loser". She's come in last before, but has always earned a medal since she's never placed lower then 3rd. She's typically pretty good. When she came in 1st for the 1st time(in September), she was VERY excited and very proud of herself. I had to reel her in. SHe wasn't gloating but she needed to be a LITTLE more discreet. LOL. This time, she did MUCH better and has learned how to tone it down. You can be excited, but be careful too! When she placed 1st for her freeskate, she was in shock! She seriously thought she would place lower due to the fall. So when she saw the placement, she was thrilled but also not over the top.

I guess not only am I looking for reasons why kids aren't good sports, but I'm also looking for good ideas on how I can help my daughter be a gracious winner and a good "loser". So, help me teach my daughter how not to be "one of those" kids.

Sorry for the ramble!

Sounds like you are already doing a great job by passing along your exemplary values to your daughter! Some parents are shockingly poor sports and are a terrible influence on their kids. At my skating club, there are two mothers of 7-8 year olds and they have always been inseparable. Recently, one of the kids won a coveted award at a club competition and the mother of the other one told her her child wasn't that good, has since totally stopped talking to her! I feel terrible for the kids because, not only are they seeing a terrible example of sportsmanship, but their friendship is probably now over, too.

[momof3chicks]

Sounds like you are already doing a great job by passing along your exemplary values to your daughter! Some parents are shockingly poor sports and are a terrible influence on their kids. At my skating club, there are two mothers of 7-8 year olds and they have always been inseparable. Recently, one of the kids won a coveted award at a club competition and the mother of the other one told her her child wasn't that good, has since totally stopped talking to her! I feel terrible for the kids because, not only are they seeing a terrible example of sportsmanship, but their friendship is probably now over, too.

Good grief! I always feel so badly that my dd and her best skating buddy end up skating against each other almost all the time- they take it well I have to say, but it is really hard for them, we (the moms) don't have to make it harder.

Now that my dd is moving up, it is another hard thing, the day my dd started landing axels, the other girl cried (they are 8) because she wasn't even close, but on the other hand, she wins better at the competitions than my dd! But it was hard on them.

[isakswings]

Sounds like you are already doing a great job by passing along your exemplary values to your daughter! Some parents are shockingly poor sports and are a terrible influence on their kids. At my skating club, there are two mothers of 7-8 year olds and they have always been inseparable. Recently, one of the kids won a coveted award at a club competition and the mother of the other one told her her child wasn't that good, has since totally stopped talking to her! I feel terrible for the kids because, not only are they seeing a terrible example of sportsmanship, but their friendship is probably now over, too.

Holy cow! That's terrible! I can't even imagine! Such a bad example to her daughter too.

My daughter's best friend skated pre-pre Saturday. his was the first time she skated against girls she personally knows. ALL of the girls were great! Hugged each other and wished each other good luck! It was too cute.:)
Oh and as each girl took the ice, we all cheered for them. It was tons of fun and a great way to show sportsmanship, I think!

[isakswings]

Good grief! I always feel so badly that my dd and her best skating buddy end up skating against each other almost all the time- they take it well I have to say, but it is really hard for them, we (the moms) don't have to make it harder.

Now that my dd is moving up, it is another hard thing, the day my dd started landing axels, the other girl cried (they are 8) because she wasn't even close, but on the other hand, she wins better at the competitions than my dd! But it was hard on them.

I think those kinds of things are normal. It's hard to see someone you know and are friends with, succeed at something you are trying so hard to work on too. I am sure they are both fab skaters!

[PinkLaces]

We were just dealing with this on Saturday. There is a kid and mom who are notorious for being poor sports. Her DD is used to getting 1st place when she doesn't get it - look out. She just moved up to my DD's level and DD had the "pleasure" of skating against her in 2 events. My DD got first in both events. Let's just say I avoid that mom for 2 days afterward. Talking to my DD's coach about this today, DD's coach said that other girl's coach should've nipped that in the bud a while ago.

My DD was dead last 7/7 and 6/6 in her 1st 2 USFS competitions. It doesn't bother her. Her coach is really good about reminding the girls - sometimes you skate your best and get last. Sometimes you dont' and get first.

[cazzie]

Yes - coaches and club may contribute but attitude does also come from parents.

I've worked at "toning" down reactions and dd is aware of how it feels and we chat about it a lot. I try to stress "process" (how hard she tried, how lovely she looked, whether or not she enjoyed herself) rather than "outcome" (where she came). She knows that the judging can sometimes be hard to predict and I've spoken to her a lot about enjoying herself, knowing when she had a good skate, rather than focussing on position.

She has a great group of friends who have been great with her when she's come on the podium and I have lovely pictures of all the fun/hugs together. It must be hard for them as they're in a different place in their skating right now and I think the way they behave is because they're kids of just about the nicest bunch of parents I've met. (Sadly dd's skipping a few levels and won't be with those kids next season and might never have this fun social time again).

She was subject to some awful behaviour (recently) from some kids/parents (different skating discipline) and in the end it was clear to both of us it was designed to put her off her focus at a biggish competition. Initially she let it get the better of her and did one really bad skate but managed to put it aside and did really well in her final program. That was a HUGE lesson to learn and hope it is a lesson for life as its something one could come across at school and university and even in a job one day. Hard thing for a 10 year old but has really made her grow up so much!

[momof3chicks]

I think those kinds of things are normal. It's hard to see someone you know and are friends with, succeed at something you are trying so hard to work on too. I am sure they are both fab skaters!

They are both very good- they have different strengths and weaknesses but at 8 years old, both of them are extremely good- not many in our area that are as accomplished as them at that age- and honestly, they don't skate nearly as much as some of the others.

[jskater49]

I'm very grateful the first club my daughter skated in was small and there was only one coach. The coach seemed to know how to foster the competitiveness in practice and power class to push them to outdo each other in practice but then she would have them joke around while they were waiting to compete against each other in the same group. She would insist all the kids cheer each other other on and be there for the award ceremony even if their friend won and they didn't. She would always make them compete in the events they were weakest in (like spins for my daughter) so they would work on that element and if it meant, like my daughter, that they constantly came in last, that was not important, the progress she made on her spins was. And if you won more than once in an event, she would make you move up a level.

I like to think I have something to do with my daughter's excellent attitude but the coach was instrumental.

j

[londonicechamp]

Hi

Yes I do agree that the coach's attitude was instrumental too.

Back in my other ice skating rink in Hong Kong, over 10 years ago, there was this 11ish boy who was very good at doing everything, won almost every competition, but then he looked down on all the other freestyle skaters who was not as good as him. I think that his parent(s) encouraged that sort of behaviour. Eventually the boy lost all of his friends, due to his bad attitude. :!:

londonicechamp

[CoachPA]

Please check out the Positive Coaching Alliance (http://www.positivecoach.org). This site shares a lot of what Jim Thompson, author of The Double Goal Coach, believes youth sports should teach and emphasize (character building, life lessons through sports, etc.). There is a wealth of information that not only applies to coaches, but parents and athletes as well. Click under "Free Tips and Tools" for links to Parents' Tools, Coaches' Tools, and so on.

[doubletoe]

Holy cow! That's terrible! I can't even imagine! Such a bad example to her daughter too.

My daughter's best friend skated pre-pre Saturday. his was the first time she skated against girls she personally knows. ALL of the girls were great! Hugged each other and wished each other good luck! It was too cute.:)
Oh and as each girl took the ice, we all cheered for them. It was tons of fun and a great way to show sportsmanship, I think!

The thing about that poor sport mother at my rink is that her daughter actually skates at least one level above the girl who won the award (her daughter also has her axel already, whereas the award-winning girl doesn't). The girls didn't even have to skate against each other! And over THIS, the mother could no longer be friends with the other girl's mother? Pretty scary.

[PinkLaces]

The thing about that poor sport mother at my rink is that her daughter actually skates at least one level above the girl who won the award (her daughter also has her axel already, whereas the award-winning girl doesn't). The girls didn't even have to skate against each other! And over THIS, the mother could no longer be friends with the other girl's mother? Pretty scary.
__________________


It's just sad that they couldn't be happy for their friend.

There are a lot of girls at our rink working on axels right now. Some of the moms assume that if a kid does an axel in a program (even if it's not a good one) that axel kid is a better skater. Unfortunately, so much focus is put on the axel and nothing else.

My DD competed in ISI Int. Jump & Spin this weekend. She did 2 clean half loops and her friend & partner did 2 very nice backspins. Poor sport girl's partner did 1 shaky 2 footed axel and fell on the other. Poor sport did an okay sit spin on 1st attempt and fell on 2nd attempt. DD's team was 1st, Poor sport's team was 3rd. The poor sport and her mom went on and on about how partner did an axel so they should have won. 2nd place team had a girl who could do awesome sit spins and her partner did 1/2 loops.

[PinkLaces]

She would always make them compete in the events they were weakest in (like spins for my daughter) so they would work on that element and if it meant, like my daughter, that they constantly came in last, that was not important, the progress she made on her spins was. And if you won more than once in an event, she would make you move up a level.


That coach sounds awesome! DD's current coach is great, but tends to play it a bit safe in competitions. I wish she would push DD a bit more by putting in one or two stretch elements.

[momof3chicks]

That coach sounds awesome! DD's current coach is great, but tends to play it a bit safe in competitions. I wish she would push DD a bit more by putting in one or two stretch elements.

I like when my dd stretches a bit- then she doesn't have a high expectation for medals either- I think in some ways it takes the pressure off

[isakswings]

That coach sounds awesome! DD's current coach is great, but tends to play it a bit safe in competitions. I wish she would push DD a bit more by putting in one or two stretch elements.

I am wanting my daughter to stretch some forthe next competition. She skated in USFSA Freeskate 1 and will be moving up in September's competition. I think she would do fine in Freeskate 2, but I almost want to see her skate in Freeskate 3 or 4. She can do the required elements, I am just not sure she can do them well enough to compete at that level. Plus, I do believe the kids at that level are more fluid then she is. We have 2 months and a lot can change in that time frame, so who knows!