Disfunctional Rink

[miraclegro]

Okay, so i am trying so hard to be patient, and kind, and not lose my cool, but my rink has so many issues because of the way it is set up. It is truly disfunctional, especially where the LTS program is and all the other dynamics. I help with LTS, but there are things there and at the rink that make my hair stand on end.....

There is a very lopsided heirarchy, and one of the skaters/coach there seems to be able to bypass all the management channels, and everythings is okay, all the way down to possible liability in things, where student safety is concerned to running ahead of management and planning things.

But now, with the Holiday show en route, and so many other things i cannot go into, we as coaches of the children (at least some of us) are told there are things the managment has under control (costumes), yet we have gotten down to the wire with the costumes. The other group leader (s) (2) in the heirarchy get to pick their costumes and have a big say in everything else. The others of us look like stupid idiots when we have tried to get specific answers.

I do this because i love the children, but no matter how much i say to management, it will just look like i am stirring up things if i complain too much. Right now i am just about insane though, and need words of encouragement or advice. There's more to be said, but i am treading cautiously....

[DallasSkater]

It sounds like my rink! I have some interest in one day (a long time from now) having enough skating skill to be able to help with LTS. I do see that there are a lot of personnel issues at most rinks though!

I guess my best advice is in general and addressing any important relationship that demonstrates dysfunctional boundaries. It is hard when you do not feel heard and even worst when heard and not appropriately responded to!

I think it is key to not forget that you are 50% of any conversation! You can redirect just as easily as someone is redirecting you! It is hard to be dysfunctional with someone when they will not participate back! (Though not impossible...giggle). But hard to not be respectful when someone approaches in a very respectful manner.

I might suggest setting up the conversation by stating intent....such as "It is important to me to be a good employee and to meet your expectations fully. I want to be productive and maintain our good relationship. I would like to discuss some obstacals that have recently come up...is this a good time?" That helps to set the tone that it is not a whine fest that they might want to read it to be. "I am feeling frustrated because I would like to have input into (costumes.....timing...or what ever stated ____briefly!!!___ and directly. Try to put your complaint into no more than one or two sentences and do not state why it bothers you unless directly asked...don't get lost in the complaining part) and would like...(state specifically in very behavioral terms exactly what they could do to assist you in not feeling that way...think solution focused and anticipate their reason and have that already built into your suggestion for fixing it )....then wait for the response to really listen for what their need/reason is if they will not meet it...stay emotionally detached from any defense about the "reason" and immediately look for what the compromise would be....adjust what you just asked for by adjusting it to including their need/reason. Make sure you specifically say their reason back to them..."could we take care of (whatever) by doing this (new solution)?" and keep going until you find the negotiation that works.

The worst thing that people do is suck it up and take it. Resentments belong only to the person that holds it. It is only after ownership is claimed that it can be addressed in a healthy way! Not wanting to "complain too much" is a wonderful reason but simply leads to the wrong choice to be passive. Ultimately, it is no favor to you or the relationship! It only works in the moment but corrodes a relationship down.

Good luck to you as you decide how to best handle this difficult situation.

[miraclegro]

Thanks for at least trying to understand my frustration. Normally, i am one to state clearly and concisely some of these concrete frustrations, and i have in the past. But recently there has been some high drama with the one coach over our kids' group number recently withdrawing, plus at her last session in working with our children's group, on her way out the door, blasted the other coach (more favored one) in presence of parents and children. Therefore, it did not solve anything, plus now there is a heigtened level of managment trying to "control" things. We have a VERY young management, so i think there is a defensiveness on the fact that they do not need any input. They have handled one issue i brought up,

but the last - most recent issue with the costumes, i went to the upper management, and they said that the LTS director (also very young-college student) had told them she was tired of all the calls from coaches and parents, and that she says things are "under control,"
so they have no reason to step in. They are very laizze-faire.

I have evidence that things have not been under control, especially now that we are 2 weeks away and our group has no costumes and one of the moms just took measurement last night. My other coach who is working with the children is now thinking of withdrawing, also, and no matter what she does, they still (rink) won't get the picture. Someone-either parent or someone will come through at the last minute making everyone look good, i'm sure, but it seems like whatever i decide on my behalf, the children will be the ones who suffer.