View Full Version : Comments...How should i react>>?
:D I have a little problem :D....
Everytime i am skating i get these boys whistling and looking and me and sayion throw up that skirt baby!
And lots of whistling or gigling or comments like shes hot shes cute being shouted at me when im skating...
Ok now i know that i should take this as a compliement but i dont!
It is every annyoing and it sometimes feels like i am bein harassed or watched all the time!:??
Im cluless on what i should do?
Please help and i cant tell my coach because she culdnt do anything....:??
Im so confused plz help!
what?meworry?
10-22-2003, 07:51 PM
my first reaction is "are you really bragging or honestly complaining"
because if you want it to stop, just plain ol' IGNORE IT. they'll get tired of the nonsense soon enough. (somehow those smilies say something to me about this "situation.")
if you really feel flattered by it and want it to continue so you can go around complaining about it, just keep on reacting and complaining.
sorry about that, but i've seen a lot of this nonsense, both the hoots and whistles and inappropriate comments and also the girlies reacting to it more and more and giggling when telling their friends how "awful" those bad boys are.
those who really were offended just ignored it, did not react to it, did not talk about it, and doggone, the boys stopped pretty quickly.
try it.
No i am not bragging about this why would i brag?????
I dont like this ok!
Ill try the ignorance thing though :D
what?meworry?
10-22-2003, 08:14 PM
"ignorance" means "a lack of education."
i assume you meant to say that you'll ignore them.
if you totally ignore them, they will go away.
trust me.
what?meworry?
10-22-2003, 10:44 PM
Originally posted by MotherSkater
...ignoring it will work to some degree and over time they will hopefully grow tired of your non-response, but I have to tell you I am quite mouthy and if it were me, I would probably do one of two things. I certainly would report it to my coach (I'm curious to know why you do not feel you can tell your coach?). The other thing I would do is make direct eye contact with the "leader of the pack" (usually pretty easy to discern who that is by simply watching them for a few minutes). People are very intimidated by eye contact.
I have to admit I would probably skate right up and ask them exactly what it is they think is cool about their behavior, but in a group, unless there is a well placed supervisory adult nearby, you would probably only get more of the imbecilic attitude that they are displaying for each other in the whistling and cat-calls. But a well placed eye contact stare, with no emotion on your face, can unravel a person. Maybe not right then, but they won't forget that stare and they will know they have been had even if other's don't see it...
i submit that if they are inclined to do the kind of harm you imply in recommending the fbi "safety precautions" this is the worst possible thing jade could do---it effectively becomes a challenge to the jerks---especially if done publicly---they'll need to save "face."
especially the eye contact bit. you're right about them not forgetting it---they'll want to demonstrate in no uncertain terms that they're in control, not jade.
blurrysarah
10-22-2003, 10:57 PM
Eye contact will do nothing but let them know that they are succeeding in getting your attention and distracting you. Completely ignore them, pretend you haven't heard them, then they will feel like their efforts are going to waste and they will give up.
supersk8er
10-23-2003, 01:14 AM
OR throw something at them...like...a heavy vehicle. :D
Jess-ka
10-23-2003, 03:19 PM
ignoring them usually works and if that doesn't stop tell an adult or someone at your rink to say something to them...but i liked supersk8ers ideathrow something at them...like...a heavy vehicle
IgglesII
10-23-2003, 03:57 PM
If these "gentlemen" happen to be hockey players, at some point in time they've got to practice, right?
And their stuff is left unattended in a locker room at that point?
How about moving all of their stuff into the shower and lettin' the water fly?
Jess-ka
10-23-2003, 04:02 PM
Originally posted by IgglesII
If these "gentlemen" happen to be hockey players, at some point in time they've got to practice, right?
And their stuff is left unattended in a locker room at that point?
How about moving all of their stuff into the shower and lettin' the water fly? haha wow thats a good idea!:lol:
supersk8er
10-23-2003, 04:05 PM
Originally posted by IgglesII
If these "gentlemen" happen to be hockey players, at some point in time they've got to practice, right?
And their stuff is left unattended in a locker room at that point?
How about moving all of their stuff into the shower and lettin' the water fly?
:( I'm overshadowed. Hehe.
The other day at the rink, I went upstairs to find my Mom lashing out at these two men who were clearly drunk and were making very rude comments about the skaters on the rink...i.e...Calling the boys fags, calling the girls...erm...sex objects...And it was all very offensive...So my Mom yelled at them, and then another Mom went and got the rink manager to kick them out...:??
Kool thanks alot !
These are all great ideas!
Keep em commin!
Ill tell u how i get along tommorow when i skate again!
Thankz
lilwish
10-23-2003, 04:41 PM
I am also concerned about why you don't feel comfortable telling your coach and a bit confused as to why your coach has not noticed this problem. I would tell your coach asap. Even if she can not do anything (which I am sure she could), she needs to know you are having a problem and are being distracted by this behavior. I think ignoring them is a really good idea and letting an adult handle any confrontation that might take place is also a good idea. Don't let these boys and their childish behavior distract you from the hard work and fun you are pursuing.
turtlehead
10-23-2003, 06:21 PM
If it were me I would confront them. Chances are they will be embarrased by it when confronted. Tell them to grow up and that if they want your attention perhaps they should act like civilized human beings and introduce themselves to you.
what?meworry?
10-23-2003, 09:14 PM
Originally posted by turtlehead
If it were me I would confront them. Chances are they will be embarrased by it when confronted. Tell them to grow up and that if they want your attention perhaps they should act like civilized human beings and introduce themselves to you.
you've got to be kidding. ever try that with the construction workers? ya, sure. they'll hang their heads in great remorse and appologize profusely. good grief!
i admit i do like the "shower" idea if these clowns are hockey players. so, jade, are they hockey types or street creeps?
Jess-ka
10-23-2003, 09:16 PM
but these aren't construction workers...they are just some annoying boys.
what?meworry?
10-23-2003, 09:57 PM
ya, i know, that means they're worse.
SkateGuard
10-24-2003, 06:20 AM
Are there any adult skaters at your rink? Are you close to any of them? My guess is that you're uncomfortable because you have a male coach. If that's the case, talk to your parents or an adult at the rink you trust.
At my rink, we have a group of adult skaters who are there every morning. If we see any sort of behavior as described, we report it...regardless of how the girls feel about it. (If it was my rink, I would a) go up to them, ask where their parents are, and tell their parents that they are distracting ALL the figure skaters or b) report to the manager, the head of the hockey program, that these boys are distracting the figure skaters.) Personally, I'm not going to tolerate the hoots and whistles of high school (or younger) boys when I'm trying to practice.
My guess is that these boys are distracting other skaters (unless you skate alone at certain freestyle ice times.) Most adult skaters are professionals or parents, so they would be better able to deal with these boys. (And the boys will listen to an adult!)
Erin
(who keeps a close eye on two young girls (early HS) at the rink who are rather, um, curvy because they look much older than they appear!)
turtlehead
10-24-2003, 08:40 AM
Originally posted by what?meworry?
you've got to be kidding. ever try that with the construction workers? ya, sure. they'll hang their heads in great remorse and appologize profusely. good grief!
i admit i do like the "shower" idea if these clowns are hockey players. so, jade, are they hockey types or street creeps?
Yeah, I can see it now...a large group of construction workers hanging out at the rink to harrass young female skaters :roll: chances are that these are YOUNG BOYS. I see no problem with them being confronted. And maybe they won't apologize to her, the way they act why should we expect good manners? But maybe she can learn to stand up for herself and not just take this type of thing. And maybe they will think twice about harrassing HER in paticular.
loveskating
10-24-2003, 10:48 AM
Hi Jade:
Tell them very calmly to please stop. Tell them that if they do not stop, you will report them to the rink authorities. Don't embellish, don't converse with them, just make it clear that you want them to stop.
If they don't stop, tell the skate guards or anyone who is 'official' at that rink. The reason you must first tell them calmly to stop is to lay the groundwork for telling autorities, if necessary...usually, some of the boys or men in the group will oppose any retaliation on you if they get in trouble because you did make it clear to them first that you wanted them to stop.
If they don't stop, then do try to ignore them, but also tell authorities at the rink.
Ostenatious group forms of so-called "appreciation" by boys or men are actually a form of verbal violence intended to humiliate you and enhance them...and are really not about the girl, they are about boys and men showing off to other boys and men, trying to impress each other with how "strong" they are viz. females. They are NOT a compliment and you need to be very clear on that. They objectify you as an thing...for their use, for attention among one another and more broadly.
If a nice boy really wants to know you, he will behave quite differently than that, say 180 degrees differently.
These are just street boys...Or young thugs!:S
about 12 -13 i would say.....
Dont worry im gonna try all your ideas before i take it to the management...
Keep them comming....they really do help!
dooobedooo
10-24-2003, 02:18 PM
I go along with everybody who said just ignore them. After a while, they will get bored (it may take a few months, but they will). Just get on with skating.
If you are skating on training ice and it gets any worse, approach the rink manager or one of the more authoritative mums, and ask her to have a quiet word with them. They should tell that they must behave, or they will not be allowed in the rink. That should sort it.
On the other hand, if you are skating on a busy public session, you may stick out like a sore thumb in proper skating clothes. Try wearing a pair of stretchy or baggy overtrousers over the top of your skirt or tights.
what?meworry?
10-24-2003, 05:11 PM
Originally posted by turtlehead
Yeah, I can see it now...a large group of construction workers hanging out at the rink to harrass young female skaters :roll: chances are that these are YOUNG BOYS...
ya, i know. which means they're worse to deal with than construction workers.
the comments are, at least according to jade, i believe, somewhat sexually oriented ("throw up that skirt baby...she's cute...whistling...) so i sure would hope they aren't THAT young.
Mistyeyed
10-24-2003, 07:47 PM
Methinks that Jade should borrow someone on the local hockey team and pose as big brother, boyfriend ect. and I bet those little turds will leave Jade alone real quick like. Someone needs to put some fear into them and then they won't mess with the pretty one:D
turtlehead
10-24-2003, 08:28 PM
I think that this sort of behavior is sexual harrassment. And this is punishable by law. Some here may think I am crazy for thinking so though. I think that thses boys should be taught that this type of thing is not acceptable and that it should not continue.
SkateGuard
10-24-2003, 10:42 PM
Originally posted by loveskating
If they don't stop, tell the skate guards or anyone who is 'official' at that rink.
If this was happening when I was guarding, they would be kicked off the ice and reported to their coach, parents, hockey program, etc. That's why they pay me the big bucks....
Erin
Tapper
10-25-2003, 02:11 PM
I'm with Turtlehead on this one. This is sexual harassment - you are harassed by their comments which are of a sexual nature - and you do not have to be subjected to it. If it makes you uncomfortable it is harassment. And something can be done about it.
Your coach, whom I assume is an adult and is employed by the rink(?) and by you, should see to it that it stops. I can't imagine why the coach hasn't already handled this situation. I understand that you may feel that you yourself have to speak to them first, but actually you don't have to if you don't want to. You don't owe these boys anything. An adult can tell them their behavior is harassment and that it won't be tolerated. And the adult should be able to do it in such a way that you are not necessarily implicated in the warning, if you prefer. I'll say again that I cannot understand why your coach, or any official at the rink, hasn't already put these "thugs" as you call them, on notice.
Well.. i might jus to that....i skated today and well those boys werent there :D
But ill tell u when they are and thanks for all your suggestions..keep them ommin...here great!
Is there anyomore suggestions :)??
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