With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy . . . (for you non-U.S. skaters, Foxworthy is a Southern comedian whose trademark is his series of jokes that start with the phrase "You might be a redneck if . . .")

In the recent lively (to say the least) thread about adult skaters, someone remarked that "there is a definite look to adult skaters" and this resonated with something I've been thinking about lately: I have "the look" and am determined to minimize, if not entirely eliminate, it. You could put a paper bag over my head -- and an even larger one over my body -- and you would still know that I was an adult skater, i.e., someone who learned to skate as an adult

Let me say up front that this thread is not intended to be a put-down of anyone but rather to help identify those pesky habits that prevent some of us from progressing in our skating. When I see other adults doing the things I "know" I do but can't really see, it helps me to say "aha! so that's what it looks like when I (fill in the blanks)."

I'll start with my own foibles: "You might be an adult skater if . . . "

(1) You try to stay as far away from the ice as possible by not bending your knees.

(2) In a similar attempt to avoid the force of gravity, you lean away from the circle on crossovers rather than into it.

(3) You break at the waist, bending forward, especially when going backward.

(4) You fear, and avoid, speed.

These are probably the big ones -- certainly not the only ones -- of which I am guilty. I'd really appreciate others' insights, either adults sharing their own or younger skaters who can recognize the telltale signs. Rest assured that this is NOT intended to be an adult-bashing (what am I, a masochist?) but rather an adult-helping thread, so please respond in that spirit.

You may be an adult skater......if you are watching your skating video and keep wondering why it's in slo mo

Or.....if your sure it's a double jump, but you just forgot to check out.

And......after a fall you ache from head to toe for at least five days.......

If your dowagers' hump means that you look as if you are looking at the ice, even if you aren't. Only then your coach - and the video - tells you that you are, anyway.....

If you ache all over for five days following serious attempts to bend your knees and push..... never mind falling!

If, come to think of it, you avoid falling at all costs and very seldom try anything at a speed which might cause you to fall.

__________________
Mrs Redboots
~~~~~~~~
I love my computer because my friends live in it!
Ice dancers have lovely big curves!

You may be an adult skater...

If, when your coach tells you to bend your knees, you automatically stick out your butt--and don't bend your knees.

If you buy ibuprofen by the barrel at Costco instead of getting the 24-count bottle at Rite Aid.

If you don't think it's odd to work on your axel for ten years or so and still not be able to land it consistently.

If you have the numbers of your knee surgeon, physical therapist, and chiropractor on speed dial.

If a large part of your skating wardrobe consists of knee braces, ankle braces, back braces, and Ace bandages.

1. Sometimes

2. DEFINITELY... Sometimes I feel like I need to be buying stock in the manufacturers of the stuff. Nothing like that "Vitamin M" (M for Motrin from the old days before we used the generic name)

3. Can we replace the axel with the European Waltz for us Dancers??

4. Some days I feel like I have them all on speed dial.

5. Definitely have the knee braces and the ace bandages.

Need to add a freezer full of re-useable ice packs to the list.

you might be an adult skater if...

...all of your clothes purchases are made with consideration for their "from street to rink" wearability.

... you have spun yourself right into your kitchen garbage can, thanks to your spin trainer.

... you trot out old cassettes, CDs and LPs in the hopes of finding some obscure, cool piece of music to skate to so you don't have to use "Carmen" or "Swan Lake". And your music choices date you as an adult skater, as they are all prog rockers from the 70s, i.e, Rush, ELP, Yes, Genesis and The Who.

... you feel as graceful and elegant as Michelle Kwan, until you see your creeping replay.

... you toss around acronyms like APBM, ASFS, ABFS and the only other people who understand you are other adult skaters.

... you've got your hospitality room contribution figured into your yearly skating budget.

... you've bought a roaster in order to make said contribution.

... in addition to above mentioned braces for various joints, your skate bag also includes tape, ben-gay, tampons, a sewing kit, extra laces, a mini makeup kit, backups of your music, and anything else that may label you as a tad OVERprepared for disaster.

... you feel like a million bucks for coming in 3rd at your local ISI competition.

... you see sit spins as the work of the devil. And you SWEAR you are in an incredibly low sit position, when all you are doing is, yes, sticking your butt out.

__________________
Champagne in 2005, 2008, 2009 - who's next out of the pre-bronze club...?

Wang chung!

You might be an adult skater if......

You are convinced that your habit of looking at the ice is caused by watching out for little people on crowded sessions.

Some of your competitors are younger than your children.

You cannot tell your coach what your arms and feet were doing during that jump. Arms maybe............or feet maybe...............but both??? Not a chance.

You spend far too much time trying to come up with a unique and never been done before interpretive program. I've been trying to think up one for 6 years. Someday I'll find it and actually compete interpretive.

The good news is that you can cross that one off your list! My coach told me a few months ago that on back crossovers you are actually SUPPOSED to lean your upper body outside the circle. So I started to lean my upper body a little outside instead of inside, and sure enough, my back crossovers have gotten better!

I have to say that in my three years of coaching experience, I have found this to be the single most common problem among skaters of all ages, equally prevalent among the tots as the adults.

__________________

Ditto to what Dbny said. There is not a day where I don't hear "BEND MORE". It's not just an adult thing, it seems like everyone could always bend more. One of these days I'll just crawl.

In addition to the "bend more" rule... I'll add...

... if you are constantly reminded to straighten your free leg...

... if you're told by your coach that he knows of a 6 year old that can skate faster than you... A corrollary to this would be that your coach constantly pits her kiddie skaters to a race in order to push you to skate faster... and of course, the comparison is usually unfair...

... you work out at the gym so you can prevent skating injuries...(vs. a younger skater that focuses becoming physically stronger when they work out at the gym...)

... when you are competing at a competition where there's a mix of both regular track and adult track skating events and a fellow skating parent thought that you're taking some candy out of your daughter's goodie bag... (I, of course, played along. I didn't have the heart to tell that parent that I was eating candy out of MY goodie bag...)

... (A corollary to the previous one) when you're asked by many skating parents "what level my daughter is skating at." I told one skating mom today that "I don't have a daughter, so I'll have to do my own skating." This, of course, brought a very expression and a "YOU'RE the skater?"

... when you start calculating how many money you're spending by figuring out what it's worth in comparison to hourly lessons...

... most of your clothes are made out of lycra (jazzpants) and cotton (t-shirts). You show up to work wearing that and your coworkers don't bat an eye. (And when you *do* wear blue jeans the next day, someone joked that I'm wearing "real clothes" and "pants with zippers on it")

... your boss knows better than to take away your day off to compete on the ice, where under different circumstances he would have vetoed your taking a day off. (My boss knows exactly how important Skate SF is to me... and I highly appreciate his respecting that...)

... you want the photographers to hurry up and take the darn medal podium shot so you can rush out of the rink to feed your son b/c he's whining. (A fellow competitor had this very issue...)

... your competitors' cheering sections are their kids

... when you know within a 50 mile radius all the rinks where you are...and its public session and freestyle hours... and which public sessions are less crowded than the freestyle sessions...

... when you schedule your life around your skating lessons and practice...

__________________
Cheers,
jazzpants

11-04-2006: Shredded "Pre-Bronze FS for Life" Club Membership card!!!
Silver Moves is the next "Mission Impossible"
(Dare I try for Championship Adult Gold someday???)

Thank you for the support, you guys!!!

Word and word, jazzpants.

Also, YMBAASI...
...your coach is your same age or younger
...you find yourself studying people 1/3 your age and trying to emulate their examples
...you can justify custom skates because (a) your feet aren't growing and (b) your feet demand COMFORT
...you can justify custom dresses because you are 5'8" (mostly torso) and no longer have thighs like a baby giraffe.

You might be an adult skater when:

You won't compete in with the kids because then you get stuck in the same flight with your six year old daughter, who is better than you,

Your coach is the same age as your oldest child,

You apply for a new job and straightforwardly tell the interviewer the nights that you can't work because they're your skating times,

Your skating dresses have extra lycra built into them for the bounce factor,

Ditto on the ibuprofen,

You send your orthapaedic surgeon a picture of yourself jumping and a thank you note.

You might be an adult skater if ...

you choose skating dresses based on whether you can wear a compression bra with them!

you might be an adult skater if...

you actively try to figure out how to retrofit a control top panel into the trunks of your skating dress