Hi, I'm new so I hope I'm doing this right!

I am looking for advice from people who have moved their families in order for their child to get better training than they could get close home. I know that some of the Olympic skaters' families have done this, but I have not been able to access much information through online searches etc. My daughter is 13, and we are considering a move for this summer or fall. I would love to hear personal experiences (or even 2nd-hand stories), tips on preparing for the move, effects on other children and so on. Thanks.

I know people who have done it, or versions of it (one parent goes, one parent stays).

My advice would be to do what is best for your family as a whole, and be sure that all are on board with it. If your skater is showing tremendous promise and you have the finances and family support to do it, it may be worth the move to let her develop to her full potential.

Just be very aware that a skating career can end in one injury or growth spurt, so go into the situation with eyes wide open and without uprooting everything in the process. In other words, try not to put all your eggs in your skater's basket!

I think alot depends! I have a job where I could probably transfer from one office to another without a lot of difficulty, but if you don't, that could be really tough on a family. Good luck with your decision!

1. Changing coaches is a difficult transition. One rule of thumb is that it will take six months to recover; an initial spurt of improvement may happen, then, you may see regression. Skaters can get discouraged.
2. No longer being the "big frog in the pond". If the skater is used to being the best/brightest/star, finding themselves in a group of "stars" can be shocking.
3. School. Changing schools can be difficult. However, many elite skaters are homeschooled. If you are moving to an elite centre, other kids may be homeschooled, or, you may find that they are running a sport/school academy, which could be very difficult from the way that your skater is used to being schooled.
4. Pressure. Moving "away" can put a lot of pressure on the skater to perform, which can be quite negative. It can also spur them on to work harder, though.
5. Training partners. Having others on the ice who are equally talented can cause improvements in learning - working together can be powerful. It can also be negative. Visit the centre and check to see if it a collegial or unpleasant atmosphere.
6. Family Upheaval. No need to comment there.
7. Other kids. If everything in the family is being drained to support the skater, expect legitimately some resentment or upset. Particularly if a loved parent moves away. Sure, some families are intensely supportive of each other and this sort of reaction won't happen, but, think about the dynamics of your particular family.

I know of more than one who regretted doing it, and some who really found it useful.

Adding to sk8tmum's list:

Siblings - in addition to resentment regarding funds and things going to one child, remember that they are being taken away from their friends and support system "because of" their sibling. Being the new kid in school or social situations is never easy. It depends on how far away you're moving and the ages, of course, but watch for signs of the others being resentful or drawing into themselves.

Other skaters - your child is used to being around friends and certain levels of skaters. Beyond the fact there will likely be many more talented skaters, those new skaters will know exactly why you are moving to "their" training center - your child is thought to be talented, and therefore is joining with Coach X. It may be a difficult transition with other skaters out to prove they're better, or out to prove your child isn't as talented as you/she/the coach thinks they are. It doesn't have to have anything to do with your attitude, rather they may feel threatened. Not all skaters will do this, but you will always have some that may make it uncomfortable if your child isn't able to handle that type of attitude.

Moving itself - believe me, I've moved enough I never want to do it again (and yet I am). Moving itself can be a nightmare. Preparing for the move, make sure that you know what you will need (are you driving? Moving yourselves? Having a company move you) while you no longer have access to your things. Make sure you take your children to see the area that you are moving to, show them the sights, make it a fun trip so they may have less anxiety about moving into the unknown.

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Have you considered other options? Such as boarding with a local skating family? I know Joannie Rochette moved away from home to train when she was 13 and boarded.

How far away is the training centre you're considering? Is there any way you could "test" it before you commit to moving your family? Go part-time or maybe do a summer session there and see how your daughter likes it? This would give you a chance to get to know other skaters, coaches and parents too.

As long as they don't feel neglected. I've seen the effects on non-skater siblings first hand.

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts. My daughter is already training there, and is very happy, and the academics are good, but she is homesick and we miss her very much. We have decided that we need to keep our family together; that is the most important thing. Siblings are supportive and see the possible move as an exciting adventure, but I have a hard time with such a big change and I'm nervous about the costs when our finances have already been depleted to allow her to follow her dream this far. Many sleepless nights, and cannot turn to anyone for advice as they cannot relate. I do worry that this will place undue pressure on her. I do know that she could change her path, and do not expect a financial return, although I guess for some of the Olympic skaters there is.

I moved away and trained for four years as a child in another sport. I was following my dreams but, looking back, I think I would have liked to have my family around me. At the time though, I knew it was what I wanted to do regardless of the situation. However, as a parent - if my daughter decided it was time to move for additional training, I'd have to move with her. IMO, you can't take those formative years away, especially without a guarantee that she'll be successful and it will be all worth it in the end.

On the other hand - kids are expected to go away to college and are expected to handle the pressures, homesickness, and responsibilities. Might as well have your daughter learn those lessons as she's bettering her skating! Disclaimer: that was part of my 13 year old argument to my parents when I wanted to move away to train. It made sense to them at the time.

As long as you are 150% - no, make that 200% - certain that it is what your skater wants, and not your own dreams for her.... I've seen a child uprooted from its friends and family and moved nearer a big training centre, and one really wonders whether the parents are doing it for the child's sake or their own - sure, the child is a fair skater, but probably not star quality. Child didn't want to move, parents insisted.

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I have known many famliies who have moved their families in pursuit of skating training over the years and not one of these situations has turned into long-term skating success. Although some had spurts of success here and there, making it to sectionals or even nationals at some level, the truth is that many, many kids show great promise in their early teens, but only a tiny handful, like a half-dozen, really make a huge success out of the sport. Are those odds worth the financial and personal risk you are considering?

It sounds like a tough decision for you and your family. I have no experience to offer you but I wish you the best of luck with your decision whatever it is.

Maybe the personal and financial risks are not that great. I know for me, I could move offices pretty easily and stay with the same employer, I could even move back more than likely- some people have jobs like that and consider moving an adventure and not a risk.

Maybe, but she (I assume it's a "she") mentioned "sleepless night" and depleted finances, so I assume this move is not that easy for her or her family. Personally, I believe that unless the move is as easy as the previous poster suggests, it is not worth it for ice skating, no matter how good the child is at 13. Unless your child already is at the novice level at Nationals (and there are many 13 year olds at Nationals at novice level) with a reliable double axel and a couple of good triples with more in the works, I wouldn't dream of it. Even then, the move most likely won't result in long-term success. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but I hate to see people spending so much capital (financial, emotional, and otherwise) on the pursuit of a skating dream that is very unlikely to be completely fulfilled.

There's something to be said for keeping kids off the streets, although you don't necessarily need to relocate to keep them busy in a rink.

We've got a few families at my rink who have relocated for their child's skating. The kids are home schooled and the families are spending tens of thousands of dollars a year, and their kids never make it out of regionals year after year. I personally don't think it's worth it, but the families and kids seem happy. So I guess if it works for them, it's fine.

I also know many people who have relocated (whether the skater or the entire family) for dance/pairs partners or to skate on internationally competitive synchro teams. (I myself chose where I went to college based on synchro.) I guess in situations like that, you have much less choice. If you want to compete at synchro worlds, there are 2--maybe 3 teams that will give you the shot (and you have to be a student at a particular university for one).

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