Blacksheep
If you don't like the way or manner in which you are being coached - then get a new coach. If you really feel like your coach is that rude and obnoxious, or just not working for you for whatever reason then do something about it now. Anyone who skates in the adult program skates because they enjoy it. If you don't enjoy the process, then it's time for something to change. I'm not saying "get over it" because it obviously bothers you. If you are at gold, you have already accomplished quite a bit and should be capable of taking responsibility for your skating. I've been in the adult program for years and years. I've seen the masters skaters and adult skaters come and go - it's what they do while they're there that we remember. No one is "famous", or in anyone's shadow (unless you're one of the groupies that follows them around like a puppy). The master skaters and adult are two different groups and there's no reason to compare yourself to them, no more then they should compare themselves to you.

Why is that funny? I didn't know there was an actual cup either. I've never heard of one.

Did you get a cup or plate (with the winners' names engraved) when you won Champ. Gold? I never heard of this either, but if it exists, that's extra incentive!

I thought winners at ANs got plates to keep, but by no means with the names of all the competitors (or even their own) engraved. There's simply no time in between the event and the medal ceremony, unless they engrave afterwards. I know that's what they do at regular Nationals (not the engraving). Michelle Kwan could start a catering business with all the big silver plates she has.

There *are* permanent trophies housed at the USFSA HQ, like the Laurence Owen Memorial Trophy which is awarded to the Senior Ladies winner at Nationals. They don't get to have the trophy at any point but I do believe winner's names are engraved on them. These kinds of trophies exist all the way down to regionals (qualifying events only) and are listed in the back of the membership directory. I don't have mine with me, so I don't know if there is one for Championship Masters Men. There may well be.

When I won I got a "plate," that is to say, a plastic plate that looked silver! It just had the logo for that year's Nationals on it, but I took it to an engraver and they said since it wasn't metal you couldn't engrave on it. So I got the back of my medal engraved.

The next year AFTER I won is when everyone got real metal plates (silver plated I think) that had a generic "Adult Nationals" with the year and location on it, on which the winner could get something engraved.

The awards have gotten nicer over the years...even the medals for all the Championship events are bigger and more special. But I've never heard of a cup with all the winner's names engraved. That would be nice!

You don't need to apologize for writing what you feel. But I think you did expect a lot of people to come on board to defend you and support you. Your position, however, is difficult for most people to agree with. It's ok to be envious of someone else's accomplishment, but you seem downright jealous of your coach's. You will never have a healthy working relationship with a coach and won't learn much if you resent him everyday that you're on the ice with him. I doubt this inferiority feeling of yours will go away overnight. Sounds like you might just need to take a break from your current coach and evaluate if you'll be able to adjust your mentality towards him if you decide to return to him.

I tend to compare myself unfavorably to others too. However, when I catch myself doing that, I just take a deep breath and tell myself, "Stop it. The only thing I can control is myself. Don't play the 'I think what she's think' game." I didn't even have to pay $$$ for a shrink to tell me that

I believe this unintentionally sums it up quite nicely. No one is putting you down or making you look bad (except yourself). You seem to want to find someone else to blame when things don't go your way, whether it's not getting to compete on your synchro team at ISI (or whatever it was) or not having a small enough group to suit yourself at Sectionals. No one is out to get you, make you lose, make you look bad, make you feel bad about yourself, etc. This paranoia is all entirely within yourself.

Why would you expect everyone to agree with what you posted? Can't you see that most of us don't? Why would you post something like that if you don't want to hear what people have to say in response? You can't have it both ways. You can't ask for input, then get mad when you get it.

BlackSheep,

Are you by any chance referring to your coach getting more attention when you get back to your club? If so......you are not alone. Several adults where I skate have medaled at AN and have not been told as much as congrats.........yet the BIG to-do they make over the kids going to Regionals is unbelievable (never mind that it's rare for any of them to ever medal)....lavish gifts, send-off party, etc. We've even been told that AN is not a "real" competition. Hmmmm.....wonder what it is then? We work hard, and a little recognition is nice. Yes, we skate for fun.....but we also skate for those medals. That's part of what competition is about. Anyhow, I do understand some of your feelings in this regard.

Good coaches aren't easy to come by......so don't make any snap decisions. You just can't compare yourself to him. He's in a different ball game.

....for the "Ha, Ha very funny thing"

I thought I was being mocked when I saw your blank post after my "If you can't say something nice...." one

Okay, I give up. I am paranoid!

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I've decided to lay this thing to rest. I just don't care anymore about awards/placements, who wins/loses/doesn't win, etc. I'm not leaving my coach for anything. I can't possibly--he's the best!

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Just make sure that you're being honest with yourself. Good luck

Just a thought - and it's intended to make you feel better - honest!

If your coachwasn't a lot better than you, surely that would be the time to be worried. What would be the point of taking lessons from someone you were as good as.....?????

When I get impatient when learning stuff my coach says two things
1. If it was easy everyone would be doing it.
2. If you could do it you wouldn't need me!!! ( the corollary being that he would be out of a job!!!)

So my suggestion would be to take pride in your coaches achievements and that he is your coach. I am sure he is well aware of the difference in numbers for men and women as it is the same for all of us at whatever stage. I don't know what level he is at but the men usually have to do harder elements for a given level once they reach the Nationals stage.

By all means let him know that it makes you feel bad when he is showing off his medals but it seems a shame to deny him the opportunity to take pride in his own acheivements just as I am sure he does in yours even if you don't medal.

When I won a competition (unexpectedly) over another lady I was on a total high (even though there were only two of us!) But it put a real damper on my joy when people kept saying to me - oh you shouldn't make a fuss about it as X will feel bad (she expected to win). If she'd won I would have expected her to be on a high and would not have dreamed of expecting her to keep quiet in case I felt bad, so I was a little shocked to hear I was supposed to pretend I hadn't won! I guess I felt even more mad as I was pretty sure if she had won they would not have been saying the same thing to her!!

Hope it all works out for you and try and remember you are skating for you and you should measure your acheivements against yourself and not others who are on different levels.

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'skating is not just a sport - it is an obsession'

Actually, when she did get her revenge on you the following year, she minded, thinking that you would be upset - she was delighted to have skated well, but sad for you! Mind you, I was feeling rather sorry for myself at that stage, having been beaten out of sight by both of you!

This is, of course, the problem with adult skating - we are all friends, so we rejoice in one another's successes and commiserate over our failures, almost to the point where it feels, "Look, why are we actually competing?"

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Mrs Redboots
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I love my computer because my friends live in it!
Ice dancers have lovely big curves!

Annabel

I don't honestly think you are in a position to judge what happened since you were not involved at the first competition and I think I know the situation better than you - thanks!

It's very easy for a situation to appear one way on the surface to others and quite differently when you are closely involved.

There was no element of 'revenge' either - can't think why you would choose to use that word even jokingly. It was fair competition - I skated badly - she skated well and deserved to win. I was of course cross with myself for skating badly but no way would I have expected her not to enjoy her win because of it.

And it was the reactions of other people I was referring to - not the lady herself.

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'skating is not just a sport - it is an obsession'

A more reasonable approach might be not to post a topic soliciting opinions if you don't want to hear them. Such doom & gloom Black Sheep. Carry on.

Oh, I don't mean revenge like revenge - I certainly didn't mean to suggest it was anything other than a fair competition! Actually, you both skated well - better than me. Which isn't difficult! Sigh!

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Mrs Redboots
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I love my computer because my friends live in it!
Ice dancers have lovely big curves!

Sorry to get OT, but when AN was in Marlboro, MA, the skating director and I gave out ALL the medals and plates (we called them peanut trays) at all the medal ceremonies, and I remember them being plastic with I think the USFSA logo on it. I still tell the skating dorector that I can't wait to get my own peanut tray some day!! Good to know it won't be plastic.

I would be afraid of my coach seeing this post if I were you, especially if you haven't talked to him yet. His feelings could be really hurt if he saw what you were saying about him. You really need to have a talk with him about your feelings. I know your coach and he really doesn't seem to be the type of person to "wave his medals in your face." I recall also that your coach went thru his own hard times when he was competing on the standard track national circuit. He wasn't winning a lot of events back then. So now he is finally winning events and is in the limelight and you feel threatened? If anything, you should be proud to have a coach like the one you have. He is successful and admired, and guess what, YOU are his student!!! Not everyone gets to work with him. It's an honor to be working with someone like that.

Best of luck to you.

.....Can we put an end to this thread. I'm sorry I posted it, and with it weighing on my mind, it cost me my performaces at the NAAI this weekend.

Maybe the administor can lock/delete this whole thread.

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This space has been put on hiatus for retuning....