Well, now that the big competition season is here, I'm in a tough situation. Being the my champion coach's only Adult Gold FS skater pupil, I'm under tremendous pressure. As a result, all of my maneuvers are going down the drain. This is going to be one tough season because at Adult Mids. I have to compete against a huge group in Gold Ladies, while my coach gets a free ride to the final round at Nats. because there are only three in Masters Men. At Nats., it's pretty much the same thing.

Even though I've trained hard with my programs all year, and my coach has only been working on his new FS program for a couple of months, I believe I am doomed to live in my coach's shadow for the third year in a row. Yes, for the third consecutive year, my coach will take straight firsts at Mids and Nats--landing triple jumps and becoming a famous champion all over again--while I struggle against huge groups of competitors just to get decent placements in my events. Every year after he wins, he always waves his medals in my face, and points out how he got his name on the Masters Men's Championship cup again.

He's a fantastic coach, but I'm tired of getting the short end of the stick. Should I leave him when/if he takes a third championship and I go home with nothing (again)?

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Get over it or get another coach. But I wouldn't expect changing coaches to fix your attitude problem. Skate for fun, not medals.

Why should it bug you that your coach, who should be better than you so he can help train you and show you proper technique, etc, places first. Big yippee skippy. I'd be proud to have such a champion of a coach.

Obviously you have a bit of an issue with it. If it is that big of a deal, than leave. But honestly, get over it. Just because he is better doesn't make you any less of a skater. In fact, maybe it makes you better because you are coached by someone who can do the jumps, who can win first place, and who has experience.

I agree with the others, you need to take a moment and think. Seriously. Your goal skating should be to skate YOUR best and have fun. Skating should not be about what place you get, but what you personally accomplish. If you skate your best, who cares what medal you get? If you skate poorly and get 1st is that really good? And, if you have FUN that's everything. Skating should be fun. You should want the very best for your coach and yourself. Getting a new coach won't fix this issue. You need an attitude change.

Chico

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"I truly believe, when God created skating, he patted himself on the back."

I pretty much agree with the above posters, but I do think he should not be in your face about how great he is. It really does seem pretty obnoxious to me.

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When other posters on this board talk about having problems like this, they get ((((hugs)))), but when I do it, I get flamed and told that I have to "get over it"? I feel like I'm not allowed to be anything but happy on this board, otherwise I'm an evil, stupid person.

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I am a little in that position. My skating friends and my coach are all my age or a bit older (25-30) and they started as kids so are now competing and winning at a senior level. I started 5 years ago and compete with 10 - 12 year olds and usually come last. I sometimes find it hard because i wish i had started as a kid and believe i could have gone a long way.

At the end of the day (cliche!!) it is important to focus on how far you have come as an adult skater in an incredibly difficult sport, look at all the obstacles you have faced. And remember there is a lot more people out there not as good as you who would like to be.

As others said, the most important thing is to skate for the sheer enjoyment. My last competition i skated my best ever and had a big goofy grin on my face the whole program. I came last and was beaten by a 10 year old but I still remember the feeling I had and remind myself of that feeling whenever i get down about my skating and how slowly i progress.

Ello! I would like to reply! Mind you I haven't had skates on my feet for 7 years. I have been trapped inside field boots(for horse riding).

A trainer is something personal. And it sounds as if you are quite good and you demand the best. Your trainer should be as valuable as your car. I show horses nationally and I have had many experiences with trainers. They are like skates- sometimes they just have to be custom made. However the first time you wear them they are a bit stiff and uncomfortable. I recently switched trainers for horses because my first trainer was abusive. My suggestion is that you write down a list of what you expect and demand in a trainer. Then write a list of pros and cons for your current trainer. Do they match up? Be realistic and honest with yourself. What kind of personality do you have? Do you need someone who screams at you, or do you need someone who is compassionate? My other tid bit of info is that every trainer has their bad points. They are only human- like you and me. You will NEVER find the "perfect" trainer. So this one flaunts his wins in your face, but what will the next one do? You see they all have things you won't like. You just better make sure that the trainer you keep doesn't have a bad thing in place of something that you wanted to be good. You must be completely honest with yourself. I will admit sometimes it is good to have a change of instructor. Perhaps one kind is suitable for the beginning, but as you advance you need someone of a higher level. I wish you the best of luck, and when you get into a higher level you must have a trainer who can cry, laugh, and scream with joy, with you. If he won't stick by you in the bad times, the good times won't be enjoyable.

To me it just seems like a very silly situation to be pissed off at. It would be like my principal at school and I working together where I'm supposed to be learning from her and we go to a conference and she is asked to be keynote speaker while I am just a session speaker. Am I going to get upset about it. Maybe a little, but she has more qualifications so it shouldn't bug me. And if it bugs me that much perhaps its time for a change.

The rant just sounded childish IMO. How close are you and your coach? If you are good friends than flaunting the medals could be seen more in a joking manner. If this person is just your coach and nothing more, than perhaps you shouldn't train with him. Does he show you his medals, which i see nothing wrong with, or does he chant" i won the gold! nah na na na". Jump up and down and wave it in your face? If he just wears them around his neck or shows them to you, heck I'd do that too.

I don't recall anyone referring to you as an evil, stupid person. Try do redirect your built up energy to your skating. If you feel this way towards your coach, it cannot be a good thing for you or your skating. Skating with a chip on your shoulders is never a good thing. Turn it into something positive.

Hate to break it to you, but I would have to agree with the others. It just seems like such a pety thing to get into a big ol' fuss about. If it really is bothering you, talk to your coach! People often don't realize when they're hurting someone until you tell them that they are!

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- Ashley

"famous" ???

Hardly famous.

I think you're the only one who considers yourself in his shadow. It's your own self-perception. I'm sure nobody else thinks of you as anything but his student, not in his shadow. You're not even competing against each other in the same level, let alone the same gender, so why make yourself nuts by comparing?

First of all, nobody said you were stupid or evil.

Secondly, other posters talk about problems with jumps or nerves or technique and therefore they get (((hugs))) and encouragement.

In contrast, you tend to compare yourself to other skaters, get upset at their accomplishments, and want validation from us for feeling jealous.

Big difference.

I think we're all wanting to encourage each other on this board to do our best and push ourselves to be the best skater we can be, and to remember that we're skating to have fun. Be proud that your coach is accomplished and rather then get upset, think positively about how you can learn from his success. He's got a lot to teach you and you pay good money for it, so soak up all the knowledge you can. His performance in one event has nothing to do with your performance in another, so just focus on what you need to do and don't worry about the rest.

(((((Black Sheep)))))

Hope the big hug helps.

Of course, there is nothing you can do about the fact that you have many other good skaters to compete against but your coach has only a few. It is always difficult when you are side by side with someone who easily achieves what you want and have worked so hard for - it just doesn't seem fair; and I understand how irritating it must be for your coach to pat himself on the back excessively in front of you. That would irk me too, and I would have trouble letting it go. I had a college classmate who was so proud of the fact that she was able to pay for her own graduation trip to Europe. It drove me nuts because the implication was that I somehow was not clever enough or hard working enough to do the same, while the truth was that I also worked hard, but had to use all my money for living expenses and books, which my friend's parents took care of for her. I think this is a similar situation with your coach. He is acting like he is so great, but is never up against the same kind of competition (relatively speaking) that you are. About the only useful thing you can do in such a situation is to focus on your own skating and go for your personal best.

Does your coach give you any credit for your performances? IMO a good coach is not just good technically, but is also supportive of your efforts. If you do not come out of your lessons feeling good about yourself and your skating, then there is definitely something lacking in the relationship.

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Black Sheep:

I think you know who my coach is and his rep, so I'll spare the details, etc. (BTW: he's competing against your coach at Mid-Western too.) So I'm in a similar situation to you too.

I've never really felt like I was in competition of my coach. I cheer for him!!! I'm proud of his accomplishments, good sportsmanship, and most of all, his sense of humor! But I keep my skate and his skate separate. Comparing him to me is like comparing apples and oranges. I mean, we have different experiece, different styles, different gender, age, different demands on our lives...I could go on. He's also skated a heck of a lot longer than I have. It's moot to compare!

As for others competing against me, I've now take a page from Sarah Hughes at the Olympics when she's in fourth place and thought "there's no way in hell I'm gonna win the medal so I'll just go for broke and enjoy myself, since I have nothing to lose and everything to gain." (And fully expected to make a big boob of myself on the ice to boot.) The second thing was to concentrate on two quick things I could do to improve my program. In my case, it was to PUSH and SMILE!!! I did *NOTHING ELSE* during my warmup and my skate beside PUSH and SMILE (and listen to my coach when he's talking to me!) I wasn't even aware of my competitors except when I have to get around them.

I had a good time. I made friends that night and cheered for them while they were on the ice. I also set out to do exactly what my coaches told me to do when I was on the ice! (PUSH and SMILE!) As far as I'm concerned, that's accomplishment enough for me!

Is your coach supportive of you when he's not patting himself on the back? It sounds to me like you need to have a nice chat with your coach. Tell your coach that you feel like you're under the gun b/c you're feeling pressure to perform and excel as well as he does at his competition. And see what happens...

And you have a skatingforum.com friend who's competing with you. If nothing else, cheer for her! I'm sure she'll be cheering for you when you're out on the ice!

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Cheers,
jazzpants

11-04-2006: Shredded "Pre-Bronze FS for Life" Club Membership card!!!
Silver Moves is the next "Mission Impossible"
(Dare I try for Championship Adult Gold someday???)

Thank you for the support, you guys!!!

Oh puhleeze. First of all, no one said you're stupid and evil. Secondly, no one else on this board is having problems like this. This isn't a skating problem that needs our encouragement. This is your own inferiority complex that you're trying to inflict on others. You're always looking for someone else to blame for your perceived inadequacies. Begruding others their success is pure "player hating." To quote my grandma (and everyone else's grandma),"Life isn't fair. Get over it."

Want some perspective? When I compete at Adult Nationals, I'll probably have 65 people in my event. How many do you have? A dozen? You don't see me whining about how unfair it is that I have to compete against 65 Silver ladies, do you?

I agree with manleywoman and skatermum in particular, Black Sheep. No one is calling you stupid or evil, but you have problems like this all the time, where you get some idea that you're being slighted or persecuted or whatever, and then you want support for that. You're depriving yourself of a lot of fun and putting unnecessary stress and pressure on yourself! Why is everything such a big deal? It doesn't have to be. Not that nationals isn't important for people, it is, but it's not the end of the world, either.

I'm also and about this idea of being in competition with your coach, and all this pressure on you because of who he is, and your coach waving his medals in your face. If you're friends off the ice with your coach and he's just teasing you, that's one thing. Either tell him to knock it off or get over it. If he's really doing it tauntingly, then he has no business being your coach. My own coach, who is a current elite competitive skater, would never do something like that, and all I ever hear at competitions is how proud he is of me. I can't imagine having a relationship with a coach such as you describe.

Pat

(((Black Sheep)))

Have you ever stopped to wonder why he waves medals in your face and shows off his win? It might be because he finds it hilarious that he comes in 1st place -- out of 3 -- yes a whopping total of 3 -- competitors and gets to go to Nationals and everything every year. I'm sure he doesn't do this to intimidate you or make you feel bad. He works hard but just doesn't have as much competition as you do. I'm sure he would be shocked if you told him that his gloating hurts your feelings.

And why would you want to switch coaches if he wins and you don't? Is there another coach that you would go to that's as good or better than he is? If not, maybe you're cutting your own throat. Don't be so jealous and overly sensitive. If he had the number of competitors in his group that you do and he won first place, he probably wouldn't be waving his medals and showing off because then that would be cruel. HE COMPETES AGAINST 2 OTHER PEOPLE!!

Black Sheep, nobody thinks you are stupid and evil, and I, for one, think you have every right to feel your own feelings! People are just trying to say that you honestly don't need to feel jealous of your coach, as you are skating at different levels and in different classes, so it's not like you're head to head.

But I do know how you feel, I think. I feel a bit the same way myself, as my beloved husband, who didn't actually start ice-dance for the first five years we skated, is now way, way better than me, and I feel like I'm holding him back. I also feel very jealous when he goes out in the pre-Bronze solo class, or the Under Level 6 classes in the UK, and maybe comes 3rd (in ice-dance, they don't separate out the genders), and I go in the class below him and come either last or pretty nearly so. Which is one reason I've rather stopped doing solo dance.

Jealous? Yes, a bit. I'm more jealous of his ability, though, and his lack of fear. My coach points out, rightly, that he is an athlete, he ran cross-country for his school and his university, he cycles several miles each day and always has done.... I, on the other hand, gave up compulsory games as soon as I was allowed to and was pretty much a couch potato for 25 years. Plus, as an Evangelical, I was very un-body-aware, and although I'm working on that, I still find it really hard!

So we have an unbreakable rule that if we are in the same class it is because we are partnering each other. We do not compete against each other. End of.

If it gets on your nerves when he waves his medals in your face - and how you say "you come away with nothing" I don't know, when I know for a fact you won Gold at least once last year - then tell him how you feel. Point out that he has only 2 other competitors so it would be darn difficult for him to come home without a medal, but nevertheless, you mind..... (Of course, best case scenario is that you win your class - which you are more than capable of doing, you know - and coach loses out to Jazzpants' coach!)......

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Mrs Redboots
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I love my computer because my friends live in it!
Ice dancers have lovely big curves!

I don't know you or your coach, but if you truly believe he is flaunting his successes inappropriately (that is, more than being simply proud), you need to sit down and have a conversation about this. Especially if you wish to keep him as your coach.

I would say, "I know you are proud of your success, and I am glad that you have done well for yourself. But when you talk about your skating, sometimes it makes me feel inferior. I try not to compare myself but I can't help it. Maybe it's because I am really nervous and feeling a lot of pressure about qualifying at Sectionals. So could you please try to refrain from talking a lot about your own skating when you're around me?"

I would NOT point out how there are only 3 skaters in his group! I am sure he realizes this. I won a dance competition last year when there was only one other person in my group, but I was still really excited. Insinuating that his gold medal is worth less than yours because he only beat two people and you beat twenty is immature at best.

I know exactly how you feel. Every once in a while I have a little breakdown with my coach because I can't help but compare my skating and progress (or relative lack thereof) with the other people I skate with. It's especially difficult for me since I am the only semi-adult skater with a whole bunch of kids. I have no one else to compare myself to but kids who skate 15 hours a week, are landing triples and passing Novice moves after working on them for two months while I'm going on three years! My coach just shakes me and says, "Don't worry! You're a different person, everyone progresses differently, and you have many great things about your skating." Sometimes all you need is a pep talk. Very few people are 100% confident in themselves 100% of the time.

Just be honest with yourself and honest with your coach. And try to compete with only yourself. There will always be someone who is better than you and who has more success than you. At the end of the day the only person whose judgement you can depend on is yourself.

Whew, that was loooong!!! Sorry!

Many thanks and/or apologies to everyone--I think. There are still some posters out there who don't hesitate to put me down and make me look bad when I have a problem. You know who you are. So, if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all.

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I didn't realize there was a master's men championship cup. Is there a cup (w/ engraved names) for all the championship adult events?

Ha, ha dcden. Very funny.

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ITA

Black Sheep, you need to take stock of your relationship with your coach. This isn't about his medals. Who cares about his medals. This is about you and your skating. Maybe it is time for you to change coaches, but you'll be the only one that will truly know that.

Sorry, I don't give hugs unless it's in person.

How about some good vibes? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm pickin' up good vibrations. She's giving me...........

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Many go fishing all their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. - Henry David Thoreau

"Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean that they aren't out to get you."

Blacksheep - I don't think I have seen anything posted here that is mean spiritted. I think some people are pointing out what most people have noticed - that you seem to have lots of issues with people treating you poorly. However, I know a quite a few skaters, and I haven't run across anybody else with as much bad luck in that regards as you. I agree with what everyone is saying. Since this really bugs you, you only have a few choices - talk to your coach, change coaches, or change your perceptions.

If it makes you feel any better, you will probably always be a better skater than me. Maybe knowing that will help.

Hugs,
Danielle