Hello all,

I just thought of another one that was pretty good. A couple of times, during practice, I went to do an axel and I slipped off my take-off edge badly. Each time I went up at a really nasty angle but I somehow managed to land fully rotated just two footing it each time. This prompted the following exchange with my coach.

Coach: Oh my God! You had no right landing those axels! By all rights you should have landed on your head!
Me: But I didn't. I saved them...Yay me!
Coach: Yeah, I guess so.

LOL!!

I still laugh out loud when recalling that conversation.

Frank

"Lobster claws" = my hand positions after landing jumps. I think I'm holding them in the proper balletic position - apparently, I'm a bit tense(!)

"Adult skaters are freaks. They were freaks when I was skating and they're freaks now." (How's that for encouragement?!)

On my questioning what I need to be doing to successfully accomplish something...spin, jump, whatever = "Um, coordination?!"

For my technique on entering jumps and the camel spin = "flinging"

__________________
"We work in the dark - we do what we can - we give what we have. Our doubt is our passion and our passion is our task. The rest is the madness of art." Henry James

ok frank...i think i know who made some of those comments...from the same coach i have gotten:

Do you even fu#@ing listen to me at all

is that the snow mans arms...(circles , placements brackets)

"i'm really mean to you...but most people cry way before third lesson

there were so many more i can't even remember them all

from my singles coach

"are you trying to jump under the ice" (low axles)

why don;t you try to jump with your arms folded...you are not using them anyway...

stop skating like a gymnast....

you skate like a truck lets not use swan lake for the program

axel toe loop? you mean axle shenay turn thing

you are not on the right edge...but maybe if you stay in one place the judges won't notice.

my pairs coach.....
you don't need a coach...you need a psychiatrist...don't worry i had parners as crazy as you


get your leg in..(star lift) no the other in...what is IN to you?????

i've never had a partner leave bruises ...ease up on the death grip...

throw jumps are your house ...lifts are his house ...your just a visitor ...

i don't care if you feel like you are going to die...STAY IN THE POSITION

first half again...YES WITH THE THROW AXEL...(in a thought bubble i saw the word duh)

there were osme other comments that i put up with being the only girl in the paris team-coach trio

well i'm sure in 7 years there were so many more.....

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Q:If landing an axle is 3 times your body weight, then how many times your body weight is the landing of a throw axle
A: depends on whos throwing you and how much you lied about your weight on your pairs profile


a can of stickum : $5.95
the email asking "how do you get this sticky stuff off " ...priceless

those are great ideas...now what lift were we doing again?

hey Tim...i finally figured out how to get the sticky stuff off!

Missing: east coast stunt doubles poster

Okay, I have two more I have to share:

From same former secondary coach:
"Are you a Motorcycle Mama?" (Regarding my arm and hand position when I come out of a jump landing or a forward spin...)

And this one... THIS ONE take the cake... but requires a story:

My current secondary coach found this stray dog that likes to dig up the backyard before...ummm he does his duties. She posted a bunch of poster saying "Dog Found." The dog owner finally called up my coach and said...

Owner: "Oh, you've found Wee Wee!!!"
Coach: "Wee Wee??? You call your dog 'Wee Wee'?"
Owner: "Well, yeah! You probably already noticed that it likes to dig up the backyard and goes a lot..."
Coach: "That explains everything."

Unfortunately, when I do a forward stroke, I don't straighten my legs out enough. She said the legs reminds her of that dog as his digging up the backyard. So now whenever I do that, she yells out "WEE WEE!!!" Needless to say, I'm now really conscious on my forward strokes to make sure I straighten the free leg out on my forward strokes. (Of course, the rest of the freestyle session was TOTALLY cracking up!!!)

__________________
Cheers,
jazzpants

11-04-2006: Shredded "Pre-Bronze FS for Life" Club Membership card!!!
Silver Moves is the next "Mission Impossible"
(Dare I try for Championship Adult Gold someday???)

Thank you for the support, you guys!!!

From this morning (I finally returned to the ice and started up my lessons again):

Me: "Coach, it's time for new music. What do you think of me using some violin music."
Coach: "Wow, that's like mature music. Are you sure you're up to it?"

And then working on the gold brackets move (all of them save for the back outsides):

"Can you not make your leg look like you're a dog peeing? If we could avoid that, that would be great."
(And funny enough, her dog's name is Bracket!)

__________________
Doubt whom you will, but never yourself.
"Do what you love, and you'll never have to work a day in your life."
-Haha, I've *arrived*! I am listed as a reference on Wikipedia.

Hey there,

Here's a fresh one to add to the pile of ever-growing coaches' jabs. We were working on the back double threes on the gold test this morning and I received the following comment.

"Turn your !@#%$!#% head! If you don't turn your head before the three-turn you're going to DIE!!"

I wasn't clear if that meant that if I didn't turn my head I'd lose my balance, fall and crack my skull open or if that meant that if I didn't turn my head he was going to shoot me.

Frank

My coach likes to yell across the ice:
"My dead grandma skates faster than you!"

I've heard another coach say:
"Maybe you should try bowling."

OMG, this thread is too funny, I'm choking in my office trying not to attract attention

I'm on some cough medication that's making my brain a little fuzzy and woozy right now so can't recall all the comments my coaches have said, but I remember this one (and many variations of it) because it happens on a very regular basis:

Coach - Remember, keep your free hip down!

(I go to do my jump and again my free leg swings wide and I barely hang on.)

Coach - Your hip, your hip, down down down...

(I repeat the phenomenom)

Coach - Your free hip is your left hip, not right!

(I again do it wrong).

Coach - !!! Okay, wait, let me show you (comes over, touches her own left hip, takes my hand to touch her hip then touch my own left hip and push on it.) See? THIS is your left hip. You have to keep it down to cross your leg when you jump so you don't land on your butt again!

(I concentrate really hard... oops.)

Coach - Aaarrrggghhh! HIP HIP HIP, WHEN DID I SAY KNEE!!!


And this requires a bit of a story. My nerves were so fried during my preliminary freeskate test that when the judge (a fellow adult skater I skate with sometimes) finally smiled and announced that I'd gotten 13 out of 14, all I said was "Oh, okay... what do I have to do next?"

Now, this was after me doing some stupid unexpected things that kids apparently never would in a test, such as:

- skating off the ice suddenly in search of my kleenex box,
- deciding in the middle of a flip that nope, I'm going to sit down, not land on my foot,
- showing off a camel spin that was so slow that my hands started pushing the air in a swimming motion trying to help, and
- nearly going right out the rink door screaming like a banshee while performing my LFI spiral (my bad one) -- seriously, I was within one inch of falling out the door... the judge was laughing so hard "Jeujeu exit, stage right!" while my coach tried to hide behind a pillar. Needless to say the rest of the skaters were staring open-mouthed at me.

So when I said "Okay... so what do I have to do next?" I was being absolutely serious and focused. My coach and the judge went silent and then finally my coach said, "Uh, nothing. 13 means you passed."

Then in the program part of the test when I went for my flip and actually landed it I whooped with joy before remembering my coach's specific instruction to "keep your verbal sound effects OFF in the test!" When I finished, it was silent in the rink for a moment and then suddenly there was a storm of applause. I was so startled I visibly jumped. I'd forgotten there were people watching! I tried a quick curtsy... and realized I didn't know HOW to curtsy on the ice without falling over!

The next day my coach said "Well, you passed. Congratulations. I've decided from now on I'm going to teach you exactly how I teach the kids. After yesterday, I've come to realize that you have a lot less intelligence on the ice than I gave you credit for!"

Ah, the happiness of adult figure skating!!!

If your instructor is mean you to, be mean to him back!

I do, we constantly throw insults at each other, it's great.

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http://www.yourphotoalbums.co.uk

From my Russian moves coach:

"That was little less very bad."

When I look up kind of insulted, thinking I had vastly improved since the last pattern, he says:

"I mean...how you say...little good."



philly

I had a coach ask me one time why I didn't skate like another adult skater, who was clearly (in his mind) better than I was.

I had no answer for that.

Didn't stay too long with that guy!

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Is Portland the only city with it's own ice-dance website? http://www.pdxicedance.net/

frank...in regards to your question about edwards comments about turning your head....both!!!! when you do novie 3 turns he won't have to kill you for not turning your head...you will die from your headfirst slide into the boards frst!!!!

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Q:If landing an axle is 3 times your body weight, then how many times your body weight is the landing of a throw axle
A: depends on whos throwing you and how much you lied about your weight on your pairs profile


a can of stickum : $5.95
the email asking "how do you get this sticky stuff off " ...priceless

those are great ideas...now what lift were we doing again?

hey Tim...i finally figured out how to get the sticky stuff off!

Missing: east coast stunt doubles poster

From a new coach who had been aggressively trying to poach skaters from other coaches and who had approached me on more than one occasion and had been told 'no' every single time:

"I wouldn't want to teach you anyway, you're far too fat to skate"

Erm, it was you who approached me lady!!! How to win friends and influence people

__________________

The best whisper is a click

Hey Tara,

Thanks for clearing that up! Hopefully I'll learn to turn my head before the three turn and it won't be an issue anymore. As for the novice move I am pretty much praying every night that the proposed changes to the adult moves in the field are approved. If they are, then they'll remove the novice move from the gold test and replace it with the inside slide chasse. I'm thinking of starting a prayer circle so that these changes go through.

Frank

Hi Tasha,

What an awful thing for that coach to say! I'm so sorry you had an experience like that. I wish you nothing but the best and I wish that nasty coach corns on her pinky toes!

Frank

my coach always tells me "i look more like a girl than you do!" and "it's just wrong that i'm more graceful than you!" the scariest thing he's ever said to me is "if you don't want to skate, get off the ice."

Coach today wanted me to open my hips more as I skate into each of the mohawks on the 2nd side of the Starlight...

"squeeze your butt like you have a hemerhoid" (or however you spell it)

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American Waltz... Once, Twice, ???? ...

Q: How many coaches does it take to fix Jen's Dance Intro-3 Problems
A: 5 and counting...

Thanks to all the years of ballet, my hips are very open and, therefore, my legs tend to ... um ... splay apart. This presents a problem with elements that require closed or raised hips. My first coach, in attempting to get me to stop doing this, referred to that as my Wh**e of Babylon position.

From lesson this morning.

After many attempts in getting me to open my hips doing a waltz eight.

Finally in frustration she yells, "open those hips up...pretend your giving birth".

I immediately stopped and stared at her and she totally lost it...she was laughing so hard her mascara was running...5 minutes later after we stopped laughing we continued.

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Keeping School Figures Alive!!

[[QUOTE]QUOTE=NoVa Sk8r]
"I've been told the same thing regarding my entrance into a camel spin.

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"We work in the dark - we do what we can - we give what we have. Our doubt is our passion and our passion is our task. The rest is the madness of art." Henry James

My coach is an absolute dear -- very sweet and supportive. It's usually me cracking her up with my trademark self-depreciating wit.

Her best one, though, "I'm going to bring in a pregnancy sympathy belly for after you have this baby because you skate better pregnant than not!"

That and "Boobs to boobs, butt to butt" to the synchro team because our lines were too far apart.

Hee hee, thank you, Frank Love the thing about the corns and the pinky toes .....

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The best whisper is a click

my coaches constant chant:

bend your knee...extend...push....nabilah your going too slow!!!!!!!!!!!

then theres: Push!!! for the love of God!!!

then: Nabilah, how many times do I have to tell you not to rush the jump or you'll whip your free leg? (exhasted sigh)


and all through the lesson, so everyone can here as well:
TUCK YOUR BUTT UNDER!!!!!!

I mean I got it, I got it !!! (i think everyone else on the ice does too! )

But what's even more funny is when she starts clapping because I fell down (I hardly ever fall, so its an excitement I guess... )

~kittie

coaches (sigh)

Recently, when I was setting up for a half-lutz and couldn't get off my toe picks: "You're spazzing out on me!"

__________________
Ask me about becoming a bone marrow donor.
http://www.marrow.org
http://www.nmdp.org

Frank, I'm joining your prayer circle! I'm hoping if I don't practice that novice move, it will just go away.