My 11 year old daughter is at the no-test/pre-preliminary stage. Her coach (and all the coaches worth their salt at our club, so I'm told) never gives her any praise, never even tells her she's improving from lesson to lesson -- she's a very sensitive kid, whose self-confidence is taking a beating from this lack of encouragement. I was told the coaches take this approach in order to steel the kids for the ups and downs of competition, which I can certainly understand. But I know that my daughter would make better progress with some "spoonfuls of sugar." We're new to the whole figure skating experience ---- is this just the way it is? Any advice will be welcome ... thanks!

When you're at a competition, the only person in that rink that's going to be nice to you is your coach. You're paying them. So they should be nice to their skater.

I really don't understand the "tough love" approach to skating. You can be tough and push but in a nice way. My sometimes coach is like that. I know he's going to push and I work hard for him. But there's compliments too. There are!

I thank my learn to skate kids for coming and showing up. "thank you for skating today, I enjoyed it (even if I didn't) and would really like to see you again next week". Of course they're coming back it's a 10 week program but I want them to want to come back and not pushed by their mom.

This is my rink atmosphere and I wouldn't skate anywhere else because I've seen the kids crying on the ice with the insensitive coaches.

Not all coaches are like that. At that age/level, the kids need to be encouraged & supported (I think at all levels, but that's me). Criticism can be given kindly, and encouragement should be given when there has been progress made, otherwise no one will keep skating for long--I know I wouldn't!! I worked briefly w/ a coach who was like that--very critical, it almost felt like he was laughing at me. He didn't last long! Now my coach pushes me very hard and doesn't hand out praise often, but he is still supportive & patient. I'm also an adult skater so I know what I want & what I can handle. IMO, the kids need to have more fun.

ITA with Slusher & Phoenix. I've been teaching basic skills for four years, and the most important thing a coach can do, IMO, is encourage a skater. Endless criticism is not encouraging. Before offering criticism, I always state the positive, and even phrase my criticisms with something like "and now we'll make it even better". When something seems hopelessly and obviously botched, I find a way for us to laugh about it before continuing. I would look for another coach or even another rink where there is a more positive atmosphere.

I'm wondering about who told you that all the good coaches have that negative approach. I would not trust information from that source without further research.

__________________

that is a bad coach. I always try to encourage the little kids and even if they are not improving I will say- " that was very good, but I know you could have done that better" or something along thos elines.


Don't sit around and take it...make a comment to the coach.

Your coach is YOUR employee. If they are not providing you with an adequate service you have the right to fire them. Why should you waste your money on a coach that will only hinder your child's progress?

I'm an adult skater and even I need some encouragement. Saying that, I wouldn't like an overly nicey nice coach. Be honest, telll me what needs work but compliment my progress. EVERYBODY needs kudos, child or adult. My first coach was a yeller and I found this wasn't the best approach for me. Some days I would be a basket case at the end of my lesson. Not what I wanted. My new coach talks to me and this makes me much happier as a student. Some folks like the yelling approach, so everyone needs something different.
Talk to your child and ask her how she feels. You might be surprised, she might actually be okay with how her coaching is going. If not, try talking to the coach or moving on if necessary.

Chico

__________________
"I truly believe, when God created skating, he patted himself on the back."

Each coach has their own personal style, and obviously this one clashes with your daugthers personality. It possible, try to switch coaches NOW

As an adult (who is stubborn, pig headed, strong willed, etc) I can't stand the mothering type of coach. I need a little encouragement but I don't need anything more. I need someone tougher who will tell me when things suck. On the other hand, I have an adult friend, who needs the mothering type. She needs lots of praise and if the coach is too tough she crumbles.

Personalities can make or break a relationship. I'd say this one isn't working

I would look for a new coach ASAP. I don't think any child should be required to put up with a coach who thinks praise is not an integral part of the learning process. My little one doesn't like praise when she knows she hasn't earned it; however, she does get praise when she tries hard and / or masters something. She also gets lots of shoulder hugs when things aren't going well and lots of smiles to encourage her. Your daughter's coach spends a lot of time with her and has a big influence over her self esteem. I would make sure it is someone with a positive outlook.

I think that some kids do get along well with the type of coach who critisizes and yells at them...it makes them work. That said though, I was definitly NOT one of them. I watched when I was about your daughters age and there were two main coaches at our rink. Mine encouraged her students and we all loved her. The other one was more the tough love type coach. The thing I noticed was that we all progressed at pretty much the same speed all the way, no matter which coach we had, and you can guess which coach was complained about more. I think that if your daughter is the sensitive type then you probably should think about finding a new coach because I remember watching some of the other coach's students being yelled at and I knew that if it were me being yelled at I would have been running off the ice in tears by that point. You are the one who knows your daughter, so you are the one who needs to decide which coach your daughter would work best with.

__________________
Hurrah for Desert Skaters! YAY for Jeff Buttle and Virtue and Moire!

As the mother of a similar level skater who takes lessons at a large training center, filled with high level coaches, I would recommend finding another coaching situation for your daughter. Honestly, a coach who can't find one opportunity for positive feedback during each lesson is not offering direction/correction specific enough for your skater.

For example, my daughter's coach (who is well respected and mentored by more senior coaches at our rink) spent weeks working on just the take-off of a new jump. The landing was a mess the entire time, however the coach was looking for a couple very specific things in the take-off and each time my daughter did one of those things, her coach let her know that that was exactly what she was looking for. Then all of a sudden the take-off came together and the landing happened almost by magic. Skating is hard and unless a coach can break elements down into their smallest components and give specific feedback each step of the way, only the toughest and most athletic kids would ever make it to an axel.

My first coach gave nothing but praise...never any criticism, constructive or otherwise. I never felt as though I was progressing. I switched to another coach who is great at giving constructive criticism but who does not scream or yell, she is very quiet.

I don't think I could tolerate someone who yells and screams at me. That would switch me off quickly and shows me they are unable to deal with others in a mature way.

__________________
Skate@Delaware
Ah, show skating!!! I do it for the glitter!

I have "yelly" types of coaches... and they are just about the best comedic relief I ever have!!! (It's not that they yell at me -- it's what they yell out that's makes the difference!)

Of course, for a sensitive 11 year old kid, this might not be the best solution... If this is the only issue with this particular coach... and for the most part the coach actually is a reasonable good technical coach and the kid is learning, it might help to try to learn more about this coach and figure out the more subtle ways that this coach does give complements. (For instance, if the coach asks her to do a show or a competition or do a particular test, then I would take that as a form of complement... the coach clearly thinks she's ready for it!)

__________________
Cheers,
jazzpants

11-04-2006: Shredded "Pre-Bronze FS for Life" Club Membership card!!!
Silver Moves is the next "Mission Impossible"
(Dare I try for Championship Adult Gold someday???)

Thank you for the support, you guys!!!

As an "older adult" I have been sharing the dressing room with the coaches since I came back to skating in January and been privy to their conversations about various young skaters. It seems, from what I hear, that a large percentage of young girls come to skating with an inflated sense of their own skills and the coaches try to keep them closer to reality. In other cases, they lack the "work ethic" and need to be pushed. Some are very emotional and fall apart when they blow something in competition so the coach tries to "toughen them up".

It would seem to me that it would be worth having a talk with the coach (off ice) about your daughter's personality and motivators. You may gain an understand of the coach's approach and she may come to understand you daughter better.

My winter coach is very sparse with praise and very serious during lessons, which is ok. I had a different coach for the summer, a younger woman with a bubbly personality who would jump up and down and clap when I hit something right. Her enthusiasm was contageous! There were times I would collapse in laughter at her reaction. It was an entirely different atmosphere. Which is better? I don't know. Both were effective.

__________________
Dianne
(A.O.S.S.? Got it BAD! )