A little background...my 6yo daughter is in FS1 group lessons, she has also been taking private lessons for a couple of months with a coach that, so far, I like *very* much. At her last group lesson, I noticed that the group lesson coach spent a good bit of time talking with her individually while the other students were doing some sort of back XO, mohawk excercise. My first thought was that she was being chastised for not paying attention/following directions . She has this tendency to decide she knows what's going on before she's heard all of the instructions. So, of course , I asked her about it after class.

She said the coach had asked her if she was taking private lessons, with whom and when. This seemed odd to me because there aren't a huge number of coaches at this rink, my daughter's coach and the group lesson coach appear to be friendly and my daughter has had several private lessons on freestyle sessions where this group lesson coach was also teaching. Then my daughter went on to say that this coach told the whole class (5 students, age 6-10) that if they had private lessons with him, they could win lots of medals.

Now, my daughter's only 6, so she may have misunderstood details that could affect the interpretation of these conversations, but she's not the type to make stuff up. Prior to this, a couple of other parents had told me this coach aggressively pursued private students and one parent actually made a formal complaint about the way this coach talked to young students, so I'm not the only one who's uncomfortable with this coach's style. Should I let my daughter's coach know what was said? I hate to complain to rink management about this, but my daughter is not the sort of kid who needs to be encouraged to think about medals. She's ruthlessly competitive in pretty much everything and I had hoped to put off competitive skating until she was mature enough to focus on personal performance over medals.

I wouldn't talk to your coach about it- if they're even remotely friendly it could just turn into a bad situation for all involved. I would however confront the group coach about it, and if he doesn't explain himself clearly as to why he would falsely claim the ability to have your kid win medals (no one can do that for sure, and to use that as incentive is just wrong) then complain to management. That's absolutely APPALING. You don't ask a 6 year old if they want lessons with you, you ask the parent. I've rarely heard of search unprofessional solicitin in my whole life, I'm actually kinda shocked there's coaches out there that would do that, and try to take advantage of a little girl. Just wrong.

There is more to life than winning. But we have a coach like this at our rink (not so much the medal thing but really chases after people to get lessons out of them).

It might be worthwhile saying something because obviously your daughter is not the only one being "targetted" and eventually it will cause friction and some unhappiness at the rink, which is pretty much what has happened with the coach I mentioned above.

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Your daughter may be repeating it out of context. Perhaps the coach was attempting to humor & joke with the class. I also wouldn't automatically assume he was soliciting & knows your daughter takes private lessons while she's still in group lessons. Other coaches, parents & skaters don't always know every student Coach X is teaching. Most kids in group lessons are not in private lessons at the same time & many of them know nothing about how the system works & ask a lot of questions. (How do I get a medal, how can I learn a triple, how can I be in an ice show, etc) He may have been trying to explain something about the process to them.

I would ask the coach directly for his version of what exactly was said before jumping to conclusions & then decide after that.

Yeah but it's true that no matter WHAT was said, and no matter what this coach knew or didn't about the girl's coaching situation, any and ALL offers to coach said child should have been directed at the parents, not at the kid herself, and that's just accross the board. You don't ask a 6 year old kid if she wants to take lessons with you, you ask her parents.

That was my first reaction, but I didn't want to over-react. After thinking about it, I think I'm going to talk a few of the other parents who have kids in the class and see if they heard similar stories. We all talk anyway so it wouldn't be any big deal. I hope to hear an explanation that makes perfect sense. Otherwise I will talk to the group lesson coach. My daughter is now asking why her own coach hasn't promised her medals if this other coach can get them for her.

Wouldn't a coach want to know if a colleague was soliciting their students? Wouldn't they be upset if they heard about from other people and the parent had never said anything? This is a small rink and if I end up going to the management, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if word got back to my daughter's coach. I actually was thinking that my daughter's coach could advise me on how to best handle the situation with the group lesson coach, but maybe it's better to ask for that kind of advice from a coach who's completely removed from the situation.

Well of course, your coach would want to know if another coach was trying to take their student away from them, I am just saying that for YOU and for your daughter (you two come first in this situation...) the rink is less likely to morph into a bad version of "Heathers" if you just talk to management, at which point you could strongly suggest that they have a talk with the coach who is soliciting students, and tell him that it's unethical and unacceptable, especially under the claims with which he's trying to do it, and then request that your complaint be kept anonymous. If you mention it to the coach, you don't know what they'll say to the other coach, and it could be a big mash up where your coach claims that you said things you never said, and then the other coach has a problem with you, and then that coach's kids can have a problem with your kids...I mean, you name it, I've seen it all happen. Sure it could all resolve itself painlessly by being direct, but with skating (and other sports, for that matter) that rarely happens quite so easily. I would just suggest you remove yourself from the situation and let the management deal with it, while you keep your anonimity.

Yes, trust me, the last thing you want at your rink is for the pros' room to have a huge split down the middle. It's like that at ours, and believe you me, it is not nice. There are faults on both sides, and I absolutely refuse to take sides, or to listen when one lot tells me all the horrendous things the other lot do/have done.... but it's a pain in the neck, as it means we can't work with a coach we'd actually very much like to work with right now while retaining our present coaches - there is simply no way the three of them could work together, which we would need them to do.

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Well.....I would be careful. I would keep this under my hat and not talk to other parents and management. I would let the group lesson coach know that my child was taking private lessons and who with. Thank them for showing interest in my child. Look, the coach shouldn't have said what they said...but coaches make their income coaching. And they are always on the look out for new students. This coach probably didn't know your child was taking lessons. If they haven't seen your child taking lessons they probably wouldn't know. And yes, I have heard of some coaches being bad about "getting" other coaches students. This is a no, no. Often the relationship is not working or the student wouldn't be open to a change though. As for fellow parents...skating is a small community, if you haven't already noticed, and heaven knows what might come back to get you. I wouldn't go here. Nip it in the bud with the group coach, handle it nicely, and move on.(Oh, if this is a coach with a student "taking" relationship the other coaches already know.)

Chico

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