Okay coaches......I need some feedback.

Should a parent expect a coach to 'drop them an email' after each lesson indicating what instructions the coach gave their child? In other words, when the skater is told by the coach to sharpen their skates, do a few more off ice stretches etc., ask the parent something etc. (nothing earthshattering), make sure they get to the rink on time, etc...

The parents are drop and drive - and the skater is not a baby. Let's just say the instructions are not difficult, and even 7 year olds remember to tell their parents. BTW - anything really important is alwalys relayed in person or by email anyway.

Any coach out there got so much time on their hands that they sit in front of the computer after a day at the rink and email every parent, because that parent is too busy or forgetful to ask their child 'is there anything I need to know?"

I have never done this. Usually I talk to the parent after the lesson. However, if you are booked for the whole session, you cannot do this unless the parent is still there after the session. It seems the parent may have gotten this idea about the email from school. Many parents will ask a teacher to send an email especially if the kid has problems in class w finishing homework, etc. Some parents just demand of a teacher's time. This would easily transfer to skating teachers. IMO, the parent should take the time to do more than "drop & drive" esp if the coach has time to talk at the rink.

Kay

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Thanks! These same parents expect me to email instructions to BOTH parents - and cc the other when I have a conversation with one parent. Plus they expect me to tell them when something I say is important.....
BTW they are married and live in the same house... They give the excuse that the child is a forgetful teen.....

Any advice on how to deal with this.....I've told them that I will only give instructions to one person - and that they should consider everything I tell them to be worthy of listening to (I don't talk just to hear myself and am too busy to be bothered 'chatting').

No other skater or parent seems to have trouble with instructions I give the skater -- just this family --- and they've been around the rink for about 10 years.

Wow - my coaches expect me to be responsible for my own skating and would never agree to 'email or phone parents to tell them my skates need sharpening, or I should be doing more ice or need to do off ice. That's my job as an athlete.

I think the problem these days is that coaches don't get the same respect they did years ago. My coach is somewhat old school, and expects us to do what is asked. Many parents these days no longer consider anyone to be an expert where their children are concerned and will question everyone, regardless of the task or expertise required.

If the coach is qualified and doing a good job with the skater on the ice, and the skater is thriving - shouldn't the parents be more interested in seeing what THEY can do to keep the relationship healthy?

PS My coach can barely read emails let alone send one lol and any parent who causes him too much grief eventually ends up with a new coach. He says its not worth the emotional time and effort to babysit parents, no matter how great the skater is.

I've never had to do this. I HAVE done it when there were special situations, such as off-schedule lessons, test/comp news, etc., but never for a routine lesson.

Does this child have a training notebook? If not, give her one from a dollar store. At the end of the lesson, tell her what you want to tell her and have her write it down. She should deliver the info to the parents if they can't come in to discuss it with you. That's part of coaching - teaching her responsibility and follow-through.

Don't agree unless you're willing to do the extra work. You could charge them an extra five minutes for "off-ice consulting!"
rofl

BTW, emailing more than one of them is easy - just add them both to your address book and then make a distribution list with their ID's. You just send the email to the distribution list name. However, there are a lot of coaches who are NOT that adept at the computer. Plead tech-phobia or too little time.

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I know that emailing both parents is easy - it's the principle that annoys me. I've dealt with messy divorced parents who communicate better than this.

Yes - the skater has been given a notebook, and told to get a notebook a number of times, but never follows through. The same thing with the skating log that is supposed to be followed each day regarding jumps to work on, off ice details etc which the parent wanted and took a bit of time for me to create ( I have a master YPI but they couldnt understand that). Kid left the chart in the skate bag or locker after the first day.

BTW - It's not just me - another coach asked the skater to be in an ice show and the kid 'forgot' to mention it to his parents until the week of the show. But then, that was my fault for not telling them (lol)

Also - this skater gets more time than the parents pay for because we've been preparing for a big competition so I am a little annoyed at being the one who seems to be doing all the giving....

Is it a full moon yet????

I have a teenage son. It's in one ear and out the other. So maybe the person to address is the skater, especially if it's been a long term relationship.

Stick with the notebook. Basically it's this, you choose the notebook as the best means of communication, the lesson doesn't happen unless the skater has their notebook, music CD, water bottle, etc etc. If they have to go get the notebook that's on the clock. If they take 15 minutes to get their notebook or music and that was their lesson time, too bad.

Tell the parent that the notebook is the primary means of communication and it is their responsibility to make sure that it is in Johnny's skating bag, right beside his music CD's.

That's my kids coach rule and it's my own coach rule too. I forget music

Funny you should mention the water bottle. I've had to buy this skater water on a couple of occasions because the poor kid was clearly dehydrated on the ice , and supply them with granola bars because the kid hadn't anything to drink since milk at breakfast and a bit of milk at lunch. The water bottle does appear almost regularly now. The other day I suggested that the skater bring a 12-pack of cheap drinking box juice to leave in the skating locker so that when the child felt in need of sugar boost - it would be there (instead of me buying the gatorade or water ).

PS - $ is not the issue, according to the father as they both have good jobs ....I think it is more a time management issue.

I was having a clear out of my old school books the other week and came across my "homework diary". The concept was that the student wrote homework in it to keept track of what they're doing, parents signed off that it was done and the form teacher signed to say that they'd seen the book and the signature. It was the primary means of communicating between parents and school. So if they were worried about something they could send a message to teacher that way, and equally teacher could send message back. I had one in a similar fashion for my music lessons, as the teacher had back to back lessons. Sounds like you need some similar system with the parents. Maybe you need to write in the notebook during the lesson and not the student?
Sounds most unfair of the parents expecting you to do the communicating for them. If they can't a) talk to each other and b) talk to their child, how on earth do they ever manage to remind each other to buy the milk let alone cook the dinner?

Have they been involved w lessons for 10 yrs? How have other coaches coped w this? Or is this something new? HW diaries are used in schools. The teacher signs it at the end of class. Suggest this to the parent, not just the kid. I agree w pleading lack of time. And stop giving extra time that is not paid. Even if the kid is preparing for comp, so should be paid for your time. Whatever you do, don't start calling the parents. We have to do this in school, but you can literally spend hrs on the phone w parents and you will not be paid. I like the idea of a consultation fee if you must email.

Kay

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Why dont you try a notebook in the bag. And the coach can throw a few things down and you can read it. Now, if i was a coach i would kind of like this. I would write a few things down and maybe even ask the parents to initial that they read it. Just so we all know what is going on and are on the same page. And the parent is the one paying for the lessons. I do think a parents involvement is important in a childs success. There has to be some work done at home as well. Now if the kids are like 16 its a bit different. But even a 10 year old is going to forget things.

I would love for this but I can completely understand why a coach wouldnt want to email every parent at the end of the day.

I however am there for my dd lessons and watch the whole things since she is only 4 she needs to see mommy to feel comfortable. And if there was a bad fall at her age i would feel horrible guilty to not be there. I love when the coach can keep her on the ice and she doesnt need me (and i try to hide) but hey she is four.

But really I think its a lot to ask of the coach. If the skater is big enough to leave alone on the ice then try a notebook or something. An email after every lesson ever kid is ALOT.

Occasionaly you could email the coach and ask her. Then she wouldnt have to think of it. I have done this. Just emailed and say hey what can my dd do at home to help. I wouldnt do it after every lesson but a couple times a month wouldnt hurt.

If you are going to do an apres-lesson email, get a digital recorder and just record what you tell the kid at the end of the lesson. Then email the ninny parents the audio file.

Oh, even better - just use your cell phone to dial their home voice mail and record the convo with the skater.

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My coach has supplemental work she does after coaching. She gets to emails once every couple months! You could plead lack of time.

To me, the skater and parents are BOTH irresponsible. My parents put the money for skating and lessons in a joint account with me and I had to write the checks as a method of learning responsibility. (I still pay my own way as an adult). I can tell you when you are paying for it, you are more responsible. Make that suggestion to the parents that SHE pay the bill (even if they give her the money).

I think that's ridiculis. Dd's coach will tell me (after the lesson because I'm around) if she needs her skates sharpened because though she is 17, she won't remember to tell me but because coach's husband does the sharpening, it goes like this "make sure she leaves her skates here and I will take them home for dh to sharpen"

j

I second the idea of her paying the bill. I can tell you from personal experience as a young adult (19-20yrs old) when you have to pay the bill you become so much more responsible and I think it will change the attitude/responsibility level. Skating is an expensive sport, I don't waste a second of my lessons. Though if the parents have such good jobs it may not make a difference to her. The idea of emailing/calling the parents of a teenager to tell them what needs to happen is ridiculous, in some cases it may go in one ear and out the other, but if they don't learn to take responsibility for their actions now when will they learn?

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Thanks for the support and suggestions! I was beginning to think it was just me....although I've only had one other parent that was this bad and I told them to find another coach finally!

Have you ever met someone that you can't seem to have a conversation with..the type where every time you come away shaking your head because the person never heard a word of what you were saying no matter how many ways you worded the message....that's these parents. (I have no idea how the father functions in senior management)

Here's your problem. The child isn't a 'forgetful teen'. She's only learning what she's being taught---which is that everything is *someone else's* responsibility. The parents can't even take responsibility to tell *each other* important information, for pete's sake!


Put your foot down. Do NOT buy that child drinks or snacks--the parents are totally taking advantage of you. If you do it once, they'll figure they don't have to, because you will.

Suggest the notebook, which is a good idea, but stress that it's the CHILD'S responsibility to write things down, and if she doesn't, that's not your fault. It's not your responsibility to write a single thing in that book--not a note, not a signature. When the parents come to complain, you just say 'I gave her the information, is it in the book?' "nooo..." 'Gee, that's too bad. Sorry, can't help you!'

If you do decide to email them any kind of information, be sure you bill them for your time. You could even bill at a higher 'consultation' rate, because you have to take that time out of your personal time. Believe me...once they are forced to pay extra a time or two, they'll stop asking.

Some people don't think they should have to grow up. Don't cave to them.

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My piano teacher once wrote down the notes on my skin when I forgot a notebook and made sure to press down *hard* on the pen... You can be sure I remembered to bring it after that.

The kid is a teenager, are you telling me it is incapable of walking to the next convenience store and getting some sort of notebook there?

You've summed it up correctly! The parents don't want to take ownership or responsibility unless they feel like it or it is their idea. I am finding a lot of parents are downloading their jobs on to other people lately.

My spouse has listened to me whine and says I am getting too worked up about their demands .."isn't it just easier to email them and keep them happy" is his reply.

I feel as if I have to document everything I say and do with this family, just to prove I didn't screw up. The notebook would download responsibiliy to the skater, I agree, but if the skater doesn't carry through, I feel the parents would still expect me to email them, etc.

BTW When I suggested the skater pick up a later session until the competition because the skater was arriving at the rink 1/2 to 45 minutes late, and therefore missing ice - the father insisted the child HAD been doing the extra session all week (tone of voice was that I was lying)...until I pointed out that the night before I was TALKING to the parent and child off the ice during that session (and the kid was in jeans).

But they want the child to be a national champion!!!

I give up!

PS Sessy: I have given this skater notebooks over the years - child has been a learn-to-skate and private student of mine for about 8 years)
I have told them to keep a nutrition notebook, given out USFSA training logs, off ice stretching infor etc. (great stuff on the USFSA website) etc.....and nothing is ever done. Father said he was a national athlete of some kind and I figured he would follow through.....

If they want you to write in the book for the kid, then tell them that's fine and you'll do it in the kids lesson. After all, they're paying for that time so they're entitled to some say in how it gets used. Sure, it'll mean losing a few minutes of skating time, but hey, if that's what they want... However, they are not paying for your time to email them later so unless they're willing to be billed for the time it takes you, in my opinion they have no right to ask you to do it.

Maybe you need to spell it out to them that the kid ain't going to be any sort of champion unless the whole family (parents and skater) start taking responsibility for the child's skating. As for dad being senior management - lots of people manage to get promoted out of harm's way. It's generally the only way of getting rid of some people. I must admit though, that I agree with the attitude that the teenager should take more responsibility for her own life. If she's going skating then she should bring her own snacks, drinks and notebooks. What's her allowance for otherwise?

Rmember how this started? Talked to skater about something during lesson - parent called that night wanting me to tell them rather than the skater ------ NOW the MOTHER has emailed me quoting the conversation with the father and asking me the same stupid thing!!!!

How can I politely cut this thing off? I don't mind quick emails to clarify things or cancel lessons etc......but after both the skater and the father have talked to me,,,,the mother sends an email?

BTW she cc'd the husband! I didn't.

I would just be honest with the parents. And why dont you say hey, the emails are starting to really consume alot of extra time and stress for me. And offer the email as an extra. but charge them a flat fee per month for the emails.

In most cases emails only take a few minutes a day (i understand per kid it would add up). But just say it will be a monthly fee for them. Maybe the cost of one private lesson. Say i.e. 30.00-45.00 a month. And bill them for it at the beginning of each month.

As much as it sucks and this will probably be taken horribly rude. But they are paying you and if that is what they really want from you then that is what you should give them. And if you dont want to then drop them. Heck I would email them once a day for 30-45.00 extra a month lol. Or charge them monthly to write things in the note book. If you spend 2 extra minutes at the end of the lesson writing stuff in the notebook. Add it to the lesson time. What harm is in that. Yeah the child is learning no resposibility but unfortunetly the parents arent concerened about that.

I am the type of parent who wants to know what is going on with my dd skating. Now, i ask or talk to my coach while she is in her lesson. And I know its possibly taken time away from her but at least i know what she needs to be doing. Or the coach skates over to me and says hey she needs to wear weights while doing this and dd is warming up or such and such.. But if it were off ice I wouldnt feel cheated if she asked me to pay for it.

Wow, the parents are stupid. You're so patient, I think a lot of people would've already told them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine...

As you said, this appears to be a communication issue with the family itself. One suggestion might be at some point in the near future (given the latest e-mail from the mother with the father CC'ed) would be to ask them ALL to come in for a meeting, maybe after the skater's lesson. Be honest and tell them that their skater needs to take responsibility for their skating and you will assist by giving them information to write in a notebook which can be shared with the parents, and then if they have specific clarifying questions, they can e-mail you, but that you will not be able to e-mail them after every lesson. I think that getting them together and saying all of it once, would be a good thing given that they appear to need to hear everything for themselves.