Wow. I had a family that was sort of dysfunctional like this, but not nearly this bad- plus, their kid was only seven. What this family is asking of you is definitely unreasonable, especially since the skater is not young.

What if you wrote up a contract that all your skaters and their parents had to sign? The parents could have to agree to have their skater at the rink on time, having eaten, with a water bottle, and to call you if they're running late. Skaters would agree to be on the ice on time with their notebook, music, sweater, etc. You could stipulate something like after forgetting the notebook x number of times, not having it would mean forfeiting that lesson. You could also add that you're willing to send email updates every other week or once a month to families who want them. (Obviously, you could be a bit more lenient with families you feel deserve it and will be discreet).

Definitely don't give this skater any time that's not being paid for- the picture I get of these parents is that they'll come to expect it, if they haven't already. Also, I don't know what the billing procedure is at your rink, but if you buy her drinks or snacks, make it clear you expect the parents to repay you.

Or you could try pinning notes to the kid's jacket like kindergarten teachers sometimes do.

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Shae-Lynn and Victor: We knew you were champions, and on 3/28/03 the whole WORLD found out! Thank you for twelve wonderful years!

You must be so frustrated. That would be completely unacceptable to me if I were a coach.

My daughter is 7 and this is how we handle it: she has a notebook that does NOT leave her skating bag. If we're at the rink for practice, it's there so she can review what she's supposed to practice. If she skates out to her lesson without it, her coach makes her go back and get it and it's my daughter's problem that she misses a couple of minutes. She's only 7 and she understands this.

Your student is older and there are more complications, but it doesn't have to be any more complicated than some sort of permanent notebook that stays in the skating bag. The parents can get off their hinders and read the book for whatever your latest specific directions are.

I agree with the poster who says it shows a lack of respect. I've run into parents who seem to feel like if you pay a coach you can treat them like a hired servant or something. You've been really accomodating.

If you want to keep up the emails, I agree you should charge an extra fee, then live with it. If it were me, I would sit down and write up something to the parents that you're only going to do one form of communication. Whether that be a weekly email or a notebook doesn't really matter. It seems like whatever you're doing they're going to find it falls short (which is why I wouldn't go with the charge-a-fee option, because people who think like this will only think this buys them more demands from you).

Of course. Because the child deserves it.

Not because she's earned it, or worked for it, or anything.

This is just priceless


I get the feeling that the parents will never change. You could start to charge for it, and as disorganized parents they would probably pay for that babysitting because the easiest thing is to hand over money, but would you resent being the responsible person? Or you can set your foot down now, which, is what I feel the situation needs. There's been lots of reasonable suggestions, and maybe, as a kind suggestion you could practice on us here at SkatingForums saying "no sorry, that's not possible" (hug)

Thanks for the support everyone. At least I know its not me! Today I gave the child the regular lesson time - and about 5 minutes extra. Skater was suprised I didn't give more on the second session......(and the child got on the ice 7 minutes late - again! and I was already teaching a student who showed up early).

Child seemed in a bit of a mood. The parents have obviously been discussing things (lol - now they talk to each other). Didn't seem like the right time to discuss a notebook. Will do that tomorrw.

Thanks again for listening! Updates when available

I've used post-it notes stuck to their shirts inside the jackets. They're usually found before laundry day. (Only for quickie things like "sharpen skates" "No lesson next week." Stuff kids would forget.)

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I'm not a coach, but I am a parent of a skater. Anyway... that seems like a bit much IMO and honestly if this student is a teen, she should be responsible enough to tell her parents those things!! I have younger skaters(my dd is 9 and ds is 7) and I don't expect those things from their coaches. I HAVE gone and asked their coaches questions, BUT never have I expected them to e-mail me details. Good grief. I could see myself asking my daughter's private coach for specifics, but I would write MYSELF notes, if I felt it necessary. I would not expect her to do so. My kids remind me often if they need their skates sharpened or if their coaches have told them to do something. If your student is forgetful, then her parents should call you OR insist that their child bring a notebook with her, so she can write down your requests and suggestions! A teen should certainly be responsible enough to do that.

Personally, I like to watch my children during their lessons. I can't imagine that changing anytime soon. There is one girl who comes for lessons and her mother just drops her off and picks her up afterwards. This little girl is 9! I can see doing it once in awhile when your kids are older, but this little girl is ALWAYS alone... even for public sessions. :-(

My goodness... WHY are you providing snacks and drinks for him? Why don't his parents send some with him? I've put snacks and drinks in my kids bags and they are usually only on the ice for an hour at a time! I guess I don't get why the parents aren't providing those things for him. Oh and my daughter and son keep all of their skating stuff in their skating bags so we always know where things are. When it is time for my daughter to have music for her 1st competition in June, I will keep the CD in there too(then I won't forget it!). WOW... I can't imagine being THAT forgetful(and I can be pretty forgetful at times)!

Even as a student, I agree with the others - your time is money and must be paid for, especially if this is a regular thing.

I often take notes at lessons. Coaches tease me about it, but it helps me remember.

The kid can wear a light voice activated recorder like a necklace. If they can pay for lessons, the parents can afford the recorder, and complain to the student if she doesn't bring it. That way you are out of the dispute.

Why can't a kid come in Jeans?

To me a skater beyond LTS (or even in the last few levels) who comes in jeans is not ready to skate. The body can't move, the coach can't see the line- jeans are not skating clothes. (And I know elite skaters have performed in them, but once you are at that level you get to break the rules).

I don't think my coach would give me a lesson if I showed up in jeans.

(Full disclosure: I have skated in jeans before. Once or twice I'd go to the mall for shopping, notice NO ONE on the ice, and just run to the car and grab my bag for 30 minutes of empty ice- the ice is mine! who cares what I am wearing! I didn't jump though- jeans are incredibly uncomfortable when wet, and I wasn't going to deal with falling. Which is why our rink asks that even LTS kids don't wear them. You get cold, cranky kids.)

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-Jessi
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You are paid by the hour (or minute). So as to keep your coaching time within the time allotment, maybe you can spend the last 5 minutes of your paid lesson time having your student write down everything you told her in a notebook instead of adding on an extra 5 minutes that you aren't being paid for. If the kid can't remember to bring one, it's probably a decent $1.00 investment to give her one, along with a pen or pencil. But after that, she's on her own. If she doesn't bring it, you can just tell the parents you will be reiterating what was taught in the lesson in the last 5 minutes of the lesson and whoever wants to hear it and take notes is welcome to do so. That way, nothing is adding to your coaching time and it reinforces in the student's mind what she just learned in her lesson. It's up to the parents to look at the notebook (and if the kid can't bring a notebook or remember what she was taught, her skating lessons are the least of her worries!). If they want you to spend time outside of the lesson time helping their kid but they don't want to pay extra, tell them you can cut the actual lesson down by 5 minutes and e-mail the instructions instead of reiterating them at the end of the lesson.

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"You don't have to put an age limit on your dreams." - Dara Torres, 41, after her 2nd medal at the 2008 Olympics

My daughter's coach makes her do laps if she forgets her notebook. It happened recently (and ironically, it was my fault because I had taken it out to look at something and carelessly left it on the table). Now she checks before we leave the house that it's in her skating bag. Exactly, it's entirely appropriate to do this within your paid time - and it keeps everything clear as a bell between you and your skater (and by extension, the parents).

You should try getting your pupils in back to back slots. You won't be tempted then to give any freebies to any of them, as the next skater should be there waiting. If you want to do freebies it's when the next skater is late. All the coaches at my rink are booked solid on the popular after school / Saturday morning sessions, and so they have to run the pupils back to back, so there is no possible time to reiterate what needs to be practiced. If you want that, you have to book extra. Seems a lot fairer that way and hopefully easier for you (at least you'll get home earlier for the same amount of money!).

My coach hates back-to-back sessions for this very reason - there isn't time to breathe between lessons! Even if he were to use the last few minutes of each lesson to speak to the parents - which he does - he still has no time to get himself a drink or get rid of one! He is booked solid on Saturday and Sunday mornings and, I think, the after-school sessions, but he would far rather have a gap between sessions.

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Mrs Redboots
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I love my computer because my friends live in it!
Ice dancers have lovely big curves!

Our coaches, generally hold 15 mins of a session free so they've got time to get the odd drink, breathe, sit down, pop to loo etc. With dancing on ice that 15mins is now being taken. But they've all got the parents well trained to go get them their coffees.
I can see why coaches want breaks from coaching (hey we all like breaks from work) but I think if you've got a difficult family, it might be a way of training them into respecting that they've only paid for a set amount of time and they shouldn't be expecting extra. It's just the same as any other employer, if I work extra I expect to be paid the overtime unless it's my fault that I'm working the extra hours.

I'd drop a coach that did that. What I like about our coach is that she asked my daughter if it would be helpful for her to have a notebook and if she had a notebook would she remember to bring it. DD said, no she would not remember it and no it would not be helpful and coach said "Okay then we won't waste time with that" I appreciate a coach who realizes one size does not fit all and this is not the freaking army.

j

This particular skater is scheduled on a session that few of my skaters can arrive in time for. This skater gets out of school an hour prior to the session start - lots of time to get there on time, but never does. My other skaters arrive early a couple of times a week, but normally skate on later sessions, where I do have back-to-back lessons.

Since I have to show up early for this particular skater, I tend to use my time coaching rather than sitting in the coaches room waiting for the next session. However, I've been standing on the ice waiting for too long lately, as the problem skater shows up later and later every day.

Things will change now - thanks for all the advice! We have made it through the big competition that I've been working towards - and now a new training year begins.