eating disorders

[sk8ing is lyfe]

how many skaters have eating disorders? i know it is common!

[sk8ing is lyfe]

i used to have bulimia(sp) i felt like i couldnt hold my food down so i owuld purge. it wasnt pleasent! if i did keep it down i felt bloated and like a balloon.

all i can say is thank god i got over it!

[jp1andOnly]

well, I highly doubt anyone is going to come out and tell you. Who knows what the % is but it does exist.

Asking how many skaters have an eating disorder is a very silly question. It will lead to speculation and rumours. Asking about eating disorders and how to prevent them, causes etc is a better question.

[Black Sheep]

I had to quit skating when I became anorexic in high school....

[sk8ing is lyfe]

well thats what this thread could become jp1andonly. obviously some people do want to talk about it though. i know when i was going through it, i felt like i had no one to turn to. this way people can work through it together.

[sk8er1964]

Originally posted by sk8ing is lyfe
well thats what this thread could become jp1andonly. obviously some people do want to talk about it though. i know when i was going through it, i felt like i had no one to turn to. this way people can work through it together.

I never had problems with bulimia or anexoria, but I did have problems with anxiety disorder (which is pretty closely related). For example, I couldn't drive without falling apart, and the smell of car exhaust in the winter would literally paralize me (because I had my first panic attack in a car wash line up and the smell would trigger the memory).

Anyway, one of the things that helped me recover was the knowledge that I was not alone - that I was not weird - that I was not a freak. So if a thread like this can help any of our skaters find a way out of their own personal he**, than I say let's talk!

[MissIndigo]

Did the anxiety ever affect your ability to eat? I have been under a lot of stress here for about the past two months (not skating related) and I find it difficult to keep food. I wake up nauseated most days, and always feel like I have a gnawing in my stomach that won't go away. I usually manage to eat something though, little bits at a time. I definitely don't fear food, but I wish I weren't so stressed all the time. It's beginning to show...everybody and their family is asking me these days why I've lost weight, and it's not like I'm trying! :?:

[Mrs Redboots]

I believe that anxiety and stress can manifest itself in one's appetite either by destroying it completely, as in MissIndigo's case, or by causing one to comfort eat. I know that when I was younger, stress would go straight to my tummy and I just didn't eat - sadly, now that I am middle-aged, the reverse is true! I wish it was as easy to lose weight now as it was then.....

Skaters, like gymnasts and ballet dancers, are under enormous pressure to stay small and slight, since it is a lot easier to jump and spin and be lifted if one is. I imagine this could make them especially prone to eating disorders. On the other hand, the rate in the general community seems to be about 8-10% of teenage girls, so perhaps they are no more prone to such disorders than anybody else. What helps, of course, is early tuition and example of what constitutes a healthy diet!

[jp1andOnly]

I guess I didn't phrase my comments very well. Sorry bout that sk8ting for lyfe. For some reason I thought you wanted the names of highly competitive skaters. I don't know why I thought that but I thought you were looking to gossip.

I need to stop reading the boards when I'm tired....

[lilpairsk8ter]

MissIndigo just to answer your question anxiety can greatly affect eating patterns as can stress or any change in your life no matter unimporatant you might think it to be. I would encourage you to scedule an appoinment with your doctor and see if he or she can proscribe some medications for the anxiety. I know there are some great medicines out there that could help you. I know they have helped me with my anxiety.

Now getting back to the main subject of this thread on eating disorders. i feel lead to share my story in hopes that maybe it will cause someone to get help now and not go down the same road i went down. please read my story if you think it might help you.

I was a very quiet, shy, and submissive 15yr old when i was approcahed about pairskating with this guy who was much older than i. I was thrilled that he chose me and loved pairskating from the minute i started. In begining the relationship was fine but soon things went down hill. Everthing became my fault weather or not it really was and i began to internalize the things he said or implied about me and my body. i thought that i was to fat and would never succeed in life beacuse of this so the anorexia which i had flirted with since the age of 12 really became apparent. i was purging manny times a day and overexercizing. I hated myself and all of my selfconfidince was stripped from me. My parents had no idea what was going on in the relationship so i stuck with it for another 3 years beacuse i felt like i couldn't get out. The only reason that i got out was beacuse i have some of the best friends who took me aside at the rink and made me realize that i am worth sooo much more than this. they urged me to get the professional help that i needed.

Now fast forward to today. I am now 19 and i wish that i could say the minute i stopped skating with this guy my life got all better but it didn't. I am a freshman in college and am still struggling with purging anorexia. this past year has been the hardest of all for me mostly due to the fact that i started college last fall which i love but is also very stressful for me. I have been seeing a therapist for about 8 months and i also have been hospitalized twice which has helped but i still struggle daily. Many people ask me if i had the chance would i go back and do this all over again or would i do something diffrently. I can honestly say that i would go through this again in a heartbeat if i could just help one person not to go down this road or to help someone to get the treatment that they need. so please of you are reading this and fear you might have an eating disorder or just have any questions for me feel free tod rop me an e-mail or post a message for me. sorry this was sooo long but i felt lead to share and if you couldn't tell from reading this im studdying psychology so heplfully i didn't sound too much like a psychologist :lol:

[sk8er1964]

Originally posted by MissIndigo
Did the anxiety ever affect your ability to eat? I have been under a lot of stress here for about the past two months (not skating related) and I find it difficult to keep food. I wake up nauseated most days, and always feel like I have a gnawing in my stomach that won't go away. I usually manage to eat something though, little bits at a time. I definitely don't fear food, but I wish I weren't so stressed all the time. It's beginning to show...everybody and their family is asking me these days why I've lost weight, and it's not like I'm trying! :?:

It certainly can. As Mrs. Redboots said, it can go either way - overindulging or not eating. Also, something called Irritable Bowel Syndrome effects people with anxiety - so if you are getting a lot of stomach cramps that may be why.

The best "cure" for anxiety disorder, and I would think also for anorexia/bulimia is to change the way you think. By this I mean not only the way you think about yourself, but also the way you think about the world around you.

lilpairskater mentioned that when she was skaing with that guy, everything was her fault. I used to think that when anything happened that adversly effected my life. I had to learn that other people have problems, and I do not need to internalize their problems. If someone is having a bad day, it is not my fault. If someone doesn't like me, it is not my fault. For a while when you are in recovery you get downright selfish - and that's ok because eventually it evens out.

Another thing - back then I had to always be strong and always be right and always be in control. It was literally impossible to admit that anything could be wrong with my life. I was perfect. But inside, I knew that I wasn't perfect, I wasn't in control, and I wasn't as strong as I pretended to be. With me, the stress caused by this took the form of panic attacks and other physical symptoms like tingling fingers and chest pain.

Anxiety disorder was bad enough - but I think that anexoria/bulimia can be worse because you are actually physically harming yourself (the worst physical harm someone with anxiety disorder does to themselves is to self-medicate by drinking alcohol). Good professional help is the key. If you have a problem with any of these things, you aren't alone!

PS - if anyone wants to know the name of the organization that helped me overcome my anxiety, PM me. They offer a self-help program that really worked for me.

[skaternum]

Long before I started skating and when I was in high school, I suffered from borderline anorexia (i.e., I was just slightly over the recommended percentage body weight and was never hospitalized). We got that under control, but then I discovered bulimia and had a terrible time with that. We got it under control, finally. I was seriously studying ballet and performing a lot, and that culture just breeds disordered eating! To this day, though, when I'm under serious emotional stress (like when I went through a divorce or when my mom died), it rears its ugly head and I have to fight it all over again.

Luckily, I've never felt any pressure to get skinny for skating. I did lose a few pounds just to help out my Faux Pairs partner, but nothing serious. Eating disorders are almost nonexistent where I skate! Hallelujah!

[Aussie Willy]

Just to relate about a friend of mine who people always thought had an eating disorder, but she was just very thin (probably had a very high metabolism). I know that she has a very healthy appetitite. However for years she did not wear black leggings (they make your legs look thinner) because if she did people would comment that she needed to put some weight on. It used to really peeve her off that people would be like that and felt that they had the right to comment about her weight when for her it was really natural to be thin.

I know this digresses from the original question of the thread, but this does happen to thin people, particularly skaters.

[icenut84]

Originally posted by Aussie Willy
Just to relate about a friend of mine who people always thought had an eating disorder, but she was just very thin (probably had a very high metabolism). I know that she has a very healthy appetitite. However for years she did not wear black leggings (they make your legs look thinner) because if she did people would comment that she needed to put some weight on. It used to really peeve her off that people would be like that and felt that they had the right to comment about her weight when for her it was really natural to be thin.

I know this digresses from the original question of the thread, but this does happen to thin people, particularly skaters.

I agree. I'm naturally slim too. Last year, I was at skating and a woman I knew came up to me and was talking to me. She asked me if I was alright (I was fine), and said I was looking very thin. She then started saying about how some teenagers "get funny ideas", implying that maybe there was something wrong with me. She obviously meant well, but I was quite upset later on because I thought people saw me like that, thought that I was ill. I've never had an eating disorder and while I don't have the biggest appetite in the world, I do eat quite a lot (and snack). I'm just naturally slim. Family members also commented that I was "thin" around that time too, so I actually got quite worried. I got over it though, because I knew that I was healthy. The point is, sometimes if someone is quite thin, people automatically assume there might be something wrong, and it can actually be quite hurtful for people to say that to you. I had thought the zip-up top I was wearing that time on the ice was quite flattering to my figure, but I haven't worn it again.

[JDC1]

I've never had anorexia but I came close twice, in that I SEVERELY altered my caloric intake and excercised like a demon. Both had to do with issues other than my looks but I blamed my being "fat". The first time I got pleurisy and was quite weak and the doctor talked to me and explained to me I was over doing it and I had ordered bed rest for 1 week and lots of medicine. The second time my boss took me aside and asked me what was I doing to myself, that I looked awful and I needed to start eating they were all getting worried about me. And I realized I'd gone too far and starting eating a little more and that was the last time I've ever done that and since I was never hospitalized and have never given into the urge since then I don't really think I had anorexia but I was definitely on my way there. However, I do have a little voice that sometimes tells me " It's because you're fat......" but thankfully I know I'm not fat and can rationalize and ignore the voice. :-)

[mikawendy]

Having taken ballet for nearly 20 years before I started skating, I knew a lot of dancers who had eating disorders or disordered eating. Many of my friends dealt with this and are much healthier now. I also knew a few girls in high school (not dancers) who had severe eating disorders but weren't emaciated, so not everyone could tell.

The hardest thing, for me, as a friend or an acquaintance, is to see someone who is an adult who is dealing with a severe eating disorder. I know a very talented dancer who has struggled with this for many years and has recently gotten much thinner. Her eating disorder has now affected her to the point where it's had very negative effects on her career (a lot of missed opportunities and jobs) and the quality of her dancing is suffering, too. People take her aside all the time and ask her if she's alright and express concern, but she usually brushes them off.

I also know a girl who had a stomach disorder since she was very small, so everyone accused her of being anorexic, when it wasn't really her fault that she couldn't keep the weight on. She was under very good medical care for the stomach problem, and her parents were very supportive, but strangers often gave her odd looks or made nasty comments about her body or her dancing.

My sympathies are with anyone who is dealing with an eating disorder or who knows someone who is going through this.

[lilpairsk8ter]

I just wanted to thank everyone for sharing their stories and experiences on this topic. It helps me to know that im not the only skater who is out there struggling with an eating disorder. I also want to let everyone know that there really is hope when it comes to this disease and that it is something that can be overcome. I was also wondering if you guys would mind keeping me in your prayers as im looking at going into a residential treatment center within the next couple of weeks and im really scared. thank you sooo much i really appreciate it.


I also have a question for those of you who are still skating and suffer from an eating disorder. How does this diesease affect your skating? are you able to skate at all? Ive taken the past two months off and i know that when im really sick its almost imposible for me to skate beacuse i get sooo dizzy very quickly.

those of you who are fighting an eating disorder never give up hope.

[Moto Guzzi]

Best wishes to you, Lilpairsk8ter. I'm sorry for the pain you are going through, and I will keep you in my prayers. You were wise to seek professional help. Don't be discouraged if it seems as though you are not progressing as quickly as you would like. Your problems did not develop overnight but took years. I hope every day will be a better day for you until you are finally able to believe in yourself and enjoy the wonderful things in life you deserve.

I've known several skaters and dancers who have suffered from eating disorders and, after seeking treatment, all have recovered or are on their way to recovery. One friend was severely bulimic and ended up hospitalized in intensive care, but she did get better and is now healthy, happy, and successful in her dance career. Sadly, another friend (not a skater or dancer) did not seek treatment and resisted all efforts to help her and passed away after suffering from anorexia for nearly two years.

It's sad that we have so much pressure on us to be thin. You can look at any women's magazine and many of the articles address ways to lose weight. How many normal size models do you see in a magazine and how many normal size people are on TV or in the movies? My niece was offered a modeling contract by her brother's agency but was told she would need to lose 15 lbs. She was 5'8" and weighed 120 lbs. and quickly decided that modeling was not for her.

[Raine]

Originally posted by JDC1
I've never had anorexia but I came close twice, in that I SEVERELY altered my caloric intake and excercised like a demon.

Hi JDC1,

You've just described a recognised eating disorder called Exercise Bulimia. I used to do the same thing back in my late teens and early twenties. This was back in the early to mid-70's when the term anorexia and the concept of eating orders didn't exist in the mind of the general public, so I thought I was the only one in the world doing it.

Cheers,
Raine

[JDC1]

That makes sense, sometimes I feel myself panicking if I don't get enough time to work out or get to skate enough and I realize it's irrational and can talk myself through it. I finally linked together my constant infections with over working out and not getting enough rest. I guess I'll always have to fight this inclination to over do it, I don't restrict calories anymore, I have acid reflux disease and low blood sugar so the two combined DEMAND that I eat on a regular basis

[Sho]

I never had an eating disorder but I watched one of my fellow skaters get skinnier and skinnier as she battled anorexia, she wouldnt admit it, but by the end her dance partner was afraid to dance with her fearing he would crush her. It was really sad :cry:, she had to quit skating because even the slightest fall would injure her. I wish figure skating clubs and associations would really promote healthy eating habits.

[Sk8er Wannabe]

I was looking through past threads and what with getting into the thick of the competitive season, I thought I should revive this.

Originally posted by mikawendy
I also knew a few girls in high school (not dancers) who had severe eating disorders but weren't emaciated, so not everyone could tell.
[/B]

That was my problem as well. I'm not "fat" but I'm not exactly thin either and I don't lose weight easily. So, a few months after I started my bout with bulimia (I say bulimia, but it was usually a few weeks of it, then try out anorexia for a while, then back to the purging, etc...) just last year around this time, I started to get compliments from my friends about how healthy I was looking. If only they had known.

I'm not a skater, but I have an obsession with control...which is slowly getting better. So, basically I think it's really important to talk to someone and get your feelings out there to people you trust. I have a friend who helped me sooooo much and I don't even think he knows it, but we were just talking about eating disorders and I mentioned how I "used" to have one. Then he told me how he had struggled with bulimia too and that he hadn't purged for about 2 months and just knowing that someone was getting through it and was happier for it just gave me all the strength that I needed. (Thanx, you know who you are ;) )

So, now I'm 8 months and going strong and happier than I ever was when I was looking "healthy". That's my story and I just thought I'd share because I think this is a really important topic, especially for skaters and dancers, and there are a lot more members since the last time this was discussed.

[garyc254]

I've recently learned about a young female skater in my club that is bulimic. It's very sad. She's skinny as a rail, but when she looks at team pictures of herself thinks she looks fat. She's been attending weekly help sessions, but that doesn't seem to do the trick.

I feel terrible for her and especially bad for her boyfriend who is trying to deal with her problem. He is so afraid for her. If for no other reason, she should think about him as an incentive to stop her behavior.

[Black Sheep]

Check out this cool website, and Feed the Model!

www.adiosbarbie.com 8-)

[skaternum]

Originally posted by garyc254
I feel terrible for her and especially bad for her boyfriend who is trying to deal with her problem. He is so afraid for her. If for no other reason, she should think about him as an incentive to stop her behavior.

It's just not that simple, gary. It's not "behavior" that she can stop; it's a psychological / psychiatric disorder. Been there, done that. It's about control. All my family and friends were worried sick about me, but that was a minor problem compared to the other issues going on.

[garyc254]

Originally posted by skaternum
It's just not that simple, gary. It's not "behavior" that she can stop; it's a psychological / psychiatric disorder. Been there, done that. It's about control. All my family and friends were worried sick about me, but that was a minor problem compared to the other issues going on.

Okay. Trying to understand. (I left my psychiatry diploma in the chemistry lab again. :lol: )

Isn't a major part of the treatment learning behavior modification?

Wouldn't an incentive of not hurting others with your behavior be a stepping stone to recovery?

You mentioned "other issues". Such as?

Also you mention "control". Control of?

[Alexa]

Originally posted by garyc254
Okay. Trying to understand. (I left my psychiatry diploma in the chemistry lab again. :lol: )

Isn't a major part of the treatment learning behavior modification?

Wouldn't an incentive of not hurting others with your behavior be a stepping stone to recovery?



I am not a psychology expert, but I think that if you have an eating disorder the eating disorder is much more important to you than how your loved ones feel about it. If not hurting others was an incentive, there would not be so many people with the disease. The majority have loving family and friends and as much as the family and friends try to help, it is up to the person with the disorder to want to get better, or nothing will work. Kind of like an alcoholic.

[skaternum]

The alcoholism analogy is excellent. That's what I was going to use in my reply. I didn't keep throwing up everything I ate because I was selfish or insensitive to those around me -- I was really sick. Yes, behavioral modification is an aspect of treatment, but the behavior is just a symptom of a deeper problem. Bulimics or anorectics can't just stop because they're doing something that hurts somebody else. If I could've stopped, I would have. And an extra helping of guilt doesn't help matters, either. Quite frankly, it can have the opposite effect on bulimics or anorectics.

Here's another analogy. You know how they say overweight people never successfully keep weight off until they commit to doing it for themselves? It's the same thing with disordered eating. Until I decided I needed to get better for my own mental health, anything else was just a temporary behavioral change. I always went back to that behavior. Even though it was killing my family to see it.

"Control" is almost always central to an eating disorder, but the exact nature of the control varies from person to person. In my case, there were several aspects of my life that felt out of control to me (ex: my ballet, choice of schools, family situation), so I sort of subconsciously sought to exert control over other areas of my life. That manifested itself through my eating behavior. I never consciously said to myself, "My parents won't let me transfer to a private school in DC so I can accept the position with the ballet company, so I think I'll throw up everything I eat." It's more subtle and becomes a part of your psyche.

[garyc254]

This is interesting.

So, how did you combat your illness?

[Mrs Redboots]

She said - when she was ready to get well for her own sake and not because other people wanted her to. Even still, I imagine there were a few mountains to climb.

I have never suffered from an eating disorder, but I can understand why someone might. If everything is out of control, and the only thing you can control is the contents of your stomach, or what you do or don't put in your mouth, or how much you weigh, then I can imagine this gives life a stability it might otherwise lack.

There are, of course, infinitely better ways of coping, but I can see that for a certain type of person, this would be a way to choose.

[garyc254]

Originally posted by Mrs Redboots
She said - when she was ready to get well for her own sake

I'm curious as to what helped her to decide or set her mind at ease to allow her to stop for her own sake.

[skaternum]

That's right, Annabel. I had good therapy, and I learned to place my control issues where they belonged. Only then did we work on behavior. To this day, when I'm under great emotional stress (like when I went through a divorce or when my mom died), those old control issues rear their heads. And I have to fight relapses all over again. At least now I've learned to recognize the onset of a relapse and I have some techniques I can use to reinforce positive behavior instead of self-destructive behavior.

[Mrs Redboots]

I can understand that, Skaternum. I never had an eating disorder, but I smoked 40 a day for 25 years, and that was largely a control issue, when it wasn't an addiction one!

You know - and others in the same boat should know - that we fellow-skaters are always there for you if you need to rant, or vent, or just need support keeping your tea inside you!

[Moto Guzzi]

Skaternum, kudos to you for getting help and for your honesty in posting about your experience. Best of luck to you in continuing the success you've had so far.

Mrs. Redboots, how were you able to stop smoking? I'm not a smoker myself, but several family members are and want to stop.

Has anyone here tried hynotherapy for weight or smoking issues? I'm constantly seeing ads that say it has a high success rate, but I'm skeptical as to whether this works or not. For weight, the ads focus more on weight loss but some of them do mention anorexia and bulemia. Several years ago I carpooled with a man who was successful in quitting smoking after doing hynotherapy. After about a year, though, he started smoking again.

[garyc254]

Skaternum, what triggered you to seek therapy for yourself?

[skaternum]

My mother confronted me about it and made me go see a doctor. (I saw the doctor's notes a few years ago. I believe they said, "...accompanied by a concerned, garralous mother." Hee hee.) I didn't want to do so at the time, but once I got there, I started to realize that it was a real problem and that I needed help. It was hard to admit it was a real problem, but it was the one of the best things I've ever done for myself. Like a lot of bulimics, I came to it by way of anorexia first. I'd been abusing diet pills, over-exercising, and severly restricting caloric intake (down to about 900 KCal per day, if I recall, while still taking ballet class 4 times a week), but I never got down to the 80% mark that is used to diagnose full blown anorexia. Problem was, my personality type isn't suited for anorexia, so I couldn't stay with it. (Doesn't that sound stupid? It sounds like just another diet fad I couldn't keep up with.) I heard about self-purging while I was at a summer dance camp and, sadly, that was a perfect fit for my personality. I was pretty sly about it, so it took people a while to notice. My mom was actually glad that I'd put on some weight, so it took her a while before she figured it out.

And thanks to everyone for the encouragement. Luckily I haven't been under that kind of emotional stress for a while, so I haven't had any problems with it lately. It's always there, but I know I can control it. (See? There's that word again.) I was fortunate that I didn't have any long term problems with my teeth or esophogus, like a lot of bulimics. My immune system was pretty well shot for a long time, though. My student ID that got made when I started college was positively scary looking. I kept it for a long time as a reminder of how dangerous it all was.

I can joke about it now (former bulimics know all the good bulimic jokes!), but it's quite a serious issue, as is anorxia. It can be just as life threatening if left untreated. I went through the worst of mine in the early 80s, but now there are lots of treatment options and resources available. And HIPAA helps ensure privacy for people seeking help. Most insurance covers treatment now, too!

[blue111moon]

Originally posted by MissIndigo
Did the anxiety ever affect your ability to eat? I have been under a lot of stress here for about the past two months (not skating related) and I find it difficult to keep food. I wake up nauseated most days, and always feel like I have a gnawing in my stomach that won't go away. I usually manage to eat something though, little bits at a time. I definitely don't fear food, but I wish I weren't so stressed all the time. It's beginning to show...everybody and their family is asking me these days why I've lost weight, and it's not like I'm trying! :?:

I'm not a doctor but this sounds more like thee symptoms of an ulcer than an eating disorder. I've had ulcers in the past and that's pretty much the way I felt. The good news is that ulcers are curable and much easier to resolve than an eating disorder.

Going to the doctor is a necessity, though.

[Alexa]

Originally posted by Moto Guzzi
Skaternum, kudos to you for getting help and for your honesty in posting about your experience. Best of luck to you in continuing the success you've had so far.

Mrs. Redboots, how were you able to stop smoking? I'm not a smoker myself, but several family members are and want to stop.

Has anyone here tried hynotherapy for weight or smoking issues? I'm constantly seeing ads that say it has a high success rate, but I'm skeptical as to whether this works or not. For weight, the ads focus more on weight loss but some of them do mention anorexia and bulemia. Several years ago I carpooled with a man who was successful in quitting smoking after doing hynotherapy. After about a year, though, he started smoking again.

I tried hypnosis for weight loss. It was at a time where I wanted to lose a few extra pounds I had gained. I had high hopes for the process but it did not work for me at all. It does work for some people. What I did find out, is that it is safe; it is basically a session with a hypnotist, and they say messages to help you with your goal. You feel conscious of it the whole time so it is not like something is happening you are not aware of or that they do anything to you. The fact that you feel somewhat alert and conscious made me feel better about the process.

I would never do it again as it is expensive and it did not do a thing for me but some people are successful with it.

Most places that do this give you tapes to take home and listen to as well to help reinforce the process.

[Moto Guzzi]

Thanks for the info, Alexa. One of my coworkers mentioned today at lunch that she was thinking about trying hypnosis to help her lose weight and stop smoking. I took a group workshop years ago to help with pain management and did see an improvement. We mostly worked on general relaxation techniques and didn't do any individual sessions.

[Mrs Redboots]

Originally posted by Moto Guzzi
Mrs. Redboots, how were you able to stop smoking? I'm not a smoker myself, but several family members are and want to stop. With difficulty! And the help of nicotine patches and fake cigarettes called "Crafe Away" (http://www.crafe-away.co.uk/). Physically it was pretty dire, especially as I developed an allergic reaction to the patches and had to stop using them after about 3 weeks, but mentally it was terrifying. I felt like I was perched on the edge of an abyss and if I let go for one instant, I'd start to scream and scream and wouldn't be able to stop.

Hardest thing I've ever done, and most worthwhile.

Odd side-effects, too: I used to hate ylang-ylang essential oil, but while I was recovering from the addiction I craved it and craved it. And the first glass of wine I had after I'd stopped went straight to my head.

And nowadays, almost all my anxiety dreams include dreaming that I've started to smoke again, and oh, the relief when I wake up and find I haven't!

[jamie_rae352]

I have a feeling that im coming down with anorexia... Ive lost 4 pounds in two days! I havent been eating much, but I am sick. Still, I feel that I'm too heavy, not fat, heavy.

[love2sk8]

I don't understand; you can't just "feel" like your coming down with anorexia, it's much more than that, and you don't even realize it-you just think that what you're doing is okay, and that as soon as you weigh less, all your problems will be solved...

It's not the way to go though...Hope you feel better!

[ArwenLiz]

Originally posted by garyc254
[B]I feel terrible for her and especially bad for her boyfriend who is trying to deal with her problem. He is so afraid for her. If for no other reason, she should think about him as an incentive to stop her behavior.

I forget who mentioned it now and I can't find the post, but someone said that the behaviour is only the outward sign and it's true. One thing is that she doesn't even realize that she has a problem so why would she want to change if she thinks nothing's wrong? This has also been mentioned, but just to reiterate, a person with an eating disorder can't begin to get past it until they address it. I mean, I was reading my diary entries the other night from when I was at my worst, which was about 400 to 700 cal per day. At the time, I thought I was strong because I could muster up enough self-control to eat barely anything. I knew I wasn't eating, I even mentioned that I thought I might be showing tendencies towards anorexia, but I never came out and 'addressed it as a problem'. (I think sometimes it is possible to see in yourself that you have an eating disorder, but you don't think it's a problem because you have control over it - if you get really sick, you can always eat again - at least, that's how I thought of it)

Keep in mind that short term recovery would be force-feeding and forced hospitalization, but long term recovery would mean that she must see that she has a problem, which is hard for the people around her to help her with. But, such are eating disorders.

I'm just waiting until someone else passes away in my family and for the time when I'll have to deal with it again. That said:
skaternum, could you perhaps share some of your techniques for how you cope and resist the relapse?

[skaternum]

Originally posted by jamie_rae352
I have a feeling that im coming down with anorexia... Ive lost 4 pounds in two days! I havent been eating much, but I am sick. Still, I feel that I'm too heavy, not fat, heavy.

This is just silly and doesn't have anything to do with an eating disorder. Anorxia isn't the flu, for goodness sake.

[lilpairsk8ter]

Gary. I would like to help you and others to better understand eating disorders. I am a recovering Anorexic who has suffered from this illness since the age of 12. For me my eating disorder is a way for me to have control of things in my life when everything else felt out of control. i use not eating as a way of not dealing with my emotions. if your body lacks nutritioin or the claoric intake that it needs your cognitive functions begin to slow and something as simple as rembering a telephone number is a very difficult task. so when i was really sick i had a very difficult time working and or going to school.
I realize what having my eating disorder has done to my family but i have had to make the decision that i am going to get better for me and me only. In the begining i tried only getting better for my family but when i became stressed i stop caring about my family I went back to my old ways of coping with my fealings. i had to make the decision that i was worth enough as a person to take care of me and to start to get better. this is whats helped me in my recovery. I still strugle but now that im only getting better for me and thats what keeps me strong.
Also the behavoirs that are being exhibited (the not eating or purging) are only symptoms of a much greater underlying problem and only once you start working on those issues in therapy will you start making progress towards full recovery.
If gary or anyone else has anymore questions for me feel free to write a post or IM me. I really want people to understand this desease. Hope this helps.

[jazzpants]

Originally posted by jamie_rae352
I have a feeling that im coming down with anorexia... Ive lost 4 pounds in two days! I havent been eating much, but I am sick. Still, I feel that I'm too heavy, not fat, heavy. Hmmmm? Me thinks you're coming down with that stomach flu that's been going around the country lately! Eat BLAND foods and LOTS of clear liquids and rest should do the trick! ;)

Get well soon!

[Skatingsarah]

Ya about this whole coming down with anorexia... Thats completly silly, and its been only 2 days. I think your sick, I was sick for like 2 weeks and I lost about 10 pounds. It didnt make me anorexic it made me sick and not feeling well. I'm really sure there is nothing to worry about, chicken noodle soup my friend! Plus anorexia is a disease most ppl dont even realize they have it because they totally unaware of it because of this diseases affects!
I hope you recover soon!!

[mikawendy]

A book that some of you might find helpful is "Conversations with Anorexics" by the late Hilda Bruch. She was a very good psychiatrist who specialized in treating people with eating disorders. Her book may be useful to former anorexics/bulimics, people who currently have eating disorders, and people who are concerned for loved ones. It is not a comprehensive book about the disorder but talks a lot about the psychology of the disorder and psychotherapy for people with eating disorders.

I did a group project on eating disorders in a psych class I took, and this is one of the books I came across. Having known a lot of girls with eating disorders or disordered eating, this helped me understand a lot more.

Another unrelated side note--If you've ever had an eating disorder or currently have one, you should not take the antidepressant medicine Wellbutrin (or Zyban, which is used to help with cigarette cessation). I'm not sure of the reason why, but it is always mentioned in the packaging leaflet. I discovered this while editing a book at work.

[triple twist]

Alright well here's my deal. Im trying to keep fit and watch my figure because I want to be light to lift, but I've barely been eating and when I do stuff my face, I throw it all up. I don't know much about how anorexia develops but I know im not bulimic because I would have to induce the vomiting. Do I have a stomach problem or is my body just not used to having to hold so much food anymore? I don't want to be anorexic!

[sk8er1964]

Originally posted by triple twist
Alright well here's my deal. Im trying to keep fit and watch my figure because I want to be light to lift, but I've barely been eating and when I do stuff my face, I throw it all up. I don't know much about how anorexia develops but I know im not bulimic because I would have to induce the vomiting. Do I have a stomach problem or is my body just not used to having to hold so much food anymore? I don't want to be anorexic!

I don't have experience with eating disorders, although I have gone through anxiety disorder. I would suggest that you talk with your parents (assuming you are a kid) and/or your family doctor to make sure that there are not physical problems. If there are no physical problems, then they can help you get the information you need to help you fight the development of an eating disorder. Good luck - remember that staying healthy is much more important than being light to lift.