Be careful what you post - I got sprung!!!

[Aussie Willy]

Just to let you all know that something that I posted on this forum about our rink got back to the manager and he knew it was me (I had been very critical about something). I was so surprised but then I had been pretty specific about details in it so it had not been to difficult to summise who the culprit had been. But gee I would not have thought anyone who had anything to do with our rink would have been using this forum, particularly where I come from. Big surprise for me.

Oh well what can I say - I will careful what I post in future now that I know a mob is out to check out my every move. But then the forums are open to discuss issues abut rinks, skating, help us to vent and give an opportunity to canvass opinions from others outside your home rink. So maybe the rink has to accept that it can be discussed in these types of forums. So what do others think?

BTW - has this happened to anyone else?

[becca]

Several skaters and parents from my rink are on these boards all the time (also true of other skaters I know from other rinks). I am somewhat careful about what I say but as long as it isn't personal information (something a skater has told me about themself, etc.) I don't worry too much. However, I do try to be fair in what I write, not to post information unless I am sure and have both sides of the story and I try to be positive (when I write competition reports for example, I always write at least one thing that can be improved on and several things which a skater has done well). Also, if I know that specific skaters read this board and I have written a report about their performance, I usually ask them if they thought it was fair. I have actually been thanked by parents for writing positive and supportive things about their children without getting into gossip. In other words, yes, I feel free to post on pretty much every topic but I also try to keep in mind that anyone I'm writing about or their parents could be reading it. Post what you want but do it in a respectful way.

[dbny]

I'm extremely careful, and that is probably not careful enough. I don't have too many places to skate and can't afford to lose any. I do actually know someone who was barred from a rink for expressing her opinion publicly. There were rights and wrongs on both sides, but the skater was the one who got hurt in the end.

[flying~camel]

I have a friend who posted some comments about a client from work that he'd been frustrated with. Somehow, his comments were FAXED to the client, and he ended up losing his job over what he'd said.

As a result, I am EXTREMELY careful with what I say on the net.

[becca]

Wow, I honestly don't worry about any of that stuff. My concerns are with upsetting skaters, parents or coaches. What ever happened to freedom of expression/speech anyway? I am careful about what I say but my concerns seem to be a little different.

[jazzpants]

Originally posted by Aussie Willy
BTW - has this happened to anyone else? Not exactly the way you described it, but YEAP! It happened to me! I lost one secondary coach over this (and not necessarily negative comments either.) I don't want to bring up the story again b/c I don't think neither me or this coach wants to reopen old wounds again.

[A.H.Black]

I am always careful. I try to be reticent about any personal conversations I may have had. When I do post about any particular person I never say anything that I think they might be uncomfortable with. Of course I have only my own feelings about comfort to go by, but I do my best.

It has proven to be a good thing. I have come to know too many skaters, coaches, parents, judges, and officials. Several times I have found out later that they frequent these boards and know who I am. They have all known, somehow, when I have posted about them in particular. So far I haven't made a mistake in being discreet, anyway I don't think so. My rule of thumb - When it comes to personal conversations - if in doubt, don't post it. If it's negative - post only sympathetic feelings. If it's positive - praise them.

[becca]

Thanks A.H. Black, that is exactly what I was trying to say! I have posted a few things that I am later uncomfortable with but I have gotten better about this as I have gone (and I have never posted anything that I really regret). I find that a good way to judge wether I should say something is to think about how I will feel if the people involved read it. I also agree that when in doubt it is better not to post (and when I forget this rule is when I sometimes wish that I hadn't posted something later).

[CanAmSk8ter]

I train at two training centers with several elite skaters, and while I'm sure there are people at my rink who lurk here and know who I am, I try to stay fairly anonymous. It's hard, because I really like to "talk" and there have been times when questions have come up about skaters' personal lives, music choices, etc. that I did know the answer to. However, my rule for myself is that if it hasn't been in the media, I don't share it. This just came up for me in the thread about elite skaters and their skates in the General Chat forum. I could go in there and post several things about who's having trouble with their Jacksons, who likes them, who's ditched them already, etc. Among the skaters who got free ones at Nationals are two of my best friends, both of whom have stories about them already. But I don't think it's my place to report their experiences. I also don't like to pester my rinkmates to share things with me for me to put online. I've been asked, "well, can you ask so-and-so what she thinks about this?" I don't like to do that, because I don't want my friends to get the idea that when they talk to me, they're talking to the whole world. I would never repeat anything any skater from my rink told me without their permission, and it would have to be something pretty pressing for me to even do that. My friends are way too important to me.

[jazzpants]

Originally posted by A.H.Black
My rule of thumb - When it comes to personal conversations - if in doubt, don't post it. If it's negative - post only sympathetic feelings. If it's positive - praise them.

I'm not sure that's always the case. In the case of the secondary coach I lost, I had nothing but positive things to say. However I also have mentioned what was going on during our lesson... THAT was what got me in trouble!!! There are some coaches out there who are very competitive and they do not wish to have what happened during your lesson with them to be posted. (I've checked with my primary coach and he doesn't have a problem with me posting about him.)

So please, PLEASE check with your coach before you post anything about your lesson with them! (Of course, if it's one of those priceless and funny insults that coaches love to throw at students... THEN it's fair game!) :P

[Figureskates]

Simple axiom to follow:

Never post something on line that you would never say you would say to them face to face.

[Aussie Willy]

Thanks for all your feedback.

I think in this case the manager was quite upset that I had complained on this forum instead of going directly to him and complaining about the problem I had, which I actually can understand. However I think even if I had complained to him directly I still would have posted something on this forum because I do like to canvass the opinions of others and this is a great place to do it. But also what I said was exactly what I had been saying to friends at the rink - however this time it was in writing and documented. I have sent him an email to apologise for what I said, but I did say I probably would have discussed the issue on the forum anyway.

I have always felt I could say things anonymously because I did not think that anyone I knew at our rink looked at these types of things because of the location and the general lack of interest in skating here. As I said I will be more careful in future.

[FSWer]

How is it that parents and coaches and (or) parents can be on boards all the time? For that matter there are zillons and zillons of boards about everything on-line. I don't see how unless you tell your coach what board(s) your a member of how they could even find out your posting. It's 1 in a zillon almost impossible for even them to do so. The only way I can see it done is if you raninto a problem like I had. That is with possible trolls forming a gang on the boards and saying bad things about you.Though even they can't be in a zillon places at a time.

[becca]

This is a pretty popular board. I have had several people I know approach me about posts I have made regarding them or thier children (usually in a positive way) and I haven't told anyone that I post here (at least I hadn't then, I have since told one competitive skater).

[FSWer]

True,but how do people know this is a board skaters are on? Remember not even coaches are cycic.

[becca]

Well, skaters have approached me about what I have said on this forum, so I would assume that they were on it...

[Stormy]

Originally posted by CanAmSk8ter
I train at two training centers with several elite skaters, and while I'm sure there are people at my rink who lurk here and know who I am, I try to stay fairly anonymous. It's hard, because I really like to "talk" and there have been times when questions have come up about skaters' personal lives, music choices, etc. that I did know the answer to. However, my rule for myself is that if it hasn't been in the media, I don't share it. This just came up for me in the thread about elite skaters and their skates in the General Chat forum. I could go in there and post several things about who's having trouble with their Jacksons, who likes them, who's ditched them already, etc. Among the skaters who got free ones at Nationals are two of my best friends, both of whom have stories about them already. But I don't think it's my place to report their experiences. I also don't like to pester my rinkmates to share things with me for me to put online. I've been asked, "well, can you ask so-and-so what she thinks about this?" I don't like to do that, because I don't want my friends to get the idea that when they talk to me, they're talking to the whole world. I would never repeat anything any skater from my rink told me without their permission, and it would have to be something pretty pressing for me to even do that. My friends are way too important to me.

The rink I train at, whereas it dosen't have "elite" skaters anymore, they still send kids to Jr Nationals & Nationals yearly, and I agree with CanAm's policies. I don't post anything online that isn't already general knowledge about these skaters. I also like to stay pretty anonymous, people at the rink knew my old FSW name, but they don't know this one, and probably won't figure it out. All skaters, elite or not, have a right to privacy and wouldn't appreciate people who know them blabbing all sorts of stuff about them online.

[dbny]

Originally posted by FSWer
True,but how do people know this is a board skaters are on? Remember not even coaches are cycic.

Skaters talk to each other both at their home rinks and at competitions, test sessions, and skating camps. I have told several of my skater friends about this board and other boards. Also, this particular forum is titled "On Ice - Skaters", so anyone who sees it knows that it is specifically for skaters.

[FSWer]

Why don't skaters just keep their mouths shut to begin with then and just share it wit friends off ice were coaches and parents can mtob.?

[PointBleu]

FSWer,

As they(parents) are all involved in some ways with skating, and want to know more about what's coming, etc, they do type 'skating' on search engine, and might find out about skating boards, such as this one.

There are not that many skating boards...

[FSWer]

But how do they know which boards to check for their skaters?

[FSWer]

My advice is just keep quiet and you won't get in trouble.

[PointBleu]

There're about 3-4 main message boards people post on (that is not including specific board such as MK board).

It is quite easy to pick up who's who according on what topics some skaters post on (and what they say about).

But yes, my word of advice would be : be honest but don't be harsh on people. Stand up for your opinion, but do it with taste and tact.

[jazzpants]

Originally posted by FSWer
But how do they know which boards to check for their skaters?

At certain times, I can guess which skater is who at times by what they post. Hint: If you really REALLY want to be anonymous, do *NOT* post your competition results -- especially if the competition results are on the web! Also, do NOT post which rink you skate at. (Particularly with the competition results... I *WILL* find your real id!!! Heh heh heh... :twisted: :P ;) )

[Aussie Willy]

Well I discovered how I got found out. Someone was doing a search about something and it brought up my thread. Really total coincidence that the person who found it happened to be one of the people involved in the particular situation (however not directed at them specifically).

I am really quite amazed. If this person had not discovered it by chance no-one would have known about it. So it was almost a fluke that it was found. It is almost like the old saying - if a tree falls in the forest and no-one is there to see it, does it fall?

It is a small world after all!!

[kayskate]

Originally posted by Aussie Willy
I think in this case the manager was quite upset that I had complained on this forum instead of going directly to him and complaining about the problem I had, which I actually can understand.

In your original post, you did say that you told the manager on your way out that you were leaving b/c you did not feel safe. Also you stated that others had complained and the manager told them the hockey players had his permission. So, you and the other skaters did go up to the manager and make your case. He had made a decision and apparently was not willing to change it when others had legitimate safety concerns.

No offense to the hockey players. After all, they were not doing anything "wrong" since they had the permission of management to use sticks and pucks on a public session.

Personally, I don't blame you for being upset about this or wanting the opinions of others. It ruined your session and you were afraid you could get hurt. I hope it has not happened again.

Kay

[CanAmSk8ter]

Originally posted by FSWer
My advice is just keep quiet and you won't get in trouble.

Probably true. But FSWer, I have to point out here that you're often the one asking for the kind of information some of us are saying we aren't comfortable giving out. I know you like to ask a lot of questions about who we know in the sport, where we train, what skaters we've performed with, and so on, but that's exactly what some of us don't like to post because we're trying to stay anonymous, and also respect the privacy of the elite skaters we may know. I'm sure I'm not the only one here to have rinkmates who are National and World medalists.

It's funny, maybe this is because of the level of skaters I train with, but I think at my rink it would be considered kind of uncool to be really into posting on these boards. I've never really discussed it with my friends for some reason. It's just kind of weird, because several of the skaters I share a rink with are discussed here on a regular basis. I'd be posting about someone, then warming up with them an hour later. For the same reason, I never joined any fan sites or fan listings for my favorite skaters; by the time I was aware that they had one, I was training with them. Too weird for me.

[TashaKat]

Originally posted by Aussie Willy
BTW - has this happened to anyone else?

Yes, I lost a coach because I mentioned them on here. I hadn't even said anything bad, I was very complimentary of them in fact because I had great respect for them. I suspect that there was something else happening but that's something that I can never prove, however, they used this as an excuse not to teach me and to never speak to me again!

With regards to what we write here I would say that you should only put on here what you would be williing to say at the rink. If you would vocalise your concerns at the rink then I can't see that there is a problem. Also, as long as you don't specifically mention people etc I can't see a problem with asking for thoughts on a 'hypothetical' scenario!

Sorry about the problems, it is probably a good opening to put your concerns to the management though!

x

[Mrs Redboots]

One mailing list I used to post on got round the awkwardness of how to refer to one's coach by using nicknames: "Sir", "The Sadist", "Miss Picky", "The Diva", etc. I was amused to be introduced to "Sir" one day and found him to be half my age - little more than a boy (but lovely to dance with!).

It didn't disguise the coach's identity from those who knew them, but was a protection so that you didn't post their proper name.

[JDC1]

I agree that you shouldn't post information about the elite skaters you skate with, you hear their program music etc. and some of them might want that kept secret. It's too bad though that this can't be a place to vent about skating with fellow skaters. I try and keep my comments about my coach as factual and I can't imagine my coach would ever take offense by anything I've written but now I think I'll be a lot more careful since some people have taken offense even of positive comments.

[Stormy]

Originally posted by CanAmSk8ter
Probably true. But FSWer, I have to point out here that you're often the one asking for the kind of information some of us are saying we aren't comfortable giving out. I know you like to ask a lot of questions about who we know in the sport, where we train, what skaters we've performed with, and so on, but that's exactly what some of us don't like to post because we're trying to stay anonymous, and also respect the privacy of the elite skaters we may know. I'm sure I'm not the only one here to have rinkmates who are National and World medalists.

It's funny, maybe this is because of the level of skaters I train with, but I think at my rink it would be considered kind of uncool to be really into posting on these boards. I've never really discussed it with my friends for some reason. It's just kind of weird, because several of the skaters I share a rink with are discussed here on a regular basis. I'd be posting about someone, then warming up with them an hour later. For the same reason, I never joined any fan sites or fan listings for my favorite skaters; by the time I was aware that they had one, I was training with them. Too weird for me.

I know I keep quoting CanAMSk8er, but only because I know exactly what she means! A lot of my friends at my rink and I sometimes laugh about what's posted on this and other message boards about different skaters, sometimes it's even themselves they're laughing about. They just can't see why people who don't know them personally, or have ever even met them would want to go online and discuss them and their skating. :)

[Alexeiskate]

Originally posted by JDC1
It's too bad though that this can't be a place to vent about skating with fellow skaters.

But lacking anonymity on the internet isn't always a bad thing. Often people are tempted to post hateful things on the internet, because they think they can hide behind their screen name. If people see that this isn't always the case, and they can be held accountable for what they post then perhaps they will think twice before posting.

[jazzpants]

Well, for some coaches, the coaching market is very competitive. It's more than just maintain their students, it's marketablility for perspective students. In my case, describing what the coach was going over during my lesson was enough. You really have to be careful when you are posting on the Lessons/Practice threads, particularly when you're posting about your lessons.

[Aussie Willy]

Originally posted by TashaKat
With regards to what we write here I would say that you should only put on here what you would be williing to say at the rink. If you would vocalise your concerns at the rink then I can't see that there is a problem. Also, as long as you don't specifically mention people etc I can't see a problem with asking for thoughts on a 'hypothetical' scenario!


Actually I would not have a problem with saying what I said on this forum to the rink themselves, and even if I had I still would have posted on the forum. But I am so sick of complaining about problems that happen at the rink that I now just don't say anything. One staff member in particular treats you like you don't know anything if you do complain.

[becca]

I just want to emphasize whoever said when in doubt don't post. I posted something here about a week ago. Felt funny about it the entire way to skating came back and couldn't figure out how to erase it. As a result I have unintentionally upset somebody who I have only respect for and I feel terrable (especially since I know longer know how to get in touch with him and can't appolise in person). From now on, I am going to think everything I post over several times and if I am even the slightest bit unsure, I will not be posting. What got me into trouble wasn't ever really regarding this person but you just never know who you might hurt with a post.

[TashaKat]

Originally posted by Aussie Willy
Actually I would not have a problem with saying what I said on this forum to the rink themselves, and even if I had I still would have posted on the forum. But I am so sick of complaining about problems that happen at the rink that I now just don't say anything. One staff member in particular treats you like you don't know anything if you do complain.

I'm sure that a lot of us can relate to what you're saying. Whatever you said though (I didn't see the post myself) obviously hit a nerve! At my rink they put the patch prices up by 40% without any discernible difference in facilities or quality of ice ..... actually, strike that, the ice is worse than it was before!! They're not interested and don't appreciate that 'we' give them money month in month out, year in year out. They are more interested in the Friday night 'disco' crowd because that one night brings in so much money. The rinks with the most problems seem (in my experience) to be the rinks that have non-skating management and staff!

Hope things get better for you.

x

[GoldieMedal]

If anyone posting here without doing personal slander should not be kicked out of anything, or lose a job or a coach.The persons that had these things done to them hit a nerve with another and usually that means some truth was being put out there and another had something to hide.
There is alot of crap that frustrates alot of people in skating and other sports, I myself have been the blunt of many people in Figure Skating because I challenged there way of doing certain things that I knew was deceiving, underhanded and I would seek out the truth to make the sport fair where I am from.Many tried to black ball me and worse, I stood my ground and new that the truth would prevail in my favor.

There are to many things swept under the rug , when the rug needs a good cleaning.

Well continue to post without slandering, we all may be going through the same thing and can offer advice.