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View Full Version : What kind of relationship do you have with your child's coach?


BABYSKATES
05-03-2003, 11:12 AM
I'm wondering what kind of relationship other parents have with their child's coach. Does your child's coach talk to you? Does the coach keep you up on how your child is progressing? Are you happy with the relationship you have?

I'm wondering how most coaches handle parents. I know some who talk to the parent after every lesson. Some feel that parents role is to get them to the rink on time and bring a check. I prefer coaches like we have now. The head coach updates me about once a week or so. He is very enthusiastic and gets my attention so I don't miss when my daughter is doing something great. (I'm usually talking to other parents) If I have a question, I usually e-mail the head coach but if I ask my question in person, I have to spit it out fast because he is in a perpetual, habitual hurry. Still he does take the time to let me know he likes working with my daughter and she is making great progress.

My child's former coach's style was to shriek at her students like a mad woman and avoid parents like the plague. On the surface, she was successful - her kids were some of the best in the region at the time but now a huge amount of them have either quit or gone to other coaches. I felt very uninvolved (as I had been told parents should be) and my child made NO progress and was very unhappy in the long run. I'll never have a coach like that again.

sk8ing is lyfe
05-03-2003, 09:56 PM
I am not a parent or a coach, but I will speak for both in this thread.

My parents and coach are very close. They have a very strong relationship and are able to discuss things easily. My coach is very easy for both them and myself to contact (except for the long distance charges!) She is very open minded to change and is not afraid to try new things. I am in good personal standing with my coach and we are able to have a strong friendship as well (however we are able to draw the line between friends and coach)
I am very happy with the current situation of my skating. I am constantly improving. She has much experience and has amazing technical knowledge.

I hope this is in topic.

love2sk8
05-03-2003, 11:08 PM
My parents and I basically have the same relationship with my coach also. Things are very open and straight-forward, which is the way I like it to be...they don't hide things from me, and my coach will give me honest answers-not what I neccessarily always want to hear.

*dani-skates*
05-04-2003, 07:17 AM
I am both a pupil and a coach (i am 16). I have a very close relationship to my coach, he looks after me and he helps me but this is because my dad was a coach but died 3 years ago. I know th coaches at my rink very well but Iwork hard for my coach and he treats me and expects me to behave like a normal pupil. He is honest to me about my skating and technically he is great.

As a coach myself I think that its important for the skaters parent to know how their child is progressing and to be honest with both skater and parent- parents spend alot of money on their childs skating and they want to feel that its worth the money they spend. I get on with all the people that I coach basically and their parents some of whom I am very close to. I think that communication between parents, skaters and coaches is essential so that you know what the skater wants to do, that the parent is happy for the skater to learn what ever and that the coach thinks that the skater is ready for the next move. Other wise people can be upset as they think their child is ready to move on and don't realise any problems if the coach doesn't communicate.

lord farquad ;)
05-04-2003, 08:04 AM
I also am not a parent nor a coach and I'm certainly far from it, but i think the relationships between my parents my coach and myself is pretty strong.

I get along with my coach even though i sometimes frustrate her:) and she contacts my parents often and every month comes out with a newletter for parents about progress of kids, what healthy eating, what cross-training works, what excersises we should do.

And usually at the beginning of the summer she usually sits down with you and your parents and reviews your goals for the season!

Elsy2
05-04-2003, 09:29 AM
My relationship with my daughter's coach is a bit different, as she is my coach too. Back when I started skating in adult group lessons, we would all go out after lessons Thursday nights for appetizers and drinks, and developed a nice group of friends. It took almost a year for her to convince me to let her teach my daughter privately. At that point we were very good friends as well, and continue to be today.

We both were aware of the hazards of being such good friends and being daughter's coach too....But luckily this situation has worked just fine for us. At one point she asked me if I wanted to try another coach for daughter as she had hit a rough spot in her progression, but I elected not to. She truly has daughter's best interests at heart. Daughter does sometimes take lessons from another coach and that works out fine too.

I observe that she always gives 100%+ to her kids, maintains communication with all her skater's parents. Yes we have disagreed about things, but are very aware of her coaching viewpoint vs. my parent viewpoint.

It has really helped alot that I skate too, as I do feel this gives me a better understanding of skating overall, and the competitive experience, etc....I'm always trying to get parents to try lessons, but few do. They always have excuses, they are too old, they have weak ankles, etc. etc.

BABYSKATES
05-04-2003, 11:16 AM
I think my own situation gave me a misperception of how things were in general. It is great to hear that so many people have great relationships with their coaches. When my daughter was a beginner, the coach talked to me after every lesson. Generally the coaches at that time were very friendly but once my daughter started to climb the competitive ranks, those coaches were out of their league and they told me so. When we moved on to a more experienced coach, my daughter's coach was noncommunicative and treated parents as if they did not need or have the right to know how their child is doing. In talking to other parents at the rink, this is how all the upper level coaches dealt with parents.

We moved far away and had the opportunity to start over with new coaches. We were fortunate to come to a rink and region where skating is excellent and the coaches are the best you can get. It feels like the best interest of the skaters (kids and adults) is foremost in everybody's mind. My daughter started skating with great coaches and I feel like they keep me in the loop. I'm happy, my daughter is happy and the coaches are happy.

thumbyskates
05-04-2003, 04:26 PM
Just wanted to add about my relationship with my coach. I'm a 17 year old competitive skater, who (for good or for bad) have had the same coach since I was 6 years old.

When I was younger my mom and my coach were very good friends. They'd have each other over for coffee or wine, and spend some time together. My coach is fairly young (28, now), and as I've gotten older, my mom's spent less and less time at the arena.

The friendship my mom and coach had has faded, and now, instead my coach and I are the ones who are friends! My mom no longer makes decisions, but it's me...after all, I pay the bills ;)

Kortney

nycbumpkin
05-04-2003, 06:11 PM
okay i haven't been around the sport for oodles of time, but one observation is that if you are at a rink where several coaches can work together (team coach), with each concentrating on a different specialty, this is a healthy thing...gives the parent more personalities to interact with though :)

tazsk8s
05-04-2003, 09:00 PM
Originally posted by nycbumpkin
okay i haven't been around the sport for oodles of time, but one observation is that if you are at a rink where several coaches can work together (team coach), with each concentrating on a different specialty, this is a healthy thing...gives the parent more personalities to interact with though :)

My daughter is working with three different coaches. She has been with her primary coach for three years. In the last few months she has added one power lesson a week with the coach who also does the off-ice conditioning, and also one freestyle/MITF lesson a week with my coach, who teams up with my daughter's coach on quite a few kids. I like the arrangement. The two freestyle coaches have different strengths, and sometimes one coach will word something a little differently than the other and all of a sudden you can see the light bulb go on in my daughter's head.

I have a good relationship with all three coaches, I think. I pay my bills promptly, don't bug them at home unnecessarily, and do my best not to interfere with what they're trying to accomplish. The last one is the hardest sometimes - being that I am out on the ice with my daughter most of the time, it is hard to completely butt out. On the other hand, I am rarely "out of the loop" when it comes to my daughter's skating!

Elsy2
05-04-2003, 09:26 PM
I have the opposite situation from you tazs8s, when I have been in a lesson and my daughter is on the ice, we can't get her to stop bugging us! We just tell her, "Go away!", but she'll be back shortly trying to horn in on the lesson....;) Cracks us up really....

Hester Prynn
05-05-2003, 11:24 PM
After just recently getting into coaching myself, I can tell you that there is a definate balance that must be struck. The coach must keep the parents informed about the progress etc but must also keep some distance. Coaches that smother parents make me want to go hurl. It can get excessive. Whereas those who avoid parents like the plague are also in the wrong. As a skater I took from a variety of coaches. My first coach (I started at 12) was a very close family friend. Her family was also our family. We'd do the dinners out at comp. and drinks at the hotel bit. After moving away, I ended up at a large training facility where you were lucky if the coach knew your mothers name. All they cared about was having that check in their hand.
That drove my father nuts because he never got to see me skate as it was and when he did, the coaches left him out and yet he was the one paying the bills. Eventually, that situation changed, but it was still strained. The parents and coach(es) should have a balanced, informative relationship that doesn't place extra stress on the skater. Remember, when the coach and parents are close, it's that much extra pressure on the skater to perform well. In the end, it just depends on the person and what they want. Me, the ideal relationship is to be respectful, down to earth (I can't stand coaches that talk down to parents) and most of all, well balanced. I think that is key in any sucessful relationship between parent and coach.
I hope this long ramble makes some amount of sense!!!! I agree with alot of the points already made. Here's a look from my side of it...

cheers!
*hester

Anjelica
05-08-2003, 08:26 PM
I feel that I have always had great relationships with all of my daughter's coaches. Can't complain about any of them!