Shattering Competition Weekend (long)

[Raine]

Last night I competed in my third competition, and it was a devastating experience. After the warmup, I forgot to take off my zip-up fleece and gloves. So there I was, skating my program, with my pretty new dress covered up by the fleece. :roll:

I didn’t realize it until half a minute after I got off the ice. I felt so alone in my stupidity. In fact, it's possible that I got a last place vote from one of the judges for this costume gaffe.

Incidentally, I completed all of the elements (with a shaky under-rotated lutz), but gave a middling performance and finished last overall. I’ve been beside myself over the whole experience. It still seems surreal to me.

Still, despite my worst night’s sleep in four years, and an hour less sleep due to daylight saving time, I got up this morning to go skating.

Driving home from the rink early this afternoon, I was trying to decide whether or not to cancel my trip to Adult Nationals, since the wounds were still fresh from last night’s competition. Then incredibly, I was involved in a car accident (through no fault of my own; luckily no one was injured) and my car sustained damage to the driver’s side that will make it difficult to drive to practices early this week.

With last night’s competition experience, and now the accident, the Adult Nationals that I’ve dreamed of and been focussing on the past year seems to be in doubt. Since I discovered skating in 1972, I've always wanted to compete. The idea of performing a program and striving to do my best in competition has inspired me to keep on skating despite life's obstacles. I've been a spectator at two Adult Nationals, and desperately wanted to participate.

But now I feel that all of the sacrifice—the early-morning hours, hard work, long drives, and expense I’ve been putting into this sport are not returning any dividends. Because I've been focusing on program elements only, my skating is not progressing, and strangely, although I’ve given roughly the same consistency of performance in all three of my competitions, my placements are getting lower each time. And I haven’t found the camaraderie or community I was hoping to find in adult skating. And it's not for lack of trying. I feel terribly isolated in this sport.

I consider myself to be a fighter and a resilient person, but this weekend has really dealt a blow. I hope I don't sound bitter, but I'm hugely disappointed. I've often heard the expression "You get what you give", but that hasn't been true of skating, for me at least so far.

Raine

[pinkjellybean]

Welcome to the world of competitive skating... I mean it warmly in a good way! We all have off days and horrible competitions or test days... I have had my share.... I'm sorry you're feeling so down but just remmember your love of skating.

I would say to go to Adult Nationals. You've onyl competed three times and the more times you get yourself out there the better everything will get. Competing is very nerve wraking but you can only get better by keeping at it, even if it seems you are going backwards. There's no easy way to compete but just give it your best. Don't worry about what you could have done, just take it all as a lesson and use what you feel to improve or change how you practice. Perhaps you should practice your program more, maybe at the begining and end of each session... Do what you feel you haven't done enough of. By competing at adult nationals now the next time you go you'll already be a few steps ahead. There's no shame in finishing last if that's where you end up!!!

Don't look at your results either, I know that's hard to do but it's true. Before every season and every competition my coach and I sit down and talk about what I want to achieve. We set goals such as landign a particular jump or skating clean. Sometimes a goal is a specific placement, like top 4 or something... I have finished up last quite a few times and it can be devastating but choose to make it motivating :) Now it doesn't bother me if I skated well but maybe not the best... You love skating and I hope you continue, don't pull out of a competition, it's the only way to get better even if you feel like you are getting worse in the process... just try and enjoy it, that will show through in your skating.

I wish you all the best, I know it's hard, I know it's sad and frustrating sometimes but that makes skating well or having a personal best even more special and exciting... Best wishes and keep at it!!!

[Elsy2]

I don't blame you for feeling so down...But, I absolutely think you should go to AN and just do it. Do it for the experience and fun of it and because you have worked hard. I don't think it's uncommon at all to hit a low right before competition. I beg my coach each time to never let me do this again! I think I'm insane for putting myself through the stress, and then I make it through and am glad I tried.

As you well know each competition has different goals, and they aren't always to medal. Of all the competitions I've watched, AN is the most supportive and really all efforts are appreciated on the ice. You know this since you've watched two AN's already.

I regret it terribly that I withdrew from last year's AN. That long standing regret is far worse than going and trying and making the best of it. Here I thought I could always go this year, but I'm in worse physical shape than last year, and it's impossible. Go while you have the chance!

I also have seen many skaters go out without taking off their jackets, sweaters, gloves....happens all the time. Don't feel so badly about that, and just put it behind you. I recall a conversation on a skater board where someone else did this, and she was assured by a judge that they don't mark done for such a thing. The judges see this more often than you think. (However, I do think it's possible to be marked down....thank goodness we have several judges on a panel).

[spicyicey]

I'll second that - I really don't think the judges mind about the sweater/gloves. A friend of mine did the same thing and ended up winning her flight. Some competition experiences are better than others. I always try to take each one as some kind of a learning experience, especially if I don't skate well. And I would say go to adult nationals! Another chance to show off your new gorgeous dress!

[sk8er1964]

Raine, I feel so bad that you've had such a devistating experience this weekend. It is so hard when we do something that we feel was stupid or wrong - however there is no way to go and take it back. Try to look at it from a different angle - maybe you've just gotten all of the bad luck out of your system and now there will be nothing but good luck here in Michigan.

You are definately not alone! I know what it is like to work so hard for something as important as AN and then get kicked in the teeth before you get there. In my case, an ill-timed injury forced me to withdraw from sectionals, and I just started to run my program again a week ago yesterday, after a month of doing without. Until two weeks ago, I hadn't done more than 20 axels since the beginning of February (the injury is to my landing leg), and lutzes and flips were quite painful. I haven't even tried a double since January, and I was starting to land double toes then too. I'm skating Gold, and I'll be estatic if I land my axel and lutz - my jumps are still quite shaky. At my lesson yesterday, the leg was hurting more than it has been recently, and that has brought fears that I am really not getting better or that I am pushing too hard again - fortunately I visit my physical therapist tomorrow and can talk to her about it.

BUT, I am determined to participate in this event because I have worked so hard and so long for it. I will be there if I have to crawl out on the ice on my hands and knees - care to join me? The results are not important - the fact that we get to skate, and hopefully do as well as we can on a personal level, is what is important. Besides, I need somebody with a challenged lutz to join me and my challenged axel at Chelsea on Thursday :D .

BTW, if your coach isn't coming and you need someone to put you on the ice, let me know. I'm working practice ice that day, but if I can't do it for you I'll find somebody I skate with who can. We'll make sure that you don't go out with that jacket on!

[Azlynn]

I know exactly how you feel, I've been there before.

My two cents... go to Nationals. I'm so envious of y'all having such a great time there, and I'm absolutely positive you'll have a blast. Go just for the fun, and the experience. And to try and improve on the last competition.

I think everyone has had that experience - a bad competition or show, and the feeling of wasting your time and wanting to quit. I've gone so far as to pack all my things away, lol. Besides this last competition, do you enjoy skating? If so, keep at it. There are ups and downs, but as long as the ups outweigh the downs, it's worth it, at least to me.

[skaternum]

Originally posted by Raine
Last night I competed in my third competition, and it was a devastating experience.

As you can see from the previous comments, this is completely normal. Not very comforting to hear, probably, but this is a reality with adult skating. We all have crappy competition experiences to tell about. You just chalk it up to experience and give it another go.


In fact, it's possible that I got a last place vote from one of the judges for this costume gaffe.

Absolutely not true. You are NOT judged on your costume! The only note judges take of your costume is to make sure you're wearing a dress with a skirt if you're female and no tights if you're a male.

But, uh, where was your coach?? If your coach was there, he/she should have noticed you still in your jacket. If your coach wasn't there, maybe you should consider having your coach around for the next competition.

I think you should go to AN after all. And remember, it's no fun to come in last, but you're really new at competing (experience DOES make a difference) and, well, somebody always has to come in last. Keep at it, and you'll get better!

[manleywoman]

I've had a devestating competition in my past too. And I just told myself that no other competition could ever be as bad as that one was. And I've been doing just fine ever since.

Go to ANs and just enjoy it!

[Flatfoote]

I hope you don't mind a response from someone whose never skated. I have, however, been involved in other competative endeavors.

Could your entire performance been affected by what was likely going through your head once you discovered you forgot to remove your sweater/gloves? I know it's very hard to go on with a performance once you make a mistake. You want to keep beating yourself over the head and say, "stupid, stupid, stupid." (see, I DO know what it's like to make a mistake in a competative event). Since you couldn't do that, your performance may well have suffered. Even if you completed your elements, I'm assuming you also get judged in presentation too?

I get the gut feeling that you are so down right now, you may be trying to talk yourself into saying you don't deserve to go. Girl, after all the hard work you've put in, you deserve to go! How many other people have just sat in the stands, or sat in the chair looking at the TV screen, wishing to themselves, "gee, I wish I could do that." You have the courage, strength and determination to actually go out and do it! I really admire you for that.

I agree with everyone here. I think you should go to Adult Nationals. A week after the event is over, you are going to be regretting it big time if you don't go. You've worked too hard for this to punish yourself by not going. Go, have fun, and "just skate." Remember the year they discovered Scott Hamilton had cancer? They announced it during Worlds. IIRC, Michelle I believe was not having a stellar year. She told herself it put things in perspective, and she told herself to just go out and "just skate." I believe she won that year!

As far as the "camaraderie or community," you've been looking for. I do believe you've found it here. Haven't you? You'll get more of it in person too, I'm sure. Once you are more exposed to the whole thing. How are the other skaters supposed to have gotten to know you, if you've only skated three competitions? Give it time.

Go to Adult Nationals. I'll be sending positive vibes your way for it, so you better be there to recieve them! Good luck, and let us know how you did!

[Raine]

I have to say that you guys are the BEST! ;) You can't know how moved I am by your support.

I'll have to make a decision about ANs really soon obviously. With the car accident and the comp, I'm feeling a bit risk-averse at the moment. ;)

Flatfoote mentioned Scott Hamilton. Like Scott, I too have survived (four years--yay!) a scary life-threatening illness and at 48 have lived through my share of loss, failures, etc. You would think I would be better able to put a skating competition into perspective, but sometimes unlikely events tap into a reservoir of feelings you didn't know was there.

Skaternum, my coach doesn't travel to a lot of comps, which is fine by me, although I'm disappointed in how I handled myself last night.

As far as the judging goes, even if the judge didn't make a costume deduction, I feel that it didn't help me to present myself with polish. I really hurt myself there, as I'm not a good enough skater to overcome that kind of mistake. And the jacket may have obscured some of my lines (LOL!), etc.

Skating-wise, my goal since my first competition in February has been to skate with more speed and flow in my program, and improve my Lutz and camel spin combo. It was probably an unrealistic goal to reach in two months. I have to accept the level that I'm at right now and hope that I eventually improve. :) I'm happy to hear that things can get better, because my performances thus far have been consistently mediocre and I hope to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I like to think that I'm a better skater than I've shown in competition, but maybe I'm deluding myself.

Thanks again!

Raine

[vesperholly]

"I like to think that I'm a better skater than I've shown in competition, but maybe I'm deluding myself."

So would Angela Nikodinov, and Nicole Bobek, and Sasha Cohen, and, and, and...

You should be proud of what you DID do, not what you DIDN'T do. You say you've dreamed about competing since 1972, and you got out there and did it. That's a great accomplishment.

Mistakes happen. Feel bad for a while, get mad at yourself, then learn how to fix it, get back on the horse and try again. Trying again is the most important part.

Jocelyn

[CanAmSk8ter]

I case you haven't realized it yet, I think pretty much every skater has a disappointing competition experience once in awhile. Some of us have them more than once in awhile, me included.

Last year at Lake Placid, I was coming off a disappointing showing in my club's open the week before. I had a bad draw and was skating on unbelievably messy ice, held back like crazy, and placed seventh out of eight in a group where I feel I could have been sixth or even fifth had I skated my best. It was my first time in Junior, so I would have been thrilled with fifth place. A week later at Lake Placid, same dance but Novice level, I had a good official practice, drew to skate second, and skated that dance the best I had ever done. After I finished, I changed back into my street clothes and went to Ben and Jerry's for a sorbet (I wanted Reece's Peanut Butter Cup, but I had another round of competition the next day). Never before had I skated so well that I said to my parents, "I don't care what my scores are. It's gonna be a long wait. (There were something like thirteen other girls in my group left to skate). I'm going out on the town. I'll come back in like an hour to get scores." Well, my coach and I had been hoping for top ten, and I was twelfth, but I couldn't have cared less. I actually had one ordinal for ninth, one for tenth, and a couple for eleventh. My goal now for every competition is to feel like I did when I got off the ice in Lake Placid: "I skated the best I've ever done, and I really don't care at the moment where I place".

As for the gloves, OMG, you have no idea how many times I've done that. I did one competition where I realized that not only did I have gloves on, they had Elmo's face right on the back of my hand. Luckily my dad was with me and I don't think he even noticed, but when my mom saw the tape she was hysterical. That was like five years ago, but she still always reminds me to take my gloves off. Unfortunately, she doesn't come to tests with me, and I really do need the reminder!

[jazzpants]

This is probably not as extreme, but...

At my one and only competition (so far), my over the boot tights came off the boot (and of course, my boots are black and I certainly don't know if the judges care if my boots are black or not... [1] The announcer announced my name and I almost came out, still with the over the boot off one of my boot. (My coach had to remind me to "fix it.") :roll:

I had only one other competitor...and this one KICK MY BUTT in the competition by a long shot!!! (It was pre-Bronze...and she had a loop, flip, lutz and a camel in her program!!! My hardest element was the loop and my hardest spin was the sit spin.) However, I didn't really cared. I skated a clean program (which included the ever elusive inconsistent loop jump!!!) :P That's all I ever wanted out of the competition!!! :)

Raine: Go!!! GO!!! GOOOO to Adult National!!! You'll be knocking yourself even more if you didn't go. Some of us (ME!!!) could only dream and work hard for the opportunity to make it to compete at Adult Nationals someday. Just make sure your coach reminds you to take off your gloves and jacket before the end of the 5 minute warmup... Good luck and kick some ice BUTTS!!!

Cheers,
jazzpants

[1] According to a USFSA judge who does US National competition... the color of the boot does NOT matter!!! There's no rule in the USFSA book that tells 'ya you can't wear your bright purple boots!!! Of course, it might lower your presentation scores... :roll:

[Mrs Redboots]

Raine, go to Adult Nationals! You can't do any worse than you've just done, and you may very well do a lot better. Don't worry about forgetting to take your jacket off - we've all done that, and the worst that happens is you lose a little on your presentation mark. And you will never do it again!

But seriously, if you don't go to Adult Nationals, you'll always wonder how you would have done had you gone! Plus you'll miss out on being with all the fantastic people who go there, and talking skating morning, noon and night! And the joy is that, in an Adult competition, very few people take the result seriously (I won't say nobody does, because that's not altogether true, but a majority do not), and it honestly doesn't matter if you skate badly on the day. Everybody is there rooting for you whatever!

[blue111moon]

Raine, I wish we had had more time to talk over the weekend. I had no idea you were so upset about your experience. We try to make the competition enjoyable for everyone. I didn't see your event but I know from the roster that it was a tough group. That level always is. And most of those people have been competing a lot longer than you have.

Unfortunately, it IS a competition and someone HAS to come in last in every event. God knows I've had my share of last place finishes (I think my longest streak was 16 or 17). I get thrilled when I don't get straight Last Place votes. So it happens. and sooner or later it happens to everyone.

The thing I try to remember - and I don't always do it - is that competition is very different from practice and things that I KNOW I can do perfecftly in practice may disappear in competition for no reason that I can find, except that it's competition. So I've learned to compare my competition programs to past competition programs and take stock from there. I honestly don't care about placements. I know my skill level doesn't compare with most others in my level so ccomparing myself to them is only an exercise in frustration.

Adult Nationals is a whole different experience. I don't think you should deprive yourself of the experience because you had a tough time at an Open. Go, have fun, and don't worry about where you come in. You've gotten your first rough skate out of the way. Now you know what to do. You can handle it.

I know there were at least three people from this weekend who are also going to Adult Nationals. Say hello to them and I'm sure you'll find congenial folks to hang with there. If you see Dottie Ray, tell her I said hello and good luck, and that we missed her. :)

[lilpairsk8ter]

Raine please come and compete at adult nationals. I went and watched last years nationals at AN and had such and awesome time. I met so many people from all over the U.S. and made so many new friends. I would say just go and enjoy yourself and dont just focus on you competiotion go and have FUN no matter how you skate. If you tell me what fight you are going to be in i will be sure to watch and cheer for you really loudly. I hope you decide to go. Best of luck to. Im also glad to hear that your OK after the car accident.

[RoaringSkates]

Sounds like a terrible weekend - I send sympathy vibes to you. You've had a lot go on these past few days. Because of that, I suggest that you not change any of your plans. Any changes you make may only cause you regrets, and you aren't in the best mind to be making big decisions right now.

You say that you want to skate the best program you can - that's a great goal. Keep your focus on that, and in each competition, try to do better. Focus only on yourself - who cares how the other competitors do? Even at nationals, focus on your own performance.

Every skater has a competition where things just don't go right, even at the elite level - think of poor Brian Joubert at Worlds in the qualifying rounds. You train and train, and make the best plans, and something happens that day and you don't skate your best. Don't obsess about this past competition, but do think about it to see if you can figure out what was the root cause of the problems you had. If you can see the root cause, you can start to work on that.

Were you very nervous, or distracted? Perhaps at nationals, that is the one thing that you can try to work on. If you were nervous or distracted, start working now on ways to control those nerves or improve your focus - yoga, breathing exercises, etc., that you may be able to try out at nationals, and that will benefit you for future competitions.

I remember one of my early gymnastics competitions. I was on the beam, and I was very, very nervous. I fell off nine times. 9!!! In something like a minute in a half. I came in dead last. It happens to everyone.

BTW: I heard that adult nationals are a blast. The comeraderie is supposed to be great. Imagine, all those adults! I am jealous of you that you get to go, so go there for me and do the best you can. Be sure to report back to us on how you did!

[kayskate]

Sounds like you may have been cold and needed the jacket and gloves; therefore, forgetting to remove them. Combined w/ anxiety, good thing you remembered to remove your blade guards! For your next competition, get yourself a gorgeous warm up sweater and matching gloves. If you leave it on, who cares?

Kay

[Mel On Ice]

go! The comraderie and experiences are more than worth it.

Besides, you got all your mistakes out of the way this past weekend, so it will be smoooooooooooooooooth sailing from here on out.

And you are not alone in commiting some skating gaffes. My coach was on me to remove my watch repeatedly and sure 'nuff, I go out there with it on, and realize it while doing some backward edging footwork when I bring my arm around in front of my face. The motion of my arm made it appear I was checking the time so when I saw I had a watch on, it startled me. Dryly, my coach and one of the judges asked me afterward if I discovered halfway through I had somewhere else to be.

[Mrs Redboots]

Originally posted by blue111moon
If you see Dottie Ray, tell her I said hello and good luck. :) And from me, too, please!

[Mrs Redboots]

Originally posted by Mel On Ice
Dryly, my coach and one of the judges asked me afterward if I discovered halfway through I had somewhere else to be. So typical! I used to wear a cheap watch when skating, but stopped after I fell over and broke it, and scared my poor husband silly as I came off the ice clutching it, and he thought I'd broken my wrist....

[Black Sheep]

Raine!

I've been there, done that, and bought the soundtrack! After coming in near-last in my Adult Midwesterns and Nationals events last year, and hearing all kinds of stories about people who won, I thought, "Will I always be last?" When I shared this with others over at the old FSW boards, people told me to quit whining! I also made the mistake of assuming one had to be a club officer or some other "VIP" to place high at competitions (I've learned from more recent experiences just how wrong I was!).

I got tired of being a "black sheep" in this sport (;)), so I worked hard to change my attitude. I stopped succumbing to the pressure to WIN, WIN, WIN, and decided to actually enjoy skating, even in competitive situations. This great new perspective helped to me to relax, and my skating overall has greatly improved (not to mention a certain gold medal I won just last month)! I've also made some great new friends at competitions.

Another thing that might help is to remind yourself of the good things in your life outside of skating, things that will still be there for you after you skate. For example, I'm looking forward to getting home from AN to my job, my cat, and games of Yahoo Literati (not necessarily in that order).

Hope this helps! 8-)

[skaternum]

Originally posted by Raine
And I haven’t found the camaraderie or community I was hoping to find in adult skating. And it's not for lack of trying. I feel terribly isolated in this sport.

I meant to mention this in my earlier post, but I forgot. I don't understand this statement at all. I don't mean this in a bad way, but what were you expecting to find? What kinds of expectations have you set for yourself and this sport? Are you really introverted around other adult skaters? Or maybe you're carrying some "pressure baggage" that makes you come across too strong? (Some of your other comments make me think you're really intense about competing.) How long have you been skating? You have to give other skaters a chance to get to know you. You've only been in 3 competitions, so you can't have met too many adult skaters yet! Give the adult skating community a chance. <insert standard "You get out of it what you put into it" quote here.>

I think you need to lighten up on yourself and your expectations and just skate for the fun of it. *That's* when you'll find your biggest successes.

[Raine]

Heavens...I hope I didn't sound like I was whining about finishing last. I'm horrified to think that I may have come across that way. It's been an emotional few days, and maybe I blubbered too much. I apologize if I've offended anyone.

I think it's true that the other competitors are having a lot better time than I am, so the fault lies with me and I have to figure out ways to enjoy the experience more. After all, this is something I've wanted to do for more than 30 years. :)

Thanks again for all of your responses. Seriously, I'm really moved that you all took the time to respond.

Raine

[Mrs Redboots]

You were fine, honestly! Go there, have fun, relax, don't stress, make friends, and enjoy yourself. And then come back and tell us how silly you were to be so worried!

Listen, I post as one whose ambition is not "Not to come last" but merely "Not to have every single judge place me last"! I have a competition in a couple of weeks and I'll almost definitely finish last in it, but that's not why I compete. I'd actually not do this particular competition if it wasn't for the fact that it's "our" open, and the adult classes are a relatively recent innovation! But I want to be part of it, and people enjoy watching my artistic/interpretive programmes, even if English judges don't! (American and French judges are another story!). And one day me and my husband are not going to depend on other people to make mistakes so as not to come last..... perhaps even this year, we'll see.

[Mazurka Girl]

Originally posted by Raine
And I haven’t found the camaraderie or community I was hoping to find in adult skating. And it's not for lack of trying. I feel terribly isolated in this sport.
One of the best ways I can suggest to address this is to become involved in your club's operations & activities. Monitor at test sessions & volunteer to help at competitions & shows. Also become involved in group activities like theater on ice or synchro. I don't know about synchro, but there is an adult ice theater group called Imagica in MA if that's where you are located. I have seen them at competitions & they look like they are having fun.

I realized a couple weeks ago I have now been involved in skating for over 2/3 of my life. There have been lots of ups & downs. When I get discouraged about how things are going with skating, I usually find it helps me gain some perspective & feel refreshed again when I give something back to skating.