Does your coach make you feel special??

[lizzz]

Hi all, Just a question here. I've never particularly gotten along with my coach, but he does his job. I am learning to skate and SLOWLY improving, which is the important thing. I am a paycheck.... period. It's been like this for 3 plus years so I am used to it, but a friend made a comment that it is a shame that I'll never feel special. Or that my learning anything is anything more than just part of the job.
That got me wondering, does your coach make you feel special or are you all just pay checks too?:?:

[iceskaterdawn]

Most of my coaches have made me feel special. Even though I am an adult skater I have trained with some pretty high level coaches (mainly Frank Carroll and Tiffany Chin), they always made me feel special.

[pinkjellybean]

My coaches have always made me feel special wether I was training for a major competition, a local competition, skating for fun, taking it easy coming back from injury or even not doing anything but putting together a program b/c I was skating with a cast.

They all made things I did off the ice, like achievements in school and other sports seem special and important too. Even taking it easier my first year of university my coach, a former olympian, still literally applauded my programs and jumps.

This has always been important to our relationships and why I still keep in touch with and visit my coach who now lives farther away and the one who's in my hometown.

I once had a coach for 2.5 weeks who had no regard for even my safety or actually acting like a coach during a test so I didn't stay with her (she was also rather abusive but that's a whole different thread)...

[jazzpants]

I didn't pay my coach to give me "strokes." I paid my coach to teach me how to skate!!! However, I'm VERY LUCKY that I have a coach that challenges me, yet treats me with kindness and respect. That's a very RARE combo!!! Plus he thinks a lot like me... very :twisted:!!! LOL!!!! :lol: And of course, he knows where I'm coming from in terms of skating and where I want to go in skating... which is pretty much where he is now... no, not the coaching part...but the competing part!!! :P (Always nice to have "Michelle Kwan" as my coach!!!) :lol:

[Sandra L]

My coach did make me feel good, we had a great time together, lesson was a party, and we were always laughing and happy... but at one point (April, last year) I felt like I wasn't improving anymore. I got tired of trying the same things, the same way. I was lucky that my schedule got so tight that I had a good excuse to stop taking lessons, without hurting my coach's feelings. I thought of my coach as a friend. Now that I'm coming back, I feel so free to try new things, I don't even want a coach any time soon. When I told her that I'm not going to be taking lessons, I felt the difference in the friendship level... Great, I have more time to concentrate on the ice now. I have seen you and your coach, Liz, and it seems just right to me, you are improving a lot! That's what counts. A coach is just that, a coach! :??

[Aussie Willy]

I have a coach who encourages all her skaters and makes them feel that their skating is very special. She is 22 (I am 36) and have been learning from her for about two years. She thinks the sky is the limit with skating. She never tells her skaters that things are difficult and thus they try jumps (particularly the axel) without hesitation because she doesn't tell them it is scary. She encourages them all to pick whatever music they like and do programs because she loves choreography. She has a bubbly personality and is very enthusiastic. I really liked my previous coach because she was great technically and good fun, but my current coach is fun and I really appreciate what she has to offer. Funny thing is I basically watched her skate competitively since she was 12 and during that time found her a bit off handish and snobbish, but since having got to know her she is a lovely person and really supports and encourages my skating. I just never really got to know her before then.

I also have a dance coach that I have been with for about 8 years now and have always enjoyed my lessons with her. We have the same sense of humour. We don't aim for tests or competition - just fun and relaxation. If I did not enjoy my lessons so much I probably wouldn't do them. But she is also great with explaining things technically, but never pushes you outside your comfort zone - she works at the level you want to work at which is really important when you are an adult and doing it for fun. I do consider her as much a friend as a coach.

So in answer to your question, they both make me feel special, never just a paycheck, because at the times I cannot afford lessons or can't make it to skating, it is never a problem and they understand.

[skaternum]

I don't necessarily want my coach to be my friend. I want him to teach me and push me and make me a better skater. That's what I pay him for. The bottom line is I'm essentially contracting him to do something for me. I am his paycheck; in a way, he is my employee. As such, I expect to be treated with respect and courtesy, but I don't expect him to be my pal or confidante or anything more than someone I pay to teach me.

(Having said that, I acknowledge that the coach-student relationship is a little different from other types of relationships. It requires a lot of trust, especially on the part of the student, and understanding. The coach has to figure out how to best teach the student. But none of that means anything more to me than what it is at face value.)

And I'm not really sure what you mean by "special." I'm no more "special" than any of the other 15 students my coach works with. (What's that old funny saying? 'I'm unique -- just like everybody else!') I do expect my coach to exhibit a positive attitude about my skating, but I don't expect them to make me feel warm & fuzzy. That's not his job. If your coach is negative about your skating progress or skills, that's a whole other ballgame, of course.

I think it's fine that some of you have become such good friends with your coaches, but I've seen numerous situations where this became a Real Bad Thing, especially with coaches who are more "controlling" and the skater is an adult. There was a lot of friendship baggage dragged into the situations that complicated them. And it made moving to another coach extremely stressful for everyone involved. Not that it can't work; I've just seen it NOT work.

[lizzz]

good responses...
I do want to clarify.. I'm just curious how others get along with their coaches. Just because I'm a paycheck does not mean I am not learning. I am. :)

[utopia]

my coach back home was always very, very encouraging and yes, made me feel special. he made me feel like I was very talented and important enough to spend his time on. he always went over the allotted lesson time of 20 minutes, sometimes even working with me for up to an hour without charging extra. he truly wanted me to get better. that provided such a source of encouragement to me, especially as I'd had a lot of bad coaching experiences before.

[Isabelle]

My coach has always made me feel special. She is almost like a second mother to me! :)

[Chico]

I kinda go along with skaternum. I care about my coach, he holds a special role in my life. The key to be who I want to be as a skater. I also have learned to respect him as a person and coach. Still, I wouldn't say we are "friends". Friends but not FRIENDS. My first coach was, and I learned the hard way this probably isn't the best situation for a coach student relationship. I want someone to be responsible. I want a coach to teach and challenge me. I want a coach who knows me well enough to know when to PUSH and to let up on me. I want a coach who understands my strengths and weaknesses and work with both. I want respect as a student and as a person.

So, I don't feel I'm treated special. And I don't expect to be. But I do feel my coach apppreciates who I am as a skater and works with this.

Chico

[vesperholly]

I think my coach makes me feel "special" in the non-cheesy way that I tend to associate that word with - meaning, she makes me feel that when I have a lesson, I am an important skater who is worth her time and energy regardless of how much money she earns. She makes me feel like a *valued* student, not just a student.

I had a coach who was less like that - during lessons, he *was* focused on trying to help me do better and learn. However, that was the extent of the relationship, and after a while I got tired of it. I felt like outside of the lesson, I wasn't worth his time or effort.

I feel like my current coach sees potential in me and inspires me to want to work hard, practice, and do well. When I don't do well, she doesn't make me feel bad about it, and is constructive in how to improve. Even though my goals in skating aren't typical of most skaters that she teaches (higher-level competitive), she realizes that they are just as important to me (and her in helping me attain those goals) as other skater's more usual goals. I wouldn't say we are "friends", but our relationship has more depth than just Coach and Student, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Jocelyn

[arena_gal]

Mmmmm, sometimes the coach is too busy making another student feel special and even though the rest of the students get their paid lesson time, the coach's mind is elsewhere.

We had a dynamo of a kid come into the club this year, a coach's dream - a kid that could take a coach places if you know what I mean. The coach's relationships with the rest of the students suffered as a result because they knew that Suzy's parents were pouring money into lessons so that the coach simply was spending way more time with Suzy, and also that Suzy could skate double axels around them all and they felt lessened. The coach did nothing to fix that until it was too late and students defected to another club. Things have been patched together and the coach has learned something out of it, basically to quit talking about Suzy when you're teaching Sally.

[Skatingsarah]

My coach is a really nice woman I really really like her. She's strict but not hardcore strict. She tells me the truth whether or not I can bear it. Shes there to get me to skate better and get rid of my bad habits. I really appreciate her ways of coaching, she's hard when she needs to be hard. I find that I have learnt to appreciate the small things. Shes the kinda person that you wont get an answer like "Wow that was an amazing jump, your so talented." I really enjoy her coaching because I know shes being fair. Plus I would much rather hear it from her than a judge. So she does make me feel special just in a different way, you have to learn the way to accept it.

[sk8er1964]

I pay my coach to be my coach, not my friend. That said, I think I have a pretty special coach. He does care about my skating, and about me as a person, and he does make me feel special. Is he my friend? No. Is he somebody important in my life? Yes. Am I somebody important in his? Probably not as important as he is in mine, but he'll remember me when we finally part ways (that's because I am so very weird :roll: ) I think I have a good coach who thinks I am a good student, and that's ok by me.

[MissIndigo]

I wouldn't say that my coach and I are "friends" either, but we have a great respect for each other and communicate great. She does ask me about how my family and close friends are doing and how school is going, which shows me that she cares about me as a person as well, as I do her. As far as feeling special goes, she is very complementary when it is due. She likes to point out to me unique ways in which I have conquered certain elements, and praises those elements I do well. That support and feedback is great to have, but feeling that there is something special about my skating and how I perform my favorite elements comes from within me.

[wa_skater]

My coach makes me feel very special. She is very encouraging with adult skaters, yet gives recommendations on training and practicing to make sure her students are progressing. One of the reasons I chose her was because I tried out several different coache in group situations, and not one of them was encouraging when I couldn't learn something right away. That was annoying because it made me feel like I'd never get it or I was in some way inferior because I couldn't learn a skill quickly.

My current coach talks to me and listens to my input on what I feel I am best at. And when she knows I am frustrated about something I'm learning, she compliments me on what I am doing well, and says that she is seeing progress even if I am not (I'm often pretty hard on myself). She has also recognized my determination (in absence of natural talent), and encourages me to keep working harder.

I am very particular about my coaching (it is a huge investment in myself) and would not settle for being "just a paycheck" fo someone. I will always look for a coach who encourages me to be the best I can be and demands nothing less than my best effort.

~Anna

[JDC1]

My coach focuses exclusively on me during lessons and praises and criticizes and always listens to all my skating "woes" and my injuries. I'm lucky because we're a very good fit, she's upbeat and funny and that's exactly the personality I need if she was too critical or dry it wouldn't work.

[garyc254]

My coach (even though I'm not taking lessons from her anymore, she will always be my coach) makes all of her students feel special. She takes interest in all of her students of all ages.

She has a sixth sense about her students. She seems to know when things aren't going right in their lives or in their skating. Without being told, she knows when to push you harder or when to lighten up and try something just for fun.

She's been through the levels and knows that after the third time you fail a given test, the last thing you want to do at the next lesson is the elements from that test. She'll save it for a lesson or two.

She was giving a lesson during a freestyle session a couple of weeks ago while I was practicing nearby. Suddenly I hear "Nice mohawk!!" and look up to see her compliment was aimed at me. :D

Yes, she's a VERY special coach and all of her students feel this way.