I'm Afraid of My Coach

[Black Sheep]

I know it's getting awfully close to competition time, and we all need that extra push in training, but lately my coach as been treating me like dirt with constant criticizing and put-downs. No matter how hard I train during the week, nothing I do ever satisfies him. I try following instructions--which is not easy to do so early in the morning--but he keeps insisting I'm not listening to him. When I do something right, he still doesn't seem happy. I wish I could change coaches, but I can't do that so close to the competitions. Actually, I'd rather have no coach at all than one who doesn't even seem to like me.....:cry:

[Alexeiskate]

You really need to sit down with your coach and have a discussion about your feeling towards his teaching method. If you're not an adult then I would suggest having a parent sit down with the coach and you and discuss the situation.

[garyc254]

Constructive criticism is good and is what a coaching is all about. Destructive criticism is bad and doesn't belong on the ice.

If you feel your coach has stepped into the destructive end, you have to tell him. Otherwise, it may be time for a new coach.

We have a synchro/learn-to-skate coach at a local rink that is extremely abrasive and loud in her comments to her students. She doesn't know it yet, but she's about to be fired.

She recently screamed at her team of young alpha/beta level synchro skaters, "You will all come back here next week knowing how to do a shoot-the-duck or you will do sprints for the entire session." She was so loud that she was heard in the warming room through the glass. She's trying to get these kids to do a backward shoot-the-duck circle. She's dreaming.

[nutty-ducky]

Black Sheep I really hope that you will be able to work things out with your coach. I think that you should have talk to him aswell. I wish you luck in your competition and hope that your coach doesnt keep on giving you a hard time.

[sk8er1964]

Black Sheep - you cannot reasonably expect to work well with somebody you're afraid of. A coaching relationship should be one of trust and an ability to work well together. If this is not happening, then something needs to change.

It could be as simple as sitting down to talk with your coach - are your expectations for your lessons, your progress and your competitions different than his? Is that why you are clashing?

Changing coaches in a hard decision. I don't think I'd want to go AN alone - remember Michelle Kwan coachless at the Olympics? I think that hurt her - we all need the moral support of somebody who has been a skater before we step out on that ice, no matter how good we are. I also wouldn't want to go to AN with the added stress of a bad coaching relationship.

You're in a tough place. Good luck - wish I could help more.

[melanieuk]

It's a horrid situation for you, but I'm sure things will change for the better.
If you cannot discuss this with your coach you have no alternative but to find another.
He will totally destroy your confidence if he continues in this way.
As it is, he cannot make you skate better by shouting at you.
If he hasn't worked that out yet, he's not a coach worth having.

Good luck.

[Figureskates]

I find your situation very distressing.

I have the greatest coach in the world. She does not yell, tells me if something is bad, but will also tell me when I get it right. She is very patient and will go over a thing a hundred times until I get it. She pushes, but not too hard..

I would find it very hard to concentrate if someone was continually yelling at me...

I also realize the bind you are in. When you are preparing for a competiton, it is not the best time to change coaches.

I wish you all the best and I hope that things do work out for you and work out quickly...

Good luck.

[Black Sheep]

Much thanks for all of your support. I really appreciate every word. I will get in touch with my coach about this and let you know what happens.

[love2sk8]

Many people feel that you shouldnt change coaches right before a competition. But if your coach is going to make you lose your confidence, and make you not want to go to the rink every day, you should change as soon as possible.

You can always tell your new coach that you have a comp soon, and instead of changing technique, etc. he/she will probably just encourage you, and watch over your training sessions. Then when the competition is over, any problems they would like to fix can be done after. The new coach will also get the early opportunity to see how you react under the stress/excitement of a competition, and be able to help you for the future.

[Black Sheep]

Actually, my coach is not really loud or hostile, but he does talk down to me, and that really hurts my feelings. I've seen other coaches do the same thing to their students (kids), and I really feel sorry for the latter.

How about you? Have you ever seen this at your rink(s)?

[love2sk8]

I've seen this many times, and my coach is like that occasionally to me also. It motivates me tho, but I can completely understand how it would discourage someone. Its ok to be loud to an extent, but not if the coach is talking down to you.

It's something that your going to really have to think about tho. I've changed coaches many times, and I had a coach who would talk behind my back to other people about me (I was around 13, and was so fed up, that I fired her myself). But if you seriously can not take it anymore, then I think it'd be best to let him/her go. You can do way better with someone else, who will give you the encouragement and support that you need to become a better skater, in spite of the upcoming competition. IMO tho, it would be more beneficial to sacrifice one competition (and hey, you never know...it might give you extra determination) then a period of time being unhappy with your current coach.

[Chico]

A coaches job is to push you but also to be supporitive. Your coach needs to know you well enough to know when to do both. Sometimes the pushing can be a fine line. However, the pushing should NEVER make the skater feel bad about themselves. This should be a fun, challenging and rewarding sport. I think I would try to talk to your current coach first. They may not know how their "pushing" makes you feel. If the coach hears you and makes positive changes the relationship can be retained. If not, they were given the opportunity and you can move on with a clean heart. This is your skating experience and you need to feel good about it. Changing coaches is difficult. Only you can pick the time. If you change now bring a friend you have a good relationship with or build a new one with your new coach at National's. Or.........build a new one with your old coach. =-) Good luck.

Chico

[Black Sheep]

When I told my coach how I felt, he said, "As a coach, it's my job to push you. That's the only way you'll win."

[Suzanne]

Black Sheep -- sounds like your coach doesn't get it. I'd be getting another if it's still upsetting you. Skating is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, and it doesn't sound like it is.

[pattern99]

black sheep,

first off, I COMPLETELY know where you're coming from. As the subject would suggest, been there, done that, got the shirt. I personally, have been in that situation. Needless to say, I started with this male coach when I was 14. I'd never taken from a male coach before and NEVER had been in any type of serious training environment. (I was from miami). Well, shock soon set in. This guy critisized EVERYTHING I did. Even the height of my arms on my landing position and the angle of my hands :roll:!!!! I mean GEEZ! And things went on for awhile. I took from him at 5:30 in the morning before school. I'm not a morning person. So doing back to back longs is NOT my idea of morning fun, especially when my body is asleep. Well, finally his "female" comments, the talking down and the constant critisism pissed me off enough to allow my LOUD size to come out. This man was SOOO intimidating. Ha! Well, no longer. Unfortunately, it took some yelling, apologizing and alot more talking to figure out how to make things work. He got to know me better and vise versa. He learned HOW to push me. Frankly, negative reinforcement isn't my cup of tea. In short, he helped me get from a mediocre, bottom of the region skater, to JN's in a year and a half. Now I live back in Miami and have started to persue my own passion to coach. In the end, I'm still very close with him as he has become a mentor over the years and there are no words to describe the ups and downs that we faced. I think you could benefit in the same way. It may take some constant repetition (as he IS male afterall :lol: ) and perhaps getting to know each other a tad better. You definately have one thing working for you, atleast he cares enough to push you. That's just how I feel about it. If things don't get any better, then it's time to give him the boot. I wish you tons of luck with this situation as it is not easy. We look up to our coaches and the worst feeling in the world is to be kicked down by them. If you need any help, we're all here with open arms. Best of luck to you!
*patt99*

(edited to add) Black sheep, btw, I love your siggy as I'm a huge MASH fan!! :D

[Mrs Redboots]

Originally posted by pattern99
This guy critisized EVERYTHING I did. Even the height of my arms on my landing position and the angle of my hands :roll:!!!! :D As a dancer, my first reaction to that was "I should hope so too!" Nothing looks worse than hands held any old how on the ice (I am constantly telling my husband so!).

Seriously, though, my coach was and is the critical type, and eventually I said to him, "Look, I don't really find it helpful when you tell me what not to do - I know that! Could you rephrase it to tell me what I need to do in order to correct it?" or words to that effect. That made a terrific difference, because instead of saying (e.g.) "You're not crossing your leg far enough", he will say "Try to drop your left hip - it will help you cross your leg more". I had to say it a few times, but he usually does it now.

Also what helped was criticising myself. I come back from doing a dance or an exercise or a programme and say "I didn't do this," or "That was dreadful - I don't know what happened to my back edge", or "I should have bent my knees more in the cross-roll" or whatever. That deflected criticism from him, as he didn't need to say it too! Once he knew I often knew what had gone wrong, he was less critical.

Not to say he doesn't expect perfection - he does! But he knows what helps me learn, these days, and uses it. And when he does praise - rarely - you know he means it! But when he stands there laughing his head off - beware.....:evil: :twisted:

[candace]

I really feel that you should sit down with your mom and dad and tell them what is going on. Than you should sit down with your parents and coach and talk about what is going on. If it doesn't stop after the talk than it is time to find a new coach.

Hope things work out for you:)