The chronicles of IBH66's coaching change

[ibreakhearts66]

I know the internet is a public place, but I have nothing negative to say about anyone, so this thread should be "safe." I know changing coaches comes up with some regularity, so I thought I'd share my story.

As some of you may remember, I posted a while back about struggling with depression and motivation to skate, particularly as it related to testing. I actually decided to quit skating...for a whole week. I then decided to take it one day at a time and just skate when I wanted to. There are a few things that led up to my decision to change coaches that I won't get into, but the overriding force was simply that I needed change! I've been with the same coach for my entire "career" and just need different training methods/coaching methods/different ANYTHING to get the drive back.

This was an incredibly difficult decision for me to make, as doubletoe can probably attest to. My coach and I had a very close relationship and the thought of not working with her anymore terrified me. Finally, though, I realized that this was something I NEEDED to do. I think maybe I'd just become so comfortable with her that she didn't motivate me quite as much as I needed to, if you know what I mean.

Two weeks ago I told her I needed a change and was going to switch coaches. I was a little hurt by her seemingly indifferent reaction, but my decision to switch is purely "professional" and I'm hoping we can maintain a close relationship. Anyways, that's when my REAL journey began.

When I chose my original coach, it was frankly because she seemed to be the best coach at my rink. And she was. I didn't do ANY research, I just walked up to her and asked for lessons. That was the extent of my experience with "choosing" a coach.

Let me say, once you KNOW a little bit more about skating, picking a coach is SO difficult, especially living in an area with a TON of qualified coaches.

My initial choices were A and J. I called J and he was too busy to talk at that moment, so he said he'd be in touch. A week or 10 days passed and I hadn't heard from him, so I decided I'd just move on and look more locally (his rink is relatively far from my house). I got recommendations from a friend for coaches at a closer rink, and sent a message to W, who said she'd call me on Monday.

On SUNDAY, I got the phone number for A, who team coaches with J. I told A that I was considering working with W, but I would love for him to do my choreography. He said how much he loves W and thinks W is a great coach. I was thrilled. It sounded like A and W would be my team, since I'd more or less given up on J.

Then TODAY, after I get off the ice, I see I have a missed call from J!!! I let out a "you've got to be kidding me" (probably with a curse word in there somewhere). J WOULD appear when I thought I finally had things sorted out. Oh wait. J DID appear, walking into the rink seconds later.

Had a nice talk with J about my goals and financial situation. Luckily he also gets along very well with W (which I figured since A likes W and A and J coach together). He said that we could work out whatever works best for me, if that means taking from W most of the time with supplemental lessons from him and just a few lessons from A for choreography. He was VERY encouraging when I said how my goal was to compete Novice and didn't care if I came in last, then backtracked and said that I guess he and A might care since it would reflect on them. He stopped me and said, "no no no no no, we don't care, we coach skaters who LOVE to skate." THAT was very encouraging.

Now I see W tomorrow and J on Monday, with plans to talk to A again once things are a little more sorted out.

The entire above situation was extremely frustrating at times and VERY overwhelming, but I'm left feeling SO encouraged and so so SO excited that these 3 coaches are more than willing to work together. Yeah, it would be great to have ONE coach who is a good technician and great choreographer but...I'll keep dreaming. However, it looks like I've managed to put together my personal dream team for this point in my skating.

I'm sure the 3 coaches sounds excessive, but it's really mostly about how I can best manage my time and money, and frankly, that's by having two technicians, since J mostly teaches at a far away rink.

The hardest part of all of this is, I have to say, being on the ice with my old coach. There don't seem to be any bad feelings, at least not on my part, and I think I went about making the change in the most professional way a 19 year old can, but again, being a 19 year old, I can't help but think things like "OMG she doesn't like me. OMG she doesn't want to be on the ice with me. OMG she's happy that I just fell." OF COURSE she isn't happy that I just fell and she doesn't care one way or the other if I'm on the ice with her, but I'm a teenager for a few more months so I get to be insecure :P

Finding a new coach has been a little overwhelming because of the sheer number of choices. It was so difficult to even know where to start looking!

Knowing me, that was only the first chapter of the chronicle, and I'll be sure to update you as things proceed, but, Ibreakhearts made her very first coaching change and---she survived!!!!!!

[RachelSk8er]

I don't think you need to worry about your old coach. Coaching changes can be awkward at first, but it's a normal part of the sport.

For what it's worth, I switched coaches once a kid/teenager, then stopped taking from another when I left for college (and didn't go back to her when I moved back to the area 3 yrs ago). I see both on a regular basis at the rink now and it's never been strange or awkward. I'm still really close with one of them, she's actually one of my biggest cheerleaders, I look forward to seeing her at the rink every week.

[Stormy]

I am sure your old coach is fine with your decision and that you'll be able to remain friends. It's part of the sport, and you're not the first person who has stopped taking lessons from her, I'm sure. :) I changed coaches almost yearly for a while, then had the same one for about 8 years (and we were very very close friends as well) and changing from her was very difficult, but ultimately the best thing for my skating.

I am glad you realized you needed a change and that you still want to skate! Sometimes a change like this is exactly what you need to get the drive back. It sounds like you've got a great situation for yourself now. I'm glad you're still skating. :) Good luck!

[sk8lady]

I also changed coaches last fall after 6 years with the same coach. It was quite upsetting initially but turned out to be the best thing I could have done for myself. Everyone needs a change once in a while and sometimes just trying to learn things a different way can allow you to improve in leaps and bounds. Best of luck to you.

[drskater]

You sound enthusiastic and energized so clearly you made the right decision! I’m glad you decided not to quit. In a way, ceasing skating is too easy when things feel bad and I’d bet that you would regret it later. You’re so young and have so much time to accomplish your goals. Skating actually helps with depression. The rink is its own little escape from the world, concentrating on your work helps ameliorate ruminations etc., and exercise causes the brain to produce more dopamine.

It is difficult to change coaches; it feels like a break-up and so it’s only natural that you experience all kinds of conflicting emotions. Yet you should be proud of yourself for taking definitive steps for moving forward. An experienced and professional coach will understand. Coaching changes are all part of the job.

I can really empathize with you. My former coach was great in his way but he lacked talent for teaching and after a couple of years he blamed me for all my failures. I quit for a year. When I came back I decided to work with another coach (the one I didn’t feel “worthy” of when I first stated private lessons). The new coach is a magician. Unfortunately, the first coach made things very, very unpleasant for both of us. My new coach and I both tried hard to make peace with him, but he was awful towards both of us. Of course, if I had mixed feelings about leaving him, his subsequent bad behavior only reinforced my belief that it was the best thing to do.

[Mrs Redboots]

I think changing coaches can be very positive; we had to change earlier this year because our coaches moved to another rink which is too far away for us to train there. We have known our present coach ever since we started skating, but only ever worked with him in our very first learn-to-skate class. And although we were very sad to say goodbye to our former coaches, and still miss them, it's being really good working with our new one!

[ibreakhearts66]

I had my first lesson with the new coach and it was very encouraging. She is excellent at spotting the tiny details that can make a huge difference. I'm very excited for my next lesson, and while I'm still a little sad that I'm no longer working with my old coach, I know I made the right decision. I definitely feel tension when I see my old coach, but I just smile when I see her and then focus on skating. It really DOES feel like a break-up. I so wanted to say, "It's not you, it's me, can we still be friends?" Even though she really hurt my feelings, I'm trying to remember, using the relationship analogy, I'm the dump-er and she's the dump-ee, but that hopefully things can go back to semi-normal soon. We go back a long ways and our relationship wasn't just coach-student, she has always been there for me when things in life got hard (and vice-versa, to a certain extent), so I hope that doesn't necessarily have to get screwed up in the long run.

[tylerkarenmay]

ibreakhearts66, I miss seeing you at the rink. I am glad things are working out for you. My two are doing ok. My daughter has improved in skating and in allowing her coach to coach her. Fewer attitudes. lol. My son as you know does not really like figure skating, he does not want to do hockey. He likes the ice dancing classes. So now the coach is moving him in that direction.

Anyway, we miss you,
Susan