View Full Version : Yet another skating parents question
Ok experienced skating moms. I'm a relative newcomer to the "being the mom" role instead of the skater role.How do you guys not lose your minds over the progress or occasional lack thereof of your kids? I'm pretty good about not putting any outward pressure on my daughter about her skating (I put enough on myself - just the way I'm wired) but her ups and downs of learning new elements are so hard to watch!
She's 7 and a half and has been working on her axel for about 10 months. She has it, she doesn't, she has it, she doesn't. My understanding from her coach is that its been a lot cleaner this week but I have to admit I saw another little girl that we skate with this morning, who has weaker skating skills but is a good jumper and presto! clean axels all morning! Its so hard to see your kid struggle with something that others get so easily - how do you guys handle this?
I say you should simply ground her until she can land it cleanly.
:twisted:
Ok, you can see why I never had a kid ;-)
Seriously, I think that has to be about the hardest thing to do is to sit back and watch! Good luck!
Hugs!
Danielle
ps) Sorry, I really couldn't resist ;-)
Dani,
That's too funny! I actually got mad enough at her for something she did once, maybe 6 months ago (she was talking back or some normal kid transgression that I don't remember) and I threatened to ground her. She looked up at me and said "what's that"? So much for the in control parent at that point.
garyc254
10-14-2002, 02:30 PM
I'm not a "skating mom" nor "skating dad", but I was a Cub Scout/ Boy Scout leader when my sons (3 of them including twins) were younger. Especially having twins, I was able to see the developmental differences daily. So, for what it's worth, here's my suggestions.
First, YOU need to keep a Positive Mental Attitude about your daughter's abilities. Kids grow and develop mentally and physically at different rates. What they can do one day, they can't do the next. It's the constant repetition that develops their skills.
For your sake as well as your daughters, NEVER compare your daughter's skills to anyone else's skills, even in your own mind. That's unfair to both of you.
Sit back, relax, enjoy, and encourage. Cheer her on. Give only limited "constructive" criticism and then give it only in private, never in front of others. Applaud her every progress. If she has a bad day skating, remind her of your own bad days on the ice and then of your good days.
At 7-1/2, she sounds like she's doing extremely well.
Originally posted by KJD
Dani,
That's too funny! I actually got mad enough at her for something she did once, maybe 6 months ago (she was talking back or some normal kid transgression that I don't remember) and I threatened to ground her. She looked up at me and said "what's that"? So much for the in control parent at that point.
OMG, I feel old now!!
BTW, I left a PM in case you would like to check
Hugs,
Danielle
Gary,
Thanks so much for the reply. You are oh so right, not to compare and I try very hard actually not to do that. The struggle I had this morning with it is that my daughter is actually quite a good little skater as far as the skills she has now (and I'm usually the overly critical parent) - she has nice line, good stroking (thank you dance coach) and good single jumps and spins. It was just a bit of a surprise to see someone who is so wobbly on those same things at this point (as many kids are) peel off axels and it makes me worry she will be one of those kids who "don't get it". I know its idiotic and as soon as we are through this, we'll have another element to worry about. Its just so hard to not be able to help her - you just sit around and watch and chew your nails down to the quick!
Dani - Not to worry, I am old, and feeling older by the day. I laughed at your thread this weekend of being mistaken for the 16 year old skater - would never happen to me as I'm in my late 30's and starting to feel older! I didn't get your PM yet, but perhaps it takes time to go through.
Kate
skating skills are like growth spurts. Sometimes there appears to be no progress no matter how much energy you put in and then all of a sudden there can be rapid progress. Axels in particular appear to be the jump that many people take to consolidate so be patient.-frustratingly patient.
Originally posted by KJD
Dani - Not to worry, I am old, and feeling older by the day. I laughed at your thread this weekend of being mistaken for the 16 year old skater - would never happen to me as I'm in my late 30's and starting to feel older! I didn't get your PM yet, but perhaps it takes time to go through.
Hi Kate! Unless you set it up otherwise, you must actually go check for the PM's. If you go to User CP (Control Panel?) it should show it to you.
I am definately starting to feel older, but the skating is also helping.
Hugs!
Danielle
Mrs Redboots
10-14-2002, 03:47 PM
When my daughter was a little girl, she was learning to swim, and I was fairly sure she could manage a width of the swimming baths. So I bribed her with the promise of a pen she wanted if she would swim a width - and she did, and duly got the pen!
A little bribery and corruption works wonders with a child who probably could, but hasn't dared quite try yet! I know at least one girl here who worked hard on her axel with the promise of a fiver from her coach, and her mother - and me (I'd have given her one if she'd landed it!) if she landed her axel that day. She didn't land it that day - she did a few days later, though - but not because she didn't work on it seriously, hoping for the money!
garyc254
10-14-2002, 03:48 PM
Originally posted by KJD
It was just a bit of a surprise to see someone who is so wobbly on those same things at this point (as many kids are) peel off axels and it makes me worry she will be one of those kids who "don't get it".
She'll "get it" and be better and stronger for having to really work to earn it.
Most importantly, be proud that she's able to do it at all.
Mazurka Girl
10-14-2002, 04:31 PM
They keep getting those jumps & losing them again every time they grow a couple inches too. You may as well accept it now. Don't compare, focus on your own skater. Same thing for the skater, focus on your own skills & not others.
Since I'm the skater, I can tell you from the kid's perspective that the way my mom approached it was by measurement of effort. As long as I was working on the skills that was enough, no matter how much time it took to master them. OTOH, whenever I wasted a lot of time at the boards chatting with friends, then I could expect a little "chat" about it from her when I got home. Now that I pay for a lot of the costs myself, I see what she meant & it was fair. ;)
My daughter was one of those "wobbly" ones who had an axel before her time. Believe me, your daughter is better off with good fundamentals to start with. It means fewer falls, and those fundamentals must eventually be tackled. If my daughter's coaches had refused to let her work on jumps and spins she wasn't ready for, though, she probably would have quit skating in the first year. After a while, the kids who stick with it tend to even out in skills, except, of course, those very few destined to be stars. IMO, Gary's advice is excellent. I would just add that if your daughter is working hard and is happy with her progress and happy to be on the ice, then there is nothing to worry about.
arena_gal
10-14-2002, 09:41 PM
Oh, I bribe my kids. I even tried it on the national level guy we have train occasionally (pssst, if you try a quad toe, I'll give you a quarter for the candy machine :P ).
More seriously, I echo what another poster said above. Kids seem to work at the same thing with no apparent progress, but the body and mind is consolidating all this information and creates a "window" of learning. You see it when they get a cluster of skills all at once, you might find that axel appears and the loop looks tremendously better at the same time, and they're trying doubles. It's the nature of children, watch for a growth spurt around the same time. You might see a leap in school work also.
kayskate
10-15-2002, 06:21 AM
I agree w/ the person who said your child is better off w/ a good set of basic skills before learning the axel. I have seen many people (kids and adults) learning jumps when they can barely skate around the rink w/o toe pushing. The jumps are similarly horendous. In the long run, your daughter will learn the axel and be able to perform it in a context of strong skating. It will probably even be a better axel.
Best wishes,
Kay
We had the same frustration at one time. But we were told then [as you are now] that it is better to get the jump well, then have it wobbly, wonky whatever...Ours, was almost 9 at the time, but is really tiny, and that axle at the time just wasn't coming. She cried every night---just wanted it so badly...we wondered if it was time to end...axle work stopped for two weeks. We thought it was her skates, thought it was her size-too small, too weak?? The little rat went out and nailed it first day after that break....Fast forward just over a year later and Well, the thing is certainly there now.....and beautifully...
And unlike some of the girls who picked it up "quickly" if there is such a thing in the axle, she has hung on to it...generally speaking
The basic skills are really important. Stroking, arms, speed, crossovers, three turns, etc. but, if your little one really wants her axle, hopefully she is putting a lot of time into the backspin, because this should help...
It does come, but there can be and are many other ups and downs besides the jumps... ....with us its not so much jumps anymore, its spins,---those darn flying camels and a hilarious change sit change....they come and they go.....and what is with that Ina Bauer...Ina would be embarrassed [smile]
Coach says axle is a thousand dollar jump.....(Canadian funds)
We learned to let go of the big things, that they would come when body and mind were ready to work together [sounds trite but true] and it seems to be working for all of us.....
For us, we look to whether she is happy, is she stressed?, is she having fun. and when times are tough, we look to her speed, her positions, her training of a program to encourage her. And her coach introduces a new move, new spin, whatever, to distract her a bit when times are rough.
Good luck to your little one.....
:D
Originally posted by JD
Coach says axle is a thousand dollar jump.....(Canadian funds)
ROTFL!!
;-)
Had to make sure that everyone south of the border knew it would be cheaper.....
thought it would be funny :D :D :D
glad my sense of humour was appreciated....:D
JD,
Your sense of humor is definitely appreciated as is your stellar advice! I do agree with those who say its good to get the fundamentals, and she is quite good at those for her age. One of the teenagers out at our rink has told me a bunch of times that it took her 18 months to get an axel but once she got it she owned it - and its a beauty! One other gal who is now 18 took two years! but after she got it, she had a double toe, double sal and double loop in about a month apparently. So thanks for all the support - its so hard to be a parent and not be able to do anything to help.
KJD, that 18 yr old is right.........it feels like once they get past that axle the other stuff just falls into place...
But its nice to be able to come here for advice, as I have in the past, my little one is doing well and not so well, but I know that I find this place helps when you are trying to help your young skater[and older ones], deal with the high "highs", and the very low "lows", that happen in this sport...
And I think this is a place where other parents are trying really hard to support their young athletes, as well as skaters/coaches around this forum who help with a little perspective.
Its always better to hear it from someone else who's been there, isn't it?
:D :D
oops meant when my little one is doing well and not so well.....must use the edit button...grin
garyc254
10-15-2002, 12:03 PM
At least you care about your daughter's skating. That's very important.
My mother has never seen me skate. Of course, she's 70 and I'm 48. :lol:
After a year of skating, she finally asked me the other day if I was able to skate backward yet. :lol: :lol:
Mrs Redboots
10-15-2002, 03:27 PM
Originally posted by garyc254
At least you care about your daughter's skating. That's very important.
My mother has never seen me skate. Of course, she's 70 and I'm 48. :lol:
After a year of skating, she finally asked me the other day if I was able to skate backward yet. :lol: :lol: Oh well, Gary - mine, the first time she saw me skate, said she had assumed I'd still be clinging to the barrier..... Mind you, at that time I couldn't yet go backwards very well, and hadn't yet learnt to do any turns, except I think I'd been taught how to step to forwards from going backwards.
Chico
10-17-2002, 04:36 PM
I agree with learning the basics. My first coach had me working on the axel long before I should have. I was one of those weird folks who could do this, but I shouldn't have. My new coach says, "Just because you can doesn't mean you should." The basics are needed to understand and complete the more difficult skills. Sure, you can do it if your lucky, but you haven't a clue WHAT your doing. If you have a good understanding of the basics the axel will come. Good things do come to those who wait. Encourage your child to have fun and don't stress out about the axel. This is supposed to be fun. I learned the 2 sal fast because I had an understanding of the basics. Trust your coach and child.
Chico
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