Competive parents (mothers)

[cazzie]

Feel sometimes like I'm in a crocodile pit.

Have mostly (in past) kept self to self - do a lot of online work while dd skating. Recent attempts to be more friendly (daughter begging me as she was told I was a "snob") have resulted in the most incredible amazing #####iness . Haven't been there since I was at school!

Feel amazed to be fairly confident, responsible profession, competant at what I do and yet completely shocked by how malicious some can be!

I'm just there because my daughter loves to skate more than anything she has ever done! Never seen such a toxic environment. (OK - I do work in a male-dominated environment so maybe I've been protected all these years).

Latest round appears to have taken place after daughter did really well in minor, local event. Fortunately she is unaware and I hope to keep it that way.

[herniated]

Ahh, yes the parents at the rink... some are very nice but others.. brrrrrr. They get vicious. Fortunately my ds does not skate but he plays other sports and believe me it gets pretty ugly on the baseball diamond too. Some of those baseball Dads you just want to get rid of.

[katz in boots]

That is really sad, I am sorry to hear it can get so bad. I am grateful I am at a tiny rink where mostly we do get along.

I honestly don't know what you can do about that, except to go back to your online work. I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with people who are mean. The only thing is how to explain it to your DD.

Just a thought though;, if the mothers are like that, chances are their children may be too (you didn't say how old your DD is).

Is there another rink in your area that might have a better atmosphere?

[BuggieMom]

OK, this post is a big downer, for sure! :giveup:

I was in that crocodile pit for two years. It resulted in us leaving that rink about 2 months ago and we will never go back. Unfortunately the closest rink is 45 min away, and it is seasonal. Dd's main coaches and home club are 3+ hours away. We travel there every week. It stinks that we cannot use our city facility that is 10 min. from our house, but it has been worth it...

At first I was determined to not let that *****iness chase us out of the rink. But, like you, it ramped up considerably every time my dd would do well in anything, test or comp. After two years of toughing out the hostility, it finally started affecting my dd. She broke down one night, saying "I wish they would just stop picking on me!" That did it for me. I can handle anything, but when it affects my child to that point, it is not worth the fight. We left that same night. The change in my dd has been amazing. The tension is gone. She has friends at the other rinks. Her skating has improved by leaps and bounds. There was a point when I was sure she would quit, not because she didn't love skating, but because of the hatefulness. Now, she loves skating again. I wish we had done this months ago...no, a YEAR ago.
Latest round appears to have taken place after daughter did really well in minor, local event. Fortunately she is unaware and I hope to keep it that way.
You THINK your dd is unaware, and she may be now, but it won't last long. Nastiness trickles down. It starts at the top...with the coaches and/or parents, and ends up becoming the attitude of their kids as well. BTW, the surest thermometer of success is the jealousy of others. The better she does, the worse it gets.
I honestly don't know what you can do about that, except to go back to your online work. I certainly wouldn't want to be friends with people who are mean. The only thing is how to explain it to your DD.
Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do about it...I found that there were plenty of people complaining about it, but no one who had the kahunas to DO anything about it. No one wanted to confront the "powers that be", and decided to just make their kids put up with it. And how do you explain it to a kid? I don't know. How do you explain hateful, bitter women? I am 40ish and do not understand it. Just stick to your morals and ethics and DO NOT PARTICIPATE in the nasty mill. It won't stop it, but you will be a better person because of it.

[tazsk8s]

Ah, the "nasty/bitter/jealous skate mom" syndrome. Had a couple of those when DD was competing, one who was particularly "special". She was perfectly nice to anyone whose kid either a, was at a completely different level than hers all together, or b, was at the same level but never placed ahead of her kid. My kid was in the latter category. My DD competed against hers on occasion, and hers always came in ahead of mine. So mom was perfectly nice, although I knew she had a "reputation", she never gave us any problems.

We go to one competition where they are both in the same Pre-Juv group, and neither one of them had a stellar day. Mine was nervous because it was her first time out at that level and fell three times, hers just had an off day. Neither of them placed "in the medals", and they ended up in a tie which was broken by the TOM tiebreaker (her kid came out in the higher place, FWIW). DD shrugs her shoulders, we head back to the hotel and head for home. Other mom SCREAMS at her kid in the lobby while taking off skates..."You're a LOSER!!! You're a FAILURE!!! You tied with <my kid's name omitted>!!!" Fortunately we didn't witness this, or I would have seriously needed bail money. I was told later by DD's coach, who did witness the incident and had coached the other kid in the past, only to drop her because of issues with, you guessed it, the mother. I never again spoke to the woman, because I didn't trust myself.

So, it's ugly, but not at all uncommon. Best you can do is try to rise above it.

[CoachPA]

Feel sometimes like I'm in a crocodile pit.

Have mostly (in past) kept self to self - do a lot of online work while dd skating. Recent attempts to be more friendly (daughter begging me as she was told I was a "snob") have resulted in the most incredible amazing #####iness . Haven't been there since I was at school!

Feel amazed to be fairly confident, responsible profession, competant at what I do and yet completely shocked by how malicious some can be!

Welcome to the skating world. Unfortunately, you're right: it is a crocodile pit. And, you'll continue to find this at every rink. Competitive parents, children, and coaches, backstabbing, rumors...each rink has its own problems; some may just be a bit less obvious than others.

I've heard harmless answers to manipulative, probing questions posed by ruthless skating parents that were later twisted into malicious attacks against coaches and their skaters. I've seen coaches almost drop skaters for rumors that have started without the victimized skating parent even aware that a problem was brewing.

I've seen almost unreal competitiveness from girls 7-10 years old within their own synchronized skating team over who should/should not have been made a trainee or an alternate, why this one made the team and this one didn't, etc. And, their parents are only adding fuel to the fire. It's quite sad, really.

My advice is be aware but never participate!

I'm just there because my daughter loves to skate more than anything she has ever done!

And, that's the best reason in the world for parents to be at the rink. I've found that the best skating parents are those who come to the rink, sit quietly by themselves, pay their coaching bills, support their child, and then go home.

Latest round appears to have taken place after daughter did really well in minor, local event. Fortunately she is unaware and I hope to keep it that way.

You THINK your dd is unaware, and she may be now, but it won't last long. Nastiness trickles down. It starts at the top...with the coaches and/or parents, and ends up becoming the attitude of their kids as well. BTW, the surest thermometer of success is the jealousy of others. The better she does, the worse it gets.

Buggie's right. You'd be surprised at how nasty girls can be, and especially with skaters, the nastiness is starting younger and younger. There's more pressure to pass a certain test by a certain age, land a certain jump first, place at the top and so on.

From your daughter's comment about how others were beginning to think you were a "snob", I'm inclined to believe that there's been talk and she's heard it.

I'll never forget when I was about 10 years old and competing at Regionals and making plans to go to lunch with my skating friend and her parents following our event. A while later, our event results were posted; I come out on top, my friend is dead last. Well, wouldn't you know that my friend and her parents are nowhere to be found. They left without me, apparently outraged at the ordinals and their daughter's placement. Things between me and my friend were never the same after that.

At the time, I didn't get it. It was a hard lesson to learn and I know now, like you, how upset my own parents were at seeing the harsh reality of skating, but I was made a stronger person and skater from such experiences.

Just stick to your morals and ethics and DO NOT PARTICIPATE in the nasty mill. It won't stop it, but you will be a better person because of it.

I agree. I really hate to bash the skating world because its taught me so many wonderful lessons (more positive than negative) both on and off the ice, but just be aware that there are some really sick people in this sport--from judges to coaches to parents and even skaters.

Watch everything you say and who you say what to. Be wary of who you think you can and cannot trust at the rink. Lead by example and your daughter will be a better person and skater from this too.

[Sessy]

Other mom SCREAMS at her kid in the lobby while taking off skates..."You're a LOSER!!! You're a FAILURE!!! You tied with <my kid's name omitted>!!!" Fortunately we didn't witness this, or I would have seriously needed bail money.

Now there's a kid who'll grow up into an adult with some serious issues!!!

[Schmeck]

I'll never forget when I was about 10 years old and competing at Regionals and making plans to go to lunch with my skating friend and her parents following our event. A while later, our event results were posted; I come out on top, my friend is dead last. Well, wouldn't you know that my friend and her parents are nowhere to be found. They left without me, apparently outraged at the ordinals and their daughter's placement. Things between me and my friend were never the same after that.

At the time, I didn't get it. It was a hard lesson to learn and I know now, like you, how upset my own parents were at seeing the harsh reality of skating, but I was made a stronger person and skater from such experiences.



Of course you checked with them to see what was up, right? They told you they were outraged, or did you just come to this conclusion on your own? Perhaps the child was just heartbroken, or even embarassed to be last, and just wanted to go home.

See, I've found the assumptions and snubs and messed up info predicaments work both ways - people get upset when someone else makes an assumption, but when that person does it, sometimes they don't understand how they got it wrong as well. I've also found that having a positive, noncompetitive attitude goes a long way with 99.9% of the people I've met at the many rinks my daughter has skated/competed at, and those very, very few times (can count them on one hand) that we've been included in the prior posted attitudes, confronting the situation in a nonthreatening way gets it over with fast. If I don't care that my daughter placed at the bottom, or top, or didn't qualify, then I'm not fodder for the gossipmongers.

I also do not believe 100% what anyone else tells me so-and-so said, be it another parent, or a coach. Coaches are human too, and have been known to be persuaded by the dark side...

[stacyf419]

Well, I heard this directly with my own ears at a rink I used to skate at before my current rink about a year ago - the little girl was complaining about an adult taking lessons during freestyle, and the adult was a slow, somewhat tentative beginner:

8-year-old (I think) mediocre girl skater: "Mom, that lady's there again and she's so slow!"

Mom: "If she gets in your way, just run right into her - she'll move next time."

Although I felt like shoving my blade into her rather large non-skating butt, I simply said, "Nice example you're setting for your daughter" and got out onto the ice. I was so angry I was shaking - silly, huh? But it's stuff like that which is so unnecessary. Did the slow adult really belong on freestyle ice? Probably not, but she was taking a lesson and that's her coach's call, I think. However, you NEVER encourage that kind of violence or rudeness - what a loser.

[CoachPA]

Of course you checked with them to see what was up, right? They told you they were outraged, or did you just come to this conclusion on your own? Perhaps the child was just heartbroken, or even embarassed to be last, and just wanted to go home.

My parents overheard my friend's parents while I was changing in the locker room. They tried not to upset me at the time, and it wasn't until later that I found out why they had left.

Mom: "If she gets in your way, just run right into her - she'll move next time."

That's a horrible example for a parent to be setting, but I've known a lot of coaches that have this same mentality--and not just toward adults. I've heard one coach in particular add that his students would get bonus points if they drew blood. Having to coach on the same ice as him made me so uncomfortable as he regularly expressed such sentiments to several coaches.

Thankfully he no longer coaches in my area. Wonder why. :roll:

[sk8lady]

I think all sports--and possibly ALL kid's activities--are the same. I put my kid into hockey because I thought figure skating would be too full of nutty skating moms (and the same for Little League). The hockey parents are just as nutty. Either they think their kid is going to the NHL (SO not going to happen) or they scream at their kids--or give them hand signals--or go right down to the bench to tell the kids what to do--or scream abuse at the refs. Few of them even know how to skate. A couple weeks ago some parents from the opposite team were sitting next to us and started booing our 11 and 12 year olds. After the second time, I leaned over and shouted, "Sir? Could you please not do that? It's not really very polite," and the guy ignored me, but he did shut up. A couple of the other parents shouted, "Good for you!" At least he wasn't swearing, like some of the parents. A lot of them think they're going to live out their own fantasies through their kids--but unless their kid is Sidney Crosby, they're just making another set of psychos just like themselves!!!!

[Sessy]

Sk8lady - totally. My club's now outlawed it for parents to watch from the boardings as their kids skate. They can watch from behind the reinforced glass hall on the second storey now, and that's it. Apparently, parents trying to tell their kids how to train was the problem...

[sk8tmum]

I was the figure skating novice-parent ... and got turned off very quickly by the entire attitude of other parents. The politics, nastiness, unpleasantness made what should have been fun for the whole family into something that was often very stressful and upsetting.

When we went to one of our first major competitions, our coach told us to never leave costumes, skates or makeup unattended in the dressing room. Why? She listed: loosening screws on skates; putting nicks in the blades; partially cutting skate laces so they would snap on the ice; popping stitches on seams on dresses strategically; putting itching powder or other irritants in costumes OR eyemakeup ... I asked "WHO?" and it was parents, skaters - AND - coaches who would pull this type of stuff. 5 years later, sadly, I realize she was accurate as hell; and I'm watching other novice mums go thru the same learning curve.

What we do: We talk to our kids about this type of behaviour. We help them to recognize that there are people in the world who are spiteful, vindictive or simply nuts, and that one of the things to take away from skating is how to deal with them in a positive and proactive way. We expect them, as does their coach, to treat everyone fairly and professionally, and not to participate in nonsense. We expect them to model good behaviour; if they don't, then, they are sorted by the coach and us and expected to learn from it.

I've also learned the hard way to pick and choose who I talk with and sit with, and to be very wary of other parents; often it's the one who is most friendly who is most dangerous and unpleasant. My husband will not sit at the rink as he has zero tolerance for this sort of stuff. Over the years, I've established my own weird little reputation of being not too friendly, but also being trustworthy and not involved in politics, which keeps me out of a lot of things. It also means that I get to know LOTS of things that no-one else does, because everyone tells me everything and I tell no-one ... and that novice mums and dads come to me for advice on how to handle things because I've got that reputation for being trustworthy and sensible. I'm not the centre of the in-crowd ... but, you know, I'm sooooo good with that! And my kids and I talk about THAT too ... :) It's a matter of finding out what your own tolerance is, and what is important to you.

Sorry for the long rant ... oh yeah? It's just as bad at the baseball diamond, but, it's not as hard to cope with because it's not as cold:lol:

[cazzie]

Wow - way more common than I realised.

And what I didn't post (CoachPA you stumbled onto it) was that some parents had gone to dd's favourite coach (with whom she has the best relationship and somebody who I could not rate highly enough) and told him I'd been spreading really nasty stories about him and he was furious! He confronted this with me (which was good) and I did try to address this honestly with him but feel sick that this coaching relationship has been put in jeapardy! He is on leave a couple of days and on Monday we will see what gives. I'm shocked he believed those stories as we have always got on so well with him and i thought it would be obvious just how highly I rate him!


What appears to be worse is that my younger son is now also catching flak from coaches. DD's coach is quite close to my son's coach who told me today that they ahve seen a steady deterioration in my son's basic skating skills over the last 4 weeks and are not sure whether or not he should be there. My son has just turned 6 and while not as his best right now due to ear infection was doing great 3 jumps, OK 1 foot spins, continous backward inside and outside edges, beautiful 3 turns, crossovers OK although always his weakest point but he has now been moved down a skating group to be with some kids who can't do a single outside edge! (He also loves skating and does not want to stop! )

My daughters best friend left this rink and at the time I wondered why the parents didn't try harder to ignore stuff. I guess experiencing this first hand I now understand much better why! Her friend is doing great elsewhere (more expensive and an hour away) but I'm not sure if we have that option open to us because of my working patterns and finances! It could either end up being continuing where we are or stopping skating completely.

I guess in my daughters favour is that she did a lot of dancing in the past and her dance teacher regarded her as very talented. (Felt she would be winning championships when a teen). So if it all went horribly wrong maybe she could ditch the skating and go back to dance! Except - she prefers skating!

I too heard stories about skates being tampered with and about never to leave skating outfit anywhere! I have to say at the time I thought it couldn't possibly be true for children's competitions but guess now I'm not so sure.

[PinkLaces]

We don't experience too much nastiness at our rink, because my DD is not a threat to anyone. She's 14 and at the Pre-Preliminary/ISI 5 level. Occasionally, a mom of a younger girl at the same level will make dumb comments. I just ignore her.

My DD played competitive soccer from age 9 through this last summer and played on the high school 9th grade team in 8th grade. She was a goal-keeper. The meanness of the girls and their parents who wanted to play GK and didn't(coach's decision) was just unreal. They would stand by the goal and make comments during the game. They would stand by me and make comments. When I walked away, they would follow staying just a few parents on the line away from me, but so I could hear them. I had one woman on my DD's last team that would critque DD's warm-up and make comments if she let in any goals during the warm-up :??:x:frus:

DD was a good GK - she played up an age bracket and had 3 shut-outs that summer. She decided to give up soccer and focus on skating, because of the bad behavior of 2 of 18 girls(and their parents) on the team.

I've met some really nice people who have the same attitude as we do about skating. I know who will make the comments or who will be upset if my DD places higher than hers. I say HI to them, but not much more.

Be open to meeting people, but use your work as an excuse to escape any uncomfortable conversations. As hard as it it, it's useful to develop a thick skin.

[PinkLaces]

Looks like you were posting while I was....that would be really hard to take if people were spreading rumors. Hope you can get it smoothed out with the coach!

[BuggieMom]

Watch everything you say and who you say what to. Be wary of who you think you can and cannot trust at the rink. Lead by example and your daughter will be a better person and skater from this too.

A hearty AMEN to this. I would add, even if you THINK you can trust someone, keep them at arms length. Nothing wrong with leaving a little unknown. Unfortunately, the dark side is a lot more powerful to some, and even if they are on "your side", they can be swayed to feel otherwise...given enough persuasion...and there is usually enough persuasion

[COLOR=black]I've also found that having a positive, noncompetitive attitude goes a long way with 99.9% of the people I've met at the many rinks my daughter has skated/competed at, and those very, very few times (can count them on one hand) that we've been included in the prior posted attitudes, confronting the situation in a nonthreatening way gets it over with fast.

Having a positive, noncompetitive attitude works with most everyone I have met at competitions (read: from out of town/not our rink), but NOT those at the same rink she used to train at. Familiarity breeds contempt...the same attitude doesn't work with those who "know" you. To them you are haughty and think you are better, and so on, and so forth...blah blah blah ad nauseum...
And confronting the situation only made it worse. I always believed that if there was a problem, you get together with that person and talk it out. In the grown up world, that usually works. It didn't at the rink.

I've heard one coach in particular add that his students would get bonus points if they drew blood.

There is one or two like that at our former rink. They would encourage their students to run into other skaters, I guess to teach them a lesson, and once told a skater, after a failed MIF test, that she would have to reimburse her mother for the test fee because she skated so bad. Nice encouragement.

When we went to one of our first major competitions, our coach told us to never leave costumes, skates or makeup unattended in the dressing room. Why? She listed: loosening screws on skates; putting nicks in the blades; partially cutting skate laces so they would snap on the ice; popping stitches on seams on dresses strategically; putting itching powder or other irritants in costumes OR eyemakeup ....


I never leave dresses, skates, ANYTHING that could be tampered with, because I can see it being done. I recently locked dd's bag at a competition at our FORMER local rink, just because it is better safe than sorry

Over the years, I've established my own weird little reputation of being not too friendly, but also being trustworthy and not involved in politics, which keeps me out of a lot of things. It also means that I get to know LOTS of things that no-one else does, because everyone tells me everything and I tell no-one ... and that novice mums and dads come to me for advice on how to handle things because I've got that reputation for being trustworthy and sensible. I'm not the centre of the in-crowd ...

I have people emailing me, chatting me up, telling me the latest from the local club...I don't care, but they do, and they want a sounding board...who better than the blacksheep?!?

What appears to be worse is that my younger son is now also catching flak from coaches. DD's coach is quite close to my son's coach who told me today that they ahve seen a steady deterioration in my son's basic skating skills over the last 4 weeks and are not sure whether or not he should be there. My son has just turned 6 and while not as his best right now due to ear infection was doing great 3 jumps, OK 1 foot spins, continous backward inside and outside edges, beautiful 3 turns, crossovers OK although always his weakest point but he has now been moved down a skating group to be with some kids who can't do a single outside edge! (He also loves skating and does not want to stop! )

Don't make him! He sounds FINE for his age. What I wish SOME parents and coaches would learn is that every kid progresses at their own pace...they will pass up some kids, and be passed up by others. It is not a shameful thing, nor is it something to lord over others. Let him be himself, and he will do fine.

My daughters best friend left this rink and at the time I wondered why the parents didn't try harder to ignore stuff. I guess experiencing this first hand I now understand much better why! Her friend is doing great elsewhere (more expensive and an hour away) but I'm not sure if we have that option open to us because of my working patterns and finances! It could either end up being continuing where we are or stopping skating completely.

I tried so hard to ignore stuff. I tried for two years. It is impossible because the hate mongers make it impossible to ignore. I have heard so many malicious rumors, and outright lies about my family, that it makes my head spin. Character assassination was their favorite pastime! My dd has lost her friends, her rink, and her coach because of it. When you see you kid break down because of it, you come to the end.

Now, my dd is also doing great elsewhere, with new coaches and new friends, expensive and 3+ hours away, but it is worth every penny for her to know that it was never her, but the outside influences that kept her down. Unfortunate, but a great life lesson! Nill illigitimi carborundum - Do not let the b@$**rds get you down

[Mrs Redboots]

I too heard stories about skates being tampered with and about never to leave skating outfit anywhere! I have to say at the time I thought it couldn't possibly be true for children's competitions but guess now I'm not so sure.
Sadly, I believe it's more likely to happen at children's competitions because the parents are so competitive. My coach said he came across the "take out the opposition during the warm-up" thing in his competitive career, and I have seen it happen, too.... Thank goodness adult competitions tend to be friendly, and when we wish one another good luck, we mean it!

[sk8lady]

Well, at least with hockey we KNOW half the coaches are telling the kids to go out and hurt somebody and the kids are ready to defend themselves! (and it's quite pleasant to be a referee and able to grab that kid and stick him in the penalty box! Too bad we can't do that with some of the skating parents, hockey AND figure!)

[isakswings]

Feel sometimes like I'm in a crocodile pit.

Have mostly (in past) kept self to self - do a lot of online work while dd skating. Recent attempts to be more friendly (daughter begging me as she was told I was a "snob") have resulted in the most incredible amazing #####iness . Haven't been there since I was at school!

Feel amazed to be fairly confident, responsible profession, competant at what I do and yet completely shocked by how malicious some can be!

I'm just there because my daughter loves to skate more than anything she has ever done! Never seen such a toxic environment. (OK - I do work in a male-dominated environment so maybe I've been protected all these years).

Latest round appears to have taken place after daughter did really well in minor, local event. Fortunately she is unaware and I hope to keep it that way.


I'm so sorry you are experiencing this! So, far, I have not seen this at the rink my daughter skates at. The moms at her rink are all really quite nice. Sometimes I actually find a couple coaches to be more of an issue then the parents. Fortunately, there are not any major issues as of yet, so we're comfortable being there.

[AgnesNitt]

Well, I heard this directly with my own ears at a rink I used to skate at before my current rink about a year ago - the little girl was complaining about an adult taking lessons during freestyle, and the adult was a slow, somewhat tentative beginner:

8-year-old (I think) mediocre girl skater: "Mom, that lady's there again and she's so slow!"

Mom: "If she gets in your way, just run right into her - she'll move next time."


Hey was that adult skater me? :lol: I was warned about this by my coach when I was at another rink from the one I'm at now. My response was "You know what will happen to me if I fall on that kid? Nothing at all," Apparently my quip made it around the coaches, then from them to the parents because I never had any trouble with kids skating into me.

[sk8tmum]

On a positive side ... DD struggles with a leg that doesn't work due to an old break, and major coordination problems. She works her backside off, keeps trying, and does get some success, but, only at the cost of lots of work and effort. I've had many parents come to me to tell me how impressed they are with her upbeat attitude and determination; and I've even heard a few taking a round out of kids who make fun of or criticize her. So, she's earned respect and does get it, although, of course, some of the nasties do go after her.

On the negative, our other kid, who is pretty good - gets lots nastiness ... and so do we. The celebration when the puberty monster slowed things down and messed things up was blatant and ugly. Note that this is the ultimate low-key non-bragging kid ... not a diva who runs around going "la la la, I'm WONDERFUL LOOK AT ME!!!!"

Our little one also gets snickered at b/c she's a struggling skater, slow to progress and very slow to learn to skate. But, we don't "hide" her away; she gets the pretty dresses, good skates, and lots of top-notch coaching (two National Level coaches who are kind and patient and really care about kids) to help her achieve whatever she can manage. We get grief b/c we're "pathetic" to waste our time and money on a kid who is "clearly hopeless". We don't care ... but it is unpleasant in the pre-school set!

There are times ... then, I remember working as a stockbroker, and realize that there are nasty people everywhere! I do believe though that glitter cause brain wave disturbances that make otherwise normal people dysfunctional :lol:

[BCNKing]

Parents shouldn't be allowed at the rink during training.

I know it's quite difficult to implement but I think in many cases they disturb the kid's performance during practice.

Here at the Barcelona rink we see this too often. Not only for the "competitiveness" of the parents but also because they get distracted, less focused and it interferes with the coaches authority somehow.

It's hard to do, specially with little kids, but I think keeping parents somewhere else during training would improve a lot both the practice itself and the kid's attitude.

[Mrs Redboots]

It's hard to do, specially with little kids, but I think keeping parents somewhere else during training would improve a lot both the practice itself and the kid's attitude.
It's a difficult one, this, as there is a case to be made for supervised practice. The trouble is, there's such a fine line between supervised practice, which many children do need, and coaching - which they don't need from the parents! The ideal parent, I suppose, enables the child to warm up, and reminds it of all the things they need to practice before their lesson, but doesn't tell them how to do it, unless it's obvious that they've forgotten what they were supposed to do: "Do you remember, you're supposed to push from the side of your blade, not your toe-rake?" or something similar.

I've seen too many parents cross that line, though.

But when the parents should really be banned, though, is when the child starts looking to the parent for approval during its lesson! And I've seen that too often, too.....

[lskater]

Our little one also gets snickered at b/c she's a struggling skater, slow to progress and very slow to learn to skate. But, we don't "hide" her away; she gets the pretty dresses, good skates, and lots of top-notch coaching (two National Level coaches who are kind and patient and really care about kids) to help her achieve whatever she can manage. We get grief b/c we're "pathetic" to waste our time and money on a kid who is "clearly hopeless". We don't care ... but it is unpleasant in the pre-school set!


I bet there's more than enough stories of athletes who started out rough like this, but grew to be great in their sport. Nothing like a little challenge to really make somebody great! My coach use to know Paul Wylie and said he was a terrible skater at first and people said he wasn't going to amount to anything..........appearantly he did OK for himself though, didn't he?

[katz in boots]

Our little one also gets snickered at b/c she's a struggling skater, slow to I do believe though that glitter cause brain wave disturbances that make otherwise normal people dysfunctional :lol:


That is so funny!!!!

Mind you, sticking on all those hotfix diamantes is enough to do anyone's head in.

[cazzie]

Competition coming up and its taken a few weeks for me to realise that there is intent and timing as part of a concerted effort to destroy mine and daughter's reputation by malicious rumours and that probably these are designed mostly to distract her from any mental preparation from this competition.

Daughter has been very, very upset by some of the accusations. I feel like both of us dragged through mud by this.

End result - will remove her from group coaching and move to more one to ones to avoid the venom and nastiness.

Still very very shocked by others behaviour. As a professionaly qualified person with a responsible job I never dreamt I'd be dealing with a small minority of mothers like this.

And yes - my sitting quietly working on my laptop is even the subject of much gossip and criticism.

I guess my daughter must be a slightly better skater than I realised.....

[isakswings]

Competition coming up and its taken a few weeks for me to realise that there is intent and timing as part of a concerted effort to destroy mine and daughter's reputation by malicious rumours and that probably these are designed mostly to distract her from any mental preparation from this competition.

Daughter has been very, very upset by some of the accusations. I feel like both of us dragged through mud by this.

End result - will remove her from group coaching and move to more one to ones to avoid the venom and nastiness.

Still very very shocked by others behaviour. As a professionaly qualified person with a responsible job I never dreamt I'd be dealing with a small minority of mothers like this.

And yes - my sitting quietly working on my laptop is even the subject of much gossip and criticism.

I guess my daughter must be a slightly better skater than I realised.....

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Even with my current concerns of whether or not to chage clubs, I am glad we don't have to deal with the situation you are describing! For the most part, the parents at dd's rink seem to be pretty respectful of one another...

Good luck to you and your daughter!

[jskater49]

Not just parents.

When I first got here and was testing the first of my 4 failing Solo Dutch Waltzes...a coach who didn't know me starts talking about me to my daughter's coach IN FRONT OF MY DAUGHTER "She's terrible. They better not pass her. Look at her edges. What made her think she could test? That's awful" Coach starts to defend me "That's no excuse. That's the worst Dutch Waltz I've ever seen" Finally coach takes my daughter and walks away.

I never said a word to coach and we are friendly now but it was really unprofessional and I wonder if she was embarrassed when she realized she was dissing me in front of my daughter.

She was right but she didn't have to say it outloud! ;-)

J