How boys learn vs girls?

[cazzie]

I have a fairly immature 5 year old (slightly poor speech articulation, poor fine motor skills). He seems to have good balance and loves ice skating.
He is in a group class with several girls (range from 6 weeks older than him to a year older than him). So guess he is the youngest - but - not by much.

What I've noticed:

1. Doesn't seem to understand verbal instructions as well as the girls. Especially doesn't get left/right or concept of edges at all. (Finally thought of a way to describe edges that he seems to understand: Inside edge - pick up inside foot in the circle....) And if coaches use terms like "clockwise" (mostly they don't) he is completely confused.
2. Arms/upper body look much more un-cordinated. Lots more face pulling and associated movements.
3. Seems less strong - e.g. if goes too low with little man he can't get up again! (He is very skinny and will struggle to crouch low on land because isn't that strong).
4. Girls can all skip with skipping rope - he just about can - but - goodness - it looks amusing.
5. Learns a bit slower?
6. Does strange things - like - once did almost a full circle with forward crossovers crossing his inside foot over his outside foot. How he didn't fall - I have no idea. Had several adults commenting wondering just how he did it.

He does seem a bit more daring at times (when in the mood) and will practice things over and over when the coach is busy with somebody else (rather than socialise)... or maybe just not quite advanced enough to keep up with the girls chatter.

I guess all I'm looking for is to have him come off the ice smiling and what I want is for him to feel confident about himself. Feel sorry for him looking so much more awkward compared to all the girls. He did once say that sometimes he feels a bit bad that he finds things harder than they do.

Is this common?

A big thing we're aware of is that he needs to be doing other stuff to get stronger! Sadly the little lad is quite resistant. Hates swimming and all more traditional boys teams sports. Have him on a waiting list for gymnastics - he did seem to enjoy pre-school gymnastics.

[cazzie]

PS - School teachers consider him immature so guess its not just an ice-skating thing.

Also - he has/had long-standing intermittent problems with glue ear, severe hayfever and food allergies. Had very poor growth until age 2 although in last year or two has absolutely shot up in height. (Still considered a little underweight for height although he is now tall).

[Skating Jessica]

I guess all I'm looking for is to have him come off the ice smiling and what I want is for him to feel confident about himself. Feel sorry for him looking so much more awkward compared to all the girls. He did once say that sometimes he feels a bit bad that he finds things harder than they do.

At that young an age, I honestly wouldn't worry about him. I teach a lot of children who fall into this category and fit this description. Most of them get along just fine over time. Don't forget: every child, whether boy or girl, learns differently.

He seems as though he enjoys skating and it doesn't sounds as though you're a parent who's pushing him to become some elite skater, so I say as long he's enjoying himself, regardless of whether he looks or feels foolish, then that should be all that matters! :D

Continuing to encourage and support his efforts is the best you can do as a skating parent.

[TiggerTooSkates]

I'm not a coach, but I am a registered nurse in the US. But I will ask this - have you discussed this with his pediatrician? I would recommend doing that as soon as is feasible (my husband is British so I know if you use NHS getting an appointment can be tricky sometimes). I say this because you really sound concerned, and perhaps discussing this with a doctor may help put some of those concerns to rest. He may just learn things differently than others - but the fact that he did crossovers backwards makes me wonder if he's dyslexic (have his teachers noticed anything like that?).

On another note, keep encouraging him if indeed the skating is something he wants to do. Praise what he CAN do and help him understand that not everything is easy for everyone - everyone is truly different. If he doesn't want to continue, I don't know that I would push the issue - but it sounds as though he's enjoying it, especially since he seems to practice instead of socialize.

He sounds like a sweet boy. Like I mentioned, if he really wants to do this, keep praising him!

[mdvask8r]

Sounds to me like he's doing just fine at this young age. The preference for practice over socialization says to me that it is important to him to master these skills and he has the self-discipline to ignore the chatter around him and work. Seems to me he is the more mature in this regard.
Confusing the crossovers is not at all unusual. Tell him to think of always wanting to get to the center of the circle -- that will tell him which foot needs to cross over.
I bet that with time, he will not only catch up to, but also pass the girls in skill because of his willingness to work harder.

[cazzie]

I think not too concerned about him generally - he had significant health problems and over last couple of years has made such rapid progress (as an 18 month old was on 2nd percentile for height - age 5 is 75th) - paediatrician quite thrilled with him. His ears once again need sorting (ear tubes fallen out) and mild social and communication delays- but - teacher thinks he is really catching up with these. (They were a lot more worried last September).

I guess from ice-skating point of view worry about this one little boy surrounded by a bunch of girls and seeing such big differences. I do worry about him being pushed too hard and wonder if lesson style always suits him.... and guess hope to hear about boys and hear if there are really differences? (Have said to the coaches for me its about him being happy and confident).

I do wonder if the lack of little boys is partly that it is so girl dominated and that maybe some things are harder for boys so they stop doing skating. (OR go to hockey?)

Actually his father wishes he preferred more conventional boys sport (like soccer) but somehow I don't think he's the "team sport" sort of child.

[Skating Jessica]

I do wonder if the lack of little boys is partly that it is so girl dominated and that maybe some things are harder for boys so they stop doing skating. (OR go to hockey?)

If this is the case, most boys will begin to lose interest between the ages of 12-14 years old. That's really when the teasing (about it being a "girl sport" and that boys who figure skate are gay, etc.) kicks in. If a boy gets through that age frame and sticks with skating, it's likely he'll continue for a long time and pursue it seriously. It's such a shame that certain stigmas discourage boys from this sport.

[dbny]

the fact that he did crossovers backwards makes me wonder if he's dyslexic

Sounds to me like he's doing just fine at this young age. <snip> Confusing the crossovers is not at all unusual. Tell him to think of always wanting to get to the center of the circle -- that will tell him which foot needs to cross over.

ITA. Nothing to worry about, many kids crossover the wrong way. I tell the kids to cross into the circle, but I like mdvask8r's way better!

I'm not a medical practitioner of any kind, but both of my girls were in play groups for years, and I observed that more often than not, the boys lagged behind in physical development. I also know that in figure skating, the competitive girls have most of their triple jumps by the age of 12, but the boys take longer. They mature at different rates both physically and emotionally.

As a coach, and again, this is only personal observation, more young boys do seem to lack upper body control than young girls.

[slusher]

2. Arms/upper body look much more un-cordinated.

(cough), juvenile men, (cough).

Boys do not listen the way that girls do and I wouldn't expect them to act like a girl and stand all nice and still and polite while listening to instruction. Hmmm, I wonder why I get all the boys in the group classes? :P


4. Girls can all skip with skipping rope - he just about can - but - goodness - it looks amusin
What's the skipping rope thing? Skipping on ice?

[jp1andOnly]

my brother at age 5 was in the learn to skate class. He had no interest in gorup lessons and just realy wanted to skate fast from one of the ice to the other with big stops at the end. He hada ton of energy and was quite small for his age. Usually the teacher would tell him by showing how to do something and off he went, working mainly on his own.

He turned out to be a senior men's national competitor..hehe.

[TiggerTooSkates]

I think not too concerned about him generally - he had significant health problems and over last couple of years has made such rapid progress (as an 18 month old was on 2nd percentile for height - age 5 is 75th) - paediatrician quite thrilled with him. His ears once again need sorting (ear tubes fallen out) and mild social and communication delays- but - teacher thinks he is really catching up with these. (They were a lot more worried last September).

I guess from ice-skating point of view worry about this one little boy surrounded by a bunch of girls and seeing such big differences. I do worry about him being pushed too hard and wonder if lesson style always suits him.... and guess hope to hear about boys and hear if there are really differences? (Have said to the coaches for me its about him being happy and confident).

I do wonder if the lack of little boys is partly that it is so girl dominated and that maybe some things are harder for boys so they stop doing skating. (OR go to hockey?)

Actually his father wishes he preferred more conventional boys sport (like soccer) but somehow I don't think he's the "team sport" sort of child.

I'm very glad to hear his health is great - I'll leave the rest to the folks with kids, who are certainly bigger experts than I on this subject. ;)

[twokidsskatemom]

I am not sure if its boys vs girls or just all kids are different. My son is stronger in some things than my daughter. I dont think girls have it easier. Nor do I think girls learn faster.
He is just 5. He will learn at his own pace and might even pass up some girls. My son has....8-)

[fsk8r]

As a comment on learning, in a communication skills course for work it was explained to us that there are three ways people learn, visual (watch and do), aural (listen and do) and kinesthetic (feel and do - ie do and do).
Apparently a good teacher will explain everything three times because it normally takes that long for something to sink in, but should also explain things in the different ways.
It might be that your child is more of a visual or doing learner and so doesn't necessarily take well to aural instructions (if he's had problems with his ears it would sound plausible).
Understanding how you learn actually makes learning anything a lot easier, so it might be worth you watching how he responds in group lessons to the skating for later on when it's school work that he's struggling with.

As for skipping, I'm female and couldn't use a rope when I was 5. I think I finally got it when I was about 8 or 9 and then couldn't put a rope down for a few years.

One final point, identifying left and right hand is one of the things children learn last and understanding your left might be their right is actually a very late development skill (I think I read that it can be about 12 years for that one). And there are enough people driving who manage to turn left when asked to turn right, and I'd put clockwise and anti-clockwise in the same category. Just ask the British drivers who take their cars to France. Apparently, there's a really worrying large number of them that can't go the correct way around a roundabout when things are reversed. I think I'd let the child off at 6.

[Mrs Redboots]

Just ask the British drivers who take their cars to France. Apparently, there's a really worrying large number of them that can't go the correct way around a roundabout when things are reversed. I think I'd let the child off at 6.:oops: I do go the correct way round a roundabout in France, but I will say "Turn right" when I mean left... well, when you turn right here it's the harder way!

And the absolute worst is when you are going backwards and they tell you to do something with your left or right feet.... which one is it when you're going backwards? And why is it different for your partner????

[jskater49]

This is what I noticed teaching boys and girls in Learn to Skate. Yes this is a generalization.

When you teach girls something new they whine and say "I can't do that"

When you teach boys something new they go and do something totally not what you told them to do and say "Look how good I did that!"

j

[Skating Jessica]

Boys do not listen the way that girls do and I wouldn't expect them to act like a girl and stand all nice and still and polite while listening to instruction.

I agree. Much of this can be attributed to the fact that boys are encouraged, or rather expected, to be more rowdy and more competitive whereas girls are taught to be quiet, polite, and nice.

[sk8lady]

I also suspect a lot of the difference is cultural--the girls are "supposed" to be compliant. I didn't have any boys in my Basic Skills classes this year but the last two years in my hockey groups the difference between the boys and the girls, especially at 7/8 year old level, is very noticeable--for the most part, the girls will listen to both instruction and correction and pick things up quickly--the boys sometimes need to be followed down the ice, hooked with a stick, and asked, "Did you hear what I said, and would you like to do some push-ups? THEN LISTEN NEXT TIME!"

Also, my son did not learn his right from his left until he was 8. One of his coaches put a piece of hockey tape on his right glove and said, "That's your right." Now if someone would just do that for me!!!!

[flippet]

The preference for practice over socialization says to me that it is important to him to master these skills and he has the self-discipline to ignore the chatter around him and work. Seems to me he is the more mature in this regard.

I would agree with this. It sounds like skating is something he really wants to do, so I wouldn't worry about the 'keeping up' part.

Also, if he does get discouraged, just remind him that 'they're bigger than you, and by the time you're as big as them, you'll probably do things that well, too--plus, look at all the practice you'll have had! You'll probably do it better!'

Girls do mature faster than boys, and it's most noticeable at about this age. So if the girls are all older, it's certainly to be expected that they'll be far more physically advanced anyway, and then when you add in your son's individual issues, it becomes more pronounced. Try comparing your son to a 4-year-old girl....that ought to be a bit more equal. (For instance, I have a five-year-old boy, and a 2 1/2-year-old girl, and my girl can very nearly do anything her brother can do, with a few exceptions. All else being equal, you'd think they were less than a year apart, instead of 2 1/2 years.)



Actually his father wishes he preferred more conventional boys sport (like soccer) but somehow I don't think he's the "team sport" sort of child.

I hear you. My son is the same way. I put him in soccer this spring, because it's A) cheap, and B) pretty much the only thing going in our dinky little town. He didn't hate it, but he didn't much like it, either. I had to basically drag him to practice. He was the kid who was out on the field, picking dandelions, or standing on his head, rather than running after the ball. Now, part of that is probably his age, but there were other nearly-five-year-olds out there too, and they were a lot more focused and enthusiastic than he was.

I think that my son just isn't going to be all that into team sports--he seems to be a sensitive child, and more like me, and I really appreciated the solo sports--skating, swimming, etc. (I did like soccer, but that seems to be an anomaly!) I'd like to get him into dance, and gymnastics, and even skating, but those are both expensive, and difficult to get to, living where we do. :(


It sounds to me that mostly, your boy is just a boy--his development might be a little behind the curve, but probably not unusually so. He'll catch up just fine. :)

[sk8tmum]

If YOU think he's delayed, go with your gut reaction. Parents are more often right than wrong. If you are worried, talk to your paediatrician. Don't rely on other people's opinions or comparisons to their kids, because, you know your kid better than any other, and they're no more expert, usually, than you. Put your mind to rest - if there is an issue, find out now not later when it's harder to resolve, if there isn't, then yippeee! and you can stop worrying. (I'm a Special Education teacher and I work with many kids with a variety of development challenges and opportunities).

As to boys learning differently than girls: that's been validated in educational study after educational study. No surprises there, and it's mental AND physical. If you can, try to find coaches who like to coach boys, b/c, as a mom of a boy figure skater: there are many coaches who don't "get" boys, or don't really like coaching boys. But, there are also many who really like it, and are good at it, and make it a joy for the boys (and they're not always guys, they're just as often female coaches).

Individual sports: Martial arts??? not one of the super aggressive ones, maybe, something like aikido - great for coordination, focus, and self-esteem, and size doesn't make a difference on ability.

[w.w.west]

If YOU think he's delayed, go with your gut reaction. Parents are more often right than wrong. If you are worried, talk to your paediatrician. Don't rely on other people's opinions or comparisons to their kids, because, you know your kid better than any other, and they're no more expert, usually, than you. Put your mind to rest - if there is an issue, find out now not later when it's harder to resolve, if there isn't, then yippeee! and you can stop worrying. (I'm a Special Education teacher and I work with many kids with a variety of development challenges and opportunities).

As to boys learning differently than girls: that's been validated in educational study after educational study. No surprises there, and it's mental AND physical. If you can, try to find coaches who like to coach boys, b/c, as a mom of a boy figure skater: there are many coaches who don't "get" boys, or don't really like coaching boys. But, there are also many who really like it, and are good at it, and make it a joy for the boys (and they're not always guys, they're just as often female coaches).

Individual sports: Martial arts??? not one of the super aggressive ones, maybe, something like aikido - great for coordination, focus, and self-esteem, and size doesn't make a difference on ability.

Here, here!! I would not just stop with the pediatrician's opinion. Have them refer you to developmental pediatrician to get evaluated. I would also have the school system evaluate him. You say the teachers said he was "immature". Did they ever suggest an evaluation? I would suggest to the teacher that you want an evaluation. Don't let them drag their feet. If you don't hear anything after a few days, call the principal or Special Services department in your district. It may be he qualifies for services such as speech or occupational therapy. I'm speaking from experience. Please do not delay. If there is not an issue, great. If there is, the earlier it is addressed the better.

[TiggerTooSkates]

If YOU think he's delayed, go with your gut reaction. Parents are more often right than wrong. If you are worried, talk to your paediatrician. Don't rely on other people's opinions or comparisons to their kids, because, you know your kid better than any other, and they're no more expert, usually, than you. Put your mind to rest - if there is an issue, find out now not later when it's harder to resolve, if there isn't, then yippeee! and you can stop worrying. (I'm a Special Education teacher and I work with many kids with a variety of development challenges and opportunities).


This is exactly what I was trying to say initially - heck - it's what I WANTED to say - but wasn't sure how to say it. (It's easier for me to do this stuff f2f; the message board was a little odd!) I completely agree. Thanks for posting this!

[cazzie]

Know what you mean although this is the UK (and he'd have to be much, much worse before we'd see a dev. paediatrician). Hopefully going to sort out his hearing (again) - speech therapists won't touch him until thats sorted. We're planning to go for private referrals as NHS is so slow and pathetic.

He is still loving his skating (and still looking awkward) - although manages longer backward one foot glides than I ever will. (Latest thing he has learned and goodness he is proud of that. Kept showing off to all the 8 to 12+ year olds in his Skate UK class... and was the first to volunteer to demonstrate anything!)

His stated ambition - to skate better than his sister does one day. (Not entirely sure thats a good reason to skate).

Has been invited to three times per week group program with on and off ice training but I'm not sure if he is ready for this - leaving decision time until September (when it starts).