Feeling discouraged--coach whining...(long)

[backspin]

I'm feeling very unappreciated tonight. I just need to rant for a minute.

I've been coaching for about 4 years. I started out just helping w/ a group dance class once a week. Then the main teacher couldn't do it anymore, so they asked if I would take it over. After teaching the group class for awhile, people started asking me for private lessons. So I started taking on private students. Now I have 6 private students & I teach 2 group classes a week.

Since ice time around here is very limited, I have virtually given up all my practice time to make time for my students to have lessons. I try to skate 1/2 hour on one public session a week & I get 1/2 hour on one other session when I only have one lesson to teach.

Today, I drove an hour each way & paid $69.00 to take a one hour lesson w/ my ice dance coach (whom I haven't had a lesson with in a few years due to lack of money). It was a "coaching lesson", to go through partnering of some of the lower level dances my students are working on, & focus on some basic things to give me more ideas to further my students' skating. I can't tell you how I miss skating "for real", & how I wanted to bag the basics and skate with him! But I stuck to what I needed to do in my capacity as a coach.

Then, I had to teach tonight on a session that's 1 1/2 hours. I had three students on it before, but one just switched to a different day. Hooray, another 1/2 hour I get to skate! I've been skating the last part of the session--BUT, since my students are often a few minutes late & also like to have a few minutes to warm up before their lessons, that time was getting to be more like 15 minutes. So today I told one of my students that I was going to skate the 1st 1/2 hour, then take them through their lessons, hence they get their warmup & I don't lose my precious skating time. Everyone's happy, right? NO!

Apparently, I'm being very selfish to take that first 1/2 hour. They are the "clients", they are paying for the ice and my time, therefore they should get priority of earlier lessons. (this is because they don't want to stay for the full 1 1/2 hour session) (I don't have to pay to skate on that 1/2 hour because I'm coaching on the rest of it)

We worked it out so that we will rotate whose lesson comes first & I won't always skate the first part, & they've been warned that they must be on time & be willing to start their lesson right when the session starts. But I just feel very unappreciated because of that comment.

I feel like I've given up so much to teach, and I really go to great lengths to try to be the best coach I can be. I love to coach. It brings me a lot of happiness. But I just feel like I am so taken for granted, & that all the things I do just don't matter to them. :( :( :(

[garyc254]

Take heart, Backspin. Sometimes people can be very callous and ignorant of the needs of others, particularly those that are teaching. Not only teaching skating, but all teaching.

Yes, they are the paying clients, however you, as coach, control the times of lessons. You need to give them prior notice, of course. If you set the time and they can't or won't make it, then that is their loss.

I was a Scout leader trainer for several years. I've dealt with kids and adults. Our rules for training included: Set a starting time; set and ending time; start on time; end on time. If the trainees were late, then they missed that part of their training.

Now comes the part about being paid. As Scout trainers we were all volunteer, so your problem is a little different.

Be a "little" flexible. If a student is normally on time, but one day gets hung up an extra 15 minutes in traffic or a heavy snow, give a 15 minute lesson instead of the 1/2 hour, but only charge for 15 minutes.

If, however, the student is notoriously late, let them know that their lesson time is ____ to ____ and that they are responsible to pay you for that time slot even if they are late or don't show up at all.

If a student gives you too much grief, it may be time to ask that student to find a new coach.

I sympathize and understand your frustration.

Keep the faith and don't allow coaching to completely overtake your own personal skating.

I recently mentioned to my coach, a seasoned veteran, that a teenage girl we both know (and whom she coaches) was starting to do a little coaching herself. She frowned and said "that's too bad. When you start coaching, that is usually the end of your own skating."

By the way, that's why we're here. If you need to crow, you crow. If you need to rant, you rant.

[arena_gal]

Parents love to gripe, but don't back down if skating in the first half hour is what you need. (I'm a parent, I gripe)

Parents don't like things being changed all of a sudden. I changed coaches for kid #2 because the coach had another part time job and couldn't get her priorities straight so would show up when it suited her and I didn't know from one day to the next what to expect. And yes, as a parent, I didn't see how it did any good to get the 15 minute lesson in the last 15 minutes of the session.

So, give them notice as to what you're going to do and then stick to it. It's a hard situation, being a coach and a skater.

One of our coaches makes a "date" to skate with her boyfriend one hour a week. Parents see her on the ice "just skating around" and pressures her to give lessons on that time. Like her time isn't important but she is firm about having "her time". Sounds like what you're going through, Backspin.

[Mazurka Girl]

Sounds like they are not serious skaters if they won't do a 1-1/2 hr session or are regularly willing to throw away part of their lesson time to accommodate a warm up at their convenience. I have known skaters who only go to the rink for their lesson & that's it. They take a couple lessons a week & never practice yet have high & unrealistic expectations. But most skaters I know, & especially the strong skaters, have a pretty set training schedule which means they are there skating whether they get the first or last lesson; or they skate on a specific day even when they aren't scheduled for a lesson.

If that's really how your students feel, then I would set some lesson policies & stick to them, like gary says. Late students or less than 24 hr cancellations still pay for their full lesson with my coach unless he can fill the time. He often can, but at least everyone knows where they stand.

It seems to me it's disrespectful of your time when students show up late & aren't prepared when it's a regular occurence & not a one time incident. There's nothing wrong with your suggestion to them to take a later lesson. If they feel differently about it, I would then give them the earlier lesson time, but the clock would start ticking whether they are there or not, & their lesson would end on schedule so that you can still have the 30 min to skate at the end.

If you still enjoy skating yourself, I would not sacrifice it at this point. A lot of times it won't be an even exchange because students come & go. If you feel like you're missing out on your own skating, then consider cutting back on some coaching time in order to have a better balance.

[Mariposa]

Don't feel so bad, Backspin. That's always the way it is when you work for yourself, no matter what field you happen to be in. Having paying clients is a tricky thing, but can yield very rewarding experiences as well. Hang in there.

[melanieuk]

In whatever aspect of life, it is demoralising to be taken for granted and not appreciated.
I find that the young are more guilty of this, as they do not appreciate what times actually means to people. Children especially, and teenagers, are not yet able to grasp the concept that "other people actually exist and may want to come first".
I would try and lay down the law with my pupils. You are being fair and going out of your way, so you can expect them to do the same once in a while.
Good luck - and I hope you have your precious skating time to yourself, as I know how therapeutic it can be. :)

[icenut84]

How old are these skaters? It sounds like some of them have some growing up to do. I agree with the others - if you still have the desire to skate for yourself and not just for them, and you obviously do, don't give up on it. Set time for yourself, to skate as you want to and not give lessons, and stick to it. Let any skater who asks know that that time slot is unavailable for lessons, period. Their lessons cannot be arranged for that time.

[wannask8]

Ditto to the above. My lessons are X:00 to X:30 and that’s that – if I didn’t show on time, the lesson would still end at the usual time, and I’d be out, not my coach.

-- wannask8

[anital]

Backspin, I agree with what everyone else has said. Make a start time and make sure everyone knows it and sticks to it. If I turn up late, that's it, I pay for the time booked not the time skated, so if I want to warm up first (which I do) I go early. The booked time is MY time, if I don't choose to use it and turn up late, more fool me, but my coach could have booked someone else it that time. I'm allowed 5 mins either side and that's it. My coach knows I'm adult enough to be on time and I if my car brakes down, I'll ring her and let her know and we'll work something out, aside from that it's be on time or miss out.

[dani]

I also agree about being on time or else. I am always early, and if I were late one AND my coach didn't have a lesson after, I would hope that my coach would understand and go long. I would not think of demanding it! Of course I do think I am different and would deserve that (once!) - For example, I always say ok when asked to change a lesson.

There was a girl before me when I started who would regularly show up at 7:15 for a 7:00 lesson! I would have been quite upset if my coach had taken her for a full half hour!

Hugs!!
Danielle

[kayskate]

What was the comment given by the student? That you were selfish? Sorry, it was not clear to me from your message.

How much notice did you give your students that you wanted to rearrange their lesson time? You should probably give 2 weeks. I do not know what is customary, but this sounds reasonable. Maybe they are upset b/c they counted on that time slot, late or not. Maybe they cannot stay the whole session b/c they have other obligations. I do not know if your students are adults or kids. If someone has a regular appt weekly and suddenly the instructor wants to change it, be prepared for disagreement or for the student to seek a new coach. What you are proposing may not be acceptable to your client for whatever reason.

Kay