Kids Who are Scared Stiff

[dbny]

I've worked with two of these recently, in both group and private lessons. One girl is continuing private lessons with me, and does very well as long as I am right next to her, either holding her hand or within reach. As soon as I am gone, she is hanging on the wall. She is about 10 yrs old, is very capable, and really wants to skate. I have tried having her breath, shake out, fall together, fall alone (she did it once), etc. I have a plush ball that I use with tots and sometimes older kids too, that almost always loosens them up and helps them forget their fear. This particular girl hardly moved when I tried it with her. Ideas please!

[Mrs Redboots]

I'd say let her be scared, if that makes sense. As she's having private lessons, there's no reason she can't use those to skate round holding your hand, or with you holding her arm. You can't rush confidence, and trying to may well put her off!

Rather like teaching children to ride a bike - you have to sort of let go but discreetly, so they don't notice, and then tell them that they just did it all by themselves! Whereupon they usually think "Hey, I can do this!" and only need a very little help and support after that.

[vesperholly]

I've dealt with kids who refuse to let go of the cones. One thing that helps is instead of taking away the cone entirely, move it about 5-10 feet away from them, and have them skate to it. If I have time, I will continually move the cone away from them, creating a shorter goal.

For younger kids, having them put little stuffed animals in a basket was a huge hit. I put the basket about halfway down the width of the ice, and tell them to put the animal in the basket.

I also never, ever ask "Are you OK?" unless they take a terrible fall. I don't want to reinforce a fear of hurting themselves on a fall.

[dbny]

This girl is way too big for cones! I need to be proactive, as I'm being paid to get her skating - her parents can "let her be scared." I do tell her that there is nothing wrong with being scared, but that she needs to start feeling comfortable on the ice and that is what we are working towards.

In my lesson today, I asked my coach for advice, and she suggested something I do for those working on one foot glides who are scared of picking up a foot for any length of time. Draw a line a given distance from the wall, maybe 3 feet, and ask her to skate by herself that distance to the wall. As she gains confidence, increase the distance. Don't know why I didn't think to apply that technique myself...duh!

[vesperholly]

This girl is way too big for cones! I need to be proactive, as I'm being paid to get her skating - her parents can "let her be scared." I do tell her that there is nothing wrong with being scared, but that she needs to start feeling comfortable on the ice and that is what we are working towards.
I had a girl like that in one of my classes last year. Luckily, most of the class ended up dropping out, so a lot of times I was able to work with her alone, or with one or two other kids. She was older, but would still grab a tall cone. After the first few classes, I outlawed the cone. If I saw her grab it, I'd tease her, saying "Oh, no! What are you doing with that?! You don't need that!! :mrgreen:" I also gradually lessened the hand-holding: Both hands, one hand, one finger, etc.

Positive encouragement and taking it slow seemed to work best. The girl will never be a champion skater, but I'm happy just helping her overcome the fear. By the end of the 7-week course, she barely made any real skating progress, but she was smiling and would skate (ok, barely walk) up to me saying, "Look what I can do!"

Sometimes kids will really surprise you with progress that you never expected them capable of at the beginning. How long have you been working with this one? I think even getting comfortable with YOU as her coach will help her.

[dbny]

She's only had three lessons with me. The first was half an hour. Then two weeks went by and she had an hour lesson with me, which I would not have agreed to if I had remembered her from the first lesson. The third lesson was half an hour, and the parents wanted more, so I suggested she work on her own or take a break and have another half hour later that day, which she did. An hour is just too much for someone at that level. It could be discouraging to keep going at the same things for so long, and I explained that to her parents. I also suggested that they bring her to another session for practice, although I don't have time to work with her then. Unfortunately, I think she's afraid to be on the ice without me unless she's clinging to the wall. I'm going to try the "skate from the line to the wall" thing in her lesson on Sunday.

[CanAmSk8ter]

This girl is way too big for cones! I need to be proactive, as I'm being paid to get her skating - her parents can "let her be scared." I do tell her that there is nothing wrong with being scared, but that she needs to start feeling comfortable on the ice and that is what we are working towards.

In my lesson today, I asked my coach for advice, and she suggested something I do for those working on one foot glides who are scared of picking up a foot for any length of time. Draw a line a given distance from the wall, maybe 3 feet, and ask her to skate by herself that distance to the wall. As she gains confidence, increase the distance. Don't know why I didn't think to apply that technique myself...duh!

Another variation on the line... I sometimes tell kids I want them to skate X number of steps by themselves, then I'll hold their hand for that many steps. After we've done it several times, I add to the number they have to skate without my hand, and after every seven or eight repetitions I add to the number again. Most of the time, they'll eventually realize that when they can do ten or eleven without me, they don't really need to hold my hand for the next three.

[kayskate]

I teach kids like that. I do the following:
In place stuff like knee bends, bouncing in knees, toe toes, marching, etc.
I will hold their hand and let go little by little. I will ask the kid to do two big steps just like that w/o holding my hand. They can do the 2 before grabbing on again.
Others have suggested skating to the wall or a line or the coach. I do this too and have the kid give me 5 when s/he reaches me. Always gets a smile. :D
I will also support them by placing one hand on the child's back so s/he can feel my presence, but will let go of my hand and skate (well, march actually) independently.

I also encourage the parent to bring the kid to the rink to practice outside of lessons.

Kay

[dbny]

She had a half hour with me today. This is a 6th grader, BTW. She did very well skating from a line to the wall. I started her just inside a hockey circle, then moved her back about a foot and a half each time. She said she was just a little scared after the first move back, and didn't get more scared as we progressed. Right now, I think the biggest problem is that she stiffens up from fear. When I'm holding her hand, even lightly, and urge her to get her knees really low, she can do it, but as we continue to move, she gets progressively stiffer. She's scared to go fast, and that means anything more than a snail's pace. I found out she rides a bike, and used that - had her imagine she's on her bike. Then after the lesson, found out from her dad that she does that very slowly also! Still, it has to be faster than she skates. At the end of her lesson, I had her bend her knees a bit and let me move her with one hand behind her back and holding one hand. We didn't go too fast, but it was faster than she has ever gone on her own. Think I'll do that earlier in her lesson next week, when she's having two half hours with a half hour break between.

[isakswings]

I wonder why her parents want her to have hour lessons? My daughter has a 1/2 hour lesson and at her level(basic 7 likely moving on to basic 8, my dd will be 10 in May), I think that is pleanty. We'll pick up on the lessons in a few weeks when she is getting ready for her competition, but after that we'll go back down to 1 1/2 hour private lesson a week(in addition to her group LTS lesson). Did her parents mention why they want an hour lesson? Are they trying to get her over her fear?

Anyway, I'm glad she seemed to be open to skating on a line! That sounds like progress.

[deannathegeek]

This may sound stupid, but for my girls I used a magic word. For Claire it was Dammit, for Savannah it was Spoovy (combination of Spiffy and Groovy, she made it up). Basically, whenever they started to get scared, they chanted their magic word. Also, when they fell down, they said their magic word, got up, and tried again. It gave them something to think about besides the fear, and in Savannah's case, gave her a terminal case of the giggles.

[CanAmSk8ter]

I wonder why her parents want her to have hour lessons? My daughter has a 1/2 hour lesson and at her level(basic 7 likely moving on to basic 8, my dd will be 10 in May), I think that is pleanty. We'll pick up on the lessons in a few weeks when she is getting ready for her competition, but after that we'll go back down to 1 1/2 hour private lesson a week(in addition to her group LTS lesson). Did her parents mention why they want an hour lesson? Are they trying to get her over her fear?

Anyway, I'm glad she seemed to be open to skating on a line! That sounds like progress.

Lots of parents seem to think more = better. A few years ago, I had a mother who wanted me to work with her never-skated-before 5 y.o. for an hour at a time. No way. We compromised on a half hour with the provision that, if she was up to continuing, we'd go for 45 minutes. Long story short, at the kid's first lesson she told me she was tired and wanted to get off the ice after 20 minutes. I was able to get another five out of her, but that was it. The never did get more than 25 minutes out of her. I also had a Freestyle 1ish 7 y.o. whose mother asked what I thought about going up to 45 minutes with her. My thought: "Have you ever watched the second half of one of her lessons?":twisted: The first fifteen minutes and the second fifteen minutes, she was like two different kids. No way was she ready to do 45 minutes!

In DBNY's situation, I like her compromise of doing a half hour, a break, and another half hour. I find all too often, the parents want more lesson/ice time in one day than is really age/level-appropriate so they can avoid bringing the kid to the rink more than once a week. But kids are only learning, focusing, and most importantly having fun for so long. For most beginners, an hour Saturday and an hour Wednesday is going to be more productive than three hours on Saturday.

[dbny]

In DBNY's situation, I like her compromise of doing a half hour, a break, and another half hour. I find all too often, the parents want more lesson/ice time in one day than is really age/level-appropriate so they can avoid bringing the kid to the rink more than once a week. But kids are only learning, focusing, and most importantly having fun for so long. For most beginners, an hour Saturday and an hour Wednesday is going to be more productive than three hours on Saturday.

Thank you. You are very close to what is going on. Because of her school schedule and the rink schedule there is no other time that they can get her to the rink, except for possibly one week day, when I do not have time for her. I have urged them to bring her just to skate then anyway. It was her choice to have two lessons next week instead of one, so I know she's not being pushed.