My daughter wants to compete

[hepcat]

My daughter is 7, and just passed into Freestyle 1 (this is ISI). There are folks around us who do competitions, and we haven't, but I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that she has told me she wants to compete.

When I asked her what was it about competing that she wanted to do, she told me she liked that you get the ice to yourself, and that everyone has to watch you. I was expecting her to say something about winning, so that surprised me...and it struck me that it was exactly what I would fear the most! All eyes on you, out there alone on that big ice.

I'm consciously trying to keep from projecting my fears onto her, but I swear this whole thing is making me very nervous for her. She will have to compete Delta 2 moves, which is backwards edges, a beginning spiral, and mohawk combinations. The week of her test she was really shaky on those backwards edges but managed to pull it together in the 20 minutes before the test. At the time, I felt like she was lucky to pass because I'd seen her struggle with them for a while. Now she'll have to do them in a competition in about 8 weeks!

I'm really reluctant to have her start competing but her heart is set on it, and I want to support her dream. *sigh* Any thoughts or advice for a reluctant parent?

[littlekateskate]

I think competiting is a wonderful experience for the kids and would say go for it. What better way to display all the hardwork she has gone through :)

[jskater49]

She already has a great attitude. I think competion has been a great experience for my daughter and she has finished last, brought home medals and everything in between. It's terrible to watch them have a bad skate and cry and swear they never want to skate again. But you know what, those are the experiences that build character and prepare them for life much more than winning medals. Keep encouraging the atittude that she is doing this for herself, not to win, and she'll do fine. You won't, but it's not about you. ;)


j

[dbny]

When I asked her what was it about competing that she wanted to do, she told me she liked that you get the ice to yourself, and that everyone has to watch you.

Those are the exact two things that my daughter loved about competing and testing. As a result, she always skated her best on those occasions. As jskater49 said so well "it's not about you". Just keep your "self" out of it and support her efforts the same way you would anything else she does. If you can do that, and if she keeps the same outlook, it will serve you both well.

[twokidsskatemom]

Those are the exact two things that my daughter loved about competing and testing. As a result, she always skated her best on those occasions. As jskater49 said so well "it's not about you". Just keep your "self" out of it and support her efforts the same way you would anything else she does. If you can do that, and if she keeps the same outlook, it will serve you both well.


That is what both my skaters say as well.
They would much rather compete and train than even do an ice show.Doesnt matter to them the placement, and I have learned for it to not bother us either.
good luck

[hepcat]

Thanks for all the words of encouragement. It really does help to hear that other skaters view it that way, because as a shy, introverted person the idea that it would be fun to be seen by everyone is just alien to me! And you're right, it's definitely not about me. Thank GOD it's not. :lol:

[twokidsskatemom]

Thanks for all the words of encouragement. It really does help to hear that other skaters view it that way, because as a shy, introverted person the idea that it would be fun to be seen by everyone is just alien to me! And you're right, it's definitely not about me. Thank GOD it's not. :lol:

You can use that to encorage your daughter as well. I say all the time to both kids, you should be so proud of yourself for getting out there no matter what.I couldnt have done it at your age or even now.
It does take a special kind of skater to compete and there is no way of knowing until she does it a few times.It is someting to try and and who knows where she might end up !!

[dbny]

You can use that to encorage your daughter as well. I say all the time to both kids, you should be so proud of yourself for getting out there no matter what.I couldnt have done it at your age or even now.

I think if you do that, you will be introducing the very idea you don't want your daughter to have. Right now she loves the spotlight and the empty ice so it's easy for her. Why give her the idea that it's so difficult?

[BuggieMom]

She will have to compete Delta 2 moves, which is backwards edges, a beginning spiral, and mohawk combinations. The week of her test she was really shaky on those backwards edges but managed to pull it together in the 20 minutes before the test. At the time, I felt like she was lucky to pass because I'd seen her struggle with them for a while. Now she'll have to do them in a competition in about 8 weeks!

You would be surprised at what they can pull together in 8 weeks. Just remember, what you see her doing today will look a lot different in 8 weeks! Relax and trust that she will improve in that time.

During competition weekends, one thing we do to make sure the focus is not just on skating is to find something fun to do that is NOT skating related (time permitting!). We find a zoo or a museum or something like that to go and spend time together as a normal family, as opposed to an insane skating family!:lol:

Above all, you have to push your feelings aside. I get horribly nervous before she skates. But while I am helping her prepare, I try to consciously project a calm relaxed state of mind. I crack jokes, I smile and laugh a lot, I try to make sure that nothing about my expression or body language says "I am about to puke!" But when I get into the stands and away from her, I am a nasty mess! Her first competition, I burst into tears when she finished, partly from the stress, but mostly because I was so proud of her that she was even able to get out there and do it. Skating can teach our kids how to be overcomers, and us as parents how to let go. As much as possible, try to enjoy the ride!

[sk8tmum]

And, no matter what, it was an amazing skate, and you are proud of him/her - even if there were multiple splatters on the ice, forgotten jumps or spins ... it's the coaches job to coach the skate, you're just there to be proud, to cheer, and to take him/her out to celebrate afterwards - which means that you get the fun stuff.

If you have one like mine who (used to) melt down if a poor result occurred, then, it helps them to grow up as they learn to deal with that personal issue.

Good sportsmanship, planning, professionalism, good preparation (sleeping, focussing, not stuffing on french fries 1/2 hour before): all great things that they learn.

[hepcat]

This is energizing! This is exactly what I needed to hear, because I'm so focused on making it the right kind of experience for her but meanwhile I'm a pack of emotions myself, and I didn't expect that. The competition is in San Francisco so I'm sure a trip to the Exploratorium or Zeum will be just the thing afterwards.

I'm learning to skate myself and I'm at about the Gamma level, so I have a dangerous amount of knowledge - enough to know that it's much harder than it looks (and that falls hurt!) but also just enough that it's tempting to want to coach her (no toepicks, that kind of thing) instead of encourage her.

But I have learned to only emphasize what her coach has written down in her skating book by making her read it before she goes out on the ice. She likes practicing with me. She's motivated by being better than me and knowing more than me, the brat - said lovingly, of course. :lol:

[Rusty Blades]

... because as a shy, introverted person the idea that it would be fun to be seen by everyone is just alien to me!

LOL! When I was a teen, I was quite shy but an amazing thing happened when I stepped on to the ice - I became a ham and an exhibitionist (in a good way). I was away from skating for 36 years and now, in my late 50's, I just competed at Nationals early this year and found out I am STILL the same way. My coach asked me how I was feeling just as I was about to start my event at Nationals. I told her, "I am going to OWN this place for the next 5 minutes!" and off I went. You know what? I DID own the place 8O (And it felt GREAT!!!!)

[Mrs Redboots]

Ah, competing is such fun! I do think every skater should have at least one go - if you hate it (or your kid does) you don't have to do it again, but it is great being out there on your own, with everybody looking, and the judges grinning at you encouragingly, and everybody cheering when you get out there....

[Tennisany1]

...Above all, you have to push your feelings aside. I get horribly nervous before she skates. But while I am helping her prepare, I try to consciously project a calm relaxed state of mind. I crack jokes, I smile and laugh a lot, I try to make sure that nothing about my expression or body language says "I am about to puke!" But when I get into the stands and away from her, I am a nasty mess! Her first competition, I burst into tears when she finished, partly from the stress, but mostly because I was so proud of her that she was even able to get out there and do it. Skating can teach our kids how to be overcomers, and us as parents how to let go. As much as possible, try to enjoy the ride!

This is me all over. The first time my dd competed I was nervous, but fine, until she and her coach came to meet me in the stands after she had skated. The coach and I looked at each other and we both burst into tears! We were so proud of her! My dd was thoroughly disgusted with both of us!

Something else I have learned. Always praise your skater, tell her how proud you are, before the marks come up. Even if it was a splatfest, there will be something that has improved or that can be honestly praised. But do it before she knows where she placed! This way the emphasis is on doing your best, being well prepared, keeping your chin up even when you fall, improving over time, and all the good stuff that she has control over; rather than her placement, which she has no control over. Placements can be very strange and often totally confusing so it is best not to put too much emphasis on them.

Our rule is: We have a party if you're first, a party if you're last, and a party for anything in between. At dinner we always toast the skater, the coach, and the very patient sister who spends more time than should be reasonably be expected waiting at the ice rink!

[frbskate63]

Something else I have learned. Always praise your skater, tell her how proud you are, before the marks come up.

Unfortunately not an option in many countries, where open marking is the norm, and the marks are often read out before the skater is even off the ice!

Fiona

[twokidsskatemom]

I think if you do that, you will be introducing the very idea you don't want your daughter to have. Right now she loves the spotlight and the empty ice so it's easy for her. Why give her the idea that it's so difficult?


Then I agree to disagree with you.

[dbny]

Then I agree to disagree with you.

Well put! :lol:

[Lmarletto]

When my daughter started competing, I didn't really think it had much value, but let her do it because she wanted to. Over time I can see that her coach's approach to competition makes it an incredibly valuble life experience. Being able to demonstrate your abilities on demand, under pressure, being able to focus on your own improvement without being distracted by how you compare to others are skills that will serve you the rest of your life. A lot of people will be focussed on the medals, especially at the lower levels, but if you can put those out of your mind and focus on each tiny little thing she did well (or even better than she's done before) every competition can be a good experience.

[Mrs Redboots]

Unfortunately not an option in many countries, where open marking is the norm, and the marks are often read out before the skater is even off the ice!
But the joy of open marking is you don't have to listen! Or not unless you want to (which I usually don't - much too disheartening!) - and you can go and look at your placements later. What I really hate is when they make you sit in a kiss'n'cry and wait for your marks. Yuck!

[AliCat]

I'll add 2 cents worth...I started competing when I was probably about 5! That was my first year skating and we had competitions for the kids just starting out. I then went on to compete every year after that. I was a shy child but LOVED performing. I became a different person. I was competitive and hated losing so I always tried my hardest. If I lost it hurt but I would bounce back quickly.

Personally I think competing in skating was one of the best things I did. It has taught me to have grace under pressure, to remain calm in most situations. I can take criticism without getting upset and I know that there is always another day and even though you may have messed up your 3 minutes today, tomorrow is always another day.

So I think competing is a great thing. I know about the fears and nerves though of those off the ice but just trust that your little girl out there performing her heart out knows what she is doing and make sure she knows she is only out there to have fun, winning a medal is just a bonus.

[sk8tmum]

One word of warning: when sitting in the stands, you may have the joy and pleasure :roll: of overhearing other parents. Some of them are not necessarily nice people; they can be very unpleasant to listen to. They'll criticize, complain, and badmouth skaters, perhaps even your child. They'll criticize skate choices, dresses, choreography, skating skills ...you name it ... And, your child may also hear some of this, sadly.

It can be hard; my one kid struggled with certain moves, and is very tall for her age, and hearing people and other skaters make fun of her wasn't enjoyable. She cried sometimes ...

We simply focussed on her, we knew how proud we are and were, and ignored it - but, it can be a difficult experience to go through.

(BTW: she's won thru and is doing great now; and she's a tough kid as a result of her struggles, so we're glad that she persevered !)

[Tennisany1]

Just thought I would pop back in and give another example of benefits of competition. My dd has been competing since last fall and this summer she entered a competition. We took my niece along to watch. DD skated beautifully, but was in a really strong group. Little niece is the same age a dd, but has been having some real problems at home and at school with the whole idea of losing. Basically, if she doesn't get her way or doesn't win she throws a tantrum. As she was staying with us, we had a number of talks about winning / losing/ and trying your best. I really didn't think I was making any progress with her at all :frus:

When the marks came out, dd was second to last. I new she was disappointed, but she kept her chin up, congratulated her friend (who placed above her) and accepted her ribbon with a smile and more grace than many adults I've seen. As we were standing watching the ribbon ceremony my niece turned to me and said "I see what you mean about being a good loser. I don't know how she does it." My response was "She can do it because she isn't a loser and doesn't think she is. She skated her very best and that's what counts."

Now we did have tears when I was putting dd to bed that night. They were not tears of anger or because of her placement. They were tears of exhaustion. It took everything she had to skate and be gracious afterwards and through dinner, but she did it and a good cry in mommy's arms was her way of letting go.

So I guess the point of this long post is to say that competition can be a great learning experience for the whole family. Just remember that it is also stressful and when you are little and tired at the end of the day, it can also be overwhelming. I've learned that the tears that sometimes flow before bed don't need any analysis or explanation. They just need safe arms and a good nights sleep.

[Skittl1321]

My response was "She can do it because she isn't a loser and doesn't think she is. She skated her very best and that's what counts."



WHAT A FANTASTIC THING TO SAY!

Upthread someone mentioned not letting kids know that going out and doing this in front of lots of people watching is something people find difficult. I agree with not telling them that- and not just for kids. (I recently joined syncrho and have to turn around to switch sides of a line real quick. The coach asked me 'are you sure you can handle that, I can put someone else there'- well at this point I can't do ANYTHING, so don't tell me it's hard and I'll just have to learn it same as everything else :))

[Tennisany1]

WHAT A FANTASTIC THING TO SAY! ...

Thank you.

[hepcat]

As we were standing watching the ribbon ceremony my niece turned to me and said "I see what you mean about being a good loser. I don't know how she does it." My response was "She can do it because she isn't a loser and doesn't think she is. She skated her very best and that's what counts."

That is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing that.

So far I think my daughter has the right attitude going into this. I've seen other kids just lose it when they don't pass a test and I've always said to skate your best, and if you don't pass we just repeat the class. She had to repeat Beta three times (she couldn't get those t-stops at the time) but she just soldiered on. I don't know what my point is here. :lol: I do remember thinking that if it were me as a 7-year-old I would have quit after the first time I didn't pass a level because I wasn't so good and accepting defeat at her age.

Personally I think competing in skating was one of the best things I did. It has taught me to have grace under pressure, to remain calm in most situations. I can take criticism without getting upset and I know that there is always another day and even though you may have messed up your 3 minutes today, tomorrow is always another day.I so hope my daughter is writing something just like this someday. :)

One word of warning: when sitting in the stands, you may have the joy and pleasure of overhearing other parents.Yeah, I've already had that experience. The world of skating, eh?