Skater's Isolation

[Rusty Blades]

I have only been skating for 17 months, usually 3 or 4 days a week - up at 4 a.m., skate 7 to 9, hold down a full-time job (9 to 3:30) and maintain a household (3:30 to bedtime around 9 p.m.). Except for my dog, all my contacts are on the ice (very brief) or with coworkers (job related and brief) and I have drifted apart from most of my friends (except my neighbours and some folks I have lunch with on Saturdays). Most of my skating friends are as busy as I am so we seldom have time to socialize off the ice.

It occurred to me this morning that figure skating is quite an isolating activity and also takes a lot of time (which is limited) and energy (which is also limited).

I know that most of you have families but, for those who don't, has skating effected your social life? How do you avoid becoming a skating hermit?

[Skittl1321]

I agree that most of my interactions are brief- with a friend on the ice, a short chat with a coworker. But I have a simple solution for you to fit more time with your friends in- let the household go! LOL

The times that you skate don't interfer with normal "social" hours- so I guess the only thing you have to battle with is getting enough sleep in. If you really wanted to see people, you'd push bed time back until 10:00 once in a while, so you can go out to dinner or what not. You know?

I am about to start a skating everyday routine, but I've left Wednesday free- for a stamping clubs I am a part of. That's my socialization. If I join syncrho I'll have to rearrange my schedule, as it meets Wednesday night. But, I do plan to make sure I keep that in there.

I'm naturally a hermit, but sometimes when I realize how long its been since I seen people I get really depressed.

[flo]

I've made great long term friends from skating, even though many do not skate anymore! I don't feel isolated at all. I have friends at the rink, and do socialize with them, friends on line and get to meet them once in a while, and friends outside of skating. It's all about balance. Also if you're in this long enough you'll go changes as to how much you skate, your focus and your priorities. For me skating is a great part of my life, but my life is not just skating.

[Evelina]

Well I know what you mean.. I get up at 5, skate 6-8:30, then work till 5 or 6 or later as required! You're very lucky you finish work at 3:30. Then I have to go home and study as I have hardcore exams to work for alongside work... and that is likely to last 5-7 years if I pass them all first time which only 3% of people do!

But I love my time on ice, and I have made some really good friends through it so I figure the rest of my friends will have to learn to live with it! :)

[Bill_S]

You mean there are social implications for a skating adult? ;)

I know what you mean though. I can't talk about it much at work because it would be "unprofessional", so I keep progress reports and disasters mostly to this board. Even S.O. doesn't know what I'm talking about half the time although she politely asks how things went on occasion.

I do have a couple "skating buddies" at our local rink, but the rink is closed now for the summer. That limits my opportunity to chat with them about their own progress.

I have started sharpening the skates of a couple skaters who get to travel to Columbus weekly for practice. Even so, the arrangements are done via email and skates are dropped off and picked up without seeing the skaters in person.

I must say that my progress and setbacks are mostly discussed here. That bothers me a little...not that this is a bad place to hang out, but because it's serving as a substitute for actual human interaction.

Finally I'll say that the adult skaters at my local ROLLER rink are a MUCH more social group of people. Just this past Friday they had a birthday & anniversary skating party for one couple and everybody brought pot luck food for the event. Skating stopped half-way through so that a group photo could be made. These are skaters who are mostly older than I am (and I'm 57!), and many of them had to travel a couple of hours to skate.

[doubletoe]

Unfortunately, the only only friends I see often are now just the friends I skate with. Every other Saturday or so, I have time to get together with a friend, but of course I have to choose among them. I usually decide which one based on how much interest she/he has expressed in hearing about my skating! :lol:

[Derek]

I am not particularly comfortable with social interaction, so the loneliness of the long term skater is not a problem to me. Those friends and colleagues who know of my skating, regard it as a symptom of early onset senility ...

[sceptique]

I used to have 4+3 job which means 4 days away from home, 1 day in home office, 2 days off. Of those 2 days I would spend about half of the time at the rink and the other half trying to catch on some sleep and packing bags for the next 4 days at the overseas office. I'm totally used to having 98% of my social live digitalized (web, chats, forums etc.), but what does amaze me is how I still stay married.

To my long-suffering husband: :bow: :bow: :bow:

[TimDavidSkate]

It is hard to skate frequently and hold down a full-time job at the same time. I do agree that I had to skate and rest most weekends instead of catching up with my old buddies from High School and such. 8O But nowadays during summer I am only skating once a week, so I have plenty of time to visit old friends.

[airyfairy76]

I find that I enjoy the "isolation" of skating after a day at work. Mind you, I am on the phone to people, or training them all day long! I wouldn't say that I feel the isolation in my life though - but then again, I don't have a husband or children, so all my free time is really my own to catch up with friends.

And my friends love to come with me occasionally, for an informal 'lesson', which I always really enjoy. It makes a nice change to skate with a friend every once in a while.

[TimDavidSkate]

To my long-suffering husband: :bow: :bow: :bow:

Same here :bow: At first my bf was amazed on how I prioritized skating too much, that I put off so many important things, such as; $975 cell phone bill, $2,612 credit card bills, and low grades (I'd skip school to go skating).

[dippytrout27]

I have drifted apart from most of my friends (except my neighbours and some folks I have lunch with on Saturdays). Most of my skating friends are as busy as I am so we seldom have time to socialize off the ice.

I too have drifted away from most of my friends over the past few years. I have only been skating a few months and have met some lovely people - which was one of the reasons I started going. However, there isn't really any time for socialising because I too work full time, leaving the house at 7.45am and not returning till 6pm ish. I try to fit in a skate either before or after work, have housey things to do when I finally get home, then crash on the settee at about 9pm.

I really don't know what the answer is except to either cancel sleeping each night or make do with what you have. I enjoy the company of my workmates and skating pals and make the most of the solitude in the house during the evenings.

[TreSk8sAZ]

Except for my dog, all my contacts are on the ice (very brief) or with coworkers (job related and brief) and I have drifted apart from most of my friends (except my neighbours and some folks I have lunch with on Saturdays). Most of my skating friends are as busy as I am so we seldom have time to socialize off the ice.

It occurred to me this morning that figure skating is quite an isolating activity and also takes a lot of time (which is limited) and energy (which is also limited).


I understand completely what you mean. Since I skate before school for myself and after school on some days with my dance partner my days often start at 4 or 4:30 a.m. and don't end until I get out of class or work around 7:30 or 8 at night. By then I have only enough energy to do homework and go to bed. Between law school, work, skating and health problems I simply haven't the energy to go out most nights. I pretty much disappeared for 6 months from many of my friends. Those that understand, I still keep in touch with through phone calls and (now that I'm recovering from surgery and only working) going out with them this summer. But I refuse to let either my grades or my skating suffer because I went out too often at night.

There really is a choice to be made. Mine is how much sleep I can do without. I pick generally one night a week and time on weekends, in which I will be available for socializing. My friends know and understand this and they make accommodations. Those that don't understand they just won't see me as much. It does make it quite hard to find a boyfriend with my schedule, I must say!

[daisies]

Same here :bow: At first my bf was amazed on how I prioritized skating too much, that I put off so many important things, such as; $975 cell phone bill, $2,612 credit card bills, and low grades (I'd skip school to go skating).

Tim, I think you might want to look into a new cell phone plan!!!

For almost 15 years I had the best full-time job -- I worked from 10:30am-6:30pm, so I was able to skate at a decent hour before work and still be able to do stuff at night without worrying about having to get up too early the next morning. Unfortunately, I was laid off in a merger last summer, and my new job's hours are 9am-6pm ... and it's about 50 minutes away from the rink. So I am having trouble fitting the skating in -- I have to get up at 5am to skate, and that means going to bed really early ... TOO EARLY. For me, anyway! In my world, that's totally unacceptable -- so I'm looking for a new job!

Skating is pretty much my social life, though, so I don't really miss things like going to clubs, etc. I am a die-hard music fan, so I do squeeze in my share of concerts, but overall I think I have a good balance in my life. If skating is important enough to you, you won't miss the other stuff!

[SynchroSk8r114]

I have become socially inept because of figure skating. Seriously! If I'm not talking skating, I'm at a loss for words...it's pathetic, really, but I wouldn't trade it for the world!

[blackmanskating]

Well I am so glad that it isn't just me. My family is starting to resent the idea of me skating because of how much of my time it consumes. (Especially my Dad) I never had an abundance of friends but a majority of my current friends are skaters at my rink. I don't even chat with my best friend as much as I should. My coach and I, are becoming really close because I see him more than anyone else in my life right now. No time for a girlfriend so I don't waste time looking for one. I work at night from 2 PM to 11PM Mon-Fri so I skate in the morning from 7-8:30 am every day and I hit the gym right after that. I'm also fitting in yoga, pilates, and personal training now. Other than the money I set aside for savings, I spend the rest on necessary bills and skating. I am starting to experience a little burnout, so I am taking some money aside to go on a much needed vacation next month for my 25th B-Day. Yay!!! But my other social activities are on the backburner. :giveup:

[icedancer2]

It's true that skating takes a lot of time - I realized when I broke my foot and could basically do NOTHING for 3 weeks how much time I was spending skating and how much money I was spending as well. Yikes - nothing like a little fracture to put it all into perspective.

I think it was worse in the days of figures - those really took a lot of time and were very isolating for the skater as they had to be done very methodically and there was absolutely no talking on the ice when there was a figure session! (and the coaches would basically whisper the instructions). I think this is why a lot of young girls would eventually quit skating in their mid-teens - they felt that they were lingering away at an ice rink and their friends were out there having fun.

The kids at least in my area have it good, as most of them have made a lot of friends in skating and they like to go to practices where they will see their friends, etc.

It has taken me years to come to a point in my career that I can afford to work part-time and I work around my skating schedule. I think it takes some creativity to do so and there are lots of sacrifices - for me I think I have found a good balance between home, work, skating, judging, husband, pets and a spiritual life. Too bad my body is giving out and skating is just skating at this point now that I have figured out how to fit it in!

[Rusty Blades]

Um, I figured that many people would experience some "social ramifications" to skating seriously.

I am happy with the balance (or lack thereof) in my life at this point in time and I am sort of stuck with it until somebody invents 48 hour days or I retire (in a year and a bit). When I started and thought I was "just" skating recreationally, I skated with some other adults and there was more chit-chat on-ice. When I got bit by the adult competition bug and moved to a "competitive training centre", the other skaters are young enough to be my grandchildren and everybody is very focused on their training so conversations are quite short. I did quite skating weekends at that point primarily to spend some time with other adults ;) Of course, through the Adult Championships I did meet a whole bunch of others with the same disorder (A.O.S.S.) and have a hundred or so new friends.

As others have said, the skating boards have become my primary social outlet - at least in places like this we can find people who understand our obsession!

[Sonic]

As others have said, the skating boards have become my primary social outlet - at least in places like this we can find people who understand our obsession!

Lol! Yup, the only people who truly understand skating obsession - specifically AOSS - are...er, other skaters. Though saying that, I have a good friend who does amateur dramatics (that's my second love after skating), and we can relate to each others' circumstances. She said to me once before an audition, 'You probably think I'm being ridiculous, getting so stressed about a bloody audition for an amateur show', but when I regailed her with tales about leaving the ice in tears/throwing a tantrum because I couldn't land a flip/shaking with nerves at a competition/post-competition adreneline crashes, I think she felt quite relieved.

I feel lucky in that I've met a whole bunch of friends through skating; our rink is pretty social, I'm the sort of person who doesn't make friends easily and I feel I've had fewer problems 'fitting in' with rink friends than in many other situations.

It could probably be said that skating is partly responsible for ending my marriage. Not really because of the time I spend at the rink, but because skating has given me new-found confidence to strike out on my own and believe that I have the 'right' to be happy.

[BelleBway]

I'm the sort of person who doesn't make friends easily and I feel I've had fewer problems 'fitting in' with rink friends than in many other situations.

Same here. I have a hard time making small talk and fitting in, but at the rink, it's so easy to end up chatting to other adults who come the same times I do. I don't really have close friends at the rink, but it's nice to have some people to say hi to.

I'm not in much demand for a social life, and that hasn't changed since I've started skating. Pretty much the only thing that's changed is that I now feel more confident in my fitness level and appearance than I ever have in my life.

[Team Arthritis]

Don't you find that our solitary sport also makes you more comfortable being alone too? I'm my own good company most of the time and I like it.

Lyle

[Joan]

I think a lot of adult skaters, maybe even all serious skaters, are loners by nature. Rusty, maybe you could turn this into a poll about the basic "social" personalities of adult skaters. I think it would be an interesting poll.

[looplover]

I haven't lost my social life (except for moving to a state where I know nobody), but, I am sure there are people in my life who think I've gone crazy because they don't understand that adults skate. No mattew how much I tell them I don't compete against the 12 year olds. For example I think my ex boyfriend, still a good friend, is starting to worry about my AOSS. Or he's just sick of hearing about it. He used to find my interest in skating intriguing, but I suspect he wonders why at 40ish I'm still doing it. He hasn't seen adult skating though.

[looplover]

One more thing- I find that avid golfers totally understand!!! I compare skating to golf all the time - competing against others but mainly yourself, mastering laws of physics, tendency to live and breath the sport. I used to work with a guy who was high up in management of the USGA. I told him my theories of comparing skating to golf and it TOTALLY got it. His entire office is covered in golf stuff.

[Sessy]

I didn't have a social life before skating, now I sorta do... My grades suffered, of course. :lol:

[airyfairy76]

I didn't have a social life before skating, now I sorta do... My grades suffered, of course. :lol:

I'd agree with that, kind of. My circle of friends has increased due to skating. Luckily I don't have to worry about grades any more! :lol:

[southernsk8er]

it's hard to fit friends in along with skating 5 days a week and working 2 jobs, and they don't seem to understand my obsession! but i still manage to get together for dinner or drinks and try not to talk about skating the entire time :lol: i've never been all that outgoing, so i don't mind skating alone most of the time. i've met a few interesting people to chat with at the rink, though. my boyfriend is my coach, so i'm lucky to see him at the rink and at home, and we have skating in common :)

[Rusty Blades]

Don't you find that our solitary sport also makes you more comfortable being alone too? I'm my own good company most of the time and I like it.

I tend to be very comfortable solo and don't mind it so I have to make a conscious effort NOT to become a recluse and social hermit! :roll:

[Rusty Blades]

I think a lot of adult skaters, maybe even all serious skaters, are loners by nature. Rusty, maybe you could turn this into a poll about the basic "social" personalities of adult skaters. I think it would be an interesting poll.

Interesting idea!

I would bet there is a relationship between the kind of skating a person does (recreational, test, competition) and personality type but I think the combinations wouldn't fit a poll. Maybe I'll start another thread about personality types v.s. type of skating.

[Petlover]

Most of my very favorite friends are the people I have met through skating (yes, you Looplover!). Since I work full time, and am married with lots of pets, I don't have a lot of time or inclination for dinners, parties, etc, I'm kind of a recluse. However, when at the rink, I feel like I am among my very good friends that I care about and who care about me.

[Mrs Redboots]

As I've said many times before, one of the absolute joys for me, about skating, was making so many new friends from all over the world! Before we started skating, I really only knew the people at my very small church (I worked in a tiny office, only about 3-4 of us, and didn't often socialise at work, anyway) - now I know people from all over the world, and it's fantastic!

[Clare]

I'm a typical Gemini- love being alone/love being around people, it totally depends on the day. I love skating for both reasons really. If I am feeling unsociable or solitary, I can show up, say hello and float around by myself. If I'm feeling chatty, I can skate, chat, skate, chat. It's perfect for my confused little personality!

I have a tendency to choose my own company over others probably too much so I love that my very fixed skating regime (I rarely veer away from it, my organised brain couldn't cope!) forces me to interact with people and reminds me that other humans are really ok, if that makes any sense!!

Since I am lucky enough to live crazily close to the rink now (a 3 minute walk), my schedule is much more reasonable that it used to be.

Tues- up at 6, skate 6.30-8am, work 9am-5.30pm
Wed- up at 6, skate 6.30-8am, work 9am- 5.30pm, skate 6.45pm-8.15pm (ish)
Fri- up at 6, skate 6.30-8am, work 9am-5.30pm

Am currently considering adding Thurs morning to the mix...

As I don't skate weekends and have only a little flat to look after- no hubby, kids or pets- I have plenty of friend time then. It all works for me :)

Clare

[Scarlett]

I find that my social life has changed since skating but not too much. Some of my friends say they don't see me as much but we just make the most of the time that we do spend together. I have a lot of very enriching hobbies and social circles with each one. I think it helps that I have a very understanding boyfriend who has his own rich social life.

[flo]

"I think it helps that I have a very understanding boyfriend who has his own rich social life."

Scarlett - good point. The beau I had while skating started skating with me, and even continued for a while after we no longer dated - I coached him and he cut my music!

[Hannahclear]

I definitely think that people who gravitate towards individual pursuits or sports are going to be relatively comfortable with being alone. Skating definitely takes a lot of time and energy, even when you are not on the ice. Working out, stretching, thinking, planning etc.

[Tiggerwoos]

I actually have more of a social life since I've started skating.:)

I've made some great friends from loads of rinks, that I actually have something in common with as the rest of my friends think I'm mad spending so much time at the rink and in general find the adult skating community in the UK a pretty friendly bunch.

[garusha]

There is really something magical about skating, because it has a tendency to rule everybody's lives. I'm not an exception. When I first started taking lessons, I skated twice a week, then I added another practice, then another, and now I skate five times a week. It's great; and I'm happy.

Yet I do feel a little lonely, for the only person I can discuss skating with is my husband. He also skates. The rest of the skaters at our rink are children. And though we sometimes talk to them, of course, it's not the same. As for people outside the rink, like my co-workers or my other friends, well, they think I'm nuts, or, if you use a more polite term, 'eccentric.'

[SkatingOnClouds]

I think it is fascinating that so many here seem to have fairly low social needs. I have never been a particularly sociable person, never had many friends at a time. Having a hyperactive child with an autism spectrum disorder has probably isolated me and my natural loner husband even further (yes, 1+1=3 but am not sure where the hyperactivity comes from, sure ain't me :lol: ).

This really is the only place I can talk about skating, amongst others who understand how what might seem a small achievement (eg, yay, I'm doing lutzes again after 20+ years) can be a breakthrough.

And I do think skating is such a glorious feeling, that it naturally attracts those looking for peace in their lives. I enjoy social interaction at the rink, without having to be all in-depth and meaningful. But most of all I love the feeling of skating.

[tidesong]

Somehow I don't really feel that often. I only do when the rink is completely devoid of figure skaters, that's when I realize I don't have anyone to randomly chat with when I feel like it. So I do socialize at the rink, but not so much because I do get in quite some practise... so it must be somewhere in the middle for me at the moment....