New Skater Mom Question

[mmciec]

My 5 y/o daughter has been skating for about a year. She was in one basic beginner comp last year and really enjoyed it. Today she was in her second comp. she metaled 4th out of 4 and knows it even though we have been very encouraging. I am struggling with what is appropriate for a 5y/o. She takes 1/2 hour of private lessons a week and takes group lessons on Sat. She wants to continuing skating in competitions but my competitive nature is kicking in and I don't want her to continue to place last. Do we take more lessons? Any advice?

[Isk8NYC]

That's why they're called "competitions", and someone has to come in last. Sometimes it's by a lot, sometimes it's by a little. There are some Basic Skills competitions that you can sign up for an "Evaluation Only" event, where the judges just give constructive criticism and everyone is a "participant." Probably a good place for you to start if there's one available to your skater.

Okay, so let's focus on the positives:
You DD learned to prepare for a competition, got "all dolled up" (as my mom would say) and went out there an showed the audience what she could do on the ice. She didn't get disqualified. She didn't have a tantrum, right? You didn't either? Good.

Note that SHE doesn't want to quit competitions, she wants to keep taking lessons. I think she's right: more lessons won't make her a worse skater. As a coach, I wouldn't let her move up any further (test-wise) until she's mastered the skills at/below her current level. That's just MHO. You'll need to talk to your coach.

There are a number of reasons that COULD have caused her placement:
The other skaters just skated better. Clean edges, jumps, turns, and spins all help build scores.
Maybe the others did more difficult elements, or more of the same elements.
Did your skater omit an element? Add an element that's not allowed at her level?
Was the music too long, or did she start too early?
Don't forget - showmanship and music interpretation is a huge deciding factor. How did that compare across competitors?

Why did she come in 4th out of four skaters?
Her skating coach should be able to explain what happened at this competition.
S/he should also be able to work with your family to develop a plan for going forward. ie. more/different lessons, testing plans, future comps.


As a parent, I think that, if the last-place finish really upsets you, it probably would be better if she didn't compete for a while.
It's really hard to hold in the "rats!" that you feel for her while trying to teach your daughter sportsmanship and losing gracefully.
This is a great learning experience for her, one that can set the stage for future disappointments in all fields.

Wait until she's developed some stronger skating skills at her current level before you enter more comps.

[Logan3]

What level is your dd skating at?

Did she do the best she could and came 4th or do you think she held herself back? You should be happy if she did her best. You should be careful at what level she competes. She needs to hold the positions, pay attention to the details and have confidence. Just learning a skill does not mean you are ready to compete.
My dd last year had a competition and did ok but she lost because although she knew all the moves very well she did not hold her positions (she was nervous and hurried everything). Right now that seems pretty good because this year she blanked and did even worse....For us the big issue right now is to teach her to go out there and do not panick and do the best she can do. If she does a clean program it would be a great victory no matter the placement. Compete more with herself and not with the other girls.

There are great variations on the kids that compete. Some skate everyday with private coaches. Others grew up in the rinks (their parents are coaches). For others money is not an issue. And of course some girls have unbeleivable talent and there is nothing you can do about it. And the more high up in level the more of a difference there is.

More skating and preparations for sure will help but you have to ask how much of this do you want to do. Does your dd really wants to skate more? Do you affort more classes both money and time wise? In my opinion there is no end in the effort that you can put in. For everything you do there will be another family that does even more. So, having a perspective really helps.
For me getting a perspective is always a strungle.

[Mrs Redboots]

Skating is about so much more than just competitions - them too, of course.

I've been competing for ten years or so now, and almost always come last. But so what? Someone has to! As long as your daughter is having fun out there, that's what matters.

Please remember, when it comes to skating competitions, that you can't control what the other skaters do, and you can't control what the judges think. And, at that, you can't control what your skater does when she's out there! All you can do is relax and enjoy it, see to it that your skater has fun, and praise her for trying hard and skating her best (assuming she did).

Why don't you learn to skate yourself? It's a whole lot easier going out there and competing than standing watching a loved one doing so - trust me, I know! Husband does free skating, which I don't, and going out there to do the "coach thing" is awful. I'd far rather be out there myself!

[flippet]

but my competitive nature is kicking in


Why don't you learn to skate yourself? It's a whole lot easier going out there and competing than standing watching a loved one doing so - trust me, I know!

This is actually a really good idea. Let your competitive nature kick in for you, and try to remain in supportive mode (even if biting your nails!) while your daughter competes. You're going to need to let her level of competitiveness set the standard for any extra lessons/practice/competitions/whatever that she does.

[cathrl]

Skating is about so much more than just competitions - them too, of course.

I've been competing for ten years or so now, and almost always come last. But so what? Someone has to! As long as your daughter is having fun out there, that's what matters.

Please remember, when it comes to skating competitions, that you can't control what the other skaters do, and you can't control what the judges think. And, at that, you can't control what your skater does when she's out there! All you can do is relax and enjoy it, see to it that your skater has fun, and praise her for trying hard and skating her best (assuming she did).

Why don't you learn to skate yourself? It's a whole lot easier going out there and competing than standing watching a loved one doing so - trust me, I know! Husband does free skating, which I don't, and going out there to do the "coach thing" is awful. I'd far rather be out there myself!


Second this - it's so much more interesting (and better for you :) ) skating yourself than always standing on the side watching.

If you're a real masochist, you can always try what I've done this year:

1) Skating against your daughter. (She came second, I came eigth of nine).
2) Let your daughter turn the tables and have her put you on the ice at an adult competition. Mine delights in standing on the side in the warmup and yelling "Mum! SMILE!!!"

Someone will always come last. In competitions with not so many entrants, there's a much higher chance of it being you. If it doesn't upset your daughter (and even if it does), you need to try not to let it upset you. Plus, learning to be beaten and still be polite and cheerful is a really important life skill for everyone to learn, even if she doesn't go far with skating your daughter will still have that. It's not a waste of time.

I've learnt a long line of tricks to say something positive to mine - she landed more jumps today, judge x gave her a better mark than he did last time, she got up really quickly after she fell over and got right back into the program, there are all sorts of things you can use. Because let's face it, most of our kids aren't going to be genuinely brilliant in the international sense, and all of them are going to have times when they try really hard but everyone else is just better than them on the day. What matters is achieving something good for yourself, and that may well involve 'personal bests' while coming last. I know it has both for my daughter and for me.

[Tennisany1]

..I've learnt a long line of tricks to say something positive to mine - she landed more jumps today, judge x gave her a better mark than he did last time, she got up really quickly after she fell over and got right back into the program, there are all sorts of things you can use. Because let's face it, most of our kids aren't going to be genuinely brilliant in the international sense, and all of them are going to have times when they try really hard but everyone else is just better than them on the day. What matters is achieving something good for yourself, and that may well involve 'personal bests' while coming last. I know it has both for my daughter and for me.

What fabulous advice. As a parent, I think one of the hardest things to remember is that it is not about you. It has nothing to do with you and it is in no way a reflection of you when she wins or loses.

At 5 years old, simply remembering her program is a major success. My daughter's coach firmly believes that everyone should come last at least once. It is good for them to know what it feels like and learning to deal with those feelings is a life lesson that will serve them well both on and off the ice.

If you can afford more lessons and your daughter is keen, then let her have more lessons. Just make sure she doesn't think the lessons are connected in any way to the last place finish.

If you find it nerve wracking at the competitions, take a video camera and video tape both the warm up and her program. It gives you something to do and watching the warm up is a great way for your daughter to see how she compares to the other skaters. Having a file of her competitions is also handy when she doesn't place as well as she thought she would. You can show her the old videos and the new one and point out all the places she has improved. You can then look at the warm up and show her where the other skaters may be practicing more difficult elements or entries which will give them more points. If you can remain very matter-of-fact then it will be easier for you daughter to deal with randomness that is figure skating judging!