SkatingOnClouds
12-15-2006, 01:48 AM
On Saturday just gone I took part in a local artistic competition. Our rink is tiny - 1/4 size, I believe, and there were about 21 skaters, including 3 in the adult divisions, which they included for the first time.
I got 2nd out of 2 in the adult silver division, but that tells only 1/4 of the story. For me it was about overcoming performance anxiety. The first time it hit was 20+ years ago, in a similar competition, when I totally lost it and didn't want to perform. They were pushing me out onto the ice when it was my turn. I skated really badly and came last. Ever since then I have suffered really badly from performance anxiety, in whatever I have undertaken.
I expected it to get me again this time, but I forced myself to "feel the fear and do it anyway" (title of a terrific book). I was S@#t scared, but I got out there, and I did it. I didn't skate the best I can skate, mucked up the sit spin and a couple of other things. But I didn't withdraw into myself and into the fear either. I stuck the smile back on my face and got on with it.
It was a huge experience for me to get out there at age 47 and at my size, and do that in front of a packed audience and other skaters. It helped that people were so supportive. Even a couple of teenage boys said they enjoyed my program - I didn't even know one of them. Somehow I don't think I shall ever be so affected by performance anxiety again.
Other minor celebrations: this morning I did loops and flips (which weren't in my competition program) better than I have since returning to skating. Yay! Maybe I can achieve my goal of regaining all my elements by the end of the year - big ask though, with only a couple of weeks left and still camel and lutz to go.
But I am feeling good, if somewhat sheepish and blurting all this out here.
I got 2nd out of 2 in the adult silver division, but that tells only 1/4 of the story. For me it was about overcoming performance anxiety. The first time it hit was 20+ years ago, in a similar competition, when I totally lost it and didn't want to perform. They were pushing me out onto the ice when it was my turn. I skated really badly and came last. Ever since then I have suffered really badly from performance anxiety, in whatever I have undertaken.
I expected it to get me again this time, but I forced myself to "feel the fear and do it anyway" (title of a terrific book). I was S@#t scared, but I got out there, and I did it. I didn't skate the best I can skate, mucked up the sit spin and a couple of other things. But I didn't withdraw into myself and into the fear either. I stuck the smile back on my face and got on with it.
It was a huge experience for me to get out there at age 47 and at my size, and do that in front of a packed audience and other skaters. It helped that people were so supportive. Even a couple of teenage boys said they enjoyed my program - I didn't even know one of them. Somehow I don't think I shall ever be so affected by performance anxiety again.
Other minor celebrations: this morning I did loops and flips (which weren't in my competition program) better than I have since returning to skating. Yay! Maybe I can achieve my goal of regaining all my elements by the end of the year - big ask though, with only a couple of weeks left and still camel and lutz to go.
But I am feeling good, if somewhat sheepish and blurting all this out here.