Have you ever witnessed an abusive coach?

[anniebgood]

I'm just curious as to how often this happens. :?:

[TashaKat]

Yes, verbally and physically abusive. But that was MY perception of the situation. That particular coach had students (adults and kids) who loved them.

A lot would say that my coach was abusive, again, those of us who had lessons with her loved her. Yes, she was a shouty thing and yes, some of the things that she yelled were pretty near to the line but we knew her and knew how much she cared. We weren't scared of her though she could appear scary from the outside if that makes any sense. Personally I respond better to shouty coaches than I do to those who are all "good, good, good" ... I don't believe the softly, softly ones! :roll: My coach would only yell if she knew that you could do something but weren't. You knew when the yell was coming, I remember once having a particularly bad lesson with my ex partner. Everything was going wrong and we were heading to the corner without a hope in hell of getting out of it. I started giggling before we even got there because I just KNEW that a caustic remark was about to be made ... and it was!

I remember the first one that I talked about teaching a tiny tot. The kid barely had enough co-ordination to stand up never mind skate but the coach in question was getting VERY frustrated with this kid. In the end she took it to the middle of the ice and said "get back from there if you can, that will teach you how to skate". To my mind that kind of behaviour was unneccessary and uncalled for. It wasn't one of their good skaters having a stroppy day, this was a kid who was barely out of nappies. I saw a lot of things from this coach that made me cringe and what struck me most out of it all was that they didn't even seem to care about the skating or their pupils.

Is there something that you're worried about or is this just a general question?

[cassarilda]

Is there something that you're worried about or is this just a general question?


I was thinking the same thing...

Not in skating, but Ive seen coaches who are similar to what TashaKat has mentioned... They look scary from 'outside' but they are really good, and they only yell at you if youre not putting in your best...

Hubby's coach used to make remarks about them when they did something wrong, and it could come across as quite rude.. never abusive I would think.. but enough to pull the skaters mind back to where they should be concentrating on... Funniest one I ever heard was when they had their bums sticking out cos of slight lack of posture during a newly learnt move... "YOU HAVE LARGE ARSE!! ALL I CAN SEE IS YOUR BIG BUTT COMING AROUND THAT CORNER!!!" 8O :lol: :lol: :D :D :D

You can imagine what the girl thought of that :D !! Hubby apparently cracked up laughing :lol:

But Ive never seen a fully abusive coach... stubborn, pushy, determined and frustrated... but never physically or verbally abusive.

[stardust skies]

I have, but if you compete and care at all about your reputation, you stay out of it. Parents should be responsible enough about their kids to PAY ATTENTION to the type of person that is coaching their child. I find that those who do not usually can't be reasoned with anyway, and won't believe there is anything wrong with their kid being abused by their coach.

I'm talking verbally abused. Physical abuse really doesn't happen much in skating, and I've never seen or heard about it.

My point is, unless you think it's actually an imminent endagerement to someone in which case you'll have to put your competitive/network concerns aside to help someone else- just stay out of it. No good can come out of someone butting their nose into someone else's business, especially not in this sport.

[Mrs Redboots]

I've certainly seen somebody who appeared to be bullying his (adult) pupil quite badly just before she went on the ice in a competition. Husband commented at the time that no way would he allow himself to be spoken to like that! However, several years later, said woman is still skating, and still being coached by the same person, so perhaps he's not as bad as he appears to outsiders!

And the coach who takes the monthly dance class we go to at Tashakat's old rink (I'm not sure if it is the same coach that she is talking about) needs to wash her mouth out with soap at times, but again, her pupils adore her! And relate some of her more graphic comments with great gusto and giggles.

Of course, these days you can't be too careful, and coaches do need to spell it out in writing to the parents of their younger pupils that on occasion they will need to touch the pupil, to put him or her in the correct position to do a move, and get written permission to act as dance partner, that sort of stuff. Sadly, the climate in which we live in this country is such that a coach changing the position of his skater's shoulders would be perceived as abusing that skater. Sigh.

[racytracy]

When I quit skating 6 years ago it was because of an abusive coach. I had a reptitive motion injury to my hip from falling (hard!) on double loops. I had physical therapy and needless to say i was TERRIFIED of even a single loop at that point.

This particular coach would make me do a single loop over and over and over again. We didn't ever work on edges or other jumps or spins. When I would fall she would yell, "What the hell was that?!" After when we would be finished she'd refer to me as a human zamboni.

[anniebgood]

Is there something that you're worried about or is this just a general question?

Well, it's kind of both. I've heard of it, and wonder about some of the elite skaters, too, if they were ever hurt in any way by a coach. I know there are many many good coaches. But I have the feeling some coach's have abused, but are getting away with it. That really bothers me.
For example, in Katia Gordeeva book, "My Sergei", she talks about their coach Zhuk. They were staying at a hotel, because of a competition, and because one of the girl skaters refused to sleep with the old man, he called her all sorts of names.

[stardust skies]

Well, it's kind of both. I've heard of it, and wonder about some of the elite skaters, too, if they were ever hurt in any way by a coach. I know there are many many good coaches. But I have the feeling some coach's have abused, but are getting away with it. That really bothers me.

Don't let it bother you- you can't fix the world. There are abusive coaches in EVERY sport, abuse teachers, spouses, children...you name it. All you can do is focus on being a good person yourself.

Meanwhile, I know I wouldn't worry TOO much about most of the top teams. The best coaches know how to teach without abusing their students. The actually ABUSIVE ones are usually (not always, but usually) the ones who have no idea how to get results. When you look at someone like Frank Carroll, or John Nicks, you know these are amazing people who would never abuse their students.

This isn't the old Soviet Union, "mental abuse" in the U.S. and even Europe today doesn't even compare to what skaters went through back in the day. I think it has much improved, from the sounds of it. Something to be happy about.

[jazzpants]

Not anyone I know... but I have witnessed a male coach YELLING and SHOUTING at a young teenage figure skater to the verge of tears on her part when I was visiting a rink to get my blades sharpened. I was on the verge of chewing out the guy for doing that, but it was none of my business.

[TashaKat]

Funniest one I ever heard was when they had their bums sticking out cos of slight lack of posture during a newly learnt move... "YOU HAVE LARGE ARSE!! ALL I CAN SEE IS YOUR BIG BUTT COMING AROUND THAT CORNER!!!" 8O :lol: :lol: :D :D :D

We could be talking about the same one. She once yelled at me "oi, buddha butt" ... yep, guess I'd got my ### ten feet behind me again. Her 'sayings' were legendary, I even used some of them as signatures, I kept a list because they were so funny.

Another was "go towards the barrier, GO TOWARDS THE BARRIER, I SAID, GO TOWARDS THE BARRIER, THE BARRIER IS THAT WHITE THING THAT RUNS ALONG THE SIDE"

And then we had "you look like a whale trying to get out of the sea" 8O

Annabel - I'm talking about the one that I used to have solo and partnered dance lessons from. She was legendary for her caustic remarks! Gave me hours of fun :)

[dbny]

I know of a coach who has such a reputation for verbal abuse and screaming that he/she has a nickname which I can't repeat here for fear of ID'ing him/her.

My family also had an encounter with someone else's coach who became very abusive towards us to the point of deliberately interrupting our lessons on club ice and screaming at me off ice at club sessions. The major players in the club were so wrapped around her little finger that they put it all on us. She finally overstepped her bounds by writing a nasty and threatening letter to another coach and using a parent's name in it to support her (totally unfounded) accusation that the other coach was poaching her students. What I loved about that was that the coach who received the letter ran right to me with it, and the parent whose name was used was the crazy coach's blindest and most passionate follower. I would have loved to have seen her face when she saw the letter, but I wasn't there, having left that club long before, and only heard about it.

[doubletoe]

A few years ago, when I was first getting serious about my adult skating career, I saw a very authoritarian looking coach yelling all sorts of abuse at the boy he was coaching. I was really intimidated and was SO glad he was not my coach!

I later figured out that he was only that way with that particular student and that they both thrived on it. Now I watch them and I crack up. . . and then I tell the coach, "I'm glad you have another student who causes you even more grief than I do!" Heh heh. That's right, he's my coach now and I love him to death! ;)

[angelina_j]

i have heard a coach make rude comments like calling people "fat cows" nd "youd need a crane to lift her." I think its disgusting. the coach calls people stupid talentless idiots as well nd i think that the coach thinks its funni but he shud notice no one is laughing:roll:

[Skate@Delaware]

I have seen a student become verbally abusive towards her coach....basically telling him to shut the he** up and go to he** (among other things. This is coming from a 10-year-old girl. All he asked was for her to warm up doing edges.

This same girl also told her mother to shut the "f" up 8O ! I told the skating director (I was the only other adult on the ice at this time). I wasn't sure what else to do.

[jazzpants]

I told the skating director (I was the only other adult on the ice at this time). I wasn't sure what else to do.Ummm...take her outside and give her a good SPANKIN'??? :twisted: :lol: (Saying this tougue in cheek... eh...pun definitely NOT intended!!!) :oops:

[Bothcoasts]

I've never witnessed an abusive coach, but I know of a family that has their young elementary school daughter training with an Olympic-caliber coach. The parents told me that the coach regularly uses gloves to whack students who don't properly do their elements, including their daughter. The part that left me most dumbfounded was that the parents, who are rather pushy skating parents, viewed the entire matter as a joke and something that was just necessary for their daughter's proper Olympic training.

[Blosmbubbs]

Not anyone I know... but I have witnessed a male coach YELLING and SHOUTING at a young teenage figure skater to the verge of tears on her part when I was visiting a rink to get my blades sharpened. I was on the verge of chewing out the guy for doing that, but it was none of my business.

Jazzpants, could you pm me and possibly tell me who the coach was or what rink it was. I am from the bay area and know of a coach who does that verbal abuse. :cry: I hate that no skater that pays a coach should have to put up with that crap.

[cecealias]

I've seen, heard of and personally have had encounters with abusive coaches and skaters in the bay area.

I'm glad I don't have to deal with that anymore but it took quite a bit of my own will power to say, "Hey I don't deserve to be treated like this, and I'm going to leave because I deserve better, no matter what you think of my skating."

If you want details, please PM me.

[sue123]

I've never witnessed an abusive coach, but I know of a family that has their young elementary school daughter training with an Olympic-caliber coach. The parents told me that the coach regularly uses gloves to whack students who don't properly do their elements, including their daughter. The part that left me most dumbfounded was that the parents, who are rather pushy skating parents, viewed the entire matter as a joke and something that was just necessary for their daughter's proper Olympic training.

I used to take piano lessons when I was little, and my instructor was this strict Russian lady. She used to do things like that if I wasn't playing properly. If I got off rythm (yea, I can't spell it), she would start slapping my leg to the beat it was supposed to be on. If I hit the wrong note, she'd slap my wrists. Yea, I was 5. When I was 7, I got a new, nicer piano teacher. But I still hated playing for the longest time.

MY mom thought it was normal, because that's the way her piano teachers trained her, so she thought that was the normal way they do things. Whacking with a glove isn't as bad as it could be.

[Chico]

Yep in my opinion. Verbally and emotionally not physically. I've heard this coach say that if they didn't care so much they wouldn't push so hard..... Personally I think this feeling is only felt by the coach. Feeling cared for doesn't pop to my mind. It seems like a good excuse to be a pain in the butt. Skating is a small community and walking away from any coach isn't easy. Personally I would hate to have my coach verbally sweet talk to me, honesty is cool, but being kind and positive works. Yelling, unkind comments and angry demeanor doesn't help in my book. When I hear this particular coach go to town, I cringe, even though their not my coach.

Chico

[beachbabe]

haha, my coach.

no seriously the guy will yell at me full blow if i don't get something after like 3 tries. but I like it, b/c is pushes me and makes me do well out of fear.