Skating jokes

[Aussie Willy]

Anyone got some? I need some for my club newsletter.

[Petlover]

Could you use a blonde skating joke? I'm a blonde, so it's okay for me to tell it to you.

A blonde decided to go ice fishing. She got out on the ice, and started to cut a hole to fish through. A mysterious voice said "There's no fish under the ice". Undaunted, she moved to another spot, started to cut the ice, and again heard the mysterious voice say "There's no fish under the ice". For a third time - she was quite determined - she moved to another spot and started to cut the ice, and once again heard the mysterious voice say "There's no fish under the ice". Shaken, she yelled out "Who are you, where are you, are you an angel?". The mysterious voice said "No ma'am, I'm the skating rink manager!".

[TashaKat]

Olympic Ice Skating

It is the Olympic Men's final. Out comes the Irish competitor, he skates around to some classical music in a slightly dull costume, performs some reasonable jumps but without any great artistic feel for the music.

The Judges' scores read: Ireland 5.9: Russia 5.6: United States 5.5: Britain 6.0

Next comes the American competitor in a sparkling stars and stripes costume, skating to some rock and roll music. He gets the crowd clapping and is technically better than the Irish guy. His 3Sal landing is messy and he falls on the 3Axel. Artistically it is a much better performance.

The Judges' scores read: Ireland 5.7: Russia 5.8: United States 5.9: Britain 6.0

Finally out comes the British competitor wearing a tatty old pair of jeans and a pair of battered old skates. He reaches the ice, trips straight away and bangs his nose which starts bleeding. He tries to get up, staggers a few paces then slips again. He spends his entire 'routine' getting up then falling over again. Finally he crawls off the ice a tattered and bleeding mess.

The Judges' scores read: Ireland 0.0: Russia 0.0: United States 0.0: Britain 6.0

The other 3 judges turn to the British judge and demand in unison, "How the hell can you give that mess 6.0?!"

To which the British judge replies "You've got to remember, it's damn slippery out there."

[Isk8NYC]

Could you use a blonde skating joke? I'm a blonde, so it's okay for me to tell it to you.

A blonde decided to go ice fishing. She got out on the ice, and started to cut a hole to fish through. A mysterious voice said "There's no fish under the ice". Undaunted, she moved to another spot, started to cut the ice, and again heard the mysterious voice say "There's no fish under the ice". For a third time - she was quite determined - she moved to another spot and started to cut the ice, and once again heard the mysterious voice say "There's no fish under the ice". Shaken, she yelled out "Who are you, where are you, are you an angel?". The mysterious voice said "No ma'am, I'm the skating rink manager!".

I don't know if this is more or less politically correct, but I heard this joke told with a drunken bum in Central Park, not a blonde.