They don't understand.

[Melzorina]

My parents have no intrest in ice skating. It's a disadvantage when trying to explain my passion for it. I want to skate more. They make a fair point by saying I should pay for it myself, but I can't get a job. I almost got a job once, a paper round, but I was sacked before I even saw a damn paper. I've applied for several jobs, but no luck.

Too true, skating is an expensive sport, but I really want to go more than once a week. At the moment I spend 9am - 1.45pm on ice on a saturday. That's all. It's not enough. I need some way to express this passion, so they can understand. It kind of hurts me that they don't really care.

Everyone must have had a childhood dream once...and tried to follow it. I can't even try to follow mine. But I know that if I dedicated time to it, it could happen. It's killing me. :cry:

[kayskate]

I had no oppy to follow my childhood dream. My folks did not believe in sports, only academics. I had roller skates and taught myself. As a grad student, I took up ice skating b/c a rink opened near my apt. This was when I could commit to my dream.

It sounds like you are very young if you want a paper route. Are you taking lessons? Are you just skating recreationally? If you have taken lessons and are reasonably good, you might be able to teach some group lessons or volunteer at the rink in exchange for free ice time.

Kay

[Melzorina]

I help out with the Learn to Skate classes on saturdays. I'm having group and private lessons. I don't know what to do. I don't want to have to wait until I'm an adult...

I have inline skates, but since I've been skating, I can't roller blade for the life in me. I tried it not long ago, hoping that this could be a "I can't do it on ice so I'll practise on wheels" sort of thing, but I nearly killed myself.

[sue123]

babysit for more money. ask around your neighborhood who has little kids, and talk to them, or maybe put an ad in the paper. i have a friend who charges $10 an hour when she started, and now some people pay her $15. of course, she also lives in a wealthy area. but maybe if your parents see how dedicated you are that you're trying to earn money, they might want to help you out some. that's what happened to me when i wanted to study abroad. i had been saving my money for a year, but was still $2,000 short, so they saw how much i had been trying without asking for their help that they gave me the rest that i needed.

[Melzorina]

That's a good idea. Thank you.
It costs me around £15 a week already, and I only go once!

I think trying to fund the money myself and seeing how I go without bothering my parents is a great idea. You're right that they'll see how dedicated how I am. I'm going to try and get a job, (again) perhaps not babysitting though!

Why do we have to fall in love with something so expensive!?

[sue123]

That's a good idea. Thank you.
It costs me around £15 a week already, and I only go once!

I think trying to fund the money myself and seeing how I go without bothering my parents is a great idea. You're right that they'll see how dedicated how I am. I'm going to try and get a job, (again) perhaps not babysitting though!

Why do we have to fall in love with something so expensive!?

believe me, i completely understand. i'm trying right now to balance my budget so i can afford to get private classes, and i'm working now too. granted, i had to cut back on my hours this semester because my classes conflict with the times available at my job, so my paycheck has essentially been cut in half. it's hard, but just about anything will be expensive if you really like it.

[nerd_on_ice]

It's frustrating to passionately pursue an interest and feel like your loved ones don't support you--not only financially but emotionally. I am almost 32, married, and living on my own, and I still wish my parents would ask me about my skating more often!

Could you talk your way into a paying job at your rink? For a small number of hours a week, the pay plus the free ice might be enough to give you more skating time and cover your lessons. The rink staff sees you regularly, they already know you, and presumably your coach could vouch for you. Even if they have no openings right now, it never hurts to put out feelers and let people know you're interested.

I also know of a dance studio here (Dallas, TX) that sometimes works with people on a barter system, giving lessons in exchange for a couple hours answering phones, proofreading their newsletter, coding their website, or whatever the talent of the impoverished would-be dancer might be. Whenever I run short of funds I offer to clean my coach's house for her. She hasn't accepted yet, but I await the day...

For what it's worth, the job market is tough for everyone, everywhere (see Patsy's Parlor under Non-Skating Discussions if you need proof), and we all struggle with the cost of this sport. But it's sooooooo worth it, isn't it?

[dbny]

My parents made many sacrifices to pay for my skating when I was a kid. Here are some of the reasons why they thought it was important, along with some of my own more recent ideas:

1) It teaches discipline, physical and mental.

2) It encourages a strong work ethic.

3) It builds strong bodies and especially helps young women build strong bones for later in life when osteoporosis becomes a risk. I never drank milk or ate cheese, but I have very strong bones (as shown with bone density scans) that I think are due to my skating as a teen.

4) You will have a skill that you can teach when you are in college, that pays very, very well.

5) College scholarships may soon be available for synchro skaters. (Does anyone know if that is a reality yet?)


Good luck!

[jazzpants]

In addition to helping out with the skating school, have you ever consider being an ice monitor/ice guard? Sure you'll have to watch the skaters, but you'll get free ice time in return... so that should offset some of the cost of skating. :) And if you get good enough and become a manager, you might get to drive the Zamboni too!!! :mrgreen:

BTW: I don't know your parents, but... I think it's probably NOT because your parents don't have passion for ice skating, but simply that they could not afford lessons and ice time for you and they feel that you are old enough now to start learning to make money for yourself to do your thing. Trust me -- your parents are doing you a favor by making you work for what you want. It's a very good thing!

[Melzorina]

There are jobs available at the rink for stewards, but the rink is so far away, it costs me £2.60 to get there as it is, it takes around 40 minutes and I don't think my parents would be too keen on my catching trains at night on my own.

I wish my mum and dad could fund me while I can't provide my own money, and I could pay them back when I'm working or something...I can't get a job, it's impossible. Nobody loves me! They believe academic work is the only way forward. I'm trying to get to a college near my rink, so I could skate more in the future.

I don't suppose they really believe I can make anything of it, even though my mum did see me once (even though I fell over and sprained my wrist) and said that maybe she might see me in a chorus in an ice show one day...That made me really happy, just that little bit of support...

Financial support would be equally as lovely.

[2loop2loop]

I wish my mum and dad could fund me while I can't provide my own money, and I could pay them back when I'm working or something...I can't get a job, it's impossible. Nobody loves me! They believe academic work is the only way forward. I'm trying to get to a college near my rink, so I could skate more in the future.

I don't suppose they really believe I can make anything of it, even though my mum did see me once (even though I fell over and sprained my wrist) and said that maybe she might see me in a chorus in an ice show one day...That made me really happy, just that little bit of support...

Financial support would be equally as lovely.

Financial support would be nice, but it is not always possible. I started skating when I was 14 and my situation was very much like the one you describe. My parents have always been very supportive of my academic work but even now have never really 'got' the whole skating thing. Trying to get work isn't easy, but there is always work out there you just have to be persistent, and believe me you appreciate the skating more when you have to work for it yourself. I know it's difficult when you see these kids at the rink who have it all on a plate, many have more lessons than I could ever afford and can skate rings around me, but I've seen many of these kids come and go and I'm still there.

For me getting to the rink involved a 45 minute walk to the station and then a 20 minute trip on the train to the rink. I started out doing a paper round for money, then I started working in the newsagents before school. For at least three years I would work from 5.30am to 8am before school so I had money to skate. I've worked all through University to support my skating and now 11 years after I started I am still doing that walk and that train trip to get to the rink as I am back at home writing my PhD. It pays off eventually - I've now got 3 British adult titles to my name.

Try not to blame your parents. As I see it my parents gave me all the support I needed to get to university in London and then to do postgrad work at Oxford. I can't overstate how important this has been to me. The skating is something I have done by myself and in many ways that makes me even more proud of what I've achieved.

John

[TashaKat]

Mel

I don't know how old you are but my niece is doing her A-levels at the moment and wanted some extra money to buy clothes etc with. She was taken on by a call centre and earns over £5 ph, not bad for an 18 year old as a part time job! They take people from 16. The job itself is easier than paper rounds, supermarkets etc as you're not rushing around all over the place but then you do have to deal calmly with people who call up to complain and, sometimes, give you abuse. I'm surprised that she's coped with it because she can be rather opinionated but she sees it as a means to an end so curbing her razor sharp tongue is rather easier when she knows that she's coming out of it with a decent amount of money at the end of the week.

[sue123]

There are jobs available at the rink for stewards, but the rink is so far away, it costs me £2.60 to get there as it is, it takes around 40 minutes and I don't think my parents would be too keen on my catching trains at night on my own.

I wish my mum and dad could fund me while I can't provide my own money, and I could pay them back when I'm working or something...I can't get a job, it's impossible. Nobody loves me! They believe academic work is the only way forward. I'm trying to get to a college near my rink, so I could skate more in the future.

I don't suppose they really believe I can make anything of it, even though my mum did see me once (even though I fell over and sprained my wrist) and said that maybe she might see me in a chorus in an ice show one day...That made me really happy, just that little bit of support...

Financial support would be equally as lovely.

i know the whole academia is the only way foward spiel. i get the whole "we came to this country so you could get a good education and be somebody. why would you want to sacrifice all that for something dangerous?" although since i've been working and i finally got my own car, they loosened up a bit, since they don't like the idea of me on the train at night either, so if i know i'll be out late, i could drive in. since you mentioned college, i'm assuming you're still in high school. i'm not sure how this works in other places, but my high school actually had a bunch of job applications for high school students. it wasn't anything that required high skill, things like retail or secreterial work.

not sure if the UK has something like this, but a friend of mine worked as a messanger once. he rode around on his bike delivering messages and small packages. He loved it because he liked riding his bike and this way he got paid to do it. i also had a friend do telemarketing from home. so she didn't have to go anywhere, and she called people whenever she felt like it, so she essentially set her own hours.

but don't blame your parents. understand that maybe money might be tight for your parents, but they just don't want to tell you (apparently, for a large portion of my childhood, we were broke, and the reason we never kept cereal boxes was because my mom didn't want to tell me or my sister that she couldn't afford the name brand cereal and was buying generic instead. she didn't want us to know). either that, or since college is coming up for you soon, they realize just how much it would cost. actually, i'm not sure how much colleges in the UK are, but here in the US, the tuiton is outrageous. but they might be afraid that if they pay for these extra lessons, then they might not be able to send you to the best college.

i'm sure though that your parents have their reasons. everybody does. but in all honesty, it seems like getting your own job might be your best bet. it'll show your parents not only that you're more independent (vital if you want to go far away for college) but are also able to handle more responsibility as well as keep your grades up. which may give your parents more respect for you.

[samba]

I do feel for you, I think most of the adults on this forum can relate to what you are saying but that's life, and if its any consulation you do end up appreciating things more and learning the value of money.

I know there are some kids out there that wish they didnt have so much support and were left to get on with it, I know I was guilty in the past for telling my child off if he spent the patch talking when all the time the patch bill was clocking up, which of course I paid for. So you see us parents can't do right for doing wrong.

At least if you have a lazy day your'e not wasting anyone's money but your own and you dont have a skating mum like me breathing down your neck!!

[Melzorina]

Please adopt me Samba!!!

It just seems unfair that there are little kids who moan that they have to skate, when there are people who WANT to skate, and would do anything to skate.

I'm going to get a job, I might go and pick up a few application forms tomorrow. I'll spend every single pound on skating and nobody can say anything about it.

[samba]

Awe bless you Mel!!

Best of Luck

Cheers
Grace x

[Melzorina]

...You know you want to!

[samba]

Maybe you would like to speak to my son about that one, I'm sure he would advise you against it!!

Cheers
G

[Melzorina]

But you're a skating mum! What could be more perfect?

[samba]

Goodnight Mel.

Cheers
Grace

[fadedstardust]

Well, I sadly don't have very much advice to give you, but I want to express my deepest sympathy for you. I realize I'm terribly lucky that my parents believe children should follow their dreams and that it is the only way for someone to truly find their place in the world, and to have as much financial support from them as they can give me (and many sacrifices are made on everyone's part). I can't understand parents who don't allow their children to be whatever they want to be. I realize these are unstable times and that an education is very important, but these days, even a PhD doesn't guarantee you a job, and it certainly doesn't guarantee you happiness. I was homeschooled for most of my life and was accepted into many great schools which I decided not to go to so I could follow my skating because I know I have my entire life to educate myself- and I plan to. But your dreams, you can only follow them once, especially athletic ones. I don't imagine your parents can be turned around if they are deep set in their beliefs, but maybe you should try explaining some of these things to them. You're relatively young so you still have a chance to do something with skating, maybe be in shows, or coach, which earns a TON of money- show them the financial returns you could make if you were to study to become a coach- which could then put you through school. If they want to hear nothing of that, either, then all you can do is work as hard as you can, start to compete and make a name for yourself, and as soon as you can, start looking for small bussiness sponsorships. Ask your local club if there are any scholarships given away, as well. All you can do is try, and my thoughts are with you. Good luck.

[twokidsskatemom]

Well, I sadly don't have very much advice to give you, but I want to express my deepest sympathy for you. I realize I'm terribly lucky that my parents believe children should follow their dreams and that it is the only way for someone to truly find their place in the world, and to have as much financial support from them as they can give me (and many sacrifices are made on everyone's part). I can't understand parents who don't allow their children to be whatever they want to be. I realize these are unstable times and that an education is very important, but these days, even a PhD doesn't guarantee you a job, and it certainly doesn't guarantee you happiness. I was homeschooled for most of my life and was accepted into many great schools which I decided not to go to so I could follow my skating because I know I have my entire life to educate myself- and I plan to. But your dreams, you can only follow them once, especially athletic ones. I don't imagine your parents can be turned around if they are deep set in their beliefs, but maybe you should try explaining some of these things to them. You're relatively young so you still have a chance to do something with skating, maybe be in shows, or coach, which earns a TON of money- show them the financial returns you could make if you were to study to become a coach- which could then put you through school. If they want to hear nothing of that, either, then all you can do is work as hard as you can, start to compete and make a name for yourself, and as soon as you can, start looking for small bussiness sponsorships. Ask your local club if there are any scholarships given away, as well. All you can do is try, and my thoughts are with you. Good luck.

You have great parents.I hope our kids feel the same way you do.That is why our kids skate too, its their passion and dream.We are here for the ride :)
as far as the op, try something at the rink.My skaters dad does the zam, to help with ice costsGood luck !!!

[Mrs Redboots]

Like Samba said, parents can't do right for doing wrong! I was never the kind of mother to have my daughter join a sports club and train all hours, etc - had I been, she might have been a good swimmer, as she was extremely good for her age. But I can't live someone else's life for them - had I put her into a club at age 8, I would have been living my dream, not hers. And she moaned at me when she was 16-17 for not having started her skating when she was young, as no way was she competitive with her peers, but she was too young to enter the adult events!

My brother and his wife, on the other hand, did push their daughter, who is now a member of the under-21 Dressage squad, and was a member of the bronze-winning under 18 medal team (which she was far more thrilled about than about her GCSE results).

I can't remember whether or not you're 16 yet - most people won't employ anybody under 16 because of Child Protection and insurance issues. When you are 16, you should be able to find something, if it's only stacking shelves in the supermarket. And everybody has to pay to get to their place of work, unless they are lucky enough to live just down the road and can walk - £2.60 would be quite normal - I'm sure a job at the ice rink would show your parents that you're serious both about your skating and about funding it.

But whatever you do, don't let your schoolwork suffer! I know that sounds like a horribly parentish remark, but don't forget, the idea is to show your Mum & Dad that you're mature enough to handle a job and skating on top of the schoolwork!

[flo]

Mel,
Have a calm, adult discussion with your parents. Find out what, if any, their objection is with your skating once a week. Is it funds? Is it time? Diverted attention from school work?

Before you speak with them, take some time and think about your skating and be able to give them clear answers. Here's what I would ask my kid, and what I would want to know.

Skating can have positive and negative impacts on kids. Have there been any positive or negative changes in you, or your schoolwork since you've been skating? If there have been positive changes, give examples. Have you been happier? More productive, more sociable? More responsible?

If there have been negative changes, like grades slipping, take responsibility for them, and have a plan. For example, develop a schedule that includes X more time for studying, for each hour of skating.

What are your goals for skating? Are your parents worried that you'll want to have a career in skating and not attend college?

As far as getting a job, there have been lots of good suggestions here. Also, is there anything around home that you can help with? - perhaps give your mom a hand, or just a break from her home responsibilities. Offer to take over one of the home tasks - do the laundry, cleaning ??? Show your parents you really do appreciate all they do, and do for you, and work with them to resolve this. You'll both benefit.

[Melzorina]

I'd like to thank you all so much. I'm trying not to blame my parents, I can see where they are coming from. It's just hard sometimes.

I've applied for a job today, somewhere near. I don't quite know how it will work out if I'm accepted but hey. It's in a department store. It might affect my saturday skating, so I'd have to re schedule, and perhaps make that early morning session I've been meaning to go to for so long, my ice time. And add to it seeing as money would be there.

I told my mum I was going to get a job, and spend all of it on skating, she didn't object, she realised it would be my own money.

As far as grades are concerned, I'm doing fine. Nothing slipping. I did my mocks recently (Ashamed to say I didn't revise much) but two of my grades were an A* and an A (Proud!).

In reply to Annabel, I turned sixteen on christmas eve. :)

Thank for your support and endless ideas.

[samba]

I'm sure your parents are very proud of you Mel, you obviously listen to what people say to you, and are very focused. I have no doubt that you will be very successful in whatever you choose to do, good luck with the job and dont give up, we are all behind you. :D

Cheers
Grace

[Melzorina]

Awwww you people are so sweet!
Thanks Samba, and everyone! xxx

[Mrs Redboots]

Well, you be careful - you don't want to ruin your GCSEs.

[samba]

Or Annabel will come and get you!!

[Melzorina]

I won't do, I promise. I believe that skating would help to build me a zone away from academia. I need somewhere to let off steam and to relax, nobody can study 24/7. They need some way to have a break. It'd also put me in the greatest of moods, and give me more activation to study.

Ill finish this later, my tea is ready. xxx

[Mrs Redboots]

I absolutely agree about the skating - why, I encouraged my daughter to take what was then Novice Free in the middle of her A levels! You do quite definitely need a break from studying, and taking exercise in your breaks, whatever you actually do for exercise, is even better. It's just that - well, in my daughter's year, the girls (she was at an all-girls school) who had jobs in the Upper VIth mostly did cr*p in their A levels, although everybody had, and was expected to have, jobs in the Lower VIth. I don't know what happened to those people who had jobs in Year 11; I expect they did all right, though.

Enjoy your tea - I must go and make ours soon. Butternut squash and mushroom risotto - yummy!

(P.S. This conversation must be utterly baffling to many of our American readers! Feel free to ask for a translation).

[Melzorina]

Yummy, Mexican tortilla wraps.

What I was saying. I don't intend to let my studying down. As much as I hate it, it's not worth it. I need a back up if my skating falls through - which is why the a levels etc, but surely that doesn't have to be my main focus? I want it to be my BACK UP. If all else fails, I can fall back on my a levels or whatever. But it seems that I can't have my first choice.

If a job/skating was too stressful on my studying, I'd cut down, to how it is now. Resume when it's over.

...Just one tiny little chance, if I screw it up fair enough...If I don't, then I have a profession that I love. I don't wanna be stuck in an office everyday, waking up and thinking "God I hate this." You only live once and I want to make the most of it, and have the best life I possibly can. I want to do something I love. I could do al my work, get a job, work all my life, have a midlife crisis maybe...be bored to tears and be one of those "I hate everything" kinda people, grouchy etc.

Life on the ice would be a whole different tale. I say would, it probably will still be would tomorrow. And every day after that. I'll wonder what it would have been like. I'll probably never know.

[flo]

Mel - good luck. Just talk to your parents like you are speaking with us. Dreams are vital, but so is reality.
You also need to know that very very few skaters make it with just skating.
Right now you are young enough to prepare for and give yourself a chance for both skating and a university degree.
All the best!

[Melzorina]

Ta chucks!