big rant-you've been warned

[sue123]

After skating today, I went to my dorm room since the rink is close to my school and i also needed to get some studying done for the MCAT. i'm in my room, and my roomate walks in. I was wearing an ankle brace since i had a grade 3 ankle sprain a year ago, and many more milder sprains after that, and it always bothers me, so i usually wear a brace or wrap of some kind. as it happens, this one was one of those lace up ones that people usually wear for sports. She asks me what happened, and i told her that my ankle was bothering me since i was doing some jumps at the session today. She asks me if it's really worth it to skate since i get hurt so much. Besides the bad ankle, my knee acts up when it's raining, i've had bruises all over, i've hurt my shoulder, had a concussion, the list goes on and on.

But her main point was on my ankle because she has a bad ankle herself. The thing is, not to be mean, but my roomate is obese, if not morbidly obese, considering since freshman year, she told me she gained 60 pounds. So her ankle problems could probably be relieved some if she lost some weight. I'm not overweight, nor am i thin, but i know that no matter what i do, my ankle is going to hurt me. just walking up a flight of stairs can make it swell. By this point, it's not a matter of if i need surgery for it, it's when. So i'd rather skate while i still can and enjoy it. If it's going to bother me anyway, what difference does it make what i'm doing?

Skating keeps me fit and healthy. Yes, i've gotten bruises before and i had 1 concussion, and i somehow twisted my shoulder, but other than the concussion, none of the other injuries were anything serious. My shoulder was fine after a couple of hours. The bruises, well i bruise easily, so i'd be bruised no matter what.

She told me the reason she doesn't like exercise is because she's afraid she'll hurt her ankle, and she doesn't want to wear any kind of brace because "it's a hinderance on her life". excuse me, but wearing a brace has not been a hinderance of any kind on my life. If anything, it's been improved.

and call me crazy, but after i started skating, my ankle doesn't bend inward quite so much (before if i held my leg out, my foot would go inwards a lot). So maybe it's actually giving me some strength down there. But why not skate? I know i'll never go to the olympics, nor do i want to. but i love the feeling of being on the ice, of feeling like i'm flying over the ice. And if it doesn't bother me, why should it bother her that i'm skating?

Sorry this was so long, i'm just mad that just because i'm wearing a brace after a skating session, she'll automatically assume it's not good for me, and that it's not worth it. Well i'm sorry, i can't sit around watching TV and eating junk all day. That's not my idea of a good day. I'm the type of person that at least once a day, i need to do something active. So tomorrow, even though i won't skate, i might do some jumping like we did in my off ice class, or go for a run if it's nice out, or rollerblade, or whatever. And my ankle bothers me just as much, if not more so after those activities. Skating makes me happy, it makes me calmer throughout the day, i actually sleep better on the days i've gone skating, it makes me feel alive, and it helps keep me fit. If that's not a good enough reason to do something, i don't know what is.

Thanks for listening to me.

[Terri C]

She told me the reason she doesn't like exercise is because she's afraid she'll hurt her ankle, and she doesn't want to wear any kind of brace because "it's a hinderance on her life". .


Heart disease, diabetes (which can lead to kidney and vision issues), degenerative joint disease, now these are "hinderances" that will be in her future if she doesn't move off the couch NOW. Even if she starts with a short walk everyday and cuts back on the junk food, it's a start!

[sue123]

Heart disease, diabetes (which can lead to kidney and vision issues), degenerative joint disease, now these are "hinderances" that will be in her future if she doesn't move off the couch NOW. Even if she starts with a short walk everyday and cuts back on the junk food, it's a start!

i know that, you know that, she knows that but doesn't want to believe it. she got offended when her doctor told her she needs to lose weight. she said she couldn't believe anyone would ever say that, and she's refused to go back.

my sister's theory is that she doesn't want to lose weight because she has a boyfriend (also obese) and they're somewhat happy together watching hours of tv on end and eating a pizza pie each. so she doesn't think anything is wrong since she has someone. my mom's theory is that she's jealous that i'm thinner than she is and i can manage to do stuff that is difficult for the average person, and so she wants me to gain weight so i can relate more to her. It kinda made sense in a sick twisted way when she explained it.

but i figure as long as my legs are attached to me, i'll keep skating, and nothing she or anyone can tell me otherwise.

[DressageChica]

(((((((hugs!!))))))) I feel so sorry for you! I ride and show horses on a regional level, and when I jumped horses I took tons of nasty falls. My arm once pulled a jump standard down, I have been thrown into fences, I have landed on the horse's head, and once I was thrown over the fence and then stepped on by the horse. I've had bruises, cuts, pains, and something funky is now up with my back after I got stepped on. But have I quit riding? NOPE! Every sport has the potential to be dangerous. Even getting into the bathtub is dangerous...you can slip and fall. It just sounds like your roomate is jealous. You have a life and a passion. And she has massive amounts of blubber like a sea lion. I can totally relate to the way you feel..and I have some ranting to do as well. I just started skating again last week for the first time in 5-6 years. They threw me into the freestyle class because I quit on FS3. It's pretty amusing watching me try to keep up, but it's so much fun! I love it, and yes, I too will never go to the Olympics, but I don't want to either. I love skating because it is FUN! Well, today my friend was like "I'm glad you're skating again and all, but don't you already have a ton of stuff to do?" And I was like yeah, I do..but quite honestly, I don't like to go home right after school, watch TV all night, and shove my face with food (I said that because that is exactly what she does!).

As long as you aren't endangering yourself by skating, I think you should continue, and tell your sea lion friend to shove a fish in her face. Best of luck with your ankle surgery and your skating! Keep us posted on how everything turns out!

[fadedstardust]

If that had happened to me, in answer to "is it worth it?" I would have blinked and said "...yes, have you never played a sport you really liked despite getting hurt?" she would have said no, and then I would have said, in a snotty way, "well then you couldn't possibly understand." Sometimes the only way to get people to stop bothering you about certain things is to cop such a bad attitude and make them feel so bad when they do that they never dare bring it up again. No one's ever questioned my skating motives (mainly because I compete a lot, so I guess I have something to "show" for it), but if they did, you can bet they'd cry afterwards, unless it was a GENUINE concern. If it was genuine, then just say "yes, it is worth it" and offer to take her to a public session so she can see what the fuss is about maybe.

[Casey]

she said she couldn't believe anyone would ever say that, and she's refused to go back.
Ugh, I hate people like that. Sorry to be so politically incorrect, but if somebody I know is fat, I'll tell them they're fat, and that they need to get off their fat arse and get some exercise, and stop stuffing the 10 cans of nasty diet coke a day down their throat (then going and eating a big rib dinner).

I've had obese ex-roomates who took offense to people suggesting that they work on their weight, and my response was simply, "but you DO need to lose some weight, so why are you offended?". In case you're hating me by now, I'm actually pretty tolerant, when I know somebody who's 10 or 20 pounds overweight who's sad about it, I tell them it doesn't matter, they look fine (because they do).

Ironically, I've GAINED 15 pounds since I started skating, which means I actually weigh enough for my height now.

But even though I disagree with her viewpoints, do you think that if you didn't skate or do anything physical for a couple months that your ankle might heal up without surgery? I do wish you could skate without pain...

[Aussie Willy]

It is like my friends who smoke lecturing me about healthy eating!!!

BTW - apart from wearing the brace, do you do any ankle strenthening exercises? If my ankle acts up (which it hasn't done for a while) I have a theraband that I can use to exercise it and it really works.

[NickiT]

I so understand what you are saying! I had a nasty ankle injury after a bad fall on the ice five years ago. I actually had a bad fracture and now have a metal plate and screws in my ankle. I still have problems on and off with my ankle, mainly due to the pressure on the screws, and mostly in the cold and damp of winter. I have other problems too - a twisted pelvis as a result of my ankle injury which causes servere piriformis pain when I overdo the skating. On top of that I do seem to take a few hard falls. I cracked a rib last spring and suffered a hairline fracture to my elbow two months ago.

Having said all that, pain or no pain, I love to skate and regardless of what others may think, while I'm able to do so I will do so. It's my body and it's up to me what I do. Obviously if I get into a lot of pain I ease up on the skating, milder pain I take pain killers, but at the end of the day I still believe that there are so many more positive things about skating than negative things. I have regular physio and chiro to treat my pelvis problem, and needless to say any sprains or other injuries get treated there too. My physiotherapist is in total agreeance - despite the risk of injury, those who do sport are generally happier, fitter and healthier than those who don't.

So ignore your room mate and let them make up their own mind what is right for them. You know what is right for you ;) :) !!

Nicki

[russiet]

Ugh, I hate people like that. Sorry to be so politically incorrect, but if somebody I know is fat, I'll tell them they're fat, and that they need to get off their fat arse and get some exercise, and stop stuffing the 10 cans of nasty diet coke a day down their throat (then going and eating a big rib dinner).....

....In case you're hating me by now, I'm actually pretty tolerant, when I know somebody who's 10 or 20 pounds overweight who's sad about it, I tell them it doesn't matter, they look fine (because they do)....

...

I'm generally tolerant of people who are overweight. There are many issues at hand, not the least of which is heredity (genetic predisposition to a higher weight set-point.)

The only thing that gets to me is when I get the occassional comment "you're too thin". I have been tempted on occassion to reply, "You're too fat!". But I don't. These people are generally well meaning.

[fadedstardust]

Ugh, I hate people like that. Sorry to be so politically incorrect, but if somebody I know is fat, I'll tell them they're fat, and that they need to get off their fat arse and get some exercise, and stop stuffing the 10 cans of nasty diet coke a day down their throat (then going and eating a big rib dinner).

I've had obese ex-roomates who took offense to people suggesting that they work on their weight, and my response was simply, "but you DO need to lose some weight, so why are you offended?". In case you're hating me by now, I'm actually pretty tolerant, when I know somebody who's 10 or 20 pounds overweight who's sad about it, I tell them it doesn't matter, they look fine (because they do).

Ironically, I've GAINED 15 pounds since I started skating, which means I actually weigh enough for my height now.

But even though I disagree with her viewpoints, do you think that if you didn't skate or do anything physical for a couple months that your ankle might heal up without surgery? I do wish you could skate without pain...


Well this I strongly disagree with. If someone makes a remark to YOU on something, then it's fair game to make a remark to them about their unhealthy lifestyle in return. But if they're not standing there nagging you about something, there is no reason to tell them that. Fat people who know they are fat are struggling and working on it. Fat people who don't realize how fat they are won't realize just because you tell them- because many other people have in the past, if only in teasing. If I were fat and you told me I needed to lose weight, I would ask who the hell you think you are, cause everyone has issues they need to work on, and it's none of anyone's bussiness to tell you what those things are. If I were to pick out every single person that should work on something out of a crowd (matching clothes, better hair color, acne cream, weight loss....) I would at some point get punched in the face, hah. And I'd deserve it. EVERYONE has things they could do to be healthier, but unless you mention their weight problem as a retort to them nagging you about something, I think it's unfair to do so, and at the end of the day, none of your bussiness.

And no- I have had ankle sprains and torn ligaments and took a month break for another reason, actually, and the ankle felt better until I went back on the ice, so I doubt the original poster would experience much long-lasting relief from taking a break. Ankle sprains will be with you forever, not much you can do about it. If you do have surgery, then the surgery will be with you forever and flare up too anyways. That's just the name of the game. I wish an ankle sprain was my biggest pain source, heh.

PS: I know a diet coke and large big mac meal is the classic image of obese America's oxi-morons, however a diet coke, rib dinner or not, is still better than regular coke. If they TRULY didn't care or see a problem, they wouldn't even bother with the diet coke at all. Save calories where you can, right? If they didn't drink the diet coke they'd probably weight 20 lbs more.

[kittie067]

Ironically, I've GAINED 15 pounds since I started skating, which means I actually weigh enough for my height now.

that's exactly whathappened to me! Also i feel like skating lets out my nervous energy and transfers it into positive energy. i think you should just do what makes you feel happy, and if that is continue skating go for it!
~kittie

[flippet]

Honestly...I'd get a new roomate, if possible. See if you can find one who is also into a healthy lifestyle...because it seems that you and your roomate are simply at odds with how you approach life in general.

[Mrs Redboots]

Ugh, I hate people like that. Sorry to be so politically incorrect, but if somebody I know is fat, I'll tell them they're fat, and that they need to get off their fat arse and get some exercise, and stop stuffing the 10 cans of nasty diet coke a day down their throat (then going and eating a big rib dinner).
And tell me, do you actually think we don't know we're obese? Do you think we don't feel guilty every time we look in the mirror? Do you think we don't loathe ourselves to the point of feeling suicidal half the time?

I've got news for you, ducky - we do know. We do hate it. We do loathe ourselves. Actually, I'm not obese any more, thankfully, but I was until very recently, and I can tell you, it was not fun.

Okay, you say, so why didn't you do something about it? It's like giving up smoking (and I've done that, too); you can't do it until you are ready. Eventually, one day, the self-loathing reaches such a pitch that you only have two choices - do something about it, or kill yourself. The former is a lot harder, but a great deal more worthwhile.

Next time you want to help a fat person, don't tell them they're fat - they already know that. Instead, offer them a healthy meal, and invite them to go skating with you. Or for a walk in the park, or round the shops, or something. But never, never, never, never,NEVER tell them they're fat. At best, you will lose a friend. At worst, you may provoke a suicide.

[sue123]

It is like my friends who smoke lecturing me about healthy eating!!!

BTW - apart from wearing the brace, do you do any ankle strenthening exercises? If my ankle acts up (which it hasn't done for a while) I have a theraband that I can use to exercise it and it really works.

yea, i've done the whole strengthening exercises and physical therapy and all that. but what happened last year was that i completely tore 2 ligaments and i tore the third as well, just not completely. the way my doc explained it to me was that the ligaments will never really heal and if i keep getting problems, the only option is surgery to tighten the ligaments or something like that. And i've taken breaks in the past from doing anything, but it doesn't really work cause as soon as i start moving again, it starts bothering me. and my ankle has become straighter since i started skating (more swollen, but straighter. i think the best way to describe what it used to look like is that if i held my leg out, the outside of my foot was facing hte floor, and that's after all the therapy and strength exercises). but who knows, maybe i found a secret remedy for ankle sprains?

and someone suggested a new roomate, well besides she not understanding why i would rather miss an episode of CSI than not go to the gym, we get along great. She's very considerate of my stuff, and if i'm having a bad day, she'll try to cheer me up, and i mostly like living with her. I'm afraid a new roomate might end up like my freshman year roomate, who found it acceptable to "engage in sexual relations" while i was in the room! after i mentioned it, she said "i'm sorry, we'll be quieter next time". 8O so i don't plan on getting a new roomate anytime soon.

[samba]

Next time you want to help a fat person, don't tell them they're fat - they already know that. Instead, offer them a healthy meal, and invite them to go skating with you. Or for a walk in the park, or round the shops, or something. But never, never, never, never,NEVER tell them they're fat. At best, you will lose a friend. At worst, you may provoke a suicide.

Next to worst she could go the other way and become anorexic, I know...

[skateflo]

I know the original poster needed to rant - we all do! I guess I just had a different take on how it was explained. I wondered if the roommate was using the concern about the brace to learn more about exercise, what makes something worth the effort, and sharing her own limited knowledge about her own ankle condition. Maybe she just has not found the motivation (internal or external) to do something about her ankle (like going to a doctor, PT, etc.) or her weight. Some people start the process because of external suggestions as they don't think they are worthy enough, to have internal motivation.

Many of us do have a hard time communicating with overweight people - but as Mrs. Redboots said, they do know they are tipping the scales.

It does sound like the roommate is in other ways considerate and I wonder if she is testing the waters (many people do it in a negative way, expecting to be rejected) to see if poster might be a source of help.

If an opportunity arises, share with her all your positive feelings about what skating has done for you in spite of the physical injuries. And as another person said, how about asking her to go for a walk with you once, then again, and again, and push her out of her comfort zone (like walking up a hill.)

Only you know if you are willing to reach out and help your roommate.

Many years ago, I remember reading a 'weight story' where the girl took advantage of the rink at her campus to try skating - for the exercise and the fact that it wasn't a formal gym/fitness center where she would be ashamed to be seen, but could hide some of her weight under layers of clothing. What she found was the exercise made her feel better and she began to lose weight. I always remembered that story but it took me decades to try it myself.

Perhaps you might also reflect on the positives about skating and how much you really enjoy it. You also seem to have a 'sensitivity' about your brace and questions relating to it. Perhaps you were just having a bad day?

[iskatealot]

You know what?? It doesnt matter what she thinks....all that matters is what you think. Most people thought I was insane when I hurt my ankle in my freeskate at compitition and proceded to go back to the rink 2 more times that same day even when my ankle was 5 sizes bigger than usual and I was supposed to be doing a lutz in an elements compitition (take off and landing ankle was the injured one) they also thought I was insane to go on and skate an interp program after my tooth went into my lip during warm up BEFORE getting ice for it. Every one thinks Im crazy to be at the rink everyday and up till midnight just finishing homework. THe point of this is that I did and do it all anyways no matter what people say, I also think that skating is one of the most addictive sports...once u start you cant stop skating. Your room mate hasnt skated so she doesnt understand this, you do understand it and thats what counts.

[sue123]

skateflo, i understand where you're coming from, but i did try to explain to her why i like it so much. and she knows she's overweight, she complains about it, but won't do anything about it. i've asked her if she ever wants to go to a public session, but she doesn't want to because she can't really skate and doesn't want to embarass (sp?) herself by going with me. I told her i would just skate with her, and if she wanted we could go to a more crowded session where there's no room for anyone to figure skate, or we could go to an empty session where there is absolutely no one.

a while back, after i sprained my ankle, my doc suggested running to get some strength, and suggested this plan called the couch to 5K plan that's floating around on the internet. It's basically really simple, it's all planned out for you, and a lot of people do it of all different weights. When i was doing it, i asked her if she wanted to start with me too, just for kicks. She said no because in the gym, there would be other skinny people and would laugh at her. personally, i think if they're at the gym, they're not concerned with what anyone else is doing, but that's just me. So i said we could always run outside when it's nice out. And this program, i'll give you an idea, on week 1, you alternate i think 30 seconds of jogging with 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes. After 8 weeks, they have you running for 30 minutes straight. But she still didn't want to do it with me, and I can't try anymore.

I have a friend who recently went from wearing a size 22 at her biggest to a size 6, and she's 5'3. She did it all naturally, by cutting out processed flour and sugars and going to the gym 3 times a week. She told me my roomate probably needs to reach her breaking point.

Andi don't really have a sensitivity towards the brace, but i just got ticked off, when my roomate, who knows i always wear some sort of support is now going to blame me wearing it on skating. And i was also having a bad day mood wise, so that didn't help either.

[kayskate]

Sounds like you have tried reaching out to your roommate and including her in your exercise activities. From what you describe, it seems she just is not ready to make changes in her own life. Maybe her overweight boyfriend makes her feel more comfortable being heavy. They enjoy eating together. Maybe she is comfortable w/ herself. I hope so, for her sake.

All of that being said, I would ignore her comments if you believe they are intended to be negative. Very often people who do not skate cannot understand why we skate and spend so much time and $ and put up w/ injuries and other stuff. This seems foolish to outsiders. How many adult skaters out there have gotten funny looks from coworkers when they talk about skating? All of us, most likely. These people simply do not skate. They don't understand what drives us.

Kay

[Casey]

And tell me, do you actually think we don't know we're obese? Do you think we don't feel guilty every time we look in the mirror? Do you think we don't loathe ourselves to the point of feeling suicidal half the time?

Darn, I was afraid of this sort of response. I owe you guys an apology for really overstating things - I was just irritated by the roommate's response, so let me clarify...

I don't walk up to random people and say "Hey there, you're quite fat", and I don't say it in a rude manner when I do mention it. It's only when I am actually friends with somebody that I'll suggest they lose some weight or be more physically active, etc., and it's only when/because I do care about them.

Do you think I liked hearing that I was too thin for years and being accused of being anorexic and other such things, even though I would eat a ton and not put on any weight? Do you think I like hearing that I'm a lazy b*****d that never gets out of the computer chair? Do you think I liked hearing that I needed to quit smoking all the time when it was my choice to do so and I really felt that I couldn't?

No, but it is my responsibility to deal with, and I understand that people only nag me about it because they care. Furthermore, if I don't like hearing it, I can change. If I don't want to change, then I can stop caring about what people say. To be unwilling to change or hear suggestion is silly. For a long time, I just didn't care what people thought. After a while though, I started caring about me too. I quit smoking a couple months back, and I'm now physically active through skating and other activities which has helped my overskinniness. If somebody's a bit overweight I don't care. If a friend is overweight to the point of being unhealthy then I will discuss it with them, because I _DO_ care. I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but I think that committing suicide over somebody else's opinion is really immature. One always has the power to change. If they choose not to, as the roomate described above sounds, then they should not maintain the attitude that nobody should ever say any such comment to them, in my opinion.

Anyways, sorry for the offenses!! :oops:

[skateflo]

sue123 - I was delighted to read your response and how often you did try to reach out to her. That was great and very caring!

So I guess it is time to call a truce - you won't say any more about her weight and life style and she won't say anything about your skating and your brace. I made such a pact with a friend of mine 12 years ago and it still holds. We just focus on the positives about each other and let it go at that.
Many people have various levels of 'addiction' and for some of us it is our skating (AOSS) - to each their own. For now she has chosen her lifestyle and lives with the daily feelings it brings.

I wish both of you better months ahead and keep enjoying your skating. I'm sure you must have others (skaters) that you can share all the up and downs (no pun intended) with as needed. It is human nature to want someone to share these things with and it is human to get ticked when someone hits on our sensitive spot especially at times when we feel 'the pot is calling the kettle black' as we used to say. I know I have had to compartmentilize things happening in my life and share them only with those that care about those particular items. Like I have one friend who just never wants to hear about my skating - she is just not interested, period.

[Mrs Redboots]

Do you think I liked hearing that I was too thin for years and being accused of being anorexic and other such things, even though I would eat a ton and not put on any weight? Do you think I like hearing that I'm a lazy b*****d that never gets out of the computer chair? Do you think I liked hearing that I needed to quit smoking all the time when it was my choice to do so and I really felt that I couldn't?Then you know exactly what fat people feel like when some would-be helpful "friend" tells them they should shape up. Hurts, doesn't it? So don't do it.... unless they ask. As you say, eventually one gets to the point of doing something about it - but for those who aren't yet at that place, it *does* hurt. And no matter how much you tell yourself "I don't care what X thinks", it eats away at you inside, and your own self-respect gradually disappears. People need to be loved and valued just the way they are before they can get to a place where they're ready to change.