Feeling Unworthy

[Cinderella]

As my first adult competition is getting closer (Midwestern Sectionals in March), I find that my biggest challenge is going to be my mental attitude. I'm struggling with feeling "unworthy" to skate against other Adult Gold skaters and it's like I'm "pre-embarassed" to know that they'll be watching me.

I started skating as an adult 18 months ago, and in that time my coach and I crammed in every adult USFSA test because if I was going to compete, it had to be at gold level because of my youth skating. The result is that I've passed gold FS, but I have virtually no style or finesse in my program and no doubles (yet). I'm in Level 3 (I'm 46). While I'm pretty solid with the elements individually, when they're put into a program, they lack luster and strength. So I feel like an imposter out there.

Does anyone else get these feelings and what do you do to overcome them? And am I making too big a deal of "what other people think?" I feel like I'm losing the point of this whole thing -- the joy of skating and meeting people who share my passion. Part of the problem is that I'm a competitive person who likes to always do her best. And I don't feel like I've found my best yet. Maybe for that 2min 40secs on the ice, I could skate with a bag over my head?

[backspin]

I'll tell you what one of my coaches said to me when I was threatening to pull out of an exhibition because I didn't feel ready:

You're going to go out there, and you're going to show them how much you love to skate.

That's what it's about. You're going to have a great time, aside from the skating. And when you skate, just go out there & enjoy it. You should be very proud of the amount of progress you've made in a very short time!

[NJSk8Fan]

Just want to say "Go For It"....enjoy yourself, and I hope you'll have a lot of fun at your competition. Good Luck!

[NickiT]

I know exactly what you are feeling but as others have already said, the best thing to do is go out, skate your best and show everyone how much you love to skate. I know it's hard when you feel like everyone is better than you and I'm sure that every single competitor feels this way, but I'm sure you will do just fine.

Nicki

[Black Sheep]

Don't worry about not having doubles yet. Just put your best foot--or rather, blade --forward and make your singles the best they can be. Also, remember that it isn't just all about the jumps. Remember to show how good everything else--spins, spirals, etc.--can look, too! 8-)

[vesperholly]

I feel like that too sometimes. The important thing is to set goals for yourself. This year, your goal should just be to go out there and try hard to complete your jumps and spins. Don't ask for the world yet. It will come with hard work and most importantly, time.

The best thing you have going is that you know where you need to work on. I always feel bad for skaters who don't understand why they place poorly. You know your flaws and you can focus on them as you work towards your doubles for next year.

You are not an imposter!! :-)

[Michigansk8er]

Everyone is going to think you are GREAT!!!! That is the fun of being an adult skater. We all really support each other and cheer each other on. To pass those gold tests is a fantastic achievement. You are totally worthy and definitely not an imposter. :D You are amazing. Go out there and have a blast.

[sk8er1964]

Cinder - I know what you are going through, and I think that part of the problem is that we know (or at least we have this idealized memory of) how we skated as kids. Now as adults, we are stiffer, not as spontaneous, not as energetic, not as free as we were when we were 12. We care more about what others think (which is silly, if you think about it), and we are more insecure in our skating.

What I have tried to do, sometimes with success and sometimes without, is to forget that I am an adult. On the ice with the kids, I am their equal (and I can see it in the way they treat me - I am not someone's mother). On the ice with other adults, I am having fun. Yes, there's a lot of work. Yes, I get too stressed and too serious. However, I am having fun and as long as I am able to remind myself of that when my competitve nature takes over, then life is good.

Now, for your competitive nature - it is a good thing to have. I wouldn't worry too much about being "worthy". There are skaters out there at AN who do not have the technical skills to skate at the level that they are skating at - but they have the joy of skating that makes adult skating worthwhile. They compete at AN probably knowing beforehand where they will finish (ie they might have a single axel, skating against folks with double axels), but their joy makes watching them so much fun. So, don't worry about being worthy - you already are because you love this sport, you love flying across the ice, and you want to show this love to everyone (isn't that really why we compete?).

Everything else - medals, personal good performances, etc, is just gravy. Hang in there - remember the joy! Looking forward to seeing you at Cleveland!

[techskater]

Every day you work at it, you get that much better. If our coach didn't think you were ready, she definitely would only have you go to watch and "learn". I know, she made me do that for a season in Gold (skated Silver, but we watched every Gold group at Mids and AN's to get a feel for what I would be up against when I passed the test). I knew last year that I wasn't quite ready to be competing Gold but didn't belong in Silver, either, so I just forgot about it and went out there to do my best. Our group's motto when we compete is "Just for Fun" and you will hear our coach repeat that phrase to every single one of us before we go out there for a practice, a warm up, or our actual skate when we go to Mids and AN's. When you have that attitude (and I am just as competitive by nature and am a total perfectionist about my skating as you probably are) it takes away some of the pressure. Just remember, it doesn't change who or what you are in real life. Do you enjoy your program music choice? Think about how much fun it is when you do it when you get out there. I think you will be very surprised at how well you actually do (even against your idealized self).

Looking forward to seeing this program....

[Cinderella]

SHOW THEM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE TO SKATE

Gosh, you guys are just AWESOME! Thank you everyone who posted here; you have seriously altered my entire mindset. Every bit of advice here is just excellent, and I'm printing it all off and putting it in my skate journal to carry with me at all times.

Thanks for helping me overcome my sudden mental crisis. It was triggered because I DID finally meet in person one of the folks I know from online, and I was so nervous at the skate practice that my knees would barely bend! I kept thinking that she would go back to her home rink and tell everyone how I'm so much crappier than I make myself sound online (especially to you, techskater, whom I think the world of because of all the things we've shared already and how you've supported me). Now first of all, even if she HAD done that, why should I care? But of course, my demented brain was just setting myself up for the larger challenge -- what happens when we ALL meet in person?!

Well, now I know what happens. A wonderful group of very supportive people (you!) gets together and shares their great passion and love of this sport. What could be better?

So now my new mantra is, show them how much you love to skate. Because even though sometimes a jump or spin might fail me, there is never a time when I don't love to skate!

[techskater]

Actually, we spent more time dissecting the *other* adult on the ice with you guys that she had never met but who is quite dramatic (you know what I mean)! I think she startled the other one of our group with her "dramatic abilities".

By the way, the other one of our group was quite impressed. You also made her feel better about it when you told her it was ok to have a bad season at Nationals because you are a "baby" in your age class and she said she was a "grandma" in hers!

You will never disappoint, only if you don't skate.

[sk8pics]

Cinderella-- I'm glad you are feeling better about the whole prospect of competing! All the advice people have given is great! I would only add that the vast majority of adult skaters are so supportive of one another. People will be applauding everything you do well (and I'm sure that's a lot!) and cheering you on even if things aren't going so well. And for those who take it so seriously they don't, well, phooey on them.

Pat

[techskater]

I would say you almost get MORE applause if something goes awry to encourage you onward

[Kristin]

Just keep working hard. The worst thing that you could do is go out to compete and not feel prepared. Yes, the first comp will be nerve-wracking, but trust me on this, it DOES get a bit easier as you go along!!! The fact that you are worried shows that you CARE about what you are doing. This is a good thing, so make use of it. Just work hard in your practices and keep at it! You will be great.

Kristin :) <-----likes the old-fashioned smiley's

[jazzpants]

Cinderella:

It's time to put on those glass slippers...eh, skates... and show 'em what 'ya got! Go out there and enjoy yourself! Remember, you have NOTHING to lose and everything to gain! (Think Sarah Hughes at the Olympics after her SP and look at what happened after that!) You just might surprise yourself! ;)