Relieving little one's stress

[BABYSKATES]

Any ideas on how to get little ones through regionals without the stress level going through the roof? My little one is SOOO stressed out but she won't admit it. Sometimes her skating is atrocious and she acts like she doesn't care. Other times she is skating well but breaks down in a fit of frustration because there is one little thing that isn't working. :roll: I'm taking lots of aspirin for the headache she is giving me but I feel like we are in counter productive time right now. It's less than 1 week until regionals but it feels like it will never end. I admit that I'm feeling stressed, too but not over the skating. It's over my child's stress. Help!!!

Thanks in advance.

[Clarice]

I'm not sure there's too much you CAN do - it's HER stress, after all. Learning how to manage stress is one of the important non-skating things you learn from skating. Over time, she'll develop coping strategies that can serve her well her whole life. Probably the best thing is to manage your own stress as best you can, so you don't transmit more anxiety to her. Make sure she eats well, gets enough sleep, and try to keep her schedule as regular as possible. Certainly this is an important competition, and I know it's your daughter's first time, but, all the same, it's still just one competition, and she can certainly be proud of herself whether she skates well on "the day" or not. Whether she places well or not, remind her of all the improvements she's made and all the things she's learned as she prepared for Regionals, which will stick with her as she starts preparing for next year. I'm riding this roller coaster with my daughter, too, so I surely feel your pain! Good luck to both of you!

[Mrs Redboots]

Above all, reassure her that you don't give a hoot about where she places - tell her over and over again how proud of her you are for going out there and doing it, and how brave she is, and remind her that she's a star just for entering. If she skates well on the day, you can be even more proud of her, but do make sure she doesn't think you are valuing her by how she places!

(Mind you, you can overdo that - I did with my daughter, who ended up thinking I didn't want her to do well!!! You can't win!).

And plan something fun to do afterwards, perhaps something you don't usually do, not as a reward for skating well but as a reward for having been out there and done it.

By the way, one extraordinarily sensible skating mother of my acquaintance, whose child started to behave like a prima donna at one competition, said "Okay, that's it! No more skating!" Said infant promptly began to behave properly, and has done so ever since. Mum didn't have to implement the threat - but I know her, and she meant it!

[Dolly]

Everyone is very stressed out at these competitions because the skating community as a whole puts a lot of emphasis on it. The Section, the clubs, the coaches and the parents. Usually, at Sectionals where I live, you will see a few members of Skate Canada (the big guys) sitting in the stands, writing notes, discussing skaters, etc.) The skaters sometimes stress each other out, chatting about what so-and-so can do, etc. The skaters, therefore, become very stressed, start to doubt themselves.

What I would advise is to keep your cool, tell your daughter that you will always love her no matter where she places, you are very proud of all the work she has put in to it, and this will be a treat for her family (her biggest fans) to see her go out there and try her best. As Mrs. Redboots suggested, plan something for after it's all over, a nice supper at a favorite restaurant. That's what we always do for our family, whether it's the children excelling on a Math test, winning a medal at skating or hockey, passing the lifeguard test, or finally finishing your college degree(as my husband did recently), we always try to celebrate it in some way. We don't have to be the best in the class or on the team, but as long as we try our best, that's what we celebrate. Sometimes your best won't get you a medal or an award, but you can't worry about that. There is always someone better, smarter, stronger on a given day.

When my daughter went to her first Sectionals at the age of 9, she had to skate twice. She had to place in the top four on the first skate in order to skate in the final; there were 3 groups of 8 (she placed third); skate again the next day - she placed third overall, won a bronze medal and was selected for a Provincial team. It was a big deal at the time, not so much for us, as we were very new to the sport, but the officials seemed to think it was. (It was such a serious/intense time, I remember.) She was presented with a fleece jacket showing she was on the provincial team, had to meet with the program director, who critiqued her program, etc.) She doesn't compete in singles skating anymore (too much money/pressure); however, now she's on a synchro. skating team, and competing with the group. She also just made the cheerleader squad at her school, and will be competing in jamborees in our area. Since she's smaller and very flexible, she's a "top". That should be stressful for me to watch!

Good luck and I sincerely hope she enjoys herself. (Stay COOL ) 8-)

[tazsk8s]

Everyone here gave really good advice. Yes, it's a "big" competition but it's just one competition. It doesn't diminish anything she's accomplished throughout the year if it happens not to go well. Taz Jr.'s coach and I are trying not to play this competition up any more than it has to be. So far she is staying pretty much un-stressed, maybe a little bit TOO much so. She completely tanked at our club's Regionals send-off show, I could tell by her off-ice warmup that her head was not in the game that day. Too concerned with chit-chatting, I think. Fell 3 times - once on a spin, of all the silly things, and then popped the last axel (single). As disgusted as she was with herself, it taught her she does need to keep her head together if she wants to go out and have a performance she is happy with. Guess it is better to figure this out a couple of weeks ahead of time.

We ***still*** don't have our group assignment yet!! I know what day she skates, but not what time. Makes booking practice ice a real pain in the you-know-what....

Good luck to you and your daughter, and anyone else who has a skater going to Regionals!

[KJD]

We are approaching regionals much the same as Taz... It's my daughter's first trip, she's young (8) and has a bunch of new elements to try (double lutz, double loop) so we're just trying to encourage her to train in a focused way for the next two weeks before we go and to try to skate as clean as possible and be happy with that. The groups in our region are so huge, that only the top 2 in most levels make it out of the qualifying group, so any other goal would be unrealistic and much more stress- producing!

[Bogie88]

I think everyone has given good advice here. The kids that have it the toughest, I think, are the ones who are considered "favorites", "shoo-ins",or "on-the-bubble", particularly Juveniles at their first Regionals. All it takes is a bad day and boom--there it goes. I think perspective is the key here. I was looking at another discussion board where everyone was making predictions for Juvenile Girls, and while there are many strong competitors, I think the stress of a qualifying event could overcome many of these kids. Parents just need to chill out and remind their kids that these lower qualifying levels provide a great experience. I know Bogie Jr. is headed for his first Regionals looking forward to seeing all of his skating buddies skate well, and just wants to do his best for grandma and grandpa! I like his perspective, and I've adopted it for my own use. :lol:

[BABYSKATES]

I do appreciate all of the good advice given here. I'm doing my best to make this "just another competition" because it really is, in the scheme of things. I have been trying to emphasize other important things to my daughter (school, her puppy, her friends, etc.) and she is a bit better. I agree with Bogie88 on who this competition is most stressful for and unfortunately my child falls into the category of "those on the bubble" which is where she has been all season. I tell her that she has had a great season and has proven to everyone, especially herself, that she is what she wants to be: a great skater. I tell her we are going to celebrate no matter what because we are proud of her for trying so hard. People are being kind and supportive and someone inevitably says to her that they think she will make top 4 at regionals. Then I see that little worry mark on her forehead appear and I can feel the knots in her stomach... I know I can't really solve this. She'll have to handle it in her own way. I also know that she will be fine.

Anyway, it will all be over in a matter of a few days. Our region is among the first in the country to hold regionals so soon there will be no worries. :D

[Cal Girl]

I can remember my daughter's first qualifying regionals as if it were yesterday. She too was on the cusp of "making it" but skated atrociously because she did not handle the stress. Keep her mind off skating - go to the movies, get your nails painted, go out for ice cream, be with friends who have nothing to do with skating!
Most of all celebrate the season and improvements. Set a realistic goal and celebrate it with her and her coach!
Regionals are a lot less stressful now for us - like anything else, the more experience you have the easier it becomes. Some kids just dont get stressed. But fear not if she does - mine did and now she handles it beautifully! It can be learned - so dont give up!

[KJD]

I have a related question for those with kids going to regionals. Did yours get "jump-itis" of any kind? We had a disaster yesterday apparently with what is normally a big, beautiful axel just completely disappearing as well as almost everything else. It was only slightly improved this morning - landed 4 or 5 but is so twisted on the others that they don't stand a chance. What I and my overly logical brain can't understand is how she can skate so well the week before and look like she's never landed one of these things this week. The weirdest part was that the other (very new) doubles made a reappearance this morning but the axel is still hit or miss. Have any of your kids had this happen? What did you/they do? Thanks!

[BABYSKATES]

Oh KJD, I do feel your pain! :D We've been there, done that! We had a week where I thought it was over. My daughter's strength is her jumps and one day, she had none. The next day they were still gone. Gradually she started to get BAD versions of her lost jumps back. Her coaches just patiently started reteaching each jump which I guess was good strategy because almost a week to the day the jumps disappeared, they reappeared. I think sometimes when they get "out of sorts" for whatever reason, they confuse themselves and their muscles by doing their jumps wrong and then it takes a while to get them straightened out. An athlete/member of my family told me to make her stop if after 3 attempts it looks like she has forgotten a jump. She told me bad habits are easier to learn than good ones and good habits are easier to break than bad ones when you are a little kid. Proper repitition is the key to training a little one. Now I stop my daughter when she starts flinging and splattering and don't let her do the jump she is messing up until the next day. Since starting that, we haven't lost any jumps for more than a day.

Hang in there. She might also have had a growth spurt. My daughter loses her spins, especially the camel spin when she grows a bit. Good luck to your daughter at regionals!

[KJD]

Babyskates,
Thanks so much for the reply. I actually vaguely remember you posting about your daughter's jump woes that one time, so was hoping you would reply. It sounds pretty similar. My understanding is that she is making one mistake, twisting the takeoff/not jumping the axel out straight, that is causing all the trouble. She hit a few today, but really needed a coach standing there saying "jump out toward this spot" in order to hit the jump. Its a huge bummer because its not like losing your hardest trick - its an axel! Sort of a requirement. I think she's a level below your daughter - she's pre-juv and its her first regionals - obviously not for qualifying and she's very young, at just 8 and a half.

I'm glad to hear they come back. Have to admit its a little stressful to sit on the side lines and watch what used to work so well a week ago, look like its someone else's jump. Hopefully she'll sort it out over the next week or so. Our regionals isn't until the end of October so there's time

[PointBleu]

I think it's part of the learning process, to lose and refind easy jumps...
I have a skater who can do up to 2 lutz. We decided to do a club competition few weeks ago just to boost her confidence level heading to regionals. Practices were going great... but during the comeptiton' warm-up, she couldn't do a single axel to save her life! It looked like she had never learned the jump... and she did not manage to find it back for her program...

When we went back training the week after, the axel jump had disappeared! It came back slowly 3-4 daus after and now it is rock-solid again. She had a preparatory competition this weekend and did a wonderful program...

But overall, it was a stressful event for all of us, the coach (I took great care not to show her or the parent), the parents and the skater.

It is part of the learning process and it happens much more often with youngster, growing, adapting to stress, etc. They are in the process of learning their body, learning they DO have the control over their jumps, they have to do things in proper order to make them happening.



And to reassure you, I remember that stry about Kurt Browning at his first Olympics in his home town, Calgary. Apparently, he was hit and miss in practices (but mostly 'miss'!), he couldn't land one triple axel but then when the competition came, he delivered the goods as a walk in the park! :)

[KJD]

Pointbleu,
Thanks so much for the insights. I think you are right, the lose and relearn seems to be a part of the learning, but it is stressful! My daughter is just having a bit what it sounds like your skater did. The axel was about 50/50 by yesterday afternoon, while the double flips and lutzes (which are pretty new jumps for her) were apparently wonderful.

This is the tough part of being a parent in this sport. You want so much for them to do well, so they feel good about themselves, and bad days are hard! Hopefully the good strong axel we know and love will be back before the end of October. Thanks again for sharing everyone. It helped me a lot through the last couple of days.

[tazsk8s]

Originally posted by KJD
before and look like she's never landed one of these things this week. The weirdest part was that the other (very new) doubles made a reappearance this morning but the axel is still hit or miss. Have any of your kids had this happen?

Yep - I can completely relate. Junior's axel is on the fritz, too. It's silly, because all of her doubles are working reasonably well - even the pesky double toe which is normally her nemesis. This has happened before, not much to do but wait it out and try to remain un-stressed.

[Lutzgirl]

Try and help her deal with it but remember it is all part of life and growing up :D

[sk8ergirl]

I can so relate with what is being said here. when I was 11, I could do a double toe, double toe combination so easy that it was my best jump. Then I had a growth spurt, a few freaky falls on that jump, and only now, two and a half years later am I starting to get it back.
Parents have to understand that jumps come and go, and if you have younger skaters, say 12 and under, they will reach a point like i did, where they have a growth spurt, and may be unable to land anything for a while. Just staying positive is most important.
On the axel, because the takeoff of this jump is so different from all the others, it is very easy to lose it when you start working on double jumps. There have been periods when I have been very consistent with double flips, and double lutzes, and struggled with my axel.
Also, at some point, your coach will want your skater to make their axel higher, bigger, and more open in the entry. This is so you can eventually get a double off of it. But very often, as soon as the coach starts to adjust the axel, the skater may lose it again for awhile.
Many of my friends who are about the same age as me, have all gone through a period between 11 and 13 where all of a sudden nothing would work anymore! When that happens your coach has to go back to single jumps, and start the technique all over again. Eventually it comes back, but it can be discouraging for sure!

[Dolly]

BABYSKATES,

How did the competiton go on the weekend? Did she have fun and make it though OK. Love to hear a report. I know when my daughter was competing, I was always glad when it was over. It is so tiring, too.

[BABYSKATES]

Thanks for asking, Dolly! I'm so extremely happy that regionals 2004 is behind us. It was a good learning experience for my young skater and really for me also. I was sad about all of the injured children at our competition, especially those who were competing in extreme pain. Not that I would ever allow my child to compete while injured but the situation did give me a personal wake up call in that my little one is a great jumper who at 10 could move up to intermediate. I know that means starting triples to be a top competitor. Of course, this is what my child wants to do but I just don't think it is time yet. I know this won't make us popular but we are going to have our child repeat juvenile.

My daughter skated very well in an enormous group of juveniles. She has improved so much and performed beautifully (but not a clean skate) so Junior Nationals will have to wait! ;) She took a look at the results that put her out of contention and then said, "Can I go play with my friends?" This is truly a juvenile girl, not an intermediate lady and I am very happy about that, too. All's well and my little one handled it quite nicely.

[Dolly]

Congratulations to your daughter! The important thing is that she had a beautiful skate and handled the competition so well. You can't ask for more than that. When the time is right for her, she will move up. She is still quite young and there's no rush and the risk of injury is so much greater once they start triples. All the kids in my area stay in Juvenile until age forces them out.

So glad to hear it was a good experience.:)

[Mrs Redboots]

Good for her, and I'm glad she had fun! And got to play with her friends, too - that, after all, is what is important. She may not want to skate forever, but she will certainly want friends forever.

[CanAmSk8ter]

Just wanted to say that I think you're right to keep her at Juvenile. At 10 y.o., really pushing for triples sounds like a bad idea health-wise. You're lucky that she's achiveed so much so young that you can afford to take things slow with the triples. I think a lot of injuries start when girls get to be 12/13 y.o. and there's a real push to get the triples quickly before puberty hits full-on.

[sk8ergirl]

Its sad to hear about all those young skaters getting injured trying triples at such a young age. When puberty hits, they are going to lose them anyway. I have skated since I was eight, and when I was younger, learning even all the double jumps wasn't a big deal. Then however I noticed one by one, most of the competitive skaters I skate with had trouble just keeping what they had. Its funny, skating is one sport that the younger one starts and gets ones jumps the better. But eventually one hits that growth spurt, and things can come to a grinding halt!

[tazsk8s]

Congratulations to Babyskates' daughter! I'm glad to hear it was such a positive experience.

Hope you can get a little bit of a break this week...meanwhile it is our turn, we are getting packed to leave tomorrow.

[BABYSKATES]

Good Luck to Taz, Jr! Have fun. You too, Taz, Sr! :)

[KJD]

Yes, good luck Taz jr. and I'm glad things went ok for babyskates. I was thinking about you last week. We are one of the last regions to go, so we leave next Monday. Have fun everyone.

[IceDanceSk8er]

My wife and I always tell our daughter: go out there and have fun. No sport is worth stressing out over. If it's not fun, then it's not worth doing.

[Elsy2]

Very true...it has to be fun. All performing has the element of stress to it, and it's a good thing to learn to handle that sort of stress. Channeling that stress into a wonderful performance can be a great feeling, and that great feeling sure is fun!

[IceDanceSk8er]

Originally posted by Elsy2
Very true...it has to be fun. All performing has the element of stress to it, and it's a good thing to learn to handle that sort of stress. Channeling that stress into a wonderful performance can be a great feeling, and that great feeling sure is fun!

My daughter finds different ways to deal with the stress of competing. For instance, at nationals in Dallas, while she was standing next to the boards waiting for her and her partner to be announced, she noticed herself on the jumbo tron and practiced waving her arm up and down. To be that relaxed might say something about how confident she is in her ability, but I like to think that it was also says a lot about her attitude: going out on the ice, skating the best she can, and having fun.

[Elsy2]

That's a great story about the jumbo tron!

[tazsk8s]

Thanks everyone. We are home safe and sound.

Junior had a great first trip to Regionals. She is pre-juv, so no final rounds or worries about qualifying for JN's anyway. It was a good way to see what it is all about - Regionals are SO big, and SO many distractions going on!

She skated very well, and placed 3rd in her group! Very exciting to do so well as we have a lot of family members who live close to where our Regionals were held, all of whom attended. Lots of fun to skate when you have your own personal "fan club" cheering you on. Her friends from home were great, too.

Now back to reality...school for her, and work (including 500 workstations infected with one of these stupid viruses) for me. Talk about a ton of bricks hitting on a Monday...

[Mrs Redboots]

Many congratulations to Taz Jr - I do hope you had a super celebration for her doing so well.

[IceDanceSk8er]

Originally posted by tazsk8s
Thanks everyone. We are home safe and sound.

Junior had a great first trip to Regionals. She is pre-juv, so no final rounds or worries about qualifying for JN's anyway. It was a good way to see what it is all about - Regionals are SO big, and SO many distractions going on!

Way to go, Taz Jr!

[Dolly]

Congratulations to Taz Jr.! Sounds like you had a fine family weekend. Pre-Juv. level is fun, as the pressure to qualify for the National team is not there, but you are still a part of the big competition. I remember when my daughter competed at that level. She also won a bronze medal, but had to make it through the qualifying round to skate in the final. (I was looking through some home videos last night and remember the feeling when she took her final pose. Relief!) The next level is a bit more competitive. Good luck for the future.

[xoxoxo]

I also agree with other post-ers...Babyskates' daughter is young, and doesn't need anyone to push her into intermediate. So Babyskates whether that makes you "popular" or not stick to your guns and do the best things for your little skater! I also like her reaction to her placement--seems pretty healthy to me! That is completely the opposite of my daughter's reaction when she narrowly lost out on the 4th spot and failed to make a second trip to Junior Nationals, albeit at a higher level. She was devastated. She is a tad older than Babyskates daughter, but I still really wish she could have shrugged her shoulders and gone to hang out with her friends.