Steaming over Mommy & Me - Rant

[dbny]

I have been teaching a Mommy & Me class once a week. Last season I volunteered so I could get the experience, and this fall the director called and asked me to work for pay :D There are three coaches for about 7 or 8 kids, and one for the adults. I should add that the kids are on the very young side, ranging from 2 to 3 1/2, and none of them had ever skated before.

We had our third session this morning. Last week was the first time on ice for one barely three year old girl. I happened to work with her quite a bit, and got her moving on her own, while I just hovered closely to prevent a scary fall. We really had fun together, with the little one even falling on purpose and getting up mostly on her own.

Today, naturally, she wanted to skate with me, and we were doing just fine, with her father by her side also, when the "adult" coach came up and began talking to her with "Come skate with me, don't you want to skate with me? I couldn't believe it. He was supposed to be working with the parents first of all, and had been told to do that several times already. I kept quiet because I didn't want any kind of unpleasantness in front of the parents or kids, and also because he is part owner of anther school where I work.

After he took this little girl away from me, he proceded to try to "teach" her swizzles, for which she was clearly not ready, as she still was not very confident and also did not have the degree of balance required yet. Later I saw her on the bench all teary eyed with her father. I went over and asked what happened, did she have a fall? Of course she did, and it was a bad one and she was done skating for the day. They left early and I just hope they come back next week. I really don't know what makes me angrier - the rudness and implied insult of it to me, or the injury done to this child's confidence. I'm very careful with the little ones who are new to the ice to let them fall with a helping hand so they don't take a big hit and leave in sobs, afraid to try again. This guy just thought so much of himself that he had to show off how fast his students progress!

I've seen him "pick" students from his groups and tell their parents all about how they could be really good skaters if they had private lessons. Definitley not my thing. If he attempts the same thing next week, I am going to say something like "Thanks, but we're doing fine here, how about helping little xxx over there?"

[Skatewind]

I disagree in theory that kids at ages 2-3 should even be put into a group lesson situation for skating. Your solution for next week sounds good. If it is supposed to be a group class, no one instructor, the other one or you, should be taking a single kid one on one unless it has been decided in advance & all the instructors know what approach will be used.

[backspin]

Actually, in general I too disagree with very young ones in a group class--EXCEPT in a "mommy & me" (we call it "tot & me") setting, in which the parents are on the ice with each kid. I've seen the very little ones make amazing progress this way, and I dearly wish it was required until age 4 or 5.

[dbny]

This is in no way a class or even a group. Each child gets very individual attention. I wouldn't even call it lessons, just attention from people who know how to gently help the children find their balance and have fun on the ice. Most of the kids are fairly clingy to the parents, so it is a trick just to get a kid away from the too supportive hands. We use props like small inflatable penguins, soft inflatable balls, kids' music, stuffed animals etc. The penguins are great because they are numbered and the kids like to count them, pick them up when they fall over, and also push them over.

The children under 3 are on a trial basis, and parents receive a refund if they drop out. So far, we have only lost one, who was 18 months and should not have been there in the first place. The little 2 year old boy is actually doing quite well, his biggest problem being separation, so I coached his mom on how to hold one hand and put her other hand behind his back to prevent a backwards fall, which is always very scary for the kids. A lot of what we do is also just educating the parents re equipment and how best to accompany their child on the ice. The little 2 year old was wearing huge 3 ply mittens that he couldn't separate his thumb in, so he really couldn't grasp my hand or pick up a penguin. I took them off, found his hands were sweaty, and suggested to his mom that she find some knit ones instead. He was quite pleased to have a grasp again.

[flippet]

Wow, I'd be peeved too. Kids that age are definitely too young (with a very few exceptions) for anything too structured. It should be all about learning balance and having fun on the ice--not learning 'skills' per se. Once the kids get past the fear (a combination of maturing and practice), then you can introduce skills.

Did you bring up the incident to the skating director? Perhaps a little chat with all the instructors as to the focus of the class is in order.

(As far as 18 months goes...well, I plan to get my son out on the ice as soon as possible (he's only 4 months now), but it will be strictly for fun, and time with mommy (and daddy!). If he wants to get off, then off he will go. I'll probably 'teach' him a few things along the way, but I wouldn't dream of putting him in a 'class' until at least 4. But then, I'm a skater, not a parent who's clueless about skating.)

[dbny]

I wasn't sure about whether or not I should bring up the issue with the skating director, but as it turned out, I was chatting with her and another coach afterwards, and the right moment came up in conversation, so I did describe what happened. The director expressed dismay that the coach in question was still trying to work with the kids instead of the parents. I was very casual about it, as I really did not want a fuss over it.

My coach put her first child on the ice at 18 months, but that was not at all the same as even a Mommy & Me session. She basically skated around with her most of the time, with brief intervals of holding her up while she tried to stand and walk on the ice. She also gave her daughter plenty of time to just sit on the ice and get to know it. Eighteen months is simply not a good age to ask a child to separate from a parent in a new and challenging environment, whether or not the child is physically ready. Writing about this, I suddenly remembered doing a gmynastics Mommy & Me with my younger daughter when she was 18 months old. She loved it, but I was with her every minute.

[Black Sheep]

At my local seasonal rink, Mommy & Me classes are known as Parent-Tot classes. The little ones are 3-5 years old (and have to be toilet-trained, I think!). 8-)